Game Show Newsnet

Episode 30.4 - Red Hot Summer
June 25

Chico: Hey there, it's Chico Alexander with ya... and let's see... it's hot. The NBA has a champion. There's a thunderstorm outside. A really good movie is playing at the multiplex. TPIR is in reruns.
Gordon: You know, I was hoping we'd get this sort of fireworks in the NBA finals, NOT outside my apartment.
Chico: And someone's ripping off someone else unsuccessfully. It must be summer.
Gordon: Summer. The time that we hope we get sun, good game shows, and a compelling baseball season. We have one of the 3.
Chico: Well, we did before the Braves decided to poo poo on everything. Still have hope though.
Gordon: I'll take a 2.5 game lead. Jason would take 2.5 wins on Jeopardy this week.
Chico: Seriously, though. We want good game shows. We get ONE good show.... and it ain't on primetime. Will we talk about it? From somewhere in the middle of a summer-shower-my-arse-it's-pouring-outside.... America... WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: Gordon Pepper is here, along with Chico Alexabnder, and we start with Jeopardy being hot.

Chico: End of David Menchaca's run thereupon... yes. And it happened on Thursday when everyone missed a Final.
Gordon: Set us up
Chico: Okay, it's like this...David has $17,400. Lukas Sherman has $21,400. Margaret Swanson can play spoiler with $6000. It's a good spoiler total, because if you're man in the middle, you have to do some serious thinking.
Gordon: Well, no. She's too far to spoil. The bet is $5,399. Locks out Margaret and good enough to force Lukas to get it right. Give us the Final Jeopardy question please
Chico: The category: UNESCO World Heritage Sites. And no, Gordon's apartment is not one of them.
Gordon: Darn.

LISTED IN 1983, THIS COMPLEX FINISHED c.1650 FEATURES INLAID SEMIPRECIOUS STONES & ARABIC CALLIGRAPHY

Gordon: (Puts on Miami Heat shirt) What is the Taj Mahal?
Chico: Right. Now put this on. (throws Charlotte "CATS" jersey)
Gordon: (puts on Charlotte Cats Jersey) What is the first Arabic Postcard store?
Chico: ... I don't need an explanation, you're wearing a Bobcats jersey. It wouldn't make sense anywyay. So there you are. Taj Mahal is the right response. So THE BET (TM) is $5399.
Gordon: That SHOULD be The Bet (TM).
Chico: If David bets it, he locks out Margaret, and if Lukas goes whole hog, David wins. Well Lukas does go whole hog and gets it wrong, so even if David got it wrong, he still wins. David bets... $17,358.
Gordon: What's David's answer?
Chico: "What is the Kaaba?"
Gordon: Oh dear.
Chico: Could've been worse. Could've said the Haggia Sophia. Lukas. He bets $18,000.... and loses. A small chance is still a chance, and Margaret ESCAPES with $3999.
Gordon: All because we had...

Chico: Speaking of badly, It's time for another review! Last week, we talked about the poopiestorm between ABC and CBS regarding a show called "The Glass House". It looked like Big Brother, it sounded like Big Brother... but a judge ruled that it wasn't Big Brother. And probably a good thing, because if I was Big Brother, I'd be a little insulted.
Gordon: This was more like the little bratty kid who lived across the street and who wanted to be like the big kids except he didn't shower for a week.
Chico: And that is being kind. Stop me if you've heard this one. Fourteen strangers.. (pause)...
Gordon: Never heard of it. Keep going.
Chico: Okay. Fourteen strangers live inside a house... made of glass... where cameras record their every move and microphones record their every word. There is a weekly eviction, when America decides who stays in this house and who goes. Aside from voting out the public, viewers will also choose what the players eat, wear, live, etc., etc. But it's not at all like THAT OTHER SHOW. You see, the contestants are on teams. Losing teams are banished to Limbo, where the captain and one other player of the team's choosing is forced to be put on the block for elimination.
Gordon: Ok. Now if I lived under a rock and you woke me up after a 100 year nap, I could tell you all the things they did wrong here. First of all, is there ANY good in this show?
Chico: Tell me all the things they did wrong here, besides all of the originality coming from concepts tried 10 years ago give or take, banked on the hope that no one remembers it.
Gordon: We remember it. But back to the original question. is there ANY good in this show? Did they do anything right?
Chico: Let's see... contestants plucked from Central Casting, premise grossly borrowed, voice of God grossly borrowed...I'm going to go with NO on this one, Jack.
Gordon: Zero on the originality. But the show suffers from a much bigger problem - which is, that even if there was no Big Brother, this show still has a ton of issues. Big bored please?

