"Quit Following Us!- Leg 5 " - December 14

PIT STOP: GORÉE ISLAND, SENEGAL

Good news: the Racers have left Scandinavia. Bad news: they're in the sweltering-hot nation of Senegal in Africa. Good news: they did what Survivor contestants FAILED to do: catch fish. Bad news: they caught them by puking for chum. Good news: Kris & Jon (Team Restauranteurs) have the lead. Bad news: Jonathan & Victoria (Team Dom-Sub) are in second...and Jonathan is NOT happy about that. Good news: Don & Mary Jean (Team Married Grands) are still in the Race despite being last. Bad news: they're broke.

After 12 hours of sleep, meals and plotting on the remote slave island, Kris & Jon depart the PIT STOP at 12:52am local time with this clue:

The two long-distance daters start the search, determined to go through the Race without alliances. Their search is long. In fact it's SO long that, over an hour-and-a-third after they left, they STILL haven't found it. That's when Jonathan & Victoria depart. Jonathan doesn't want to be second place anymore and is angry that he and Victoria can't "fight for that first position". Obviously, he's taken the Dale Earnhadrt mentality of "second place is the first loser". (And, remember, these two are big-money entrepreneurs, folks; it's not like they NEED the million bucks! Keep that in mind by the time the leg ends.)

Lori & Bolo (Team Rasslers) leave shortly after them, followed closely by Hayden & Aaron (Team 'Dating' Actors) and Freddy & Kendra (Team Engaged Models). It seems they've formed a small "Model Alliance" as they meet outside the PIT STOP and search for the Slave House together.

Adam & Rebecca (Team Shrek) depart in sixth and follow the models (even though they say they're not GOING to follow as much). They can't WAIT to leave Africa, now aware of WHY so many escaped (way to lose the African-American audience, CBS). 20 minutes later, the only African-American team in the Race, Gus & Hera (Team Who's Da Boss), departs. They were happy to be together in this important place, the land of their heritage. Finally, three-and-a-half hours after the first team leaves, Team Married Grands leave, flat broke and in need of fundage but still in the Race. And they'll GET money, even if they have to put on a Vaudeville show to do it.

One at a time, the teams find the Slave House, where a local man awaits outside to give them the next clue in a scroll:

Well,...for some, it's some more sleep and strategy time. For others, it's a time for reflection on the task placed before them.

No matter what, the teams line up outside the front door in the order they arrived. When 8:30am comes around, the doors open and Team Restauranteurs enter first to make the tribute and say a prayer at the Door of No Return. Next in is Team Rasslers, then Team Dom-Sub, Team 'Dating' Actors, Team Engaged Models and Team Shrek. Team Who's Da Boss, though, are adversely affected by this place. And after placing the rose at the archway and turning to leave,...Gus breaks out in tears. Some would call it the "Awwwwbarf" moment of the show so far,... but I think it's rather touching. Finally, Don & Mary Jean place the final rose down and departs.

The emotional part out of the way, the Race continues as each team, on their way out, gets their next clue:

The teams miss the first ferry out and have to wait close to an hour for the next one. This gives Team Married Grands the time to beg for cash. But that's kind of hard to do in one of the poorest nations in the world. Don, however, comes up with an interesting strategy: he begs the OTHER TEAMS for some of THEIR money. Some are more generous than others, but I guess they feel sorry for the old couple because they DO give. Rebecca reluctantly gives them $5, certain it won't break her and Adam.

Jonathan & Rebecca's guide from the last episode is STILL with them (why, I have NO idea) and has agreed to bring them to a travel agent once they get to the mainland. A few of the other teams have the same idea while others go right to the airport.

Traffic has not improved from the previous day as taxis are at a standstill en route to the airport. Kendra FURTHER insults the country (and comes THIS CLOSE to passing Jonathan as the biggest @$$#0le in the Race), wondering why these people keep breeding in such poverty.

Jonathan & Victoria, Gus & Hera and Adam & Rebecca march two-by-two into an Air France travel agency and all get tickets on a flight to Berlin leaving Dakar at 7:15pm with a stop-over in Paris. Kris & Jon then come in and get on the same flight.

At Dakar airport, the OTHER for teams go to the ticket counter. Hayden & Aaron book tickets for them as well as Freddy & Kendra... much to the chagrin of Lori & Bolo and Don & Mary Jean. When Team Engaged Models shows up, Team Married Grands and Team Rasslers refuse to let them into the counter office. An argument starts between Aaron and Bolo... and Aaron plays the stereotype card and tells Bolo, "Just because you're 5'5" and on steroids..." Ohhhhhhh, it is ON, baby! Eventually, cooler heads prevail and Bolo apologizes...to Hayden. He even LAUGHS about the steroids comment. Eventually, everyone gets their tickets...and they're all on the same flight. (Guess not too many Senegalese fly to Berlin very often.)

