September 27, 2004
If you just joined us, you missed the Magic 8 Ball,
human Jenga and
Ralph Fiennes playing Ken Jennings.
Chico: And Screech playing Trebek.
Gordon: But you are here just in time for me, Chico,
Jason, Joe and Aldo
discussing the FINAL Big 5. Before we do that, Chico,
what was last week's results?
Chico: Okay, if you remember, last time, we had biggest
Gordon: Not counting Gigli
Joe: Tell me Card Sharks 2001 was Number One. PLEASE.
Chico: I have results in my hand... Serious lights...
Serious music... And
here we go. You know... I'm going to do this differently.
Chico: All-American Girl... You switched networks and
had a British judge.
America voted... ... you are NOT in the Big Five.
Jason: (note to viewers: the American Idol theme is not
Gordon: In homage to the real Ryan, who isn't with us
Chico: All New 3's a Crowd. Aside from the fact that it
was "Three's a
Crowd", it wasn't THAT bad. America voted... you are NOT
in the Big Five...
Gordon: So it's now in the crowd of 5. The 5 that didn't
Chico: The Player... Everyone thought it was stupid.
America voted... Also
NOT in the big five. Cupid... Everyone thought the girl
was stupid... America
voted.... NOT in the Big Five. Finally, Forever Eden...
liquored up happy fun...
Stupid people. America voted... NOT in the Big Five. The
Big Five are... a
tie at 4th... ARE YOU HOT and BURT LUDDIN'S LOVE BUFFET.
Chico: In at 3rd... THE CHAMBER. Number two... MARRIED
Joe: YES! Card Sharks 2001 is the dog!
Chico: You said it! 50% of the vote.
Gordon: I would just like to point out that even though
the chart was filled
with reality shows a STUDIO SHOW was voted the worst.
Chico: So there are worst things than stupid reality
show... An even stupider
Jason: And Pat Bullard.
Chico: True that.
Gordon: Pat Dullard?
Chico: Hi. I'm Pat Bullard and I have a plastic smile.
Joe: Wouldn't that be Pat Finn?
Jason: Hey don't knock plastic smiles...
Gordon: The smile matches the plastic on the 8 ball.
Maybe Pat was playing
Chico: Okay, lowball, it's time for a reversal. Today,
it's the BEST of the
best. Biggest Show in the Past Five Years. Each of us
gets four. I get four.
Jason gets four. Joe gets four. Gordon gets four. The
departed Ryan left us four.
Aldo, you want four, too?
Aldo: That's cool
Chico: So that's 24 there... And we're going to whittle
it down to 10. But
first, Ryan's picks, Gordon?
Gordon: Ryan sent the picks to me via Canadian Mountie.
Jason: I figured that you just made them up with the
Chico: It's how he makes all his decisions. That and
Jason: That explains so much.
Gordon: That's not true - I use a bowling ball to make my
Jason: That explains even more.
Chico: Okay, Gordon, Ryan's choices?
Gordon: The pins that I leave on the lane determines my
Chico: Hate to see what happens with a 7-10 split.
Gordon: That would mean not a chance in Todd Santos's
TV's acting career.
Ryan's picks - 1. Millionaire, 2. The Weakest Link, 3.
Amazing Race, 4. Joe
Millionaire. His rationale for Joe Millionaire - How
much can one person lie?
Chico: A lot. Politicians have made careers of it.
Chico: Jason, I think it's on you....
Jason: Well, anybody who knows the first thing about the
history of GSNN
knows what my first pick is... everyone all together
Group in Unison: Greed.
Joe: Big Chuck Dogg rules.
Jason: Of course, everything else I put in the pot will
be lesser :) But...
My other three would have to be: 2. Twenty One (gotta
get back on Ben Tritle's
Chico: I think all is forgiven. Free tickets to Street
Smarts and all.
Jason: 3. The Mole (a thinking man's game)
Gordon: Ben's the man
Jason: And I'm torn for my fourth pick...
Chico: 7-10 split time.
Jason: But I'm going to throw in one of the 'losers'
just because I want to
see it get cut.
Aldo: Don't gutter
Gordon: well, since you're the guru, we'll give you a
5th selection, but just
Jason: 4. The Chamber.
Gordon: AH HA! It's a Gordon strategy!
Chico: Although I don't approve of it.
Gordon: I'm glad SOMEONE around here respects my
strategic mind! =) =) =)
Chico: I'm trying to keep this as real possible.
Jason: Only because it pushed the limits (of taste).
That's why it gets a nod
Chico: Ah. Right.
Gordon: We giving Jay a 5th selection?
Jason: If we are, throw in Beg, Borrow, Deal. If not,
Chico: I want to see what he'll do with it. Besides,
it'll even the field to
Gordon: Lets throw it in ok - that's 5 - Aldo?
