Episode 30.5 - Loca People
July 2
Chico: This is Chico Alexander... and it's a holiday all week.
Gordon: (Drags out the box of Madonna CDs)
Chico: Happy Canada Day on Sunday.. Happy Birthday America on
Wednesday.... and sometime in between, Spider-Man. :-)
Gordon: Or, in my case, Prometheus :)
Chico: Seen it. Awesome.
Gordon: Good to know. So without further ado, from somewhere in Chico
Alexander's fireworks bin, this week's episode of WLTI...is...ON!
Chico: Wee! A lot of stuff to go over, so we're gonna get right into it
with your final 48 on AGT. Might as well get the good stuff out of the way before we have
to get to the bad stuff... And in a certain bit of inexonerable justice... turns out Tim
Poe, our armchair soldier... didnt even make the cut.
Gordon: We will be going over this in depth in the later part of our
show, but I liked the mix. Less singers, more bands and everything else as the
judges are REALLY trying not to have a solo vocalist win it this year.
Chico: Yeah, that won't happen. Because it's AGT and a singer (even by the loosest standards)
always wins.
Gordon: Probably not, and I have my pick on who I think wins it this
year. Do you have yours?
Chico: I do. And we'll go over it later in the show.
Gordon: we will. What do you think of their mix?
Chico: You can always trust the judges to come up with a nice little
blend. Then watch the voting public come and muck things up. The way I see it,
there are three types of act. a) Who the judges want to win.... b) Who the judges think America will like.... and 3) Time fillers and time killers. The winner will ALWAYS come from group B.
Gordon: That's usually the case. Now is there anyone that the judges put
in that you disagree with / any acts left out that you wanted to see in?
Chico: Just one, and you know the one. And you know WHY.
Gordon: Short singing dude who can't sing?
Chico: ....... Okay, two. The other one was, of course, Myrtle Beach's All That!.
Gordon: and clogging group who came in second during season 1?
Chico: Again, I'm still surprised no one actually explained what they
were doing there or why they are there in the first place, but that's just me.
I'm guessing someone will bring it up later. I hope they do, because it doesn't
seem fair that this group has a second chomp at the bit.
Gordon: I agree with those 2. You already had a shot, so give it up - and
as far as short singing dued, I understand this is the ;Jeremy Rosado' move (aka
bring someone in who has a wonderful attittude who's going to get dusted in week
#1), but I really think they should have used the spot for something
else. I have the list of 12 for this week. Wanna see?
Chico: Yes. Yes I do.
Gordon: The Subject: Week #1. Here's who I got:
Weak #1
# Nikki Jensen, Singer
# Edon, Singer/Musician
# Shanice and Maurice Hayes, Father/Daughter Singing Duo
# The Distinguished Men of Brass, Instrumental Band
# 787 Crew, Dance Troupe
# Lil' Starr, Tap Dancer
# David Garibaldi and His CMYK's, Performance Painters
# Jarrett and Raja, Comedy Illusionists
# American BMX Stunt Team, BMX Stunt Team
# Todd Oliver & Irving, Dog Act
# Michael Nejad, Musician
# The Scott Brothers, Cartoon Poppers
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Chico: I'm going to give the edge right now to Nikki, Shanice &
Maurice, 787, and the CMYKs, AND... Distinguished Men of Brass. G?
Gordon: I'm going to actually agree with you on all 5. Scary.
Chico: Wow. This doesn't happen often.
Gordon: No it doesn't. It's rare when we agree on good stuff., It's much
more common when we agree on stuff that sucks,
Chico: But such is the case as we rechristen a long-time part of this
show that we're calling...
Chico: Not Morons in THE House, but morons in A house. This house being the one that ABC copied.
Gordon: In the theme that Big Brother is starting up in 2 weeks and we'll
be giong off on them also.
Chico: So let's catch you up a little...
Gordon: Now usually when we begin in a show to review, it's either because
A. We like the show, B. it's doing good in the ratings, or C. It's so bad we
have to spend extra time making fun of it.
Chico: In this particular case... the answer is C.
Gordon: We can add some more graphics to this, like
Chico: or...
Gordon: and in a few months...
Chico: or on especially rare cases...
Chico: But you get the picture. And then a Jason Block arrives.
