Episode 30.2 - Love and Kisses
June 11

Chico: This is Chico Alexander... and we asked 100 people to name something you remember about "Family Feud". Top three answers on the board. Gordon Pepper?
Gordon: Richard Dawson
Chico: #1! I need two more. Joe Mello, you got one?
Joe: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh penis
Chico: #2, bad answers! Jason Block, still one more answer to go?
Jason: SEPTEMBER!
Chico: #3, "September!"
Gordon: Fast Money Round: Name an animal with 3 letters.
Chico: Frog.
Jason: ALLIGATOR!
Chico: The GSNN family clears the board, and from Somewhere in the Lollipop Forest, the Number One answer.... WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: WOO HOO!
Gordon: Yay! Gordon and Chico here, along with our special guests. First of all, from someone who was with us...on Wednesday, Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Yes...and we were on the BS Big Show on the CLW83 Network. Talking about...THIS.
Chico: And someone who WASN'T.... Philly's own Joe Mello.
Joe: Sorry, was too busy on tumblr.
Chico: You were running your blog, "The Two Tommy Olivers"... Which is awesome.
Joe: Even without the definite article >_>
Chico: Anyway, Jason, Gordon and I were indeed together on CLW83 Network's flagship series, The BS Big Show, where we were talking about THE news story of the week, the sudden and all too soon passing of Richard Dawson. We had a great time and if Carl and Jim are reading this, we'd love to return the favor and have you on our show someday.
Jason: He died at the age of 79 from esophageal cancer, which was discovered three weeks ago, according to his son Gary. He thought he was having heartburn.
Chico: Turned out to be cancer, and pretty much end-stage at that.
Jason: And he had a heart attack during his first chemotherapy session.
Chico: Let's talk about legacy. Obviously an accomplished actor from the UK, Dawson brought himself to America and built up his resume with appearances on The Dick Van Dyke Show and as an ensemble player, Cpl. Peter Newkirk on Hogan's Heroes. He also was on a short-lived series, "Masquerade Party". But it was his work on Heroes that got Mark Goodson thinking to put him on the panel of a revival of The Match Game. In 1973, he becomes spot #5 on Match Game and immediately becomes the Super Match go-to guy, and for good reason.
Jason: Because HE TOOK THE GAME SERIOUSLY.
Chico: He is an exceptional gauge of game and character, and he showed that through his play.
Jason: And because of that, Mark Goodson said you know what...you need to host a show.
Chico: Indeed. In comes Family Feud on ABC, and the rest wrote herself. This was the type of show that Dawson seemed to be groomed for... two families gauging the pulse of America.
Jason: With Dawson being the "voice of the viewer" and horndog of choice in the swinging 1970s.
Chico: And what was best about it is that he had no problem expressing himself for either good or bad. Especially bad if you've ever seen the YouTube clips.
Gordon: This feat will never be duplicated: Family Feud was #1 in Daytime, #1 in Primetime Syndication, and #1 in Syndication Weekends. That would be #1 11 times a week.
Joe: That doesn't happen anymore
Jason: No it doesn't.
Chico: Dawson hosted the show for 9 years and then was replaced by Ray Combs.
Jason: And then in 1987...he parodies himself in "The Running Man"
Chico: Say it with me now, kids..."I'll be back."
Jason: "Only In Reruns"
Gordon: He was fantastic in that. as well as Hogan's Heroes, etc. Here's some of Dawson as Killian.



Jason: And Dawson was so good, you can and SHOULD put him as not only the best host of Feud, but one of the 10 best of all time.
Gordon: I would put him in my Top Ten, which I think we should do next week.
Chico: Sure thing. Anyway, Dawson returned to the Feud (to much ovation, I should say) in 1994 for one more year. Since then, he's been living the quiet life as husband, father, and grandfather. So we know where we'd put him on the pantheon of great game show hosts, but anyone have anything to add?
Jason: Just the fact that he transcended game shows into cultural icon. Not many people can say that. Barker, Trebek, Dawson. Very rare company.
Chico: Rare indeed.
Gordon: Dawson took 2 game shows and made them his own. hat more impressive is that he wasn't the host in one of them
Joe: For all the rigmarole Dawson caused, there is at least one feel-good story circulating the interwebs.

http://www.newsfromme.com/2012/06/03/richard-dawson-r-i-p/

Joe: Courtesy: Mark Evanier
Jason: Interesting
Chico: Very. Just shows that he was a genuine guy who put things in their proper perspective.
Jason: He was THE MAN in the 1970s. He was a legend, and we have lost at least three this year alone. Him, Dick Clark and Bob Stewart.
Gordon: He was a cultural icon, and as I said on Wednesday, we aren't going to see anyone like him again. Can I please have a moment of silence?
Chico: Yes sir.