Aldo: EWWWW. Have there been any good shows? Millionaire
Chico: There've been a couple... That's one.
Aldo: Fear Factor, the only one I actually watch.
Chico: There's another one.
Aldo: I'm gonna go a different route.
Aldo: World Poker Tour. And the best show of the past 5
Gordon: Decoys, Decoys everywhere....
Chico: So let's all get drunk.
Aldo: Too late.
Gordon: OK - Joe - it's up to you - you're next
Chico: Belly up to the bar, Mr. van Ginkel.
Joe: Hoo boy, this is gonna be a toughie. Let's go
with... 1) Russian
Roulette 2) Lingo 3) Whammy: The All New Press Your Luck
4) Celebrity Poker Showdown.
Wow. That's WASN'T so hard after all.
Gordon: Once you get down to it - Chico?
Chico: Well, I'm flying under the radar with two. First
two are... American
Idol... and 2-Minute Drill.
Joe: One is. One isn't.
Chico: Yeah... I'll leave it to you to decide which. The
other two .. Weakest
Link and To Tell the Truth. Again, one is, one isn't.
Gordon: Cool. I guess its up to me?
Chico: Sure as hell is.
Jason: Use the 8-ball...
Gordon: Well, I'm shocked that NO ONE Mentioned Survivor,
so That goes in. The
Apprentice goes in. Let's toss in a studio
show....hmmm...Street Smarts. Now
THAT'S how you get on Ben's good side (being that he
works there and all).
Chico: Okay, one more.
Gordon: Finally..... I'll be a bit goofy. Most Extreme
Jason: Shoot. I lost my bet.
Chico: Is that even legal? I'll have to go to the
Gordon: It's a game.
Chico: Okay, we'll take it.
Gordon: What bet, Jason?
Jason: I bet Chico you'd pick The Littlest Groom :)
Chico: You owe me a buck, Jason. :-)
Jason: Yep. Worth it though.
Gordon: You guys had enough decoys that I figured you
didn't need any of
mine. I would have made my decoy Man Vs, Beast, BTW
Chico: Okay, 23 of 25... We can add two more
Jason: Throw in Dream Job for me.
Chico: Okay, one more from open call.
Joe: How about Family Feud?
Chico: That works. We have 25.
Chico: You want to hear 'em?
Gordon: Recap, please
Joe: Do it.
Amazing Race, American Idol, The Apprentice, Beg, Borrow
& Deal, The Chamber,
Celebrity Poker Showdown, Dream Job, Extreme Dodgeball,
Family Feud, Fear
Factor, Greed, Joe Millionaire, Lingo, The Mole, MXC:
Most Extreme Elimination
Challenge, Outback Jack, Russian Roulette, Street
Smarts, Survivor, To Tell the
Truth, Twenty One, 2-Minute Drill, Weakest Link,
Whammy!, Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire?, World Poker Tour
Chico: Now the fun begins. It's time to play the Spoiler
Gordon: I feel spoiled.
Jason: That's what the 8-ball will do to ya.
Joe: Let's get ready to SUCK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Chico: Go spoiler, it's your birthday, we're gon' spoil
like it's your
Joe: Actually... tomorrow IS my birthday.
Chico: Happy happy, Joe :-)
Gordon: Happy birthday to you.
Jason: I think that means Joe goes first :)
Chico: I guess so...
Joe: TY. How many picks do we get to toss?
Chico: We cut until we can't cut no more.
Joe: Be more specific.
Chico: Going from 25 to ten. There are five of us, so
that's 15 cuts... each
one of us gets three.
Joe: Three cuts... Number one: Survivor, of course.
Gordon: Just remember that I pick last =)
Jason: The Joe has spoken.
Chico: Time for you to go...
Joe: Number two: Outback Jack (I've never heard of it!)
Jason: Hit the road, Jack.
Joe: Number three: The Chamber (probably the only show
on this list actually
worse than Survivor).
Chico: Alright. The Joe has spoken. Next to the Jason.
Jason: okay... I've got to cut MXC.
Chico: Awwww.. Why?
Jason: If we had to have the judges determine its
validity, it doesn't need
to be in our BIG five.
Joe: Okay. That makes sense.
Jason: Then I've got to cut Joe Millionaire... not
because of Joe Millionaire
1, but because of Joe Millionaire 2.
Chico: Excuse me while I scream..
Joe: Get the earplugs, Jack.
Chico: *supersonic dog scream*
Jason: Whew... glad that's over.
Chico: Yeah... That was liberating...
Jason: And staying on the lying theme, let's dump TTTT.
Chico: Any reason why?
Jason: other than the theme music I will never get out
of my head, it wasn't
too memorable. Plus it had Ant.
Chico: And Paula Poundstone. But hey, it wasn't as bad
as what Card Sharks
got. So I'm not complaining.
