October 9, 2006

Chico: Bonus points if you can get the connection.
Tom: Except in Nebraska.
Chico: Sorry, Nebraska.
Jason: so what's the gift?
Gordon: The gift is...Paula and Simon Masks!
Jason: Oh no...
Chico: Heads on a Stick! You SHOULDN'T HAVE!
Jason: It's just my size
Gordon: It's time for Paula And Simon. Each of you play a role and I give you a subject. As Paula, you have to say nice things, and as Simon, you get to be mean and nasty Ready?
Jason: Sure.
Chico: Let's motor.
Tom: Oh, the wit versus the twit?
Gordon: First one. Jason is Paula (he loves the women's roles), Tom is Simon, and the subject is...

Capcom Mobile's version of Millionaire 2007.

Tom: A complete waste of my time.
Jason: You have no idea what you are talking about. Cell phone games are hot.
Tom: Paula, you ignorant slut.
Jason: I play all the time down the 405...
Tom: while holding your child in your lap, I assume
Jason: I LOVE bejeweled and Millionaire--it's a cool game.  It's British like you.
Tom: That's the only positive thing about it.
Jason: And don't you make money on it...like everything you do...and it is game that has Regis--you like Regis don't you?
Tom: I like Regis like I enjoy having my gums scraped.
Jason: You hired him!
Tom: Sometimes you have to cave, like I do every week while sitting next to you.
Gordon: (SIREN) Very nice work. Tom, You're Paula, Chico is Simon and the subject is...
Tom: Oh boy, I love wearing spandex.

The Chances of The Rich List succeeding.

Tom: Oh my god, I just love this show. I wish it followed "Idol" so we could hand over our 37 share to this incredible show.
Chico: I don't trust anything made on the spur of someone else's fame. I furthermore don't trust anyone associated with SUDO-Q. I think Fox is making a huge mistake, and anyone with a functioning pair of eyes can see that were it not for that other show, we wouldn't even be talking here.
Tom: You don't know what you're talking about. "Rich List" is THE show to watch in November! All my friends will be watching. This show TOUCHES ME!
Chico: I couldn't imagine ANYTHING touching you, not that I would want to.
Gordon: (SIREN) Thank you for...interesting...touching session.
Chico: I think I'm starting to get it. The siren goes off when it starts getting... err.. too much like reality :-)
Gordon: Next up, Chico is Paula, Jason is Simon and the Topic is...

Mario Lopez's chance of winning Dancing With the Stars 3.

Chico: OH MY GOD MARIO IS AN AMAZING DANCER!!!!!111. Did you see all the moves he injected onto the floor!  He's just amazing! And now that he has Eva in his corner... It's just a matter of time. I say give him the mirror ball already, it's done!
Jason: He is a cheater, a lying stinking cheater. He lifts, he had all this previous experience. He doesn't follow the rules. Now Springer...that's a dancer.
Chico: Dancing isn't about rules. It's about expression of life and love and... I need another drink... Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Anyway, it's about life and love and passion... And Mario EXUDES all of this.
Jason: Dancing is about doing what the judges tell you to do. You just want to see those hips in your bed.
Chico: *whap*
Jason: You hit like a girl.
Chico: I AM A GIRL, YOU KNOW.
Gordon: (SIREN)
Chico: Aaaaaaaand the award goes to... heh.
Gordon: Good stuff. But let's stay with the cheating aspect for a sec. Jason is Paula, Tom is Simon, and the subject is...

Accused Cheater Jefferey Sibelia as your potential winner of Project Runway 3.

Jason: Jeffrey's clothes are DI-VINE. Who cares what he did...give him the contract. The fashion is even more catty than you, Simon.
Tom: Well, I would expect that kind of remark from a daft twat like you.
Jason: DAFT?
Tom: Rules are NOT made to be broken, and he should be tarred, feathered, then publicly flogged. Now that would be a show.
Jason: Have you pitched it yet?
Tom: In fact, we should have booted your horny little ass off of Idol, when you were fooling around with what's his name?
Jason: Nobody. Not a one. I was pure as the driven snow.
Tom: In Newark.
Gordon: (SIREN)
Tom: I'd prefer to put Sibelia on the runway at LaGuardia, and let him take his chances.
Gordon: Ok now. Tom is Paula, Chico is Simon, and the Subject is...