(Silence)

Chico: Thank you. Richard, GSN said it best. "We'll miss your kiss." What you won't hear is anything about Tim Poe. And to say that he's a moron... well, that's an insult to morons.
Gordon: I wouldn't call him a moron as much as I'd call him someone who tried to play the excessive version of the game and who got caught.



Chico: Now people expanding, inflating, and otherwise exaggerating details about their lives for reality TV cameras are as old as reality TV itself. But in this particular case, we have a person who may have OVERDONE IT a little.
Gordon: So. Mr. Poe decides to audition, and he stutters that he was wounded in Afghanistan, and presents the judges a picture of himself while serving in Afghanistan.
Chico: Turning a 32-day stint in Afghanistan into a Purple Heart.
Gordon: Of course, he's a performer and he's a big hit. Now 2 slight errors Mr. Poe made.
Chico: Do tell.
Gordon: #1. After singing, the stutter disappeared.
Chico: Woops.
Gordon: But that's not the big problem.
Chico: Oh, sit back, guys. You're going to love this one.
Gordon: Problem #2. The person in the pic that he gave to the judges....wasn't him.
Joe: ...................................................huh
Gordon: The pic is a pic of Staff Sergeant Norman Bone. The problem is that Norman wasn't on the stage. Tim was.
Jason: HOLY (BLEEP).
Chico: It gets better.
Jason: More?
Gordon: More. This next part is from TMZ

Bone -- who currently serves in El Paso, TX -- tells us, "First thing that came to my mind was 'Why would this lying son of a bitch do this?'" ... adding, "I'm absolutely furious. Been seeing red all day."

Gordon: Bone says he's never even heard of Timothy Poe -- and he's going to meet with the Army legal department to explore his options.
Gordon: I think Mr. Poe has some issues. And by the way, here's the REAL pic and caption.

http://www.defense.gov/photos/newsphoto.aspx?newsphotoid=8541

Joe: So, I'm guessing S&P is saying "nevermore" to Mr. Poe?
Chico: Basically.
Gordon: I think Mr. Poe may want to hide himself in a coffin and bury himself 6 feet under to avoid the inevitable subpoena that's coming his way.
Chico: You know the spiel Ryan Seacrest likes to give... "the process is hampered when a contestant is less than honest." Now if you consider that an Idol contestant this year was called into Fremantle offices never to be seen again, imagine what's in store for Tim. He'll be lucky if he just gets the boot. Ever heard of the Stolen Valor Act of 2005?
Jason: No...please do.
Chico: Under the act, it is illegal to wear, buy, sell, barter, trade, or manufacture, and this is from the law itself, "any decoration or medal authorized by Congress for the armed forces of the United States, or any of the service medals or badges awarded to the members of such forces."
Jason: YIPES.
Gordon: The next metal I think Tim's going to be seeing is Iron, of the bars variety.
Joe: And you thought the biggest Law and HO-rder issue was going to be sourpuss Donald vs. sourpuss pageant contestant
Chico: Nope. But we'll get to that eventually. So the big question... What happens now?
Gordon: Bye bye Tim.
Chico: AGT has confirmed that some edits will be made to the Vegas round.
Jason: Big time.
Chico: But to what extent, no one is saying right now.
Gordon: They'll edit it in such a way so that Tim gets the boot before or during the first cuts. You can't have someone like that still around in your competition
Chico: It undermines the credibility.
Jason: It sure does.
Chico: And one more thing. Tim, this is going out to you from the guys... (plays "Stutter" by Joe featuring Mystikal) "I can tell you're lyin' 'cos when you're replying, you stutter, stutter, s-s-s-stutter, stutter..."
Gordon: Let's stutter along to the next topic
Jason: Which is? :-)
Chico: Newlyweds. It was the ultimate wedding shower this week on TPIR. Well, some of them are newlyweds, but others are still probably engaged with wedding pending.
Gordon: Usually in any 'Special' show, the average is a 2-4 record.
Chico: But in any event, another pairs show, but this one ends DIFFERENTLY than the usual. Plinko gives away $12,000. Bargain Game gives away trips to AC and LV, Money Game gives away a Ford Escape on EL CHEAPO, Double Prices gives away a new kitchen, Pick-a-Pair gives away a new dining room with wedding shower, and Pocket Change gives away a Honda Civic. What does that tell you, friends?
Jason: Perfecto :-)
Chico: That's the perfecto!
Gordon: But did anyone win the Showcases?
Chico: Why yes. Gordon, you and that Emma Stone cut out can play or pass this... a pair of digital cameras, a trip to South Africa, and a Jeep Wrangler Sport.
Gordon: I'll play it. $27,653.
Chico: Jason and Joe, you're... obviously not married to each other, but you two can bid and I'll take the average.
Joe: *cough*
Chico: Trips to St. Lucia and Barbados... and a Chrysler 200.
Joe: Hmmm, I'll go 31,337.
Chico: Jason?
Jason: $30,000 :-)
Chico: So that averages to $30,666.50, which we'll round to $30,667, because we're playing Cullen rules. Okay, Joe and Jason, your Showcase is... $38,505.
Jason: OUCH
Chico: A difference of $7838. And if the future Ms. Mello is watching. I apologize.
Joe: Also, call me
Chico: Gordon, your Showcase is... $36,414. The difference is $8761. Jason, Joe, you win. You get... this cardboard cut out of Emma Stone. =p
Jason: Nice.
Joe: Why is there a hole in this cutout?
Gordon: HEY! (Grabs Emma Stone Cardboard and walks off).
Chico: Hello and GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY.
Gordon: And Emma...call me.
Chico: We also had a premiere of a new pricing game, which we'll get to in a moment. But first, Let's Make a Deal is going away for the summer, so let's spread the summer love.



