"What if It Isn't Sanitary? - Leg 5 " - December 7

PIT STOP: AF CHAPMAN SHIP, STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN

They went from the Norse capital to the Swedish capital and the Racers got a taste of working at the largest IKEA(TM) store in the world and Swedish country living. In the end, a YIELD was not used and Hayden & Aaron (Team 'Dating' Actors) finished INCHES ahead of Kris & Jon (Team Restauranteurs) for first place. Don & Mary Jean (Team Married Grands) are in last... and despite a valiant effort by Lena & Kris (Team Mormon Models) at a tough ROAD BLOCK, they were given the boot.

12 hours after arriving at the "floating barracks" in Stolkholm, the fourth leg of the Race commences when, at 2:04am local time, the actors from LA and the student and partner rip open their first clues:

As such, the two teams decide TOGETHER to find out when the Tower Hall is open and where it is. A stranger on the street tells them it's not open until 10am, so the four find a hotel in Stockholm and sleep out the remainder of the time between now and the opening at 10am.

Obviously, they didn't bother to go TO the Hall and confirm this time... and it's gonna cost them the lead... and THEN some.

They're not the ONLY ones. When Gus & Hera (Team Who's Da Boss) and the much maligned Jonathan & Victoria (Team Dom-Sub) likewise depart the PIT STOP, they are ALSO misunderstand about the time the Tower Hall Center opens for them and, as such, THEY decide to find a hotel and crash as well.

Now, Adam & Rebecca (Team Shrek)... THEY actually go TO the tower after leaving the PIT STOP 3 1/2 hours later than the leaders (and after we find out Adam still lives with his parents... not that there's anything wrong with that, IMAO) and find that, the Tower opens at 7am! A half-hour later, Freddy & Kendra (Team Engaged Models) follow suit... and both teams are SHOCKED that they beat the top four teams here.

At 7am, as eight people sleep and four await to leave the PIT STOP, four others climb the Tower and take the clue from the Route Marker Box:

There are two ways to the airport: the trains they took when they first arrived and taxis. Taxis take longer and are WAY more expensive... so, naturally, Engaged Models take a cab while Team Shrek look for a train.

It's about 8am when the hotel squads start to awaken. Team Dom-Sub and Team Who's Da Boss head out to the tower... and are surprised to see people in the Tower. That's when they find out their blunder... and, of course, Jonathan blames Victoria. The teams climnb the tower, get the clue and BOOK for the airport.

Oh, yeah, the OTHER two teams...almost forgot about them. Almost five hours after the first teams left the PIT STOP, Lori & Bolo (Team Rasslers) and Team Married Grands leave the stop, head for the tower, yadda yadda yadda. They are immediately vaulted into 5th and 6th respectively... though way behind Adam & Rebecca and Freddy & Kendra, who are booking flights out to Africa for 11:20am.

"Rise and shine, Mr. Anderson..." Team 'Dating' Models and Team Restauranteurs have found out that they've gone from first to worst as they slept (insert obligatory "Tortoise and Hare" moral here). Needless to say, they make a bee-line for the airport via the train.

But the "Great Equalizer" (aka "the airport") strikes the Racers again! Each and every one of them happen to book the SAME FLIGHT that arrives late at night in...

DAKAR, SENEGAL

In the easternmost capital in Africa, the eight teams arrive and find the clue box. But what they find in the clue...well...read for yourselves:

(Wait...the Racers have to THINK?! Hoooooooooo-boy, THIS should be fun!)

Well, obviously, the Racers have to first find out who wrote the poem... EXCEPT Kris & Jon, who jump into a cab and tell the driver to take them to the nearest cemetery. Everyone else, however, get into dank, smelly cabs and drive to where the locals are. A number of the contestants are sickened by the cabs, but Don & Mary Jean appreciate the culture of the African countryside more.

