Travis Impresses the Women
- January 9
[Authors Note: There are many reasons why I am
recapping this particular show. First and foremost, all of the shows that I have
recapped for gameshownewsnet.com have wound up dying slow, ignominious deaths. I
am hoping that my luck will extend to this show, because I find the whole
concept reality show dating to be an embarrassment to the human race. I
personally feel that the participants of this show are little more than whores,
be they reality-whores or the more traditional types, selling their dignity
for a chance of some TV exposure and those ever-so-lucrative offers to pose
semi-nude for Maxim magazine, so please do not expect me to be kind in my
assessments of any of the participants. Secondly, my own husband, Jeff, is an
Emergency Physician like Travis, the man-whore [Oops, I mean titular Bachelor]
of this series. Jeff and I met in high school, in a traditional manner: my last
name began with an R and his with an S, so I sat in front of him in most of
our classes, even though, of course, I am eight, possibly ten, years younger
than he is [just ask my kids]. Jeff didnt have any roses to offer, largely
because neither of us derived satisfaction from smelling the sexual organs of
dead plants, but I digress
I am anxious to dispel any myths that may develop
over the course of the show about physicians, particularly Emergency Physicians.
I suspect, however, that I was given this recapping job because nobody else
wanted it. Thanks Chico and Gordon.]
(C-Note: Could be worse. You could have Skating to contend with... )
We are treated to a montage of the previous Bachelors and the lone
Bachelorette interacting with the people that they pretended to love, along with
the psychos that they chose to spurn. [Lets face it, watching the psychos get
spurned is the schadenfreude that has perpetuated this series.] This season the
show will take place in Paris because its such a romantic place. [If its good
enough for the couch hopping Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, its good enough for
Bachelor Travis.] We hear voiceovers by either partially drunk or perpetually
stupid women saying how excited they are to be in Paris while they hoot and
holler out the windows of their limos.
The man-whore is 33-year-old Emergency Medicine resident [i.e., hes not even
finished his training to become a real doctor yet] Travis Stork. We are shown
gratuitous scenes of Travis running shirtless along with one of his co-workers
Anna , an X-ray Technician [who has probably always harbored secret fantasies of
x-raying herself having sex with Travis] gushing about how wonderful Travis is.
Apparently Travis graduated magna cum laude from Duke and at the top of his
class in Medical School [which could mean that he was in the top 49.9% of his
class] and has found his true calling as an ER doc in Nashville, Tennessee.
Travis has saved hundreds of lives [unlike apparently all of the other
Emergency Physicians out there
]. Just to prove how wonderful Travis is, one of
his patients, Jocelyn, talks about how Travis saved her life when she was having
a heart attack. [Dr. Travis is also shown doing follow-up care on Jocelyn, which
is patently ridiculous, since she would be seeing her regular Primary Care
physician for follow-up treatment and not returning to the ER.]
Travis gives his personal prescription for a happy life, as he is seen
frolicking with a dog and a friend [was the dog rented for this occasion?] is
to have a job that you love and to be with somebody that you love spending every
single day of your life with. For the last eight years of his life, medicine
has been Travis all-consuming passion, so he hasnt had the opportunity to meet
the right person. [Again, this is tough to believe, because you know theres
loads of sex going on in hospitals; just watch Greys Anatomy, for example.]
Travis is next seen in Paris being an ignorant American massacring the language
and he orders stereotypical French food. [Wait! Where is his grocery sac with a
baguette? Where is the view of the Eiffel tower from his every location?
Travis will be introduced to 25 American women, in the hopes that one will be
his future wife. Thirteen women will be sent home the first night and the
remaining twelve will get to frolic in the rented Chateau with Doctor Travis.
[The chateau looks just like the Italian villa that was used for Joe
Millionaire, European Gigolo.]
Let the parade of med-flies begin:
[The term med-flies comes from one of my husbands co-workers. It refers to
women who get all flighty and excited about a guy simply because hes a doctor.
Get it? They flit and fly around medicos: ergo med-flies.]
Susan, 24, a Financial Associate from Overland Park, Kansas. Susan is wearing a
low-cut clingy red dress and immediately hugs Dr. Travis upon meeting him. She
also kisses him upon walking up the steps.
Courtney, 28, a law clerk from Los Angeles, California, also hugs Travis, but
then shakes his hand upon introducing herself to him. She idiotically calls
Travis Prince Charming, but then Travis idiotically tells her that he had a
full moon shipped in especially for the occasion [Didnt we see this scene in
Bruce Almighty?], so I guess they are made for each other.
