June 11, 2005

Travis: Russian Roulette may not have been classy, but it was good watchin'.
Eric: Now that isn't classy.
Gordon: What about Temptation Island and Shop Til you Drop?
Eric: Bad, bad promo!
Travis: Whew.
Gordon: That's Grade A class right there.
Travis: Grade A something. Class, no.
Chico: It's a Grade A Egg :-) Extra Large :-)
Eric: Oh yeah, Shop till you drop now with JD Roberto of are you hot fame.....uh, huh, class
Chico: I thought after-class.
Gordon: Anyways, it's time to get to our first game. Chico?
Chico: Yes, sir. Anyway, to our first game. Another round of We Love to Interrupt's Vs. I'm wearing the Greg Proops glasses (with no lenses). Today, in honor of our Summer Spectacular!!!!11, it's Summer Show vs. Non-Summer Show.
Jason: Got it.
Chico: We've got six shows for Summer 2005. We've got six other older shows. We're judging on three factors: the host, the premise, and the wild card, which can pretty much be anything. Best two out of three wins.
Jason: Alright.
Travis: Do we break it down, or just declare a winner?
Chico: We can break it down.
Eric: break it down baby!!
Travis: Awesome.
Chico: Okay, first lineup: WinTuition vs. The Scholar. Round 1: The host. WinTuition had the amicable Marc Summers. The Scholar had the deadly dull Rob Nelson.
Jason: Summers in a romp.
Travis: You are a sadist, Chico.
Chico: Thank you :-)
James: Marc Summers by a mile.
Eric: I have personal issues with Summers, since he didn't pick me and my best friend at a Double Dare road show, but Nelson isn't even close, Summers.
Johnny: Summers of course.
Gordon: Summers.
Travis: This is not even a CONTEST. My boy Marc.
Chico: Vendettas aside, Eric.
Eric: Fine be that way.
Travis: Rob Nelson should not ever be allowed in front of a TV camera again.
Chico: Okay :-)
Travis: A 6-0 rout. Ow.
Chico: So it's WinTuition up, 1-0. Next, premise.
Jason: WinTuition.
Johnny: I like both.
Travis: I split my vote. Both have smart people answering academic questions for a phat prize fund.
Chico: Wait! I haven't said anything yet! WinTuition: Go through first grade to high school in order to make it to the final exam.
James: WinTuition....classic quiz-style play with a few tweaks.
Eric: Scholar is better to me, scholarship money is long term.
Gordon: The Scholar - complicated, but better, overall.
Eric: Plays better in reality.
Travis: And Scholar, Chico?
Chico: Scholar: avoid elimination by knocking off people in a final exam by going through a solo exercise, a team exercise, and a firing squad of Ivy League recruiters.
Travis: Split for me.
Eric: Clarify, no one gets eliminated on the scholar until episode 6
Travis: I wonder if M. Davies had a hand in Scholar.
Chico: Knock off, not eliminated.
Travis: Because he mentions that the Oxford exam is similar to the play of Mastermind. Or 2MD, I mean.
James: Either or :-)
Travis: Long as the $5,000 clears your account, right James?
James: Absolutely. And it did.
Chico: Two for Wintuition and two for Scholar, with Travis split.
Gordon: There will be no splits (gets out Gatling gun).
James: Put it down, Gordon.
Travis: OK, I change my vote.
Chico: Wait! We have a change.
Travis: Wintuition may have a boring premise, but it's straight forward and you have a winner in a half hour. Wintuition gets my vote.
Chico: Okay. It's WinTuition, 2-0. Let's get some points for Scholar here with our third category. The Wild Card. Prize money. WinTuition: $50,000. The Scholar: $240,000.
Jason: The Scholar...full scholarship.
James: I'd go with Scholar.
Eric: And 50,000 to every kid in the top 5.
Travis: Wintuition, that bad ASS solo game.  Wait, the Wild Card isn't a real wild card, then?
Johnny: Scholar has better potential for the students.
Chico: Yes it is. In that it changes from battle to battle.
Travis: I stick with Wintuition, $240,000 is excessive.
Chico: Not for Yale it ain't.
Travis: I read you, decibel and crystal.
Eric: Have you seen college prices?
Chico: They want your cheddar.
Travis: I will not have spent $50,000 by the time I have my Masters.
