Six: Travis and the Finalists Return -
[Another fricken two-hour episode! Either they
are burning off episodes because the show sucks or they have so much confidence
in their ability to appeal to the people who dont watch the Olympics, they
planned to air a two-hour episode. Personally, I would rather watch three hours
of curling than the Bachelor, but thats just me.]
Tonights show will be the traditional overnight date where the whores have an
opportunity to be a whore, so that they have the opportunity of moving to the
next round of whoredom media whoredom. But first, we are treated to a
montage of previous Bachelors/Bachelorettes and their over night dates.
Basically this special look at four years of the show can be summarized by a
few basic truths. Women who go into the overnight suite are given a rose,
those who are not willing to whore themselves are not given a rose. Also any
woman who shows a bit of backbone and questions that idea that she is expected
to put herself out there for some guy she just met while he is dating two other
women will be shown the door due to her insecurities. The show also mentions
the successes they have had: Charlie and Sarah, Mary and Byron, and the newly
brunette Trista and Ryan are still together due to meeting on the show. [Trista
and Ryan are trying to have a baby. Trista says that it is hard work; if so,
they must be doing it wrong.]
OK, back to the present and our group of whores, Dr. Travis, Sarah, Moana and
Susan. Travis says that he is looking forward to his overnight dates because he
will get a chance to learn more about the three women. [Of course he is lying.
All he can think about is the potential for sex in a fantasy suite.] Travis
says that there are things about each woman that he likes. Susan says that she
is falling in love with him, but it concerns Travis that her mother doesnt
think that she is being genuine. Travis says that he and Sarah have fun on their
dates and value the same things. With Sarah, the date will be an opportunity to
prove whether or not there is more between them than just great conversation and
friendship. He says that when he thinks about Moana he feels excited. [When I
think about you, I touch myself.] He does worry that all of the other women at
the house dislike her.
Travis will have his first date in Venice with Moana. [Since they are in Venice,
I expect to see many views of gondolas, since its a trite representation of
Venice, though to be honest, when I went to Venice I really didnt see that many
gondolas.] The couple meets in a big square and stand in front of a church.
Neither has a clue that its St. Marks Cathedral, even tough they are in the
Piazza San Marco. They get attacked by pigeons when they make the mistake of
trying to feed them. They go into a café to eat. Travis makes small talk about
being tested by Moanas parents back in the OC. A waiter comes and Moana
surprises Travis by ordering in Italian. [What he doesnt realize is that she
isnt asking for food, shes telling the waiter that as soon as her date with
Travis ends, she will come back to the restaurant and have sex with him
something like that.] Travis tells her that she is a cunning linguist and amazes
him. Travis says that when he was in Venice ten years ago, he saw people in
gondolas and thought that it would be an amazing city to be in with somebody you
cared about. Next thing you know, they are in a gondola and Travis tells Moana
that they have to kiss every time they go under a bridge. [And every time a
water taxi goes by, he gets to cop a feel.]
Travis says that he likes his relationship with Moana because a lot of time can
go by and they dont need to talk. He likes the fact that they can be silent,
but be on the page without saying a word. Later that evening after the
requisite views of more gondolas, St. Marks, the Doges Palace and some bridges
[can you tell that I have been to Venice before?] the couple gets together for
dinner and wine. Treacle is the first course when Travis toasts himself saying
that he is with the most beautiful girl in Venice. The clichés continue when a
man in a striped shirt comes out playing the accordion. [I was in Venice for
four days and I never saw an accordion! Thankfully, a monkey doesnt come out.]
Travis starts talking about the future and how he often thinks of spending the
future with Moana, be it in Tennessee or LA. He says that there are a lot of
things he knows she can teach him and he knows that he can teach her as well.
Travis says that most guys think that it would be a dream to date 25 women, but
he personally did the show to find one women. He assures her that when he is
with her, nothing else enters into the equation.
Travis then reaches into his clothes to pull out something white and stiff.
Its a invitation for Travis and Moana to spend the night in the Fantasy Suite.
Moana has probably seen the show before and realizes that if she doesnt
develop intimacy on a physical level [i.e. be a whore], she wont get a rose,
so she agrees to be alone in hotel room with a man she just met a few weeks ago.
She rationalizes her sluttiness by saying, I think its always good
I think we
are on the same page. [What? Is she so twitterpated by Dr. Travis that shes
forgotten how to string words together?]
They go up to the suite and talk. Moana says that it bothers her that there is
no exclusivity in their relationship. [No shit, Sherlock! Thats the way the
show works.] Travis becomes uncomfortable and says that he has never cheated on
a girlfriend, no girl that he has been with has worried about him cheating and
here he is with Moana and he has two exotic dates coming soon. He says that he
isnt going to promise anything to Moana
Moana, probably realizing that the
women of The Bachelor who develop some self- respect and question the idea of
getting physical with a guy who is going to be getting physical with two more
women very soon never get the final rose, backpedals and says that she mentioned
the other women just so that he knows that she understands what he is going
through. She is going to go with how she feels, but everything else is
everything else, but what I have here cant be replaced. [Sure it can Moana,
all he needs is a very needy puppy, an inflatable doll and some lube.] Moana
says that she came halfway around the world and ended up meeting the man that
she would like to spend the rest of her life with. She would like to end the
night with Travis. Travis closes the door and I guess what happened in Venice
will stay in Venice [until Moana publishes her tell-all book].