It turns out that the poem was written by Leopold Senghor, who was once President of Senegal, and that the Bel Air cemetery where he's buried is 10 miles from the airport. At this, Jonathan scrambles to find an English-speaking guide for the day... and, fortunately, he finds one. Team Rasslers luck out and find a cabbie that knows where Bel Air is. Team Engaged Models... not so much luck. THEIR driver says the cemetery is downtown and, what's more, their driver stops to put air in the tires. For that, when they arrive (at the wrong place), it costs the driver half his fare (no matter HOW pathetic he looks)

One team that NEEDED air is Team Married Grands. THEIR cab blows a tire... and, what's more, the jack breaks. So Don and the cabiie have to LIFT the back-end while Mary Jean changes tires. Lori & Bolo drive right past them and Don was hoping the big strong duo would stop to help. Don then utters the quote of the Race so far: "The fickle finger of fate has diddled on us again!" (SPEWWWWWWWWWWW!)

The RIGHT teams arrive at the cemetery... but, of course, it doesn't open until 7:30am (are the writers for this Race THAT masochistic that they want EVERYBODY at the same place everywhere?!). Kris & Jon, who have been to almost every cemetery in town, finally arrives... as do Freddy & Kendra.

At 7:30, the sun rises and the gates open. 16 graverobbers rush through the headstones for the grave of Leopold Senghor. Eventually they find it and receive:

The teams rush out of the cemetery (not even giving respect to the graves they trample upon) and hail more cabs. Team Dom-Sub has it rough because Victoria has to sit on Jonathan's lap so their guide can sit down.

KAYAR, SENEGAL

Arriving at the village (and stiffing the drivers), the teams run to find the carpentry shop. Jonathan & Victoria are the first to find it and, thus, the first to choose in the:

Team Dom-Sub decide (OK, it's actually Jonathan who decides) to STACK 'EM UP and head down the path. Everyone else trickles into the store and decide:

STACK 'EM UP: Team Rasslers, Team 'Dating' Actors, Team Engaged Models, Team Shrek and Team Restauranteurs.
PULL 'EM UP: Team Married Grands and Team Who's Da Boss.

But, wait... there IS a softer side to Jonathan (hard to believe, I know). He actually takes the time to give some candy to a boatload of local kids. Victoria says Jonathan wants kids badly and already has names out. (If he's as rough with her in bed as he is with her standing up, I'm shocked she can even HAVE kids!)

And wait again... we have a situation happening here. Freddy & Kendra's FIRST cabbie must have informed everyone else about them because, after stiffing their cabbie a SECOND time, THIS cabbie follows them to the beach and argues about wanting $10 more. It becomes a shouting match between Freddy and the cabbie... until another cabbie pulls his fellow driver away.

While this happens, the two teams who chose to PULL 'EM UP get into their boats and head out into the choppy waters. For a time, they don't get any bites. That's when Don decides the throw up over the side, with Hera following suit. This seems to have unintentionally worked as the fish are biting now. Mary Jean even suggests Don up-chuck again to attract more fish. (SPEWWWWWWWWWWW-AND-A-HALF!)

Meanwhile, Jonathan and Victoria haul the smelly, stinking fish (begrudgingly) down the path to the drying table. It's not particularly pretty, but they get the job done and achieve their next clue:

As they leave, other team start working on finishing THEIR fish part piles. Team 'Dating' Actors are next out of the chutes, followed by Team Engaged Models and Team Restauranteurs. Soon, ALL the teams are headed for the satl dunes, leaving the fishers floundering for last.

LOC ROSE, SENEGAL

Team Dom-Sub arrive first and run right into a:

Jonathan, of course, decides to do it (remember, Jonathan, that you can't do more than six ROAD BLOCKs yourself during the Race). As he starts wading in, in come the next two teams, Kendra going for Team Engaged Models and Hayden for Team 'Dating' Actors. Jonathan is strong and is working like he's been rubbing salt in people's wounds for years (and I suspect he HAS)... but Kendra and Hayden... well, the funny thing is that salt and eye lenses don't really mix too well. And Kendra and Hayden have enough salt water in their eyes to cause them to look like anime characters crying.

Then the other teams file in and choose ROAD BLOCK victims based on what they see the previous teams are doing: Adam for Team Shrek, Lori for Team Rasslers and Kris for Team Restauranteurs. Most have problems with all the salt in the water and the air, but they muddle through... well, except Adam, who's acting more like Donkey than Shrek (meaning he's becoming a moaning jackass).

