July 2, 2005
Jason: That's bad.
Gordon: Worse shows have been made.
Jason: I am watching one :)
Chico: Are You Hot?
Jason: The Cut.
Gordon: Would you rather watch 'The Cut' or 'The Butt', Jason?
Jason: The Cut...butt not by much :P
Gordon: (Groan). All rightie now. So what's the next game?
Chico: It's time to Ask the Doctor. And today, the doctor is in... *puts on
papaya hat* Ready to take your questions, and give your advice.
Jason: May I go first?
Chico: Please do.
Dear Dr. Chico,
I am a successful businessman who has billions of dollars. My daughter was part
of a successful MTV reality show, but my show seems to be in the tank. People
love my clothes, why don't they love me?
Chico: Well, Mr. H. It's not that people don't love you, they just don't love
your TV persona. They've seen it before, and they're calling you on it. Now if
you were to stand out in a crowd, do something daring that hasn't been done
beforw - then you'd have something other than "just another Apprentice.". And as
an aside, I'm wearing your jocks right now. :)
Chico: Okay, next question!
Gordon: I got the next one -
Dear Dr. Chico -
I am wondering how successful you think I will be. I am going up against
Football and the CBS Comedy slot, and I know that should I falter that Fear
Factor is going to want my place. Do you think I have a chance...or do you think
that we'll see bugs again after Football season?
Signed...Fatho...oh wait, they changed our name and retooled us, so I don't know
what I really am.
Chico: Well, if you're paired with a medium, then you shouldn't have too much
of a problem "surfacing". If not, then just prepare to take a steeper dive than
expected. Retooling is almost a death knell. Case in point: Coupling. Went
through two Jeffs and two Sallys. And it still sucked.
Gordon: Good answer - Don?
Chico: Two Susans too. Forgot about that. That's half the cast right there.
Don: I'm ready.
Dear Dr. Chico,
I was recently on a certain kitchen-based reality show, but after tons of
berating from a master chef, I just couldn't take it anymore, and I walked out
after calling him an a******. Was that a good move for me, or should I have
just stayed in there and tried to continue anyway?
Signed, J. (The Kidney Stone Guy)
Chico: Good move for "writers", bad move for you. Now everyone hates you for
being a jerk. And with a kidney stone, you're going to need all the sympathy you
can get. Now you can't get a lithotripsy anywhere. Good move, ya big jerk.
Gordon: Jason - do you have another letter for Chico?
Jason: Yes, I do.
Dear Dr. Chico,
I was planning to put on a show that would have been the most controversial show
on our network in a long time. But after one promo, both sides of the political
spectrum came down us like a ton of bricks and we pulled it. Should we have done
Signed--A Bit Concerned...
Chico: Well, I wouldn't have. I mean, the only way I think we can solve our
problems as a people is to confront them head on. And we have people on the left
and the right that don't want to do that... and they control the media. And
before I editorialize myself further, I'll just say... you could've hired better
editors. You did this to yourself.
Gordon: Next letter, Don?
Don: Coming right up.
Dear Dr. Chico,
I think I'm in trouble again. After getting caught for cheating on the British
version of a big-money game show, I got caught selling Wimbledon tickets on
eBay. Is there anything I can do to redeem myself? Anything?
Signed, Major CI
Chico: Nope. Give it up, putz. You're beyond help.
Gordon: Poor Major Charles Ingram. He can't even get money from selling a tennis
ticket. Charles Ingram, by the way, got convicted for cheating when he won a
million pounds on the British version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
Chico: Final letter, Gordon?
Dear Dr. Chico -
I have a wonderful new show coming out on BRAVO in August, but you don't seem to
want to watch it, Why are you always upset with me?
Chico: Stop... writing me...In fact, stop going on the television. America is
sick of you. The first voteout on Dancing with the Stars... proof positive.
QED.. Now go away and never come back. *wads letter and throws it toward camera*
Gordon: Hey Doc - don't you think you are a little hard on your patient?
Chico: You never heard of tough love?
Gordon: This is sort of like throwing the baby out with the bathwater sort of
Chico: Well, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Ask Gordon Ramsay. And
with that... the doctor is going to go play golf, but I'll be back for the Big
Finish, and so should you...
(Brought to you by Poker Royale: WLTI vs. Buzzer, coming to GSN when pigs fly
out of my butt.)
Chico: Actually, that sounds like a good idea. Someone call Mike, Alex, and
Gordon: Bring them on down to GSC in August.
Gordon: So it's time for the ...BIG FINISH!
Jason: Let's do it.
Chico: Dancing with the Stars, who dances off as champion?
Gordon: John and Charlotta.
Jason: He is the man.
Chico: He's my hero. Him and Samuel L. Jackson. Who wins Beauty & The Geek?
Gordon: Anyone but Richard.
Jason: Richard and Mindi.
Chico: Jason's right...
Don: I don't know. I don't get the WB.
Chico: Sorry, dude. Maybe one of the CDN stations will pick up season 2. It's a
Gordon: What show are you the most forward to looking towards that hasn't
Chico: Iron Chef America: Season 2... Lingo: Season 4... Ballbreakers.
Jason: I am with Chico.
Chico: Average Joe: will any of the new surprise lead to norm victory?
Don: I doubt it.
Chico: Oh well.. Anna's nice to look at, though.
Gordon: Do we have any mail?
Chico: Well... no. We have no mail. But you all.. All of you... can change
that. And all you have to do is send us mail! The address, easy to remember:
Jason: It's the 4th of July weekend...dont worry...:)
Chico: That's going to do it for us this weekend. Happy Canada Day, Happy 4th
of July, and remember, the price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
Gordon: Happy's for everyone!
Jason: And to our soldiers around the world who read this, thank you for doing
what you do. Allowing us to talk about this every week.
Chico: For Alex Davis, Jason Block, James Dinan, Don Harpwood, Ryan Vickers, and everyone at
Game Show Newsnet, I'm Chico Alexander, He's Gordon Pepper. The show is We Love
To Interrupt. Until next week, game over and spread the love :)