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So You
Think You Can Dive
August 14
Last time, the six remaining comedians
were "almost American" on "Almost American Gladiators". Five continued
to live the dream, while Red Grant was deported back to obscurity. Now
it's all about the high-dive, the twists, the turns, and... the
high-dive.
Tonight on Reality Bites Back... "So You Think You Can Dive"! Get wet.
Jack Gordon's back in the water to serve as reporter, and on the judges
panel, to serve as judge... a man who's won back to back Olympic titles
and was portrayed on the small screen by Mario Lopez, confirming what
we've all known about Mario Lopez... Mr. Greg Louganis. He's humiliated
for the sport that he's practiced for so many years being trivialized in
this manner.
Wouldn't we all, Greg.
The other two judges, international model and Big Brother castoff Holly
King and Michael's brother-in-law Ethan, really have no other purpose.
Here's a quick look at how our players trained all morning. Mo was
looking for an excuse to shave his back all morning... You relaly don't
have to shave down for diving really.
Now we're instructed by our lawyers to inform you that diving can be a
really dangerous sport if not done correctly. So to insure that it's
done correctly... we try using a bungee apparatus.
First up, the 3-meter technical dive, in which the contestants will be
judged on difficulty and execution. First up, Chris Fairbanks. And that
was actually a nice looking flip and full extension. "Did I have enough
whiskey." Holly... "Yay!" Greg... "For one day of training, not bad."
Second, Amy Schumer... Bert is looking overweight, Theo's looking down
deep, and she's going to win. She uses the baby board instead of the
3-meter. Greg wanted to see an approach...
Next up, Mo Mandel... He's just freaking out right now. He just up-and-overs
it. Terrible execution. Holly gives Michael an 11.
Theo is next, and he thinks diving for fun is okay, diving for fish...
not so much. And again, terrible execution there. But he was busy
thinking of the children.
Finally, we've got Bert. Bert loves speedos... He dedicated this dive to
Greg... And it just fell all to pieces. Greg is not too impressed by
Bert's come-on...
And it's time for the Rose Ceremony... Whoever gets the rose gets
immunity... and it's Chris! He's holding victory in his hand... and it
has thorn.
The five others, they're diving for their life.
Next is the artistic round. First is Amy and "The Dive of Shame". It's a
walk-of-shame... with a dive attached. Holly can relate. "It was totally
fun... Girls' Night Out!"
Mo has an homage to bad comics. And sure enough, he gets hit off the
board. Greg was kinda hoping he'd hit his head on his diving board.
Theo has a tribute to Amelia Earhart. Complete with wheelchair to
simulate what Amelia might've gone through that last seconds. The only
thing that worked... was gravity.
Finally, Bert with "Osama bin Divin". He starts out with a robe and ends
with a rave stick and a speedo that was two sizes too small. "I just
wanted to get into a thong." Greg says he's losing points...
Time for the FINAL ROSE CEREMONY. Getting Greg's final long stem...
Theo. For the other three, time to head to the Board Room.
Amy thinks that she's better for ratings. Mo accepts friends requests
form unpopular people on Myspace. Apparently that's enough for both of
them, because they're both safe. Bert, though, is not. Apparently
hitting on a gay man when you're straight... Not a good move. Sorry,
Bert. He ends this tenure by stripteasing a perfectly straight
individual.
Next week, the remaining contestants grab their guns and go out
firing... with W-level celebrities. It's "Hunting with the Stars" next
time... when reality bites back. |