Meanwhile, back at the fishing boats, Hera pukes again...and Gus catches Team Who's Da Boss' last fish. They row their boat ashore and Hera is thinking, "Hallelujah!" as they hit the shore and get their next clue. Don follows suit, hurling and allowing Mary Jean to get Team Married Grands' last fish, putting them squarely in last place.

Having led from the start, Jonathan finally tops the barrel with natural sodium chrolide and gets the next clue from the supervisor: 

As they split, Rebecca screams at Adam that a bunch of girls are kicking his sizable ass and need to start HAULING it more. But it's Kris that finishes her 25 pounds of salt and she and Jon who head out. Lori, Hayden and Kendra all gather THEIR salt together, leaving Adam to struggle and cry. After one more basket, he THINKS he's done... but the supervisor tells him he needs one more. After griping and moaning through it, he does it... and Rebecca berates him for his wussiness in the cab to the ferry. (Is it any WONDER they're not dating anymore?)

Traffic at this time of day in Senegal - like everywhere else - sucks eggs (and I don't mean the salted kind). But there's an old Senegal proverb that goes, "If you don't like the way I'm driving, get the @#$% off the sidewalk!" And Kris & Jon's cabbie follows this proverb to the letter, passing everybody else... including the typically irate Jonathan & Victoria (well, Jonathan is irate; Vic is stoic in his presence).

Gus and Mary Jean are chosen to do the ROAD BLOCK which will decide seventh and last places. Gus obviously doesn't read the clue through and through and starts to scrape sand from one of the dunes. Hera screams at him that he can't do it... but it takes him a long time to actually HEAR her (or is it LISTEN to her? Dunno).

Team Restauranteurs and Team Dom-Sub arrive at the ferry docks at the same time but Team Dom-Sub have a little car trouble...namely that the trunk won't open so that they can get their bags! By the time they pry the thing open, the first ferry is off to...

PIT STOP: GORÉE ISLAND, SENEGAL

As Gus struggles with his final hunk of salt and Mary Jean is still working on licking this salt challenge, Phil meets the first team on the docks of the former slave island and says, "Kris & Jon, you're Team #1!" And, for that, they've won a seven-night cruise of the Western Caribbean courtesy of Royal Caribbean. (Is it just me or are the winners of EVERY leg getting a trip somewhere?).

Five teams board the second ferry, with Team Dom-Sub toward the exit gate. Rebecca is STILL berating Adam and Adam considers jumping over the side of the boat to please Rebecca... and Rebecca says she'd gladly help him with that endeavor.

Some minutes later, the second ferry arrives... and ten people scramble off it in search of the PIT STOP. With the help of their guide (yes, they're STILL dragging him along), Jonathan & Victoria arrive there as Team #2... much to Jonathan's anger. The other four teams trickle in: Team Rasslers as #3, Team 'Dating' Actors as #4, Team Engaged Models as #5 and Team Shrek as #6. They are ALL relieved not to be #8.

As stated above, Gus finishes the ROAD BLOCK and he and Hera get into a cab to fight traffic to the ferry. Mary Jean takes a completely full basket (huge mutha it is, too) and dumps its contents into the barrel to finish. But can they get to the ferry and be on it before Team Who's Da Boss leaves them behind?

Uh...no. They arrive at the dock JUST as the ferry carrying the mother and daughter departs. It appears to be all over for Team Married Grands as Gus & Hera hit the mat as Team #7.

Phil greets Team Married Grands and tells them, "Don & Mary Jean...you're the last team to arrive." As the two active seniors start to look down, Phil then says that magic word: "However..." This is the first of three non-elimination legs so, the GOOD news is that they're still in the Race! Of course, the BAD news is the new twist that was implemented in the last Race; the last team at a non-elimination leg must fork over every cent they have accumulated during the Race... and will get $0 for the next leg. But, hey, they're still in the Race... so the "finger of fate" must be a "thumbs-up" for them this leg. Let's just hope it's not ANOTHER finger sticking straight up in the NEXT one.