The Ass House

- On at 10 when the world is sleeping
- No originality.
- Central casting wonks

Gordon: First of all, when does the voting crowd watch a show? What time?
Chico: 8p or 9p. Not 10p.
Gordon: Not on Monday night at 10pm - and certainly not after America's Got Talent.
Chico: You know what people are watching after America's Got Talent? If you're a lady: The Bachelorette. If you're a guy, what up.... American Ninja Warrior. So the question now... who's left to care?
Gordon: Well I would if 2. There was any originality. This show didn't feel like Big Brother. The problem is it felt like Survivor. 2 losing teams and someone gets voted off, but by America. If I was Survivor, I'd think about suing.
Chico: Probably saw the ratings and thought that the beast would eat its own tail.
Gordon: 3. The contestants are straight not from Casting Central, but from Cyber-Central, where they all have the personality of your standard Cybermat.
Chico: That would be an insult to the Cybermat, I think. They're caricatures. You pray to God that they're just in it for the exposure, otherwise, humanity is doomed.
Gordon: I don't know about humanity but this show is doomed.
Chico: Yep. In the ratings, the show placed, and I'm not joking here... DEAD LAST in viewers.
Gordon: Was there any originality in this whatsoever?
Chico: ... thinking... thinking... the house looks pretty cool...
Gordon: It's glassy
Chico: Very pretty.

THE GLASS HOUSE ABC - 10p ET Mondays
GORDON	CHICO	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
F	F	EPIC FAIL

Gordon: And I want a piece of it when it goes on E-Bay in September. We were having a discussion before the show, and we were joking that it could be the first show since The One to stop the competition in midstream. I'm not sure that's too far fetched. F.
Chico: Bold prediction time...One month. GONE. F.
Gordon: And a word to the UK fans reading this - pray that this doesn't make a trip over the pond to your shores.
Chico: We go from extremely bad... to extremely good... That being one Scott Hostetler. If Leszek Pawlowicz is the game show world's Michael Jordan, then Scott is Kobe Bryant. Name a show, he's been on it. This week, he challenges Drew and the Price Is Right.
Gordon: Now the amazing thing about Scott is that not just that he gets on a show - he gets on it and WINS it. Won $25,000 on Catch 21. Won over $10,000 on the original press Your Luck and over $6,000 on Whammy.
Chico: And then there's Sale of the Century and Wheel of Fortune.
Gordon: So what does Scott do this time? He gets on TPIR, gets his way on stage, wins his game and then goes to the Showcases.
Chico: Awesome.
Gordon: Let's itemize his play, shall we?
Chico: Sure.
Gordon: Lets start at Contestants Row.
Chico: The Price Look of the Week.
Gordon: Scott's 4th. Set up the play
Chico: This week, a dress, a Gucci belt, and Prada sandals.
Gordon: Now Scott bid 4th. What were the 3 bids before him?
Chico: 400, 795 and 855. Scott bids $900.
Gordon: It's a good bid, but not good enough. What's the right bid, sir?
Chico: Right bid is $856.
Gordon: That would be the right bid.
Chico: Thank you. But Scott gets on stage. The ensemble: $2260.
Gordon: I know it seems minor, BUT if the prize is between $855 and $900, you're screwed
Chico: Right. Now, to take the lady friend with her new dress to Maui. Flip Flop board... $4852. Flip, Flop, or Both?
Gordon: Flip to $8,452
Chico: Right. Scott ends up the top winner of the half and thus, the show.
Gordon: Let's move on to the Showcases.
Chico: Right on. Football star Shannon Boxx (and by "Football", I mean "Soccer") presents a trip to see USA Soccer vs. France in Scotland... AND a Ford Escape. Now Scott didn't want the sportboat in the first Showcase, so he passed it and ended up with this.
Gordon: And what did the other player bid on the Sportboat showcase?
Chico: $41,000.
Gordon: That's a bit much. So what should Scott's bid be?
Chico: A dollar. Maybe $10,000 if he wanted to add a little drama. But you PLAY. To WIN. The GAME. The bid he put... $26,888. This could've been bad... the Showcase... $33,337.
Gordon: So it was good for Scott, who walks out with $44,000 and change. And for that he gets this:

Chico: Now what do you have for a guy who gives a live crab to a blind woman?
Gordon: Probably more where that came from :)
Chico: ...
Gordon: (Think about it. it'll come to you).
Chico: ... Gross. :-)
Gordon: Si Si.
Chico: Cangrejos.

Gordon: Tell me about Hell's Kitchen this week.
Chico: I'll get to that in a bit, but first... Tuesday on Masterchef begins round 2 with your Mystery Box... of offal-ly good ingredients. From that, Ryan Umane wins THREE advantages in the Eliminatation Test. First, he chose the challenge.. choosing Dungeness crab. Second, he chose who would get live crab and who would get the canned stuff. And the third ... Ryan will not cook. He's SAFE to the next round. So he pretty much holds all the cards. With this, he chooses his ally Tali to get a fresh, live, beautiful crab, and his competition Christine will ALSO get a LIVE one. Now... Christine has something that the other contestants don't have... besides a proper palate. She's completely BLIND. Live crab. Blind woman. You see the problem I have here?
Gordon: I do. That's playing hard ball.
Chico: I mean, you play to win, no doubt, but let's put things in their proper perspective. you really want to endanger a woman like that?
Gordon: I can see a disaster in the making. At least someone helped her handle it.
Chico: Christina turned it into the most incredible Ceviche Cocktail.
Gordon: So she turned a potential case of crabs to a very nice cock...tail.
Chico: I see what you did there.
Gordon: Hey you set it up and I knock it down
Chico: That's what we do.
Gordon: We also listen to singers on America's Got Talent.

Gordon: This week, we wrap up the auditions, so no more sob stories, no more sad people, just talent.
Chico: Who do you like going into Vegas?
Gordon: All the singers. It should just be an all singers showcase.
Chico: Then it would be another show.
Gordon: But it really isn't.
Chico: Not if everyone's like Mary Joyner.
Gordon: Have you seen any non-singing talent that could win this year? Anything?
Chico: All That... though... I don't think they make it past Vegas. On account of... well, you know.
Gordon: I do.
Chico: What about 787 Crew?
Gordon: The only group I think has a shot is the electric dragon light brigade that we saw earliewr on in the season.
Chico: I liked that.
Gordon: I did too. Anything else?
Chico: Turf. The pop & lock contortionist.
Gordon: Really? Yuck.
Chico: Well, I'm sure that someone'll stand out in Vegas that didn't stand out here. That's always what happens. Also would be interesting to see what happens to the Tim that DID get busted. You know that they HAVE to bring THAT up.
Gordon: They do. And here's something that I don't want to bring up, but I have to. Unfortunately, on the day of this taping, we have a loss in the game show world. Steve Friedman has passed away.
Chico: This coming from our friend Randy West vis a vis a post on his Facebook wall.

"Sad to pass along the news from Jerry Kupcinet that game show producer Steve Friedman lost his battle with cancer last night. From Chuck Barris' original incarnation of 'Dating Game' to 'Treasure Hunt', 'Bargain Hunters', 'High rollers' and others, our community lost one of the good guys. Although our paths only crossed on a pilot for 'Slingo,' I knew I was working with a beloved and talented pro. Heartfelt condolences to his family and friends".

Chico: Certainly, our thoughts and our prayers are with the family as well.
Gordon: Can I have a moment of silence please?

(SILENCE)

Gordon: Thank you. Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage,

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Gordon: Thank you. We'll start with a Datebook

Only one show this week - it's Craft Wars! And maybe the end of The Glass House after 2 episodes.