Jason: Best season yet.
Chico: Agreed. They promised that they'd change the game and they delivered.
Gordon: They did, with new games, creative Zonks, and a nice week where 4 of the last 5 contestants hit the Big Deal.
Joe: Not to mention 500 episode extravaganza and Le Super Deal
Chico: That was a nice touch and a tip of the hat to the old school. We hope to see it again soon.
Gordon: And we go from winners to losers - and a cranky culinary judge.



Chico: Two times.



Chico: We have a graphic for everything, don't we?
Gordon: We do.
Chico: ... Haven't we seen this before?
Gordon: Maybe. We start with everyone's favorite crab apple show, Hell's Kitchen. The stakes are higher. Gordon's looking for... HIS new head chef. Which will turn into a head sous chef after the restaurant closes down 3 weeks after the finale.
Jason: roflmao
Chico: The scene: Gordon Ramsay Steak at the Paris Las Vegas. The winner gets an annual salary of $250,000. And yet, no one can prepare a decent steak on demand. So we've already eliminated two of the 18 competing. The first, Tavon, was crap sending out apps. The second, Chris... didn't even serve one. Stinking. Entree. FOR THE ENTIRE SEASON!
Gordon: Was Jamawn Woods one of the contestants?
Chico: Nope, but apparently his fan club was in attendance.
Jason: LOL
Gordon: They were. And he'd be crying in his beer if he had to eat any of this food.
Chico: Yep. Did we mention that no one got an entree yet? Because if you ask me, you're competing for a shot at a steakhouse. You have to cook a cow properly if you want to eat it?
Rob the Cash Cow: Moo?!
Chico: .... no, not you Rob. NEVER you...
Gordon: Let me point out something else you don't do. You NEVER nominate yourself for elimination.
Jason: NEVER
Chico: EVER
Gordon: Chris did just that, so Gordon took him up on the offer and booted him.
Chico: That's rule #1 in the reality playbook.
Gordon: Another rule is to stand out on auditions, as we're once again in our Masterchef Audition phase.
Chico: Nice to know that appointment TV for foodies is back in full effect.
Gordon: I'll still take Top Chef over this, so go ahead, Foodie. Tell us what happened.
Chico: Well, we had a first... a contestant who was completely blind. Elevating her other senses to near superhuman level. We oughta call her the Daredevil of the kitchen, because she gets through.
Jason: Unreal
Chico: Meanwhile, for the first time in MasterChef history, the show goes out on the road and invites home cooks from all over to come out to audition. And Fox... is there. Probably best this way. Another rule not to break: Don't drink and audition.
Jason: HIC.
Chico: Little premature, yeah. Because you end up with steak tartare on a risotto brick. Raw beef and fried rice.
Jason: OUCH
Chico: But somehow, she gets an apron. Next week, auditions finish, and we get to the nitty-gritty with the boot camp phase. Meanwhile, I have two goldfish that are doing the backstroke... but they're not stroking. Darnell? Mike?
Gordon: I think Eve's going to get some dinner.
Jason: Oh no...sushi?
Chico: Would appear to be. You'll see the point of this joke in a moment.
Gordon: Well if it makes you feel any better, I got the second edition of Mike and Darnell (Presents fish bowl). They are clown fish.
Chico: Oooh! Clownfish!
Jason: Mike and Darnell 2.0
Joe: Speaking of rolls.....
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Dougie. First up, it's a greenlight. I need my gunbat. Because this greenlight... is creepy.

Discovery Channel has greenlit "Last Family on Earth", a contest series in which families compete for a spot inside of a bunker in time for December 21.