1. Vs. 100

Tom: Oh, with 100 mobsters, there is just so much potential there. And Bob Saget, he's just amazing.
Chico: It's Bob Saget! You're entrusting the livelihood of a proven franchise to a man who watched people get hit in the groin by rugby balls. Are you mad? The show will succeed, no question of doubt, but you got the casting all wrong on this one.
Tom: Well you cockney putz, I like watching people get hit in the groin by rugby balls. That touches me.
Chico: We're not going over the touching thing again. I'm sorry, but my name isn't Corey here.
Tom: My lawyer says to drop it. Besides, Bob is a STAR!
Chico: That's what got you in trouble in the first place. You don't drop it on the first date. I'm SORRY!  But the real stars are going to be the players and the mob. You have to drive THOSE points home.
Tom: Well, now you have a 1 in 100 chance of getting a hand on me.
Chico: You're not, then you're writing your death certificate.
Tom: But the mobsters, who cares if they make any money. They're on TV!
Chico: I do. It's a game show!
Tom: Isn't that all that matters?
Chico: If you're not there to make money, then why are you there?
Tom: It's TV! It makes me cry just thinking about being on TV!
Chico: It's intellectual porn waiting to happen if it goes that route.
Tom: (snif)
Chico: ESPECIALLY if it goes that route.
Tom: And you know porn.
Gordon: (SIREN)
Chico: Yeah, one night in Paula is my favorite. =p
Tom: lol
Gordon: lol. Don't make Paula cry. Finally, Chico is Paula, Jason is Simon, and the subject is...

Jackass - The Game Show. Yes, it may be coming to a TV set near you.

Chico: Oh my god, that would be SO FUNNY! And the kids love it! Don't you love funny? Don't you love kids? Don't you love Johnny Knoville?
Jason: Sure...if you think drinking horse semen, and getting gored by a bull is funny. This is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. I wouldn't have even pitched this awful mess.
Chico: I would've. There's an audience for it. The same audience that watches our so.
Jason: You are a sick sick man.
Chico: So why not cater to that audience. And why not give back for the loyalty?
Jason: Not for that?
Chico: Yes for that!
Jason: You have no shame.
Chico: Neither do you.
Gordon: (SIREN)
Chico: And neither do you, Gordon. And neither do you, Tom... And neither do you, Chi... err, wait, that's me. And neither does the Big Finish! Where's that's drink =p
Gordon: But we all have no shame, as we get to a shameless plug.
Tom: I love shameless plugs. They touch me.

(This shameless plug has been brought to you by Extended Hair Plugs. Perfect for when you want to impress your date's mother and father on Parental Control. See? A Shameless Plug!)

Gordon: I hear it works great for bald Panamanians
Chico: Nah, I'm good and so is the Good Big Finish. Amazing Race. Who gets Philiminated next?
Gordon: I think the African American housewives have been playing on borrowed time for the past 2 weeks. I think the time runs out this week.
Jason: Don't know.
Tom: Is that still on the air?
Chico: Yes, Tom, and doing quite well for itself. 1 vs. 100... Will you watch?
Jason: Sure.
Tom: But of course!
Gordon: I most certainly will. DWTS - who will we not be watching after next week?
Jason: Willa Ford.
Chico: Willa. You've had your fun.. Now it's time to go bye-bye. Temptation in the US. You've seen the casting calls. You've heard the rumors... How much weight are you giving the rumors?
Jason: Big. This will be in the US by the end of 2007. Bet on it.
Tom: I thought nets were grumbling about paying licensing fees to those godless foreigners.
Gordon: Not if they can import in a cash cow or two.
Jason: Moooo indeed. And Temptation is Joe Van Ginkel's wet dream. It is Nuclear Hot.
Tom: I figured the big 4 aren't done suckling from the teet of the import shows.
Chico: And should MyNetwork get their heads out of their asses, we may see something from them, too. SHOULD.
Gordon: Not yet. Me personally, I love to suckle some mail
Jason: Who wrote us this week?
Chico: What do I have... Let's see... We've got some from Lee Hubbard. Thanks, Lee!