Chico: Craft Wars. With Tori Spelling. This oughta be fun to watch. And by that I mean, "trainwreck"
Gordon: It has to be better than the Glass House, right?
Chico: That's a stretch. You know what would be better than Glass House? A giant... pencil... with a green eraser. It's a big item.

CBS, Ryan Seacrest, and Zynga are teaming up on a pilot for... Draw Something.

Chico: You play Draw Something, G?
Gordon: I can (Draws a Smartboard)

Are YOU Smarter than....Justin Bieber. The Silent Library contestant decided to get a picture of the 'Sixteenth Chapel' tattooed on his arm. Chico will tell us what's wrong with that.

Chico: That's where you go when you have no luck in the first 15.
Gordon: Not like he doesn't have enough suitors.
Chico: ... I think he meant the Sistine Chapel.
Gordon: I do too. But there's a reason - because this is a tie-in.
Chico: Tie it in.

His 2 day special just set the record for LOWEST concert special EVER - mainly because most of the people the concert would have attracted were watching the NBA finals.

Chico: I was.
Gordon: So was he.

Chico: He ate my popcorn, the bum... :-)

The 'New' Fear Factor has gone to the Donkey Semen Eating Diner in the sky. As has Canada's Got Talent.

Chico: So we will not take a trip THERE this week.
Gordon: Aw
Chico: Let's go to England instead.

Million Pound Drop is prepping for a lineup of special Olympic-themed episodes. That'll air in late July. In EARLY July, Millionaire returns LIVE with online play on ITV.

Gordon: And yes, the Million Pound Dump IS better than The Glass House.
Chico: I see what you did THERE too.
Gordon: ...what?
Chico: The Million ... never mind. =p Anyway, it's a good day to be a quiz show in the UK. It's also a good day for hoes. Specially if you want to become on. Kicking off with a Casting Couch.

... Pyramid, people... PYRAMID.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/tlg/3090133061.html

Chico: I'm going for it. You should too.
Gordon: You should.
Chico: For the rest of the hoes, here's G-Daddy-Fresh. (plays "Pimpin'")

In this week's Media Ho Report, Jack Osbourne has MS, Arsenio Halkl has a new talk show, Paula Abdul turns 50...

Chico: (hums "Happy Birthday")

Simon Cowell is accused of having a face lift, you can go to X-Factor Boot Camp, Ryan Seacrest is fighting for Dick Clark Productions against...wait for it...HUGH HEFNER... Meredith Vieira isn't returning to Today, Kevin Pereira hosts "Let's Ask America' while another poll show, Are You Normal America, gets yanked after only 3 episodes on the air

Gordon: Yes, again. But none of them are the ho of the week.
Chico: Who fray tell?
Gordon: It's Carly Rae Jepsen, who has a monster hit right now with 'Call Me Maybe'...and who finished in 3rd on the 5th season of Canadian Idol
Chico: This was way back when. Needless to say Ryan Malcolm and Kalan Porter have some catching up to do.
Gordon: They do. And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Finally, let's get loaded. And get away.

JetBlue has an online game show called Get Away With It, where contestants compete for trips to anywhere JetBlue flies, because JetBlue flies everywhere. JetBlue.

Chico: Luckily they kept this on the web, because we all know what happens when you put on a show-length advertisement on TV. NBC buys it, and buries it on Saturday.
Gordon: Well hopefully it will be worth the watch.
Chico: I think so. Okay, Brobot. Switch it off.
Brobot: Bleep bleep bleep (pulls out windex and starts cleaning some glass)
Chico: Next time, we build a vacuum into his arm. Still to come, we bust rhymes. But first, G?
Gordon: First up, we hit shift 5. You're reading WLTI. you give us 22 minutes and we'll give you 22 ideas that would get better ratings then The Glass House. Like Sparky, the wonder chinchilla.
Chico: Or growing peat.

(Brainvision is presented by JetGreen. The only airline that comes with its own slime spigots. Just don't perform the secret slime action of getting into the brace position unless we're actively crashing.)

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