Episode 30.1 - Summer Road Trip
June 4

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and welcome to the new season of WLTI.
Chico: Not only that, welcome to the summer! Chico Alexander riding shotgun in G's ride. Full speed ahead!
Gordon: (Switches to 3rd gear). Moving on along. And from somewhere on Route 80 West, this week's edition of WLTI...is...on!
Chico: Got a lot to go over this week, so fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the ride. We begin with...



Gordon: The Summer is usually chock full of morons.
Chico: And you'll be glad (?) to know that that will not change HERE. Now usually we go over the best and the worst of the week on America's Got Talent (mostly the worst), but something happened this week that has NEVER happened in Got Talent before.
Gordon: Well it's happened before, but not like this
Chico: Nope. Let's take you back all the way to season 1.
Gordon: (Operating the TARDIS)
Chico: A little girl by he name of Bianca Ryan was the first person in any version of Got Talent to take the big prize. Coming in third, a group of cloggers from South Carolina called All That.
Gordon: If you watched the show this week, that name should sound awfully familiar.
Chico: Sound. Look. Dance... It's all the same.
Gordon: And the same people too - and therein lies the problem for me
Chico: Tell me the problem.
Gordon: This is not like a Leonid the Magnificent, per se, who auditioned again for a few seasons with no chance to win.
Chico: Purely for entertainment value. It's a stunt that the Gong Show has worked MANY a time.
Gordon: This is an act that ALMOST won the whole thing. And they can come back and audition again?
Chico: Shall I press the Shenanigans button?
Gordon: Please do
Chico: (presses Shenanigans alarm)
Gordon: Ooooh, pretty.
Chico: Now here's the thing I don't get. Why were they even allowed to audition again? The only thing I can think of is the Richards Rule.
Gordon: I can understand per se if someone didn't make the Top 40, but 3rd? Really?
Chico: That being the rule that Michael Richards instituted at the beginning of his tenure that says that anyone who was a contestant 10 years ago BC (Before Carey) could get a second chomp at the bit should they desire. It's the only thing that makes sense, but is it fair?
Gordon: No.
Chico: Another possible explanation - during season 1, they had five members. Last week, they had six.
Gordon: You can also say that there are 3 new judges who haven't see nthem perform, but I'm sorry. If you make the Top 40, you shouldn't be able to audition again.
Chico: I happen to agree with you, but I'm just playing devil's advocate.
Gordon: There's no way they should advance. Have them to to America's Best Dance Crew - or So You Think You Can Dance.
Chico: Or something, but they can't get a do over. Not with the following they had before. Seems like only a few have picked up on this. What kind of a raucous has to be raised here?
Gordon: The question is - should they be allowed in the Top 40?
Chico: Absolutely not. They had their moment. Step aside and let someone else have theirs. And it's not like they are desperate for clogging acts - you already saw 2 other groups get in. And they were just as good. Not saying cloggers are good, but they were just as good. But you have to think that the longer they're in, the more people are going to say "WTF mate?" especially given that the internet moves at lightspeed.
Gordon: If they make the Top 40, expect this to be an issue.
Chico: Indeed.
Gordon: But let's move on and to with issues that are settled through trivial battles.



Chico: Last week, we asked how deep Joel Pool was expected to run (pun intended). Turns out... not that deep.
Gordon: Everyone out of the Pool!
Chico: Turns out six games... and six feet under.
Gordon: So what did him in?
Chico: Classic Mystery Novels. And no, "Who Moved My Cheese" isn't a viable answer.
Gordon: What about Where's my Economy?
Chico: No, The clue...

A letter in this mystery says, "We are going... to Luxor and Assuan by steamer, and perhaps on to Khartoum".

