October 23, 2006

Gordon: lol
Chico: Okay, we're back... and court is in session.
Jason: Oyez! Oyez! We The Jury is now in Session. The honorable judge Pepper and Chairman Chico presiding.
Chico: You know how this works. We have cases. You have judgment.
Gordon: Order in my court!
Jason: Eggs on Toast, OJ and a side order of hash browns
Chico: and I brought my sentencing hat *puts on dark fedora*
Jason: Stylin
Gordon: What about ordering another 10 episodes of 1 Vs. 100?
Jason: YES!
Chico: I'll watch. First case?

Accused: Jeffrey Sibelia Charge: Taking Anything to Win a little too seriously. (AKA Cheating)

Gordon: Ok. Let's get this out of the way now. Did he or didn't he?
Chico: I'm saying that if there is even a hint of foul smell in the air, then there's a foul smell in the air. GUILTY.
Jason: I think he is, but he got a way with it. GUILTY
Gordon: I think he did - and I'd like to throw an aiding and abetting a felony to the judges of the series.
Jason: Wow.
Chico: Essentially saying "you win" before the actual competition?
Gordon: Pretty much. The credibility is going to take a HUGE hit here, especially if the 'Winner' got as trashed as he did by the NY Fashion critics. We've seen it in America's Next Top Model, but at least Tyra says that they thought the girl had it all wrapped up beforehand. Here, it just...well...reeks.
Jason: But AI does it, but performances have to happen
Gordon: AI's winner is determined by the public, who has to hear the performance first. But when you judge on AI, you know that the people vote on the body of work, not just the last performance. On Project Runway, the judging was supposedly based SOLELY on that fashion show.
Chico: That's not how you make a good show. It almost says the rest of the series is redundant.
Gordon: That's what the judges say, so for them to not base it on that criteria or to now come out and say that it's a body of work when they haven't been doing it for the entire course of the show makes it reek.
Chico: Judgment: Guilty as charged. Sentence?
Jason: Working a sweatshop for Kathie Lee Gifford.
Chico: While wearing his "creations".
Gordon: Done. Justice!
Chico: Next case?
Gordon: Next Case...

Accused: This Week's Price is Right Contestants Charge: Inciting a Riot by having millions of people throw things at their television set.

Chico: Evidence?
Gordon: In addition to once again leading Hans the mountain climber to a nervous breakdown by throwing him over the cliff, we see a contestant make out a check in the Check Game for $5,000.
Jason: GUILTY!
Gordon: In addition, we have someone make TPIR History for getting NOTHING right in The Bonus Game, and someone using the wrong strategy and losing on Stack The Deck.
Jason: Ugh,
Chico: Actually, someone on Thursday's show really knew how to drop a Plinko chip. He can go free with $20,500.
Jason: He can go, no?
Gordon: I'll grant clemency on the one player. What about the rest of the lot?
Chico: As for the others... we went over this last week. There is no excuse for getting it wrong if you talk to the people at the line who have been there more than once (ahem, JD). Guilty.
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Remember when Ken Hidaka wrote us in, asking what the worst week in TPIR history was? I'd have to say this one. GUILTY!
Chico: Hear that, Ken?
Jason: GUILTY.  Sentence?
Chico: Send them to reeducation class with Professor Travis.
Gordon: Sentence: After 200 hours worth of reeducation classes with Professor Travis, ALL of the players will have to be ushers for the whole week, spending their nights online while explaining the rules of every single game as community service.
Chico: Remember... Hans is your friend.
Gordon: We have to show that we are a benevolent society that believes in rehabilitation. Next one... and it's a pair of charges. Ooooh...

Accused: Dancing With the Stars Judges Charge #1: Sexism

Gordon: According to Monique Coleman, she feels like she is not getting equal treatment from the judges, adding that she is getting lower scores. Is this warranted?
Chico: Against Jerry, Emmitt, Joey, and Mario. I say... Sour grapes much? Not guilty.
Gordon: I happen to agree. The reason why Monique is not getting as high scores as Mario and Joey is because...she isn't dancing as well as Mario or Joey. I do think she is going to be around for awhile, but this is definitely not warranted. Not guilty here.
Chico: As I said... Sour grapes much? She's young and naive.

Accused: Dancing With the Stars Judges Charge #2: False Advertising.