BERLIN, GERMANY

It's been the capital of the unified Germany since the early 90s...and it's where Team Engaged Models takes a slight lead en route to the train station. Team Restauranteurs are in a close second, followed by Team Shrek (who think 'Fahrvergnugen' is German for 'fast'), Team Dom-Sub, Team 'Dating' Actors, Team Who's Da Boss, Team Rasslers and - lagging behind - Team Married Grands.

The teams arrive at the train station and learn they must board the "S-Bahn" train to go to the Wall (Don & Mary Jean find out from the cabbie). Adam & Rebecca decide to forget what they promised themselves and follow Jonathan & Victoria. This, of course, bothers Jonathan to no end and he INSISTS that they stop following them. Those two teams and Freddy & Kendra get on board the first train out. The other teams depart on a second train...except Lori & Bolo, who just miss the train pulling out, and Don & Mary Jean, who are just pulling UP to the station. The wrestlers get on the third train, while the grandparents take the fourth, still in the rear.

At the destination, three teams disembark and race for the Wall. Team Shrek and Team Restauranteurs go INSIDE the wall to what was West Berlin... but Team Dom-Sub decide to stay on the east side (makes sense) and, lo and behold, they find the clue first:

As the team gets into a taxi to take them to the chain, three MORE teams depart the second train. Gus is awed that the same human degradation found in Senegal was also found here. Team Rasslers get off their train as Freddy & Kendra slip under a gate to the other side to continue their search...and Adam & Rebecca get lost. This gives Team Married Grands' train time to arrive.

It's Kris & Jon who find the clue second, followed closely by Hayden & Aaron and Gus & Hera. Team Engaged Models and Team Shrek figure out they overshot the clue and run back to get it in 5th and 6th. Lori & Bolo grab it seventh and...you guessed it...Don & Mary Jean are STILL in last.

And it looks like they'll REMAIN in last because the first cabbie they talk to say that they can use the train to get there faster. So, failing to confirm this, they get on the train.

Meanwhile, in downtown Berlin, Team Dom-Sub reach the chain sculpture first and hit a:

Jonathan asks Victoria to decide on what to do and she says, "Let's do the links." Hoping she's not talking about a golf course, Jonathan brings Vic to a taxi and head for the Citadel, confident he can do this since "If Lucy can do it, so can I." (Guess we'll have to see if it's as comical as I Love Lucy.)

Kris & Jon arrive at the chains and decide on BEER. But they are ALSO told to take the train to it. Gus & Hera and Hayden & Aaron also decide on BEER and grab cabs. Lori & Bolo pick BRATS, as well as Adam & Rebecca. Freddy & Kendra, after discussing what the heck 'steins' are, choose BEER. And Don & Mary Jean (who were actually given GOOD advice when it came to the train) get lost around the church but, eventually, arrive in last and choose BRATS.

BEER: Team Dom-Sub, Team Who's Da Boss, Team Shrek and Team Engaged Models.
BRATS: Team Married Grands, Team 'Dating' Actors, Team Rasslers and Team Engaged Models.

Jonathan & Victoria arrive at the Citadel and actually work WELL together (for once) in making the links. The "Model Alliance" arrives at the beer house and start to look for their "mugs" to trade for their mugs...er, stein. Freddy & Kendra find their first two before Hayden & Aaron even fibd their first two. It's neck-and-neck at four after a while as Team Dom-Sub take great care in making sure the links are the right length.

It's the married entrepreneurs who finish the DETOUR first and get their next clue:

As they leave, Team Rasslers shows up, causing Jonathan to have a conniption and yell at Victoria. Vic tells him to leave her alone, but he cleverly replies, "I promised to NEVER leave you alone; that's why I married you." The wrestlers start their brat-making trek...

...just as Team 'Dating' Actors gets help from Team Engaged Models as to where their last coaster is. Sure enough, Hayden & Aaron find the coaster, bring it to the bar and get going to Devil's Mountain. Right behind them are the models. But, while Freddy & Kendra find a cabbie that KNOWS where the mountain is, Hayden & Aaron gets a cab without clue #1.

As they leave, Gus & Hera arrive and ask the beer-swillers for "pictures of black people". Meanwhile, Team Shrek arrives at the Citadel and starts their sausages as Team Rasslers get rejected for having links too small.

Oh, yes, Kris & Jon...nearly forgot about them. They get off the train and end up at the beerhouse. (Boy, these Germans KNOW their city, don't they?) No sooner do they get their steins when they find their first coaster. Gus takes a small sip of beer as Hera finds THEIR first coaster. Coincidentally, Bolo is licking the raw sausage off his fingers at the same time... much to Adam's disgust. Anyway, Team Restauranteurs find their five coasters and take off in fourth place. Team Who's Da Boss are right behind them... right after Gus takes another swig, much to HERA's disgust.