Jason: *yawn*
Gordon: So in this week's disaster of a show, We had 2 people up in limbo
- Alex and Jacob. Jacob quit the show, so he's out, but America decided. they
ALSO want Alex out of the house, so we're down to 12 people.
Jason: This is Glass House Right?
Chico: Right, J. Let me get this straight. Jacob wisely decided that this show
wasn't worth his time and left of his own volition?.... HOW DID HE GET PAST CASTING WITH THAT ONE?!
Gordon: Yes. And for that, he wins this...
Chico: I guess that leaves Alex to get...
Chico: See how much fun making fun can be?
Gordon: Usually, we would say that anyone who quits is a moron, but
that's just how bad this show is.
Jason: When do you think the plug gets pulled on this disaster?
Chico: I think next week tells the tale.
Gordon: But let's go to this week's silliness.
Chico: And for anyone who says that they wouldn't dare pull the plug on
a series mid-competition? Two words... Forever Eden. This week's silliness,
please, G.
Gordon: of The One
Chico: So this week's silliness.
Gordon: The two people chosen at the bottom this week thanks to America
was Apollo and Ashley. Hence they are the team captains. Apollo takes the loss and he's in limbo. And quite frankly, he's
acting like a beatnik and randomly picking people to leave the show is annoying.
Holly, who decides to lie about her major, gets busted when
people find out she's a psychology major. You know if you're going to lie about
anything, why lie about that? So she's sent to limbo along with Apollo. Two people who do
deserve to go.
Chico: Out of the 14 that made the final show... that also deserve to
go. That would be... everyone. Okay.
Jason: Pretty much
Gordon: Well, actually, no. There are people who are playing the game
well and who are both showing America that A they have a brain in their head and
B they have personality.
Chico: Basically working with what they're given.
Gordon: Yea, Robin, Gene, Jeffrey Kevin, Mike and Stephani are doing
just that. Will the show be around long enough for us to see that? Probably
not.
Chico: I'm just not as high on the show as everyone else is. Yes, they
have brains, but not only did this show copy itself, but it's copying all
reality stereotypes.
Gordon: Oh no, I'm not high on the show at all. It blows.
Chico: Seriously, ABC... you've canceled Expedition Impossible for
this?
Gordon: I would have sat through another season of Expedition Impossible. Oh and just in case you wonder why we don't have cameras 24/7?
That's because the contestants AREN'T IN THE HOUSE 24/&
Chico: Nope.
Jason: That was my CHECK PLEASE moment.
Chico: If I can bring up the article here...
Gordon: Please do.
Jason: I said, you have to be ******* kidding me.
Chico: This is from Entertainment Weekly, an article detailing the
similarities between BB and GH... "Contestants also leave the house for a 52-hour period each week
on the ABC show, unlike what happens on Big Brother. “The audience involvement
playing a constant role is very likely to induce quite different behavior than
one would see on Big Brother,” he said after announcing he’s inclined to deny
CBS’ request to block tonight’s premiere."
Jason: Then WHAT'S THE POINT?
Chico: My thoughts exactly, J.
Gordon: And that gives us a new graphic.
Jason: I understand why CBS had to bring the 900 pound lawyers in, but
they should have just let the show go on with ZERO attention.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: They need to have food cooked by Masterchefs to get the taste of
a reality show that works.
Chico: Or should we say... Breakfast? This week, the cooks are cooking breakfast for a posh hotel. Christina and Joshua won the last challenge, so they were
captains. As the bigger winner of the challenge, Christina got a surprise
advantage by switching out one member of her team.
Gordon: She does so by getting rid of nemesis Ryan, who says in doing so
will strengthen her team.
Chico: And weaken her opposition. It works.
Gordon: Sure does
Chico: So Team Joshua is headed for a Pressure Test that's equal parts
tasty and testy. This week's Pressure Test... lava cakes. You know how it goes... The cake has to be light and spongy but
dense enough to contain an oozy layer of delicious chocolate and now I'm hungry.
=p
Gordon: If you've attempted to make one, you know how much of disaster it
can be. Ryan's...turns into such a disaster and he gets punted.