Chico: Thanks, Lee. And I hate to do this, but lest we remind you of the Winner's Circle debacle on that show...  He tried... and failed... to conquer the fastest minute on television... by HIMSELF.
Jason: I see :-)
Chico: That... was just... that's the stuff that game show legends are made of. Actually, that's the stuff that viral videos are made of.
Jason: Youtube and all that.
Chico: That site's a godsend :-) Next?
Gordon: Next up, one form our good friend Josh Johannesen

Gordon: No Prob, Josh. =)

Jason: Thanks, Josh. I will say that is a combination of both. Goen doesn't come off as real. He was on ET, which was the king of cheese.
Chico: No one on ET is real. Except for Leonard Maltin.
Jason: The shows have not been the best either.
Gordon: Actually, I'll politely disagree. I think that Goen is a very good host, probably one of the better ones out there. He is not as emotional as a Howie Mandel, but he would be good for a straight trivia show. He is actually a good...
Gordon: ...choice of host for this show. The problem is that the show itself is too dry.
Chico: But you have to remember that the length of the show is not necessarily a reflection of the quality of the game itself, right?
Jason: True.
Chico: We've had shows that were 13 and gone, and they were pretty good (Greed comes to mind)... and then there are games that have been on forever, and were utter crap (Shop Til You Drop comes to mind).
Tom: I just don't thing there's anything very special about him. He's not a wit, he's not terribly funny. He can move the game along, but so can a lot of other emcee types.
Gordon: True. Let's quickly see a body of his work, as per imdb.com, he got stuck with CBS's Perfect Match and...The Home Shopping Game
Jason: He hosted Perfect Match, the Home Shopping Game, Blackout, The Hollywood Game and now his new show.
Tom: I thought "The Hollywood Game" was his best performance.
Chico: I was a fan of Blackout, but then again, I'm of the school that says Jay Wolpert can do no wrong. Match Game 98 changed that. Pirates of the Caribbean changed that back.
Tom: He was fine on "Blackout" because he stayed out of the way of the game and the celebs.
Gordon: I liked Blackout a lot. The scoring system did that show in.
Tom: Agreed. But, if nothing else, it did return Pyramid for a few short weeks.
Chico: Totally.
Gordon: I think Goen is a good host., I think he has gotten stuck in some really bad game show vehicles, and like some other hosts, I want to see what he can do on a good show.
Jason: Give him a season or on TTQ....he may grow into the role.
Chico: I think he's almost there.
Tom: I wish GSN would put some production in TQ and let us see what kind of show it could be.
Chico: Indeed. Okay, one more quick one from "Trytobecharming"

Tom: That's a no-no
Jason: Thats a big no-no.
Chico: Thanks. Anyway, yeah. Big no-no. See in America, we have these things called "equal time laws".
Tom: Norm Blumenthal mentioned a "Concentration" contestant who was running for dog catcher or something in a small New England town. His opponent saw the show and demanded NBC provide equal time. Which it had to do, on the FULL NETWORK.
Jason: Yowch. May I explain being a former contestant what is in the contestant agreement?
Chico: Further, a player on the VERY FIRST series of Millionaire couldn't play until the second series because he was running for office.
Tom: That was despite the fact the candidate didn't talk about a single issue.. just played the game. That's in bold print in most of the contestant contracts.
Jason: You can't PROMOTE anything on the show. Be it your company who you work for, political office, et al. You are just Joe Schmo who works " the #1 rental car company in the world."
Chico: People on Wheel are the master of the vague reference.
Tom: I said, "I was a reporter at the MAJOR Public TV station in Kansas City." Pat got a kick out of that.
Chico: Now, on your contestant contract, J, it did say that "You can't be running for public office", right?
Jason: Right on.
Tom: correct.
Gordon: Pretty much. BTW,
Jason: If I was doing "Beat The Block", I may have had to give it up.
Chico: So there you go. So long as Richard Cordray is on the campaign trail, he cannot compete in another game show. Jason also cannot compete in another game show if he plans to add in that he is on "Beat the Block", Tuesday mornings on New York's Hit Music Channel, 95.5 PLJ.
Tom: They even want to know if you PLAN to run for office.
Jason: not anymore, but thanks for the plug anyway.
Chico: No prob. Wow, Tom... That's strict.
Tom: Well, they my delay the broadcast for months... and rerun shows... so they can't take chances.
Chico: Makes sense. Okay, that's it for the show, but the game continues. E-mail us with your rants and raves at wlti@gameshownewsnet.com. We read every single piece of mail that comes in. So yeah, be brave.
Jason: We don't shy away from the negative ones either.
Chico: We welcome them. Because, after all, the more we learn from you, the more we realize we don't know. One day we hope to learn so much from you that we realize that we know nothing at all. Anyways, big thanks to Jason and Tom for hanging out. Pleasure as always.
Jason: Thank you.
Tom: The pleasure is mine.
Chico: For Gordon Pepper and everyone at Game Show Newsnet, I'm Chico Alexander.. Stay strong, Apex...
Jason: And GAME OVER....and SPREAD THE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!