Eric: Scholar all the way, don't skimp on prize money with education at stake.
Travis: And I've been at it for 7 years. (Not all of them in school, mind, but I graduated HS in '98.)
Chico: So you just went out.
Travis: Looks like I'm the only one.
Chico: Okay, Scholar wins this one, but Wintuition takes the first battle, 2-1.
Jason: Got it.
Eric: Up to that much based on tuition.
Chico: Next: Hell's Kitchen vs. Iron Chef. Round 1: The host. Hell's Kitchen has but one: Gordon Ramsay. Iron Chef has a host, a reporter and a commenter... And one of them is Alton Brown.
Jason: Iron Chef.
Travis: Alton Brown is win. Iron Chef!
James: Iron Chef.
Jason: Alton Brown in a runaway.
Johnny: Really doesn’t care for either.
Chico: Gordon, get your gun :-) Iron Chef America. For posterity purposes.
Travis: Oh no...
Gordon: (sticking Spamalot's killer bunny as the end of the gatling gun)
Eric: I guess still Iron Chef, Ramsay needs counseling.
Gordon: The (bleeping) Gordon (bleeping) Ramsay (bleeps) me off. Iron Chef (bleeping) America.
Travis: Haw.
Chico: Six. Okay round 2: premise: HK: Chef opens an eatery in LA, hires 12 to run it, splits in two teams, eliminates one player each week. ICA: Chairman's nephew opens new Kitchen Stadium, invites chefs to take on his army of house warriors.
James: ICA..
Johnny: ICA of course.
Travis: I've seen enough of IC to make my pick. Chef.
Jason: ICA again.
Eric: ICA it's about the cooking.
Chico: It's about the food.
Gordon: ICA - and maybe we can have the next ingredient be phony actors who shop up on Hell's Kitchen.
Eric: mmm.... food.
Chico: And order pizza.
Eric: mmmmm..... pizza....
Gordon: How fake was that?
Chico: I couldn't see it.
Eric: As fake as Stacey's stoppers.
Travis: It felt so contrived.
Chico: You know, if that was real, the cops would've been involved.
Travis: I would have no trouble calling out the chef if the food isn't there.
Chico: Okay, ICA in a romp. Now the wild card: Foreign Affairs for $400, Alex. HK: Based on a British series. ICA: Based on a Japanese series.
Jason: ICA
James: ICA
Travis: CHEF!
Jason: Sweep it up.
Chico: Yes, children?
Johnny: ICA
Eric: I want to give HK a vote out of pity but I can't. ICA
Travis: CHEF!
Gordon: ICA.
Chico: Not much of a contest here. It's Flay, Batali, Morimoto, and Cora in a sweep, 3-0.
Travis: Did Gordon Ramsay get ANY votes in that?
Chico: Nope. Not one.
Jason: Ouch.
Travis: 18-0. Yipe.
Eric: Maybe if he was nicer to Dewberry.
Jason: No soup for Ramsey.
Chico: DEWBERRY! I just like saying Dewberry.
Travis: Dewberry. It does have a nice ring.
James: Boo Berry!
Chico: What I said, Dewberry.
Jason: I saw that this week James.
Travis: I hope to have a billion dollars, so I can hire a wait-servant named that. I'll fly all y'all out to enjoy the grounds too.
Chico: Next up: Dancing with the Stars vs. Dance Fever. The original... good... version. Round 1: The host. Tom Bergeron vs. Deney Terrio.
Jason: Terrio!
James: What about Adrian Zmed?
Travis: Tom is the MAN.
Chico: ORIGINAL
Eric: Terrio, DT.
Chico: Adrian replaced Deney Terrio.
James: If that's the case, I'll go with Tom. Although Zmed trumps both :-)
Chico: Good point.
Eric: Deney Terrio.
Gordon: Bergeron
Travis: Tom B.
Gordon: He can take the comedy and play it off the stars.
Johnny: I like Bergeron.
Chico: So it's Tom squeaking out the victory, 4-2.
Eric: Bergeron annoys me.
Chico: Round 2: Premise: DwtS: Ballroom dancing to experienced judges and American votes. DF: disco dancing to celebrity judges. Round 2. Vote now!
Johnny: Stars.
Travis: Disco? Meh. Dancing/stars.
Gordon: How can you vote against Disco?