Gordon: (Puts on Hercule Poirot Outfit) What is Death On The Nile?
Chico: Great. Now put this on (hands over Inspector Clouseau outfit)
Gordon: (Puts on Inspector Clouseau Outfit) What is Sherlock Obama and the case of the missing jobs?
Chico: Harsh, but you'd be correct on both counts.
Gordon: Thank you sir
Chico: Of course, everyone (including, sadly, yours truly) said "Murder on the Orient Express"
Gordon: The answer was RIGHT in the clue. We are going... to Luxor and Assuan by STEAMER. A Steamer is a boat, NOT a train. Luxor is in Egypt, right off the Nile, as the Luxor hotel in Vegas has all sorts of Egyptian relics. Last time I checked, the Orient Express is in a completely different continent. So you get this (Gives Chico a Dunce Cap)
Chico: (Puts on Dunce Cap) Well, to my defense, I've never READ "Death on the Nile", or truth be told... heard of it.
Gordon: Even if you haven't, how in the world do you get The Orient Express from Egypt and a Boat?
Chico: The last mystery novel I read was "The Maltese Falcon".
Gordon: I would have accepted that. At least that or The African Queen puts you in the right continent. This was the gimme-est of all gimme clues if you knew anything about mystery novels.
Chico: Well, Joel leaves with $117,800, but he'll be back.
Gordon: Where do you rate him as his chances in the Tournament of Champions goes?
Chico: I'd say up there, but it's way too early. Not enough champions to make a decent enough guess.
Gordon: I'd say he gets to week #2 but is going to struggle to make the finals.
Chico: Right on. Meanwhile, let's back track a bit to some more drivers...



Chico: Last week, history was made. We had, for the first time, contestants on The Price Is Right under the legal age of 18. However, it was a special circumstance.
Gordon: Justin Bieber week?
Chico: Well Justin DID get a new car for his 18th birthday. It was a cool car, but then he went and did the tool thing and chromed out every inch of it. But these kids won't do that. Their parents, who helped them, won't let them.
Chico: Monday's Teen Drivers show had every game played for a car. Now how do special shows usually end up?
Gordon: Badly. Usually 1-2 people win out of a possible 6.
Chico: And you know what I said earlier about summer reruns? Heh. Well... nothing changed here.
Gordon: I sense a rerun of the bad sort
Chico: You would be correct. Two people end up winning.
Gordon: The games were tough, but winnable.
Chico: Agreed. The cars won: a Chevrolet Sonic in Pick-a-Number and a Hyundai Elantra in More or Less.
Gordon: Now the good news is that a team also won a second car in the Showcase Showdown
Chico: It's a snowboard, a mountain bike, a surfboard, and to truck it all away, a Ford F150. That ended up the winning Showcase.
Gordon: Now that's a very nice finish - unlike Friday's episode, which was a disaster.
Chico: What happened?
Gordon: The first 5 games were played with losses or Bailouts. Only a Pick-A-Pair saves everyone from a skunk. Here's the board.

Allegra Alergy Relief, ACT Activity Mouthwash, Whink Rust Guard, Capzasin Paul Relief, Betty Crocker Gluten Free Potato Buds and Hi-Test Octane Booster Gasoline Additive.