Jason: What the heck?
Chico: The show is going to challenge contestants to withstand pandemics, government/economic/social collapse, nuclear war, reactor meltdowns, solar flares, massive asteroids, climate change, pole shifts, earthquakes, and widespread anarchy. I think someone forgot two things... zombies, and computer viruses that become self-aware. Yes, Joe. I just made an RPM reference. What. :-)
Jason: :-)
Joe: *yawn*
Chico: Apparently I'm the only one who liked that season.
Joe: Go on....
Chico: Anyway, it doesn't come equipped with a datebook.
Gordon: It doesn't - but I have one.
Chico: Monday's a big entry.
Jason: HUGE

Only one show - but it's a big one for Game Show Geeks and kids of game show geeks. Figure It Out shows up on Nick on Monday.

Jason: WOOT :-)
Chico: Also the only reason that G watched Nick GAS. Watch closely and we may have a junior game show action ranger on the show next week. JUST SAYING.
Gordon: Go Go Action Ranger. ...where is he going?
Chico: He's going to France.

There's an old UK series, "Everybody's Equal". France has picked it up and will air "Que Le Meilleur Gagne" starting Tuesday.

Jason: Oui.
Gordon: I've got things that will make you say Non non non
Jason: Mon Dieu
Joe: Triste
Gordon: And no it's not Timothy Poe. Because at least Timothy didn't land himself in the hoosegow.
Chico: YET.
Jason: OUCH.

Are You Smarter Than...the moron who Tweeted that Sherri Shepherd should be raped, as he was found and allegedly arrested on Friday.

Chico: You don't mess with the Sherri.
Jason: What an ass. And good for sherri for getting this ass.
Chico: Agreed
Gordon: But wait - we have another AYST...
Jason: Another one?

Are YOU Smarter Than...Lindsay Lohan, who was apparently going too fast on the riad and slammed into the back of a truck. Despite being bloody, she'll be okay - which is better than how her RENTAL LUXURY CAR is doing.

Jason: OUCH.
Chico: She can pay it off.
Gordon: Good thing she signed that contract. But that leads to Haterade.
Jason: (64 oz mug down)

In addition to CBS filing a cease and desist order, America's least favorite football player, Chad Sesentenueve, is now being dropped by the New England Patriots for not learning the offensive playbook. That means bye bye 5 million dollars that he was supposed to have made this year.

Chico: Well, not to defend Chad Ochocinco... this is the New England Patriots we're talking about. You're not going to last long as a WR on that team;
Gordon: But at least the Carolina Panthers now have more options on free agency.
Chico: Yeah. Like Ron Rivera can control this guy.
Jason: So do the Jacksonville Jaguars
Chico: ... Move the Jags to LA and be done with it.
Gordon: Chad needs to get fully loaded.

We have an update on a story we gave your last week. ABC and Reality Steve (of RealitySteve.com) fame have settled out of court. The site isn't going anywhere, but he is forbidden to contact anyone associated with The Bachelor EVER.

Jason: Ouch.
Gordon: Oops.
Chico: And ABC isn't getting a penny. So there's that. In fact, here's the message from Reality Steve..."RealitySteve.com isn't going anywhere, I don't owe the other side a penny, and they had no case"
Jason: So there. :-)
Chico: So there indeed
Gordon: Who wants more media hoes?
Chico: ME! (plays "Pimpin All Over the World")
Jason: I do. :-)

In this week's Media Ho Report, Betty White gets immortalized in Tussauds, Donald Trump wants an apology for someone who called the Miss America pageant fixed, Philip Phillips' surgery went well...Scotty McCreery gets a high school diploma and is heading to NC State, Chico...  Simon Cowell creates a food show, Transgendered model Isis models for American Apparel...Tyra Banks and new ANTM judge Robert Evans may be an item, Carrie Underwood wins more CMT awards, and Roberto Martinez may - or may not - be the next Bachelor.

Chico: It still wouldn't put the whole where are the minorities argument to bed, though
Gordon: But none of them are the ho of the week. Your ho is.... a bunker.
Jason: A bunker?
Chico: Is this the same bunker from "Last Family on Earth"?
Gordon: It would be yes. As you know, the Earth is supposed to end on December 21st. Well the grand prize family wins the bunker and a guarantee to be safe from gravity reversing and causing everything to fall off the Earth.
Jason: WOW.
Chico: And if December comes and goes without incident?
Joe: there's always reruns
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Shut it down, please.
Jason: (shutting it down)
Chico: Still to come, we clean the toilet for the season, but first, it was a week of new games and new games. We're going to prescribe our opinions about them
Gordon: You're reading WLTI. you give us 2 minutes and well give you 22 clips of Match Game and Family Feud that were that much better with Richard Dawson in them.
Jason: AMEN.

(Brainvision has been brought to you by Rare Pigeon cuisines. It's so rare that it flies. Official catering service of Gordon Ramsay.)

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