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Episode 16.6: Our Fifth Birthday
October 15
Gordon: Youre going to feed someone to 12 people?
Chico: Not literally. But you look at dating shows, and they're all hungry..
Hungry for some boom shakalaka.
Gordon: Change it to Love or Food, and you got yourself a deal. So what has the
public decided?
Chico: The public has decided... That you are to don the papaya hat and the fake
Texas accent and the moust... the hat and the accent. Bcause today, you are...
the doctor. And I have... the letters.
Gordon: Excellent. Good choice, America (puts on the hat) I'm ready for my
adoring public who wants to write letters to me. I love them all.
Chico: First letter.
Dear Dr. Gordon...
I have a problem with a new co-worker. It's not that I don't like the guy, it's
just that he replaced a good friend of mine, and I can't stop referring to him
as (that guy). Please help! Signed, "Announcer from 33" |
Chico: The letter had the name of "that guy" so we had to blank it out.
Gordon: Dear Announcer. Some times, things change. People change. The Yankees
couldn't get to 12 straight post-seasons without changes in the roster.
Chico: Awww....
Gordon: The fact is that you now have a new person who has had a string of hits
(I'm going to ignore Green Screen for now) and has had 2 long running shows in
Prime Time and that can only mean good things for you guys.
Chico: Sounds good.
Gordon: Besides, the new guy has never been sued for any sort of discriminatory
practices, so the atmosphere may be lighter. Signed, Dr. Gordon. Next letter?
Chico: Next...
Dear Heartless American Pigs.
Chico: Oh this is cheerful.
Gordon: I like this guy already.
Dear
Heartless American Pigs
Everyone around me thinks that I'm not better than them, even though people die
to be just like all of us. We are in a competition, bros... And no one sees this
as serious as I do. And that is why I am better than everyone else. And the
problem is not with me. It's with everyone who refuses to acknowledge me.
-Signed, the Russian Bear. |
Gordon: Dear Bear. I actually feel compassion for you. In a world of fashion
where the judges are hypocritical and are only noticing women's...ass...ets, I
can understand where you are coming from. You are also being pigeon-holed as the
villain, and we know that villains never win these sort of series. My suggestion
is to keep being an arrogant prick, because that builds reputation, and we all
know that the only reason why you go on these sorts of shows is to get your fame
to help your Media Ho Career. You may be the person that everyone remembers, so
that's not too bad of a trade-off. Signed, Dr. Gordon.
Chico: Congrats, Mr. Bear. You are now a whore. Enjoy it.
Gordon: Next one?
Chico: Next one...
Dear Dr. Gordon...
I'm one of the smartest people in my class. The only thing is, not enough people
have been watching me since I first entered. I know it's not my fault, but how
do I get over this? Signed, Mini-Gordon. |
Gordon: Dear Mini-Gordon: That's only a matter of opinion. Although the show is
not winning it's time slot on Thursdays, it's doing the best for FOX in that
position in over 5 years. And you guys are doing very well on Friday. Just
because some wacky bald guy thinks that you're not doing good enough, don't
listen to him. He's only jealous that he's not on your show. Signed, Dr. Gordon.
Chico: .. HEY! =p
Gordon: What?
Chico: Next up (grumble)...
Gordon: Next one... ;) "Dear Dr. Gordon.
Congrats to you and the round-headed kid on five years of WLTI." He is sort of round-headed, isn't he?
Dear Dr. Gordon...
Congrats to you and the round-headed kid on five years of WLTI.
I wish I could congratulate someone as well. Me and my brother are on two
different shows, and neither of them can deliver the goods as well as we should.
Should we blame ourselves? Or do we just have some thick players to deal with?
-Signed, Big Letter and Little Letter, the Perfects. |
Chico: Hey, I met these guys. Big Letter's 25 and his little brother is... 2.
Gordon: Dear Perfects - I think you can both congratulate each other. Wheel is
going VERY strong and should see a lot more years. As for TTQ, be happy that you
are on a network that's averaging a 0.3 in the monthly ratings, which means that
they need chaep programming, which your show is. Hopefully, Game Show Network
will also realize that in order to get the ratings, they need to get more
original programming on the air, so hopefully you may be getting a new litter of
brothers and sisters soon. Signed, Dr. Gordon.
Chico: Okay, how many letters?
Gordon: A liter of letters for the litter
Chico: Next one...
Dear Dr. Gordon.
My...FRIEND... <3s this girl that I... he's trying to hook up with. But
something's happened over the last week or so. Apparently some people have dug
up HIS old internet porn. What can I... HE... do about it? - Lost in New York. |
Gordon: Dear Lost - Have you met Toastee? I think they should meet up, Chico.
That's a love connection there just waiting to be made, right?
Chico: Let's... uh... let's hope.
Gordon: Last one?
Chico: Last one.
Dear Dr. G...
What up. What do I look for in a band? I got a gig on Friday and I've been
busy with my own little band of dolls recording, touring, you know... doing
the rock and roll thing. Pointers? -"A Boy Named Goo" |
Gordon: Are they Dresden Dolls?
Chico: ... I don't think so, doctor. If you use your "Iris", you may find out
their "Name", "Before It's Too Late". Advice, doctor?
Gordon: I think that Here are your pointers. #1. Enjoy the 9.5 minutes of fame
on Friday night. #2. Once the ratings are half of what got Nashville yanked off
the air, get ready to eliminate 4 bands a week. #3 After the 5 episodes
(truncated from 15) have aired, plan on taking a long vacation to Tunis or
Ireland and take a vacation on the most amount of money would would be making
spending the least amount of time to do it. Signed, Dr. Gordon. Pretty accurate?