Jason: Best Lava cake I have had...Morton's of Chicago. Chocolate with chocolate inside
Chico: Carnival Cruises makes the best lava cakes. Sorry. Next day, a new round begins with gourmet dinner on a Walmart
budget and then... dessert. Joe's Italian tiramisu, Graham's strawberry shortcake, and
Gordon's British trifle. And as OUR Gordon likes to say, you never trifle with a trifle.
Gordon: No. And you never trifle with a threat. Scott was told that if he
finishes in the bottom 3 again, he's gone. Guess where he finished this week?
Jason: Let me guess...
Chico: Oh! I KNOW!
Jason: Bottom 3?
Chico: Bottom three.
Jason: Do we get a cookie?
Gordon: Why yes. So guess where he's not cooking on the next episode?
Jason: On the show
Gordon: Why yes. And here's the cookie. It's got all sorts of macadamia
nuts, like the ones Felix put in her tiramisu. Who wants it?
Jason: NO
Chico: No thank you. For more recipes on fun, let's talk Jeopardy!...
Jason: Not fun for Alex this week though. :-(
Gordon: Really bad week to be named Alex.
Jason: Yeah.
Chico: But at least he's taking it in stride. With a wit drier than the Sahara.
Jason: This may sound crazy...but he picked the perfect time to have a
mild heart attack.
Chico: Yeah, that sounds crazy alright.
Jason: There is NO perfect time, you know?
Chico: *hides*
Gordon: So Mr. ALEXander, what went on during the shows this week?
Chico: Margaret Swanson happened ... TWICE. And this was after she
backed into the title last week.
Gordon: She had a nice run. Let's go to the day her run ended.
Chico: We thought that she was going to last a while until... Tuesday. It's as simple as this. Jon Shoup had more right responses...
than Margaret had wrong ones. Or should that be the other way around. In any event, Margaret
plays herself out of the tournament talk with $6200. With $15,200, the game is
Jon's to lose. The final in Historic US Ctiies...
A 1905 treaty named for this US city ended a foreign war 7000
miles away & was actually signed at Kittery, Maine
Jason: Locked in
Gordon: (locked)
Chico: Jason?
Jason: What is the Treaty of Portsmouth(NH) which ended the Russo-Japanese
War.
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: What was the Treaty of Scientology, that ended the divorce
proceedings for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?
Chico: Hey-oh!
Jason: DAMN.
Chico: Take a bow, G.
Gordon: I'm guessing I'm not getting an invite to their 4th of July
party.
Chico: Nah. Heh. Their loss. And Margaret's, as Jon wins that match. He doesn't last long,
though... And neither does the lady that beats him. So the search for a formidable hero continues. Meanwhile, here's hoping that Alex is resting up for the next
season.
Gordon: Get well Alex. Meanwhile, in the other trivia show we had running this week, we
had a...
Chico: Oooh. If only it was that simple. Couldn't get anyone past Level 7. In fact, the last player of the series, Anthony Giron, is
sidelined with this... He has $55,000 in the bank...
Piz Bernina is is the name of a what?
a) Dog breed
b) Celebrity TV chef
c) Swiss Alp
d) Upper thigh muscle
Jason: locks in
Chico: Answers, please.
Gordon: (locked)
Chico: Answers, please
Jason: I say (A) Dog Breed
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: Oh and now I have the throw out my gag answer because Jason is
wrong. Thanks Jason.
Jason: Oh?
Chico: Before you give me your answer, i should let you know that 54%
of the NYC audience agreed with Jason. 34% said C.
Gordon: It's a Swiss Alp. C) though I would have said E. A Valentine's
Day Card written by John Travolta after a night out on West Hollywood.
Jason: DAMN Son.
Gordon: Yes, the answer is wrong on so many levels - but it's funny.
Chico: Take a knee, G.
Gordon: (Takes a knee)
Jason: Did we say it wasn't?
Chico: Anthony agreed with Jason and he's gonna lose a lot of money (TPIR
fail horns)
Jason: Thanks. :-(
Chico: The good news... $1000 will not get him on Redneck Island. And it's probably a good thing. Basically, imagine Survivor... if
it was populated by rednecks. They say any good show can be summarized with one line? There's
your line.
Jason: That bad huh?
Chico: And it's not even "redneck" in the strictest sense. Much like that other reality show that airs on this network,
it's basically, "Do you live in the Southeastern United States" and "Do you
drink beer?" Basically the Hollywood definition of a redneck.