Chico: I'll take the mouthwash and the potatoes. Because after potatoes, I need mouthwash.
Gordon: Mouthwash is $4.39. Potatoes are...Also $4.39. You are smarter than a Skunk.
Chico: Yay!
Gordon: Let's go with some Showcases.
Chico: Okeydokey
Gordon: We have a Dell All-in-one Touchscreen Computer, a trip to Italy and a Bayliner 160 Bowrider Ski Boat. Your bid please?
Chico: I'll go $29,042.
Gordon: Ok. Showcase #2 is a Home Gym from Inspire Body Lift, a Nordic Track Treadmill, a 37: LCD and a Honda Accord.
Chico: ... I'll go $29,042.
Gordon: Showcase #1 is worth $30,321, so you're off $921.
Chico: Decent
Gordon: Showcase #2 is...$29,281. So you win both showcases and I'll give you exactly everything that you've given me over the years when I've won a double showcase.
Chico: Nothing?
Gordon: Sounds good to me. :)
Chico: Well how about I give you a couple of finales.
Gordon: That also sounds good to me.
Chico: First up, we name America's Next Top Model....who is British.
Gordon: Whoops
Chico: Sophie Sumner, formerly a runner up on "Britain's Next Top Model", wins a modeling contract, a guest correspondence on Extra, a spread in Vogue Italia, and for some reason, a record single.
Gordon: She came in second and wins the big one here. 4 of the final 5 were Brits, which could be a reason why TNM has been relegated to Fridays next season.
Chico: Besides the fact that no one gives a hoot anymore. I mean, am i wrong, or has the show just run its course?
Gordon: Youre wrong. The problem, howver, isnt the show, but the contestants. Hence why we have U.S. Vs. the world. We dont have the charismatic U.S. women anymore.
Chico: So they're going to look for the next flavor of the month in the modeling world as we speak. And they're going to college to do it.
Gordon: College - and an active vote by you, the viewer, in order to get more eyeballs to the set.
Chico: Good luck with that. And I mean that. Seriously. (mouths: no I don't. =p)
Gordon: This could be the end of Model.
Chico: I think one more year, and then DONE. Next, we have a little something for the ladies... *smolders*... little something for the guys... *drinks a beer* ... Not until you're 21, kids.
Gordon: I'm going to guess that it's from the UFC
Chico: You guess correctly. The Ultimate Fighter Live finds its champion. It's either Mike Chiesa or Al Iaquinta. Now I had Chiesa in the final from day one.
Gordon: You did
Chico: But what would happen in the Octagon on finale night? Rear naked choke... 2 minutes into round 1. Technical submission and win to... MIKE CHIESA. Applaud. Applaud.
Gordon: Very nice. Next season - we're going to Brazil. It will be Victor Beifort Vs. Wanderlei Silva.
Chico: It's gonna be hotter than a Brazilian boom boom.
Gordon: All episdoes AND the Finale will be taped in Brazil
Chico: Did I mention it was going to be hot?
Gordon: So is Brazil. So are vacations handed out by Pat Sajak. Let's Spread the Love.



Chico: What've you got?
Gordon: It's great Adventure Week for Wheel of Fortune We only had 2 wins in the bonus round. Let's post up one of them. This is a thing.

_ _ _ _ E N / _ _ _ _ _ E

Gordon: Would you like to give me 3 letters and a vowel?
Chico: G H C A

_ A _ _ E N / _ _ _ A _ E

Gordon: What do you got?
Chico: Nothin'. =p
Gordon: Would you like 3 more letters and a vowel?
Chico: Yes please.
Gordon: Give them to me
Chico: D M V I
Gordon: This will help

M A I D E N / V _ _ A _ E

Chico: Ah, a Maiden Voyage
Gordon: And that's good for Bob for $40,000.
Chico: Sweet!
Gordon: The hamsters are going on a sponge-created boat and are taking a trip in the bathtub
Chico: Nice. They can be carted by Eve, once she finishes sleeping.
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Fotage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Awesomeness, Doug. Thank you. First up, G?
Gordon: First yo - a Datebook

Monday is Cooking Day, with Hell's Kitchen and Masterchef. Tuesday is Music with the Glee Project and Love in the Wild. Thursday us Lover's Day with The Choice and Take Me Out and Friday is Bunk

Gordon: I smell a Maximum Strength Capsule review next week.
Chico: Yeah. =p That's a lot of game action. and that's not even counting Are You Normal or Figure It Out. But you probably want to see what's coming down the pipe in the future.
Gordon: That's next week. And there'll be more game shows to swing a bat at (Gives Chico a bat)
Chico: Thank you. Gordon, do you remember Tyler Harcott? He hosted the later seasons of Junkyard Wars? Which I think is due for a comeback, but that's just me.
Gordon: I do
Chico: Well, Tyler's got a new gig.

He'll be hosting the Canadian version of your faaaaaaaaaaaaaaavorite show ever, the Bachelor.