Chico: I think that helps. Think that helps a lot. Of course, it could hit and
all of these could be bollocks, but we'll see.
Gordon: Do you think it will hit?
Chico: Probably not. We'll sign off with the Big Finish after this
(Brought to you by Mac's House of Chairs. Now open just across the street from
Tribune Studios. You're going to be striking a while, Fremantle Four... You're
going to need a place to sit.)
Gordon: If you tell them you're going to wait online for The Price is Right, I
hear they give out a discount
Chico: Yeah... but you can only get away with that so many times. Welcome back.
Before we get into the Big Finish, we'd like to take a second to thank the
readers for allowing us to have five years of WLTI. You are the reason we do
this, and we hope that we'll be going at it for five more years.
Gordon: We do this for you guys - and we thank you all for reading us
Chico: As long as we live in a world where the game show world thinks it's all
high and mighty and knows what's good for us... trust us when we say that we'll
be there to take them down a peg. And as long as the games are respected...
admired... and celebrated... we'll be there to exalt them alongside of you.
Gordon: Well said
Chico: That said... It's time for the Big Finish! Dancing: Wayne's gone... who's
next?
Gordon: Mark....Cuban....please.
Chico: Then the competition can begin?
Gordon: I'm hoping - u?
Chico: I'm going to go with Mark as well... although he's shown a bit of
improvement. Still won't be enough. How about the Survivor?
Gordon: I think Peih-Gee and Courtney have some problems right now.
Chico: I'm thinking Courtney. She's been marked ever since she went all bitchy
on us... oh wait... that was day one, wasn't it?
Gordon: It was. Both women are outsiders. That can't be good. Can we give out
the million dollars THIS WEEK on Deal or no Deal?
Chico: ... Not without the multiple deal-gasms. How about on Wheel, do they snap
the skid?
Gordon: They have to, don't they? I got a bunch of them during the run. You dont
want to be labeled 'The Year of the Stupid People'
Chico: Nope. People who aren't stupid, those that send us stuff. First is from
Brad Hasbrouck. Thanks, Brad.
TO: WLTI
FROM: Brad Hasbrouck
Do you think GSN should revive Treasure Hunt in 2008?
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Gordon: Thanks Brad. I think there are a number of cheap shows that are low
budgeted enough that could run on GSN. Treasure Hunt is certainly one of them,
and I think that Todd Newton could be a great host for something like that.
Chico: I don't know, dude.. Let's leave well enough alone, shall we? The game is
basically designed for people who think that Deal or No Deal is a mental
challenge. We can find cheap programming, but let's do it properly instead of
going through another rehash.
Gordon: The fun of Treasure Hunt isn't the game, which is almost non-existent.
The point of the game is the fun, and the showmanship and acting. GSN needs
something like that
Chico: I'll give you that, but let's say you're holding onto the $50,000
check... All of a sudden it's like... Okay, we need to talk for 10 minutes.
Chico: So, you know, I think we're better leaving well enough alone. But that's
just me.
Gordon: You have 2 games a show. You can certainly edit the other game longer to
fill.
Chico: Could do that.
Gordon: Thanks for the email. Next email is from Dbert05. Thanks DBert!
TO: WLTI
FROM: DBert05I know that there has been talk of reviving MATCH GAME. Do you think that Match
Game could be successful in 2007 or 2008 like it was in the 1970's?
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Chico: You know, some people would think not, but given the right formula of
writers and talent, it definitely could.
Chico: GSM proved that. Although I would've held out for better writers.
Gordon: Chico, I am going to say something I haven't said all show. Can I have a
Big Board please?
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Match Game Dos & Don'ts
- DO get good writers
- DO get smart panelists
- DO spring for six celebs
- DO get a Starwheel
- DON'T screw the format
- DON'T. Screw. The. Format.
- DON'T limit yourself to body parts.
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Gordon: The Subject: Match Game do's and don'ts. Let's start with the dos. 1.
It's all about the writing. Get great jokes and great punchlines with more than
1 answer.
Chico: If you have five shows, 20 questions in one week, and more than two of
them can be answered wtih George W. Bush, you've got a writing problem!
Gordon: 2. Get people who are SMART. Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Somers were
great because they were also smart. You need that same chemistry. 3. SIX
celebrities. Trying to get 5 for less game and more chatter is no good and the
audience will see right through it.
Chico: They did in 1998
Chico: 4) Starwheel? For more challenging matches and bigger money.
Gordon: If you MUST make it big money, take a page from the 1990 Fast Match
rounds, where you have 60 seconds to build up a pot and then a SuperMatch to
claim it.
Chico: Hey, there's an idea.
Gordon: 5. Don't screw up the format. The game is FINE AS IS. NO SCREWING AROUND
WITH THIS.
Chico: 6) Repeated for emphasis... Don't. Screw. Up. the. Format. 7) Make the
game accessible for everyone. All of the questions need not involve body parts.
This goes back to writing.
Gordon: And speaking of writing, that's all I got with the mail.
Chico: Well, I'm sure there are more ideas floating out there, and if you have
any, or if you want to share some of your own thoughts, send'em over to
Myspace.com/wltiongsnn OR wlti@gameshownewsnet.com.
Gordon: Thanks again to all of you reading this. If it wasn't for you guys, we
wouldn't be doing this for 5 years.
Chico: That's right, and stay tuned... because our second five years... even
better than the first. We're Gordon and Chico. This is We Love to Interrupt...
and as always...Until next time... Game over...
Gordon: And Spread the Love
Chico: :-)
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