Travis: We just did.
Gordon: Fine - I vote for Ballroom.
Jason: Disco.
Eric: DwtS,
James: I gotta go with disco.
Jason: Disco Inferno baby.
Chico: Another 4-2 in favor of DwtS... Okay, Fitty.
Eric: there's more game in watching non-pros learn.
James: But there's more fun in watching Charles Nelson Reilly and Barbara Eden judging you on the hustle :-)
Chico: Round 3: Wild card. Judges!
Jason: Dance Fever.
James: Dance Fever.
Eric: Thus DANCE FEVER!
Gordon: Dance Fever.
Chico: DwtS: Carrie-Ann, Bruno, and... that other guy.
Johnny: Dance Fever.
Chico: Dance Fever: standard 70s game show ilk.
Travis: Three guest stars?
Chico: I believe so.
James: 3 -- yes
Chico: Like the Gong Show... only without the Gong.
Travis: ...
Chico: Say, that's something we haven't seen awhile... but I digress. It's Dance Fever in a sweep, but it's Dancing with the Stars, 2-1 :-)
Jason: Next.
Chico: Next: The Cut vs. Project Runway.
Travis: Abstain, I've seen neither.
Chico: Travis abstains. Okay. Round 1: host. Tommy Hilfiger vs. Heidi Klum.
Johnny: Me either.
Travis: Oh, I wish I hadn't abstained...mmm....
Chico: One more person abstains and we're going to have to throw this one out.
Gordon: HEIDI! H-E-I-D-I/ I have her right next to Stacy in my room.
Jason: Tommy. He makes this serious.
Travis: I'll toss a vote to my German frau Heidi. :-)
Chico: Gordon, that's so sad :-)
Eric: Hilfiger did a nice job and as pronunciation skills, Tommy's my vote.
Gordon: Heidi is a babe.
Eric: Sorry, no sweep. She is a babe though.
Gordon: Chico?
Chico: Okay, first round is a tie. BUT Travis abstained, so it's Tommy Hilfiger. Sorry, dude :-(
Travis: Nutz. :-)
Gordon: (Aims gun with Killer bunny at Travis)
Travis: Sorry, mate.
Chico: He abstained! Hasn't seen either. Premise next. Gordon, you want to help me out here? The Cut: Apprentice-type.
Gordon: Project Runway - 12 people create designs and fashions to get their own clothing line. The Cut - 16 people create fashions and designs to get Tommy Hilfiger's clothing line.
Chico: Thank you. Vote now!
Johnny: I like Runway.
Eric: Pwoject Wunway
Jason: I will give it Runway.
Chico: Pepper with the sweep?
Eric: I mean, Project Runway.
Gordon: Sweep it is - Runway
Chico: Runway wins it, 4-0. Now to the wild card. Side jobs: Tommy Hilfiger: designer. Heidi Klum: model. It's the student becomes the teacher. or something..
Jason: Tommy.
Gordon: Heidi.
Eric: Heidi ho! Neighbor!
Chico: Hey Wilson, how'd you get here? :-)
Eric: Why work when you can model? ANTM is falling apart, we need more models!
Gordon: Chico?
Chico: Yeah... You know none of the Top Models have a shelflife, right? This one goes to Heidi. So it's Project Runway, 2-1.
Gordon: Next!
Chico: Next battle: Next Food Network Star vs. Next Action Star. Round 1:
host. Marc Summers (again) vs. Tina Malave.
James: Summers
Travis: I saw NAS...Summers.
Gordon: 14:58...14:59....Ding! Summers.
Eric: Summers again, this time without vendetta.
Chico: Marc Summers is going for the high score.
Jason: Summers again.
Johnny: Summers could host ANY show.
Chico: He can, you know.
Gordon: Could he host Distraction?
Chico: No. :-) Only two people could host that. Jimmy Carr... and you :-)
James: LOL
Gordon: I could host that show =)
Jason: You could, Gordon.
Travis: I don't think I'd have the stomach for it.
Chico: Tina Malave proves once again that she is game show poison, as Summers wins it again. Next: premise. NFNS: eight people/teams compete in challenges based on Food Network shows in order to win a pilot. NAS: 10 people compete in challenges based on a movie's action script in order to win a role in said movie.
Travis: NFNS. The movie blew.