Kyle, 25, a Senior Copy Writer from Newport Beach, California [the O.C.] inanely
tells Travis that he has a nice house. She also hugs him, and has the balls
enough to tell Travis he is a liar when he tells her that hes from Paris. She
asks him if he likes country music and he says no, to which she replies that she
will get him to like it. [Oooh, I cant wait for that to happen.]
April, 29, who is involved in Corporate Real Estate in Dallas, Texas, eschews
the traditional rolling herself up in a carpet to make an interesting first
impression and instead trips on her impossibly high heels. She tells Doctor
Travis that she is the biggest klutz there ever is and then giggles like a
moron. She hugs Travis as well.
Next up, Jehan, 29, who is a Vitamin Sales Rep from Chicago Illinois. She also
called Travis Prince Charming [Its getting old already, girls] and gives him
a hug, Travis tells her that she has a beautiful name.
The next ditzy blond is Kristen, a 25-year-old Marketing Director from Bonita
Springs Florida who hugs Travis even before she knows his name and then tells
him that she has been looking forward to this and is happy to be there.
Jennifer, 25, a model from Boston, Mass. She shakes his hand then hugs him
Tara, 23, retail sales from San Diego, CA. She immediately hugs Travis then
pulls at her dress so that she doesnt have a wardrobe malfunction...or maybe
she is adjusting it so that she will have one.
Venus, 33, Physician from Huntington Beach, CA. She shakes his hand and they
air-kiss, but seem to have zero chemistry. [With a name like Venus, she must
be an OB-Gyn.]
Moana, 26, Distribution Manager from Los Angeles, CA. She says that this will
be one hell of a ride and you can almost visibly see Travis balls shrivel up
at her intensity.
Cole, 26, Sales Executive, from Walnut Creek, California. She hugs Travis and he
asks her if Cole is her real name and she says that it is.
Sara, 24, Marketing Manager, Minneapolis, MN. She seems like a gold digger
because she keeps looking at the fabulous chateau rather than making eye
contract with Doctor Dreamy.
Lisa, 24, IT Recruiter, Overland Park, KS. She hugs Travis and asks him if he is
nervous, to which he replies that he is and she says that she is experiencing a
weird calm that scares me.
Princess, 26, Substitute Teacher, Los Angeles, CA. She hugs Travis and he asks
her where she got her name. Princess tells Travis that her mother named her.
[Really? My mother named me too. Pretty weird, huh?]
Liza, 23, Trade Clerk, Chicago Illinois. Liza, who has a husky voice [think
Patty and Selma from The Simpsons] hugs Travis and he welcomes her
The host, Chris Harrison, comes up to Travis and asks him what he thinks. Travis
says every woman who comes out has her own personality. [OK, you dumb shit,
women all over have their own personalities. No need to state the obvious, or
wasnt it obvious to you until now?] They are smiling, engaging, its perfect.
[Left unsaid is the fact that they are probably easy as well.]
The med-flies continue their buzzing.
Sarah, 26, a Kindergarten Teacher, from Nashville Tennessee, quickly realizes,
after she hugs Travis that they both live in Nashville and they both hug with
glee when they realize that they are neighbors.
Kathy, 25, a graduate student, from Stockton, California, shakes Travis hand.
She has a visible tattoo on her back. Travis thanks for her coming and she says,
Thank you. Not a problem. [Early prediction: shes obviously not going to get
Jaime, 29, a Physician Recruiter from Big Rock, VA. She hugs him and they talk
about her accent and they hug again.
Elizabeth, 24, a social worker from Windham, New Hampshire. They shake hands and
he welcomes her to his chateau. She hugs him as she walks away.
Yvonne, 28, CFO of a Marketing Firm, from Miami Florida, hugs Travis and then
comments on his beautiful tie and beautiful eyes and how well coordinated they
are, she hugs him again and says that she is looking forward to talking to him.
Shiloh, 29, Advertising Manager from Phoenix Arizona, hugs Travis then kisses
him on both cheeks.
Ali D., 26, NBA Dancer, from Seattle Washington, hugs Travis and tells him that
she hopes that he will show her around Paris.
Stephanie, 25, Public Relations Director, Walnut Creek, CA asks Travis if she
can hug him then tells him that her heart is racing and that she is nervous.
Allie G., a Doctor, oncologist, 33 from Delray Beach, Fl speaks to Travis in
French, which she minored in and its obvious that this disturbs him, as if he
wants to be the smart one in the relationship. [Another early prediction: shes
not getting a rose either.]
Sarah, 23, a student from Winnipeg, Canada introduces herself. He asks her where
she is from [as if he could identify even one Canadian city by its position on a
map] and she says Manitoba. He clearly doesnt know where it is.