Gordon: I thought it was your Faaaaaaaaavirite show.
Chico: Well, you wrote the copy, I'm only reading it. =p
Gordon: Ah. Right.
Chico: You must've done some of that subliminable thing.
Gordon: I think we need to introduce you to people who need to read more copy...or just read more in general.
Chico: Before we do. Two important greenlights.

Fort Boyard season 3, and "The Winner Is" for NBC. It's an interesting little game, which combines singing with the Trumpian art of the deal.

Gordon: The one thing I'll say is thet the buyouts are sort of a reality check for the singers. I'll guarantee you that it'll be used a few times.
Chico: That's gonna be an interesting show to watch. Now... back to the business of people who need to read more.

Are YOU Smarter than....Jenna Jameson, who gets busted for DUI.

Chico: Driving under idiocy? But what does this have to do with out little world?
Gordon: Did you know that Jenna was a game show hostess?
Chico: Why no! I didn't!
Gordon: She hosted Jenna's American Sex Star, a reality competition to find the next porn star.
Chico: I betcha you had to pay to watch that.
Gordon: I did :)
Chico: Heh
Gordon: She also co-founded one of our favorite shows - Show Us Your Wits.
Chico: AKA Street Smarts in the champagne room
Gordon: Cash Cab if it was a stretch limo. So that was silly. And so is this. Have some Haterade.
Chico: I got a glass. Pour it up.
Gordon: Now as you know, Britney Spears walked off the set once on The X Factor.

She walked off 2 more times this week, and that may have spurred Simon Cowell to start looking for a replacement.

Chico: Again daddy?
Gordon: Hey Britney, let me introduce you to someone by the name of Cheryl Cole.
Chico: How can I put this. Do. Not. Anger. Simon.
Gordon: Britney may need to take a trip.
Chico: I have two trips for her that are a little hard to walk out on.

First is to Canada, where they're going to set up an ENGLISH edition of Big Brother.

Chico: You remember 14 years ago, we had "Loft Story" which was the French Canadian version. This is the Canadian Canadian version.
Gordon: Does it include zombies?
Chico: I wish. Second trip is to Belgium.

They have Cash Cab now.

Chico: So if Britney tries to walk out of it while it's in motion... it's not going to be pretty.
Gordon: It's not going to be pretty at all. Maybe these hoes will make it prettier.
Chico: (plays Luda)

In this week's Media Ho Report, Trista Sutter is going book writing, Bob Barker is going chimp saving, Nicole Scherzinger wants to torture the UK Audien...I mean judge X Factor UK...Kim Kardashian and Kanye west shack up, Bob Eubanks donates $100,000, Emily Maynard spends $350,000 on clothes...

Chico: That's a lot of money for someone you're just going to beak up with in three months

JR Martinez goes on Army Wives, Giuliana Rancic wants to have a baby the old-fashioned way, and Tony Pieper says he would have left The Bachlorette anyways before Emily booted him.

Chico: .. Sure
Gordon: But none of them are the hoes of the week.
Chico: Who've you got?
Gordon: I've got Peta Murgatroyd and Maksim Chmerkovskiy - as an item.
Chico: Careful girl. Remember the last Dancing pro champ he hooked up with.
Gordon: That would be the Texas 2 Step
Chico: Right.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Finally, let's get Fully Loaded.

Blockbusters the ONLINE game. It's awesome, you should play it. challenge.co.uk/games/play-blockbusters.html

Gordon: I have played it. It's awesome.
Chico: Nice. And that's Brainvision. We're done here. *tries to fob.... can't... throws it at Choppler, which stops* I'll get the Brobot to look at it.
Brobot: Beep beep beep Grand Game
Chico: Meanwhile, we'll do some pushing and flushing later on, but first, we have... something brand new for the new season. Ain't that right, G?
Gordon: We have something new to start off the season. You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 Price is Right Theme shows which is better then what we got this week.
Chico: Hot Moms. =p
Gordon: ...ew?

(Brainvision is presented by the Thousand Dollar Singing Bee.... mainly because that's about how much it costs to produce a single....season. Yes. It's that cheap.)

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