Joe: Good point. I kinda liked TTTT.
Chico: That kinda restored my faith in the FremantleMedia bracket...
kinda... One more, please.
Jason: I thought I only got three...
Chico: Oh.. that WAS three. Sorry. Aldo, then?
Jason: :: suspends Chico's GSNN card ::
Gordon: I'm glad we have Equal Card Suspension
Aldo: I'm still crying over Outback Jack getting
Chico: Lucky for us... I have a spare...
Joe: Sorry, Aldo.
Aldo: Family Feud.
Chico: I blame Louie.
Aldo: Eliminate The Mole and ... Lingo.
Chico: Ah. So it's The Mole and Lingo...
Joe: YOU'RE GONNA TOSS LINGO?!?!?!?! You bunt.
Chico: Forgive him. He's new.
Aldo: Hey you took survivor I would have dumped that,
but in your haste...
Joe: Well, at least we agree on that.
Jason: Okay C-man... take control of the chopping block.
Joe: Chico the Man!
Chico: Alright, being brief... Apprentice. Season 1 took
off. Season 2 took a
dive. That, and it's basically a chip off Survivor
equals... bye bye. From
there... it gets harder... Twenty One was poorly
executed.... So that's gone.
Sorry, Ben. And the hardest cut of all... It comes down
to one word... Celebrity
Poker Showdown. Sorry, Joe.
Joe: I didn't expect that to stay on there.
Jason: So much for 'the first cut is the deepest'
Chico: It's good, you know... but I have a principle
when it comes to these
Joe: BTW, that's THREE words. ;P
Chico: Yeah, but guess which one's the word of concern.
Joe: Lemme guess...does it start with C?
Joe: So I suspected.
Jason: Gordon's 8-ball said Showdown though
Chico: Okay, Gordon, 13 games, 10 spots
Joe: This one's gonna hurt...
Gordon: So Joe cut Survivor and left Fear Factor?
Gordon: Joe, what were you thinking?
Joe: Didn't take 21 off.
Jason: Besides that
Gordon: ok - this is tough
Joe: *Shrug* ;P
Gordon: ok - get rid of Beg Borrow and Deal - it doesn't
Aldo: FF MUST MOVE ON
Gordon: I recap Fear Factor - that one is staying.
Chico: No playing other's favorites.
Joe: It'll lose anyways.
Gordon: Get rid of Russian Roulette
Joe: I knew he'd do that. ;P
Gordon: You cut Survivor, I cut Russian Roulette. We
already determined that.
Chico: With the guy that was on it in front of you no
Gordon: And get rid of,... Weakest Link. Sorry Ryan
Chico: So it all comes down to these:
Amazing Race, American Idol, Dream Job, Fear Factor,
Greed, Street Smarts, 2-Minute Drill, Whammy!, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?,
World Poker Tour
Chico: Who gets the jack and who gives it back? It's on
you guys now. You can
vote all week on the front page.
Gordon: Good mix of shows
Jason: 2 ESPN shows on the list... interesting...
Chico: Premium Blend... Obviously they have a way with
Jason: Of course, if you'd told me five years ago that
we'd have a show from
the Travel Channel on here...What a trip.
Chico: What a long and strange trip this has been.
Jason: ...and continues to be (Gordon!).
Chico: Okay, when we return, who gets kicked out of what
in the Big Finish...
(Brought to you by the Apprentice 3
- GSNN. 18 People vie to be Gordon and Chico's
Apprentice. Can you handle it?)
Jason: :: shudders at the
thought of being Gordon's apprentice ::
Chico: I have actual tasks, while Gordon makes everyone
wash his car.
Gordon: I have actual tasks. Playing Password and all
night Halo tourneys are
Chico: Wash, wax, AND rain-X
Jason: and don't forget Human Jenga.
Chico: Back to WLTI...I Just want to thank Aldo and
Jason for sticking with
Jason: Well, the Superglue left me no choice.
Chico: Also, big thanks to Ryan Vickers, Joe Van Ginkel,
Big Aldo Villalona
and all GSNNers past and present. Yay. In alphabetical
order: Jason Block,
Jennifer Campbell, Chris Cheatwood, Alex Davis, Travis
Eberle, Rebecca Golden,
Jason Hernandez, Brian Moore, Anthony Rojas and Josh
Gordon: Also a thank you to special interviewees Steve Altes and Andy Aaron.
Steve - can you get Curves of Steel to play some Human
Jenga with us? =)
Chico: Speaking of Human Jenga... It's Big Finish time!
Benefactor is going
to two a week, accuracy or idiocy?