Travis goes inside the Chateau to be around the women. He is told that he can
give one of the girls a rose at the party, right away. Jennifer says that he
is ridiculously gorgeous and we would make hot little babies. [Now theres a
novel way to attract a man: tell him that your offspring will be sexually
attractive.] Travis thanks everyone for coming to Paris and then mingles with
the women. He reveals that he is a doctor, which causes the women to squeal like
the little med-flies they are.
Allie reveals, Im a doctor, hes a doctor and she thinks that she is a
shoo-in. Shes looking for a husband. Hopefully it will be The Bachelor
because quite frankly my eggs are rotting. [Really, she said this. I couldnt
even make this shit up.] Jehan figures out that he is a doctor and says that
Travis is definitely my type. There are comments in the room about Travis
having doctor hands or being good with his hands. [Give me a freaking break
here! If he were a woodcarver, then you could say hes got great hands, or if he
was a plastic surgeon, or even if he were a hand model.]
Sarah, the kindergarten teacher, tells Travis that she was more nervous about
meeting the other women than meeting him. He sort of accuses her of being there
to meet women, which she denies. She worries that she gave him the wrong
Kristen, a very bosomy, Tara Reid look-alike, gives Travis a shot glass from her
hometown and tells him that she hopes that they will have a shot together. [Oh,
the double-entendre is just too painful...]
Moana is asked why she came and she says that a life worth living is one where
you make mistakes. Travis notices her shivering and gallantly drapes his suit
jacket over her shoulders then tells her that he is glad that she came.
A rose is brought in on a silver platter and the cat claws come out as the women
talk about how much they wanted the rose.
Allie G starts telling Travis, in front of Yvonne, that she is comfortable in
her position and life and she is anxious to enter the next phase, the
reproduction phase, and if it matches his goals then she is the woman for him.
[Another great pick-up line there, Allie.]
Yvonne tells him that she was not ready for the reproduction phase and Travis
was grateful for the lightening of the mood. Jaime starts getting scary and
tells Travis that Virginia is the state for lovers. Sarah from Manitoba tells
Travis that she loves to get out of the city and go camping.
Sarah from Manitoba is given the first rose. Chris then comes in and takes
Travis away to prepare for the Rose Ceremony. [Im sorry, this show is just
missing the emotional wallop that it might have had with the presence of
Montecore the falcon, from Joe Schmo.]
After a commercial break, Chris tells the women that there are only 11 more
roses to be handed out. Travis does a lame speech about how 13 women will not
get roses and he wont get to know them.
He hands out roses to Cole, Moana, Jennifer, Elizabeth, Shiloh, Yvonne, Jehan,
Susan, Tara, Sarah from Tennessee, with the final rose going to Kristen. Chris
gives the women who didnt get a rose the opportunity to say goodbye. Allie G
starts on a rant saying that she cant believe that he chose some of those women
over her. [Obviously his psycho-freak-dar went off.] She says that she directed
her life towards her career and he doesnt chose that just like every other
man. She tells some of the other women that she went on the show because
conventional methods like internet dating and blind dating didnt work. She says
that the only reason to be married is to have kids. Ali D., one of the other
castoffs argues with her and says that its just Allies opinion and Allie
retorts hes in his thirties, he should be really and willing to proceed with
that part of his life. Men are bleep, bleep.
Allie G. goes back into the Chateau and asks Travis why he didnt choose her and
the chosen women look on in utter amazement. You dont find me attractive, Im
too short, my boobs are too small? What? Travis says that she said that she was
ready to reproduce and that he isnt ready for that. She says that he is just
playing around. He says that she doesnt know him and that he doesnt put the
cart before the horse. [I believe that he also avoids counting chickens before
they hatch, but that may be just a nasty rumor.] She says that he is
participating in this show to find a significant other. As she stalk off, she
says various things that are bleeped out and then says that Travis is like all
of the other doctors that she knows and is intimidated by a professional women.
She then goes on to say that maybe she wont be doing any more dating, that she
will just join a convent. [Hey Allie! You can always become a lesbian; ever
thought of that?]
Previews: In the upcoming weeks Travis will kiss many women, there will be many
catfights, and many women will cry.
During the credits, Allie is seen talking to some crew-member, calling Travis a
fucking idiot for not choosing another doctor. She feels like she has been
cheated and guesses that she shouldnt have talked about reproducing. [Ahhh. The
satisfying moment of personal realization...you psycho-freak!]
If you are feeling lucky, you can play ABCs Rose Ceremony game and win a trip
http://games.abc.go.com/bachelor/frontpage Basically you have to care enough
to predict who is going home before each episode. Since I dont care, I wont