Jason: NFNS!
Gordon: Though the execution wasn't as good, the payoff was better - NAS.
James: NFNS -- I saw 3 minutes of that movie, and I want those 3 minutes back.
Johnny: NAS, even though the movie sucked.
Jason: Oh come on people...
Eric: the movie stunk, but premise wise I think it's good. NAS
Chico: Okay, we have a tie, 3-3... Meaning as chairman, I cast the deciding vote.
Gordon: Being a movie star > being a cable channel star
Travis: The move BIT. Cable is forever.
Jason: Cable IS forever.
Gordon: How good the movie was has nothing to do with the question.
Chico: Line of the week :-)
James: Have we even heard from those 2 NAS winners since that movie was released?
James: Answer: NO.
Gordon: What happened to the people has nothing to to with the question - it's about the premise.
Chico: I have decided... Next Action Star. Again, we're talking premise. Nothing more.
James: Oh well.
Travis: You could argue that they're the same premise.
Chico: Wrong.
James: Moving on...
Chico: Final round: The wild card: the company you keep.
Eric: big screen or small screen.
Chico: NAS: Billy Zane.
Johnny: NAS.
Chico: NFNS: Any of the many Food Network stars... including the nice-looking ones.
Jason: NFNS...
James: NFNS
Travis: FoodNet.
Eric: NFNS
Travis: Excellent.
Eric: Make friends, get fat, be happy.
Gordon: NFNS.
Chico: "Yeah, I just got my own cable show, and I'm parking next to Rachael Ray EVERY (^_^)ing DAY!”
Jason: Purrr....Rachael Ray.
Travis: There's your winner, right there. :-)
Gordon: Where can I get a centerfold of her?
Chico: So would you rather be a Food Network Star or an Action Star? It's Food Network, 2-1.
Jason: Smoking Hot and can cook.
Chico: Can't have one, Gordon. Too sacred. Finally: Kept. vs. The Benefactor.
Travis: Oh...my....word.
James: Abstain.
Eric: why god why!!!!
Travis: There should be a special circle of hell for this one.
Chico: I stand corrected. THAT was the line of the night. Round 1: host: Jerry Hall vs. Mark Cuban.
Jason: Cuban.
Travis: Cubes!
Johnny: Cuban
Eric: Hello CUBAN!
Chico: I want to see how Gordon's going to answer this.
Gordon: This is tough - but I draw the line of models right there.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: I DON'T want to see Jerry Hall naked. NO NO NO NO NO NO
Eric: Good boy.
Gordon: Now Jerri Manthey, on the other hand...yum.
Chico: Pass the Cubans, 5-0. Next: Premise: Kept: guys compete to be Jerry Hall's lapdog and have a living expense and access to all of "her stuff", whatever that means.
Jason: Ewww...
Travis: I think we ALL know what that means.
Eric: is that a prize?
Jason: It’s definitely a booby prize :P
Gordon: But what nice boobies the prize has.
Travis: <zing>
Chico: And Jason's on the line of the day board :-) Benefactor: 16 Americans compete in mental challenges that test whether they have what it takes to be "successful in life", most successful wins $1 million.
Gordon: And be Cuban's lap dog.
Chico: :-)
Eric: Can I vote Branson?
Travis: Benefactor.
Johnny: Benefactor all the way.
Chico: And we have an off-the-board :-)
Travis: Off the board? Wha?
Jason: Cuban.
Chico: Eric, that's another show. Please vote for one of the two.
Eric: If we are talking successful in life, I liked Branson better, but fine Cuban.
Jason: Benefactor.
Gordon: If that's allowed - then I'll go off the board too - My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss, where a monkey determines if you win $350,000 or $200,000.
Chico: That's four. That's enough. With props to Sir Richard Branson and a monkey.
Travis: Do we not understand the concept of choosing between two options here?
Gordon:  Well, interns have to find their way first. I’ll vote, seriously, for Cuban.
Chico: That's Vs. So the winner... Benefactor by a mile. When we come back, we go into Push or Flush.
Jason: Alright.
Chico: "Alright, already we'll all flow on to a commercial..." Sorry, channeled Moby.

(Sponsored by Smock Star. 12 Artists compete for a $250,000 contract from a local museum and INXS. Hey, it's one of the professions not in competition yet, so some network will pick it up)