Jason: Do they spit tobacco and wear the southern flag and have no teeth
Chico: That's the Hollywood definition, the corporate definition, if
you will. Now having spent 20 years in the New South... I can tell you that it's only PARTLY true. Now let's be clear on a couple of things... a "redneck" can be
from anywhere... they're usually blue collared in nature salt of the earth
beings.
Gordon: the names are clearly redneck
Chico: Clearly. Again, they're going for the corporate Hollywood definition. As personified ...
here. All
I can say is... it's a good thing this show is on Saturdays
where it will do no harm.
Jason: Does Austin continue his good hosting from Tough Enough?
Chico: That's the sole bright spot. He's the best thing about this
show... which honestly isn't saying much.
Gordon: Austin is actually not the problem here. The problem is
everything else.
Chico: That's like saying you're going to be a minimalist room... with
no AC... on the hottest day of the summer... for 24 hours. But you're going to get a fro-yo at the end.
Jason: ha
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REDNECK ISLAND
CMT - 10p ET Saturdays |
GORDON |
CHICO |
AVERAGE-O-MATIC |
D------------------ |
F |
... what Gordon said |
Chico: this show is absolutely good for absolutely no one. F.
Gordon: This is what we call a morbid southern train wreck. THIS is the
show that CBS needed to sue, not The Glass House.
Chico: But it won't happen, because CMT and CBS are in the same
corporate vein.
Jason: You mean sue their own house...don't think so LOL
Gordon: I can't fail this because 1. Steve Austin does do a good job
with it and 2. This IS actually morbidly entertaining. So I'm going to be VERY generous here.... D--------------
Jason: lol. I have no grade yet...
Gordon: One '-' for each can of beer.
Jason: Haven't seen it.
Chico: And Gordon doesn't drink, mind you.
Jason: Only spiced rum. And lots of it :-)
Gordon: I may have to after watching this. This will be an easy qualifier for the March Madness tourney next
year.
Chico: Yep. Meanwhile, let's go to Hamster Island...
Gordon: Cheeseball just munched on some
swamp cabbage.
Chico: THAT's NOT GOOD.
Jason: OUCH! Um....we have a vet.
Chico: That'll work. Eve's with medical now. Probably a poor choice
Gordon: Here Jay (gives Jason the phone book). Now... Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage
Jason: (starts looking)
(Doug:
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks Doug ... You know, let's start out with a trip. A BIG trip. Usually we don't do this, but it's a big deal this week.
Jason: How big?
Chico: Bigger Than a _____. Let's go to Canada.
Comedy Network is teaming up with FremantleMedia to bring back
"Match Game"
Jason: HOLY ****
Gordon: That would be Holy _____
Chico: So far, no principles have been cast. So the floor is open for
suggestions...
Match Game, Eh?
- Scott Thompson
- Dave Coulier
- Howie Mandel
- Caroline Rhea
- Lauren Collins
- Colin Mochrie
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Chico: Scott Thompson, for one.
Jason: Dave Coulier
Gordon: If he's around, Howie Mandel
Jason: Caroline Rhea is Canadian
Chico: Yes she is. Lauren Collins for Seat 4 Hottie?... come on, she was on Degrassi! =p
Jason: :-)
Chico: As for host.. I hear Pat Bullard's available. Probably want someone who goes for the funny, though. ... I hear Dave Foley's available.
Gordon: Colin Mochrie for host?
Jason: BINGO.
Chico: But yeah, the field is wide open. Get the right people... and you could have a hit on your hands. I mean, the Match Game episode of Game Show Marathon was hands
down the best one.
Gordon: And if you do, we'll be watching it on YouTube like we've been
watching The Chase from the UK
Chico: and Blockbusters. :-)
Gordon: and Blockbusters
Chico: What's next, G?
Gordon: I have a Datebook
Only one debut this week: Four Houses on July 2. However, we have
lots of stuff going on. As So You Think You Can Dance and America's Got Talent
starts with their live shows.
Chico: And Duets continues with theirs.
Gordon: While we're here (Gives Chico a fire-worked shaped bat)
Chico: Watch me light this baby!
Jason: FIRE IN THE HOLE!
Gordon: (ducks)
Chico: A propos choice of words.