Gordon: Accuracy - if you're looking to burn off the
remaining 4 episodes
Jason: Ah. I'm with Gordon. Or maybe ABC has no balls,
Aldo: Some people wanna watch it, not a good idea
putting it on Monday,
Chico: Accuracy, indeed. Gives more of a pad, really ABC
hasn't had a baby
since 8 Simple Rules. Okay, Lost, maybe, but one swallow
doesn't make a summer.
Gordon: They haven't had balls since Millionaire - which
brings me to this -
when do we see Super Millionaire next?
Chico: I vote for November.
Jason: November. And maybe more often, if ABC lays a
bunch of eggs with the
Aldo: Sooner the better
Chico: Okay, question for the group, what would you
rather see...: a) A
renovation competition hosted by Mark Walberg...
b) A stunt/game show hosted by George Gray... or c) a
drag beauty pageant
hosted by some no name guy...
Jason: can I pick d) Gordon Pepper's Love Buffet?
Chico: yes you can.
Gordon: D is good
Chico: But it'd totally ruin the bit =p
Aldo: I'll play it safe and say B
Jason: As a backup, I'd take A
Gordon: We'll go with B
Chico: A) is "The Mansion", starting October 2 on TBS.
B) is "I'd Do
Anything" starting THIS TUESDAY at 10pm on ESPN. And C)
is "He's a Lady" starting
October 12... also on TBS. So it's official... TBS is
the new Fox.
Jason: I think TBS is starting to stand for something
else. The viewer can
determine what for themselves. :)
Gordon: Don't forget Gilligan's Isle.
Chico: But is it a comp?
Aldo: Man, the commercials look so dull
Aldo: I'd Do Anything - a chick getting hit by dodgeballs. WOW
Chico: That'll make me watch.
Jason: if that's not excitement...
Aldo: Unless R Johnson or Pedro is pitching em, who
cares, but shes got full
gear on...helmet... chest protector .
Chico: One word... ICHIRO! Okay, big questions time.
Apprentice. The wacko's
gone. Who's next?
Gordon: The next wacko - Maria
Jason: I don't think Trump can stand having a contestant
named Ivana for too
Chico: Especially if she's doing a piss-poor job.
Gordon: They both are - if it's the men, I think Pamela
may be in deep doodoo.
Jason: Agreed, Gordon.
Aldo: You gotta keep some chicks, or guys ain't gonna
Gordon: Not if they keep acting incompetent and losing
Chico: And on the other Mark Burnett production? The
shepherd's gone. Which
sheep will follow suit?
Gordon: The black sheep, of course - bye bye Rory
Jason: Yep...Rory's baaaaaaaaad.
Chico: Three... two... one...
Gordon: On the women's side, its time to pick off the younguns - starting
Chico: Now last week you said the old women... What
Gordon: Well, the younguns had the numbers - now the
Chico: So why did Dolly get the heave? Was her strategy
everyone" a little TOO good?
Jason: her strategy of "I'm important; I'm the swing
vote" was a little TOO
good. I expected a 3-3-3 tie though.
Gordon: If you don't convince a side that you're voting
with them, then they
will all vote against you.
Chico: Makes sense.
Gordon: See Brandon, Survivor 3 and Christy, Survivor 6
Chico: Yep. And as for the J! Tourney... Any favorites?
Gordon: Ken Je...wait, wrong tourney
Chico: Next year, dude.
Jason: I'm liking Vinita's chances.
Chico: Me too...
Gordon: I'll agree
Chico: I wanted either her or Keith to get into the
Final... I think it's
going to be either Vinita or Tom Walsh.
Jason: Works for me.
Chico: Tom was Ken Jennings before Ken Jennings was Ken
Gordon: Carrot Top and Louie Anderson on LCS3 - Cool
guests or desperate ploy?
Chico: Ploy. LCS3's been another one of those downward
Jason: May have been a ploy... but I enjoyed it
nonetheless. I get tired of
seeing the same people over and over.
Chico: And next week... Triumph the Insult Comic Dog:
"Conan would be here,
but he has a shred of dignity."
Gordon: I enjoyed it too - and maybe the ratings show
that familiarity breeds
contempt. Any last words, Jason?
Jason: I guess all I need to say is a huge thank you: to
you guys for all
your hard work, and to everybody who's made the last
five years more than I ever
would've expected. I'll be throwing a bigger 'statement'
up on GSNN soon.
Gordon: sounds good - A hearty thanks for anyone and
everyone who has been on
this site for the past 5 years
Chico: That's right. We love game shows... We love to
interrupt.. But most
importantly, we love you. Thanks for a great five years.
Gordon: If it wasn't for you readers, we wouldn't be
Jason: And here's to another five... maybe more if we
can keep everyone in
Gordon: Yes sir.
Chico: I'll drink to that. For Jason, Aldo, Gordon, and
everyone here at
GSNN, I'm Chico Alexander, and until next time... All
Group in unison: Game over!