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June 11,
2007
Gordon: Now THAT'S hot.
Jason: Cry me a river, go back to jail and serve your sentence just like
everyone else.
Chico: "What? She's auditioning for a reality show? Get that (^_^) in here
PRONTO!... Sending her (^_^) back to the..."... Welcome back. For you members of
the WLTI reader family, it's that happy time where we bring out the hamsters...
and Eve the Cat. Load them up into the Choppler...
Jason: And give us 2 weeks of News!
Chico: Press the go switch... *does*...
Jason: Cat chasing hamsters...go!
Chico: And... Gordon... Please.
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage
 (Doug:
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your
frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Stick around. I hear next season we're getting a news van. We're
going to use it for Alphabet runs. You know what alphabet runs are, right?
Jason: No.
Chico: You have ABC stores up there?
Gordon: No
Chico: Okay.. Class six?
Jason: No.
Chico: Plain old liquor stores?
Jason: We have liquor stores...usually buy-rite. And booze is cheaper in
Jersey.
Gordon: Yes!
Chico: By the way, kids... Drinking is wrong. Drinking and driving... even
wronger.
Jason: Ask Paris and Lindsay.
Gordon: We'll ask them when their done screaming for mommy
Chico: Okay, Gordon, you're first up. What do we have?
Gordon: Who wants a date with Jimmy Kimmel?
Jason: Sarah Silverman will kick your ass first...
 Set for Life will FINALLY get on the air on July 20th. I smell burn-off as
the show has already crashed and burned in other countries, including the UK. If
you want more TV dates, Grand Slam shows up on August 7th, while World Series of
Pop Culture debuts on July 9th and Without Prejudice makes its debut on GSN on
July 17th.
Chico: Cool stuff. I'm hoping that Jimmy will at least make things interesting.
Gordon: I don't know if even Jimmy could save this one. Next article?
Chico: Next... someone call a plumber, because we've got a leak.
Jason: I know a guy who knows a guy
 Because of erratic betting on BoDog.net, betting on the outcome of Hell's
Kitchen has closed... Judging from history.... you know what THAT means.
Jason: Employee wanting quick cash blows outcome of show?
Chico: Yes.
Jason: We had an accurate spoiler list leak from the All-Star AR edition last
year.
Chico: Because we respect you.. and we know that you, like us, like to watch
all of Gordon's (^_^)ing swearing at hapless chefs... we won't say who got the
votes... hell, we haven't even looked ourselves.
Jason: Neither have I.
Chico: Because we have respect.
Jason: Damn straight.
Chico: Respect for you... respect for the show... and respect for the (^_^)
(^_^)ing pansies who dared to have their lives in the kitchen taped.. for your
enjoyment.
Gordon: Speak for yourself. I've looked...but I'm not saying who got all of the bet money. I'm waiting to
exchange the info with Duke for the Bush's Baked Beans recipe.
Jason: Smart dog.
Chico: Smart Gordon. Next?
Gordon: Next up...let's have some Haterade...in the UK. Remember when we had
that big Indian Racism flap last season on the UK's Big Brother All-Stars?
Jason: Oh yeah.
Gordon: Well...
 The N-word came out of Emily Parr's mouth, and it's resulted in her expulsion
from the Big Brother house.
Chico: I remember the company instilling a zero-tolerance policy to avoid
another such instance. And thanks to the magic of Youtube, you can see what
happened.
Gordon: Silly house residents
Jason: And now the gossip stories are coming out on Emily big time. And they
ain't good.
Chico: Can they be summed up in 18 words or less?
Jason: Snowball fight at Auschwitz.
Chico: Damn, son.
Jason: Reported in the UK Sun today. It's going to get ugly quick.
Chico: As if it couldn't get any worse.
Jason: Yup.
Chico: She'll have some time to watch and play along with GSN at least.
Jason: Yup.
Chico: Let's get loaded
Jason: Hic
 Thanks to a partnership with Two Way TV, fans of World Series of Blackjack
and High Stakes Poker can text-along with the show. Thanks to their technology,
mobile users will be able to play against other mobile users in real time.
Jason: This could be real big.
Chico: Imagine what would happen if you applied that to Without Prejudice.
Jason: Yowza.
Gordon: Imagine what that could mean if you applied it to Paris Hilton...oh
wait...they did
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: GSN has created a Paris Hilton game, to be on their website.