Travis jets off to Vienna, where he meets Sarah. They meet in a park by an old
Ferris Wheel, called the Riesenrad, which I believe was in the James Bond movie,
The Living Daylights. [Timothy Daltons first foray as James Bond, its the
movie with the Cellist. Timothy Dalton is no George Lazenby, but its still
better than anything with Roger Moore in it.] Upon meeting each other, they hug
and go take a ride in the Wiener Riesenrad. Their dates must have been really
boring, because Travis talks about how things arent romantic but that they
have fun together because he enjoys her character. They go to a hotel and get a
couples massage. Later they go into a floating pool. Sarah talks about how
Travis has been giving her sweet pecks, but what she really wants is real
Later that evening, they take a carriage ride through Vienna. Travis says that
his relationship with Sarah is a relationship in fast forward and that they
are forced to play their cards earlier than they would normally do, but he
really appreciates the fact that she hasnt been throwing herself at him. Travis
says that when he sees people being affectionate in public, he feels as though
they are performing. Sarah and Travis get out of their carriage and go to the
exotic Radisson Vienna Hotel. They go to a private dining room and talk about
how much they mean to each other. They sit down at the formal dinner and Travis
says that he doesnt think that it suits them, so he suggests that they take the
food from the fancy dinner and take it to the fantasy suite and just get to know
Travis tells Sarah that he has developed the best friendship with her, but he
needs to figure out if their relationship goes beyond friendship and can be
romantic. At his comment, Sarah says that she is holding back because the
experience is so new to her. She also says that when she looks at the other
girls she questions their sincerity and their intentions. Sarah tries to be
diplomatic and says that she cant compare herself with the other two women
because they are all so unlike. She goes on to say that she wouldnt put Travis
with Moana or Susan, she would put him with her, because they would be perfect
together. Sarah says that he and Travis are subtle and are more comfortable in
their skin and know what they are and what they want in life. Travis says that
he appreciates the fact that Sarah said why they would be good together, without
trashing the other two women. He doesnt want to be with somebody who would
trash other people and he really respects their friendship. Sarah says that his
comments mean a lot to her and she goes in for the kill, kissing Travis. The
producers seem to like Sarah because their kissing is photographed lovingly from
different fuzzy cameras with romantic music playing in the background.
Next, Travis meets Susan in the French Alps. Travis says that he worries about
Susan because he thinks that she says things because she thinks that he wants to
hear them rather than because she means them. Susan emotes again, saying that
the Alps are breathtakingly beautiful and its the perfect place to fall in
love. Travis suggests that they climb a mountain and Susan squeals in delight
and agrees to do it. Travis asks Susan what she wants to do after the show and
she mentions that she wants to go back to LA to work on her acting career.
Travis mediawhoredar goes off and he realizes that she probably isnt being
very sincere about their relationship. Travis once again tries to get her to
admit that she came to France for the exposure and once again she denies it.
After climbing the mountain, they find a vat of hot steaming cider wine. They
toast to rock-climbing and Travis brings up the fact that the other women kept
saying that Susan was there because it was a competition. Susan pretends to be
upset about what the other women have said and sheds a few crocodile tears.
Later that day, the couple goes out dinner. Travis says that he likes the fact
that she spent the day rock climbing and then looks fabulous for dinner. Over
fondue, Susan says that the date has been relaxing and that she is the type of
person who likes to be a homebody. [Yeah, thats the ticket. Susan is going to
be a homebody-actress: two careers that go great together.] Once again Travis
questions Susan. He ponders the fact that sometimes it seems as though Susan is
just saying things to please him, which she denies. Susan then says that she is
nervous and goes on to tell Travis that she has feelings for him. No longer a
smitten kitten, she tells him that she is starting to fall in love with him.
Travis pulls out the letter inviting Susan to spend time in the fantasy suite.
Susan is obliging, so they go up to the room. They sit in a hot tub and Susan
practically attacks Travis, kissing him in the hot tub, while he seems to sit
their passively accepting her attentions.
Back in Paris, its time for the Rose Ceremony. Chris comes in and Travis says
that making a decision will be difficult because he had a great time on all of
his dates. Chris offers messages from the whores to help him make up his mind.
Moana says that Venice was amazing and she hopes that they are just beginning
then speaks in Italian, so that he is once again reminded that she is a cunning
linguist. [She is also wearing pants to the rose ceremony. Is this allowed?]
Sarah said that she had a fun time with Travis in Vienna and she thinks that
they would be perfect together. Susan said that she had an amazing time and that
it was the best date she had ever had with Travis. Susan thinks that Travis saw
the real her an she hopes that he knows how sincere she is.
The rose ceremony begins. Travis lobs the first rose at Moana. She accepts it.
As she is accepting the rose, Susan gets a strange look in her face, as if she
feels that she might be going home. Chris doesnt come out to tell the viewers
that Travis will be handing out the last rose. Luckily I learned to count in
pre-school, so I was able to follow along without his help. Sarah gets the next
rose, so Susan is out. Travis escorts Susan out and tells her that he isnt sure
if she made the right decision. He thinks that their relationship was very
formal and he didnt get to know her. He still thinks that she wasnt there for
the right reasons.
Susan gets into the limo and all of a sudden the tone of her voice changes and
she is some sort of Glen Close-like supervillain. She is totally mystified by
the fact that she got dumped because she is too formal. What does that mean?
She says that she tries to keep herself in control and professional [as in a
professional actress pretending to love Dr. Travis?] and that is a detriment.
She starts dropping the f-bomb and says that they had a lot of chemistry. She
goes on to say, Whoever ends up with him is a lucky girl, and then starts
shedding fake tears. We dont see the director yell cut.
Next week on a special episode: Its a reunion show. In two weeks the women meet