When Fashion Star returns for season 2, Elle Macpherson will not
be hosting. She continues in the EP role, but she won't be host. Also gone, H&M
as a sponsor (which sucks, because they had all of the good stuff cheap) and the
season 1 format.
Jason: That's a BAD SIGN, Very very bad sign, because I LIKED the format. And the show.
Gordon: We all did. It was a nice change-up on the genre. If it goes to a
project-runway-style show, I'll be sad.
Chico: It'll go from something different to same-old same-old... and
that's NEVER a good thing. There is a silver lining to this story, as the show was picked
up in 75 countries and territories.
Jason: That's a good thing. Capitalism works.
Gordon: That would be a dumb move - and we have more of those.
Are YOU Smarter than...Lauryn Hill. The frequent reality music
show performer pled guilty to tax evasion.
Chico: The IRS wants to get paid.
Gordon: Pay your taxes.
Jason: 3 years in the hoosegow.
Gordon: Now for some Haterade. I have 2 glasses.
Chico: Yay. I like double shots.
Jason: Bring it on.
Shot #1...Project Runway loses 3 designers: the first one who got
kicked out, and the 2 that walked off the show, citing 'mental stress issues'
during episode 2.
Chico: A lot can happen on a Runway day.
Jason: OUCH.
Gordon: Not a good start. And this isn't a good end
24 Hour Restaurant Battle - the show that Gordon had a cameo on
during season 1 - may have gone to the big eatery in the sky.
Jason: Um...his flesh is falling off at a faster rate
Chico: Does that make you part zombie?
Gordon: ...BBRAAAAAIIIIno.
Jason: He looks hot.
Chico: Also hot... Square Enix.
Gordon: He needs to get fully loaded - as do I.
Jason: HIC
Chico: With a cool drink.
Square Enix is teaming with video game art commune Iam8Bit to
launch an online quiz show based on "Quantum Conundrum"
Chico: The ... *breathes* Super Dimensional Quantum Learning's Problems
and Solutions Gametime Spectacular.... *breathes* has signed on Kevin Pereira to
host. Busy guy, that Kevin Pereira.
Gordon: This looks intriguing. It's all about the execution. SquareEnix
has come out with some amazingly awesome games, so I'm optimistic on this one.
Jason: me too
Chico: This'll be interesting
Gordon: Video hoes!
Chico: Of course. (plays Luda)
In this week's Media Ho Report, Todd Newton wins the Emmy for
best game show host (I know we spoke about it last week, but I wanted it in
again this week), Ryan Seacrest peddles for Ford. Total Blackout is looking for
Contestants for season 2...
Gordon: http://www.realitywanted.com/call/18678-total-black-out
Mark Labbett (The Chase UK) hosts a charity trivia night, Simon
Cowell is spotted on a Scooter, Maksim and Peta look like they are now an item... Howard Stern gets crowned by the Radio Hall of Fame, Erin Andrews
leaves ESPN, and Roberto Martinez will be The Bachelor - if ABC coughs up
$750,000 for his services.
Chico: I'll pay double to keep him off. ... no I won't.
Jason: UM...no.
Gordon: But none of them are the Ho of the week.
Jason: Who is?
Gordon: Your Media Ho of the week is...Nong Ariyaphon Southiphong
Chico: ... Let me guess, that's Katy Perry's real name? =p
Jason: Sounds Thai to me.
Gordon: Um...no. That's Project Runway' Contestant's Andy South's NEW name.
Jason: Um...what?
Gordon: And he...is now a she.
Chico: Ooooohhh.
Jason: Ahhhhh.
Gordon: As we close out Pride Month, Andy South, who in my opinion, is
brave for going out and finding himself, is this week's Media Ho of the week.
Chico: Good choice.
Jason: agreed
Chico: And those are our hoes?
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Choppler off.
Jason: (shutting down)
Chico: Still to come, our annual roundup of the AGT 48. Who wins and who's not a singer?
Gordon: It's a REALLY Big Board.
Chico: But first?
Gordon: First, we wonder if we really should be doing these things in the
middle of summer. you're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you
22 degrees that we wished were knocked off our thermostat.
Chico: *turns hose on himself*
(BrainVision has been brought to you by 1 Vs. 100...degrees. One
contestant tries to get the thermometer down to something reasonable. an they
save the climate?)
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