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Shock of
Love
July 24
Last time, 10 comics were locked in a
house with their mothers, father, grandmother, and a random bikini
model. Then they were manipulated beyond belief. Tonight, the eight that
remain are in for the shock of their lives... and the Shock... of Love.
The eight comics meet up with Michael as he explains that they're about
to compete in challenges of the physical nature that may or may not
involve the phrase "banana hole" in order to hook up with an
astonishingly unattached single hunk of woman meat.
Luenell: "What's up, bitches. I want to welcome you to my queendom."
That would be Luenell Campbell, quite possibly the raunchiest comedienne
this side of Sam Kinison. She's here trying to get laid. Her words, not
mine.
Amy: "Once you go back, your parents don't talk to you anymore."
Luenell demonstrates some pole-dancing with the help of a stunt double
(C-Note: please don't try this at home, kids, unless you yourself have a
stunt double). What's it take to get with her? According to Donnell, a
fifth of Remy Martin, a fifth of Hennessey, and 3 in the morning.
West Coast time.
Theo says she looks like Sisqo and he wants to enter that dragon
(C-Note: sorry, the correct phrase is "unleash the dragon").
The contestants throw a leather party. Cue the leather... Ew. Meanwhile,
you remember that one bit in the Surreal Life when people were eating
sushi off of Adrianne Curry's naked body? Luenell's reenacting that epic
scene... with sushi that has been sitting out in the sun for two and a
half hours.
In half an hour, two favorites will be chosen as immune from
elimination. So eat well... "Because ribs would've been too damn messy."
Shotgun beer from Bert... Armpit hugs from Mo.. And big joints from Red.
Will any of that nasty crap work?
Yeah. Mo and Tiffany are immune from elimination and are clear to go to
the next round. Those two will also get to sleep with Lueness in her
bed.
That night... yeah, use your imagination.
Next day, banana transit. One oversized banana cream pie with a lot of
bananas. The three who transfer the most bananas from the pie to her
piehole will move onto the next round. The others will have to go on the
elimination date.
As quickly as it started, it's over, and now we're counting...
Red, Bert, and Theo... are safe. Amy had 39, the lowest. Donnell had 44,
the second lowest. Chris, whom Luenell likes the least, will be joining
those two at dinner... where it'll be pitch black.
Chris decides to shave the handlebar moustache... for a date in the
dark.
Dinnertime afford the chance to savor the finest of wines, whisper the
sweetest of nothings, and cop the cheapest of feels. But don't ignore
the host, because she controls your fate.
Chris fashioned himself a sexual utility belt, while Donnell... drinks
pepper, at least hoping he doesn't eat any balls. Chris can tell that
there was some chemistry now that the handlebars were gone, while
Donnell feeds the lady seductively.
Amy, meanwhile, calls it disgusting and weird.
It's the Moment of Truth in the ceremony room. Time to take a relatively
simple announcement, drag it out, and beat it to death. Luenell presents
her backdoor passes to Mo, Tiffany, Red, Bert, and Theo...
... and Amy...
Chris is willing to go the extra step. Donnell is trying to get ahead,
but Luenell doesn't want to be pushed around... "Which is why his ass is
going home." Chris gets his backdoor pass. Donnell gets his bags and
with a hearty "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty... I'm
free... at last", gets the hell up outta here.
Next time, the remaining seven are going to a battle of the binge...
It's The Biggest Chubby next time, when reality... bites back. Yum. |