Gordon: We all knew in game show land that no one was going to be eliminated this week due to Sarah's departure, so why set us up for it with a results show?
Chico: One word...  Wait for it... Wait for it... .... PROFIT.
Jason: Thats a guilty charge, and I don't have to see it.
Chico: ABC has an hour to fill, and they have a monster hit show it fill it. And they have to get their Slim-Fast money in there as well. Guilty.
Gordon: Ya think? Quite honestly, there were so many better ways to have handled it. You could have set it up so that the winner gets to be immune next week, or gets an extra dance. ABC could have made it worth so much more...and didn't. GUILTY! The Sentence: Next week, the judges all have to wear clothing from Jefferey Sibelia's Punk Fashion line.
Jason: Nice.
Chico: AH! My eyes! It burns!
Gordon: Too sexy?
Jason: No way!
Gordon: Next up...

Accused: Elesha Coffman from Jeopardy Charge: Impersonation of a Game Show Contestant.

Chico: I got this one.
Jason: Go for it.
Gordon: Explain, Bailiff Chico.
Chico: Elesha Coffman, a grad student from Duke... Grrr... She stumbled onto an early Daily Double, and with $400,... Bet only the $400. In an ideal situation, you bet the max of $1000. And then in Final Jeopardy!, she goes REALLY big on a category that she admittedly didn't know much about, hoping to secure a championship. Didn't happen. I say guilty of impersonation... Guilty of gross incompetence... and Guilty of being a (^_^)damn Dookie. I've said my piece.
Jason: I say guilty of incompetence.
Chico: Hang her, Gordon! I got the rope right here!
Jason: Easy, there bailiff
Gordon: There will not be a public lynching
Chico: There won't? *sniff*
Gordon: No.
Chico: But... she's a Duke student.
Gordon: No hanging a Duke student.
Chico: Aww.
Jason: Bad Chairman
Chico: Okay, no hanging. 
Gordon: But....GUILTY!
Chico:  Yay!
Jason: LOL
Gordon: The Sentence: A semester in North Carolina!
Chico: Then maybe she'll come to grips with proper Jeopardy! etiquette. JUSTICE!
Gordon: Next Up... Accused: Carmen Rasmussen, Constantine Maroulis, Toccara Jones, Tyce D'Orio, Kimberly Locke and John Heffron
Chico: Not more media-hoing without a license...
Gordon: Even worse.
Chico: WORSE?!

Accused: Carmen Rasmussen, Constantine Maroulis, Toccara Jones, Tyce D'Orio, Kimberly Locke and John Heffron Charge: Being a Talent Judge without a proper license.

Chico: I'm afraid I may be out of the loop. Tell me what happened?
Gordon: In addition to Locke and Maroulis being part of MTV's Talent show,
Jones, D'Orio, Heffron and Rasmussen were all guest judges on Tyra's Talent
show. Is this where they should be or is this going too far?
Chico: Going too far. I say, wait five years until you're all washed up, and
THEN you can judge. I did say GUILTY, right?
Jason: Guilty.... Hasselhoff waited till the right time.
Chico: And now he has work. So did Noel Edmonds.
Jason: Bingo.
Chico: So if you fire up, flame out, and then wait a while to reignite,
you'll have the comeback of your career.  And maybe an award to show for it.
Gordon: But for right now...The Sentence: They have to judge their own
peers....wait a sec, they are already doing it. Maybe it's their own punishment.
Chico: It's their crime. It's also their punishment.
Jason: Yup. Sentence and crime.
Chico: Next case?
Gordon: Last one...

Accused: Deal or No Deal's Marketing Department Charge: Attempted Forced vacation for Gordon and Jason to go to Florida

Jason: (ears perks up) Hello?
Chico: Guilty. I have my suitcase. Let's go. Seriously, though. I hear there are Deal or No Deal.. scratchies. That wouldn't happen to ahve anything to do with this, would it?
Jason: Or maybe a game at Universal Studios,.FLA?
Gordon: Scratchies
Chico: So I was right. Woo-hoo!
Jason: No that was a guess.
Chico: You know, you don't have to go all the way down to Florida. They have it as close as Tennessee.
Jason: And lotteries use game shows all the time. NJ has TPIR Scratchies, NY had WOF scratchies.
Chico: But I would understand if you went to Florida, because they have all the theme parks.
Jason: And AC has DonD slots right now.
Chico: Remember, kids, play responsibly. (877) 718-5543 <--- Problem gambling helpline. As for the crime, again... Guilty, I have my suitcase. Let's go.
Jason: Guilty. I am packed.
Chico: And the sentence, the DoND producers get to pay our way. And they can do it, because that show... makes PROFIT.
Jason: Major Profit.
Chico: Home games rake in a lot.
Gordon: GUILTY: Sentence: I sentence Jason and Myself to a week in Florida!
Jason: Whoopie!
Gordon: We're going to go to Florida, but first, we're going to take a break.
Chico: Then we're going Full Circle. This is the show and we're the guys.

(Brought to you by The Deal or No Deal Menagerie. When ponies just aren't enough.)

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