Jason: One of GSN's guilty pleasures on their page.
Chico: Topicals... are a strong suit.
Gordon: And so are Topicals featuring Media Hoes.
Chico: *plays "Pimpin..."*
Gordon: In this week's Media H...oh look at what we have here. It's a giant red
sofa. Do you know what that means?
Jason: Idol Tour or Idol Auditions?
Chico: Someone's missing a piece of their living room set?
Gordon: No and No. This is a new addition that we have for the Media Ho Report.
Its' called....drumroll please...
(drumroll)
Gordon: THE CASTING COUCH!!!!!
Chico: Wee!
Jason: Yeah!
Gordon: Due to VERY popular demand, we'll be having this segment show up
whenever there are auditions to announce.
Jason: Sounds cool.
Chico: Just another service we offer.
Gordon: And boy, is our couch full this week.
Gordon: You ready for this?
Jason: Go for it.
Gordon: We'll start with the big one...
 Merv Griffin is looking for people to play Let's Play Crosswords. If you want
to be a contestant, call 323-762-8282 or email
iwanttobeacontestant@letsdocrosswords.com
Gordon: Next one...
We have a reality show coming up called 'Show Your Charisma'. If you want to
show America your charisma for $100,000, email a bio and photo to
spencerprods@yahoo.com or do the
post office thing to p.o.box 2247, Westport, CT., 06880
Jason: OK.
Chico: That sounds... hollow. Okay, anything else?
Gordon: Yes in fact we do.
The Power of 10 is looking for Contestants. Power of 10 also has a casting
number at 1-877-949-POWER, or go over to their website for info to be one at
embassyrow.com.
Gordon: Which means, of course, that it's a Michael Davies joint
Chico: But you all knew that.
Jason: Word.
Chico: Because you pay attention.
Gordon: Next one...
Do you want to be on Fox's second season of 5th Grader? FOX is looking for
kids. All 5th grader wanna-bes should show up on June 16 at The Javits Center in
NYC
Jason: Aiee.
Gordon: Finally...
We have an opening for women who want to be in a reality competition a la
Charm School. If that seems like your bag,
emailcreativelolita@gmail.com
a copy of your photo and why you feel that you can be a modern day princess
Jason: Paris...apply for that one too if you want.
Chico: But remember... that ankle bracelet that you will have to wear...
EVENTUALLY... and not a moment sooner... not sexy.
Gordon: And now, to the Hoes...
 Sharon Osbourne credits her decision to stay on AGT2 to SImon Cowell,
America's Next Top Model will move to NYC for Season 9, Anthony Morrison wins
Shear Genius, Katharine McPhee gets a movie deal, while Taylor Hicks has a new
book coming out. Elaine Joyce gets a theatrical gig, and Ant and Dec FINALLY
come to the states with a UK game called Wanna Bet?
Gordon: But none of them are your ho of the week
Jason: Who is the Season 15 Premiere HO of the Week?
Gordon: It can only be one person. Bob Barker. Just the mere mention that he may
be coming back led to gasps at the taping that Jason and I were at this week.
Barkermania is rampant, especially with his 'last' (as of right now) episode
coming up this Friday.
Chico: Two times.
Jason: DVRs should be rolling this week. Final week of shows. Don't forget it.
Chico: This one deserves the little diamond denoting that you'll erase it when
you're damn good and ready.
Gordon: If at all. And from what I have heard about those tapings, we have some
nice items up for grabs
Chico: So whatever you're doing Friday. Clear it. Get everyone together...
Watch... and enjoy. Meanwhile, the show you won't enjoy, as determined by your
votes on the last YLTI... Pirate Master. Good call. 44% say they're totally not
into the pirates.
Jason: The only pirate they want to see is Jack Sparrow.
Chico: This week it has to be the Price is Right season finale.
Gordon: Absolutely, What's the question?
Chico: Question...
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Chico: Results next week.
Gordon: And that's BrainVision, shut it down.
Jason: Shutting down.
Chico: Done and done. Next up, what summer shows are #1 and what shows are
#2? The remainder of Push or Flush is next...
Gordon: Based on this summer so far, we've gotten a good helping of #2...
Jason: No kidding.
(Brought to you by WLTI Nuts... when you're trying to save a sci-fi novella
from cancellation, remember to sock it to'em with WLTI Nuts.... Now with more
honey-roasted flavor than those other guys)
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