Back at the Citadel, Team Rasslers' second time around is successful and they head out for Devil's Mountain in fifth, but Team Shrek are more or less RIGHT behind them. Even more so, Lori & Bolo decide to WALK to the train station while Adam & Rebecca stay smart and take a cab to the mountain. When Lori & Bolo get on the train, they find out from another local that they're on the wrong train! But it's too late; it takes off. At the next station, after arguing with each other, they get help from another tourist who will walk them to the train that takes them closest to the mountain.

Meanwhile, Don & Mary Jean arrive at the sausage and work on their brats quickly and cleanly, trying to make up time en route to...

TEUFELSBERG, GERMANY

Team Dom-Sub continue to set the pace...and hope not to get a flat during a:

The two unanimously decide on Jonathan having the "need for speed", so he races up the mountain, confident in their lead and in his driving ability. He ducks his head down for less wind resistance and, with Vic cheering him on, finishes the course in 35 seconds flat. This, of course, makes them both happy and grants them their final clue of the leg: 

They stop by their cabbie to get proper directions...when Jonathan has another fit, since Freddy & Kendra have just pulled in. As they pull out, Freddy decides to ride down the mountain, which his does in a mere 35 seconds. They find their OWN cabbie and she volunteers to let them tail her to the parking lane. Hayden then does the race in UNDER 35, just as Team Who's Da Boss and Team Restauranteurs pull up. Hera and Jon decide to race...and it's a dead heat at 35 seconds. The teams then agree to split a cab fare and BOTH follow the cab to Berlin.

Team Rasslers, quite irate right now, gets off at their stop and have a hard time finding someone who speaks English to help them. Meanwhile, Rebecca finishes her run in 34.79 seconds. So it's a race between the walking wrestlers and the riding grandparents for last place.

Meanwhile, on the road to Berlin (wasn't that a Hope/Crosby movie?), Jonathan tells Victoria that, if they don't win this leg, he's going to go off... on HER! As they argue and switch between driver and passenger, Freddy & Kendra sneak by. They both arrive at the designated spot at the same time, so it's a foot-race to...

PIT STOP: BRANDENBURG GATE, BERLIN, GERMANY

And here is where the most disgusting display of humanity occurs. Jonathan, wanting to lighten his load, asks a bystander to hold his backpack. But Victoria is afraid it'll be stolen and grabs it, with Jonathan yelling VOCALLY at her. As they near the gate, he drops the backpack behind a barrier...but, AGAIN, Vic grabs it in fear, making Jonathan scream even LOUDER at her! This, of course, leads to Team Engaged Models passing them (making Jonathan scream even MORE) and hitting the mat in front of Phil Keoghan and a native German first and Phil announcing, "Freddy & Kendra, you're Team Number 1!" And they ALSO win a Mexican vacation thanks to AA.com.

That's not the disgusting display.

The disgusting display is when Jonathan yells at Victoria all the way as they walk to the PIT STOP...and he actually SHOVES her for supposedly letting the win get away from them. She's crying as they get checked-in as Team #2. Then Jonathan CONTINUES to berate Victoria in front of Phil (who looks rather uncomfortable). Vic goes away crying...and Phil asks Jonathan to talk to her some more... but all he can say is, "Why did you pick up my pack?!" Vic has nothing to say to him.

<Soap box=on>(Folks, if this doesn't end in a lengthy and expensive divorce then Victoria had BETTER check herself into a mental hospital and Jonathan had BETTER take anger management courses or go to jail! Jonathan is a bully, Vic is a victim and BOTH should get away from each other or get help if they REFUSE to!!)<Soap box=off>

Meanwhile, Team Rasslers reach the ROAD BLOCK and elect Lori to race. She finishes the course in the slowest time yet: 35.15 seconds. They start their drive to the PIT STOP. Time passes...and Mary Jean finishes the ROAD BLOCK in an even slower 35.76 seconds...and then crashes into the barricade because she forgets her brakes.

Hayden & Aaron are Team #3; Gus & Hera, in gratitude for Kris & Jon letting them follow, let Team Restauranteurs check-in as #4 while Team Who's Da Boss comes in as #5; Team Shrek is #6 again.

Bolo, once again, stops for directions en route to the PIT STOP. WIll this give Don & Mary Jean a chance to pass them?

Uh,.....no. Team Rasslers are Team #7! And they can't believe it!

A.

For the second straight week, Phil says, "Don & Mary Jean...you're the last team to arrive." This time, however, the news is ALL bad: this IS an elimination leg...and Team Married Grands' 3000+ miles travelled is all they're doing. Still, they're greatful for each other. Don says, "If anyone man has a relationship like the one I have with Mary Jean, they are truly blessed."

YA HEAR THAT, JONATHAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?