Game Show NewsNet - Survivor Guatemala

"The Brave May Not Live Long, but the Cautious Don't Live at All: Days 7-8" - September 29

DAY 7: LYDIA, OH, LYDIA...SAY, HAVE YOU SEEN LYDIA?

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! No, it's not the start to "West Side Story". It's Lydia picking up branches and breaking them to build the fire. She knows she hasn't been the sharpest knife in the Yaxha drawer...but she's hoping that she can be seen as a strong enough worker to keep around.

What Lydia CAN'T stand is Brianna. Brianna seems to be trying the "coasting by on looks" strategy utilized by so many (and done successfully by so few). Oh, they don't show it...but the tension between them as they sit side-by-side for breakfast is palpable.

And what about Brian? Seems HE'S hogging all the credit for KEEPING Lydia and BOOTING Morgan. And he's not afraid to tell EVERYONE within earshot about it. What sort of weirdo tribe has the fishmonger bought herself into?!

REWARD CHALLENGE: BLIND MAN'S BUILDING

To Challenge Beach we go yet again. Uncle Jeff has a pith helmet on his head and looks like something Indiana Jones wouldn't hesitate to crack his whip against. Nakum takes a look at us sans Morgan and we get the the Challenge.

Well, well...it's a typical "blindfolded tribe helped by sighted called to gather and build" Challenge. (Good...all the tribes I've covered are GOOD at that!) The tribes will be blindfolded and tied together in groups and must follow voice commands to collect poles, canvas, ropes and stakes to build an archeological tent. Once all the pieces are in a zone, we can remove our blindfolds off and build the tent. First to build a standing tent wins Reward. And the reward is the comforts of home including pillows, blankets and a tarp for our shelter.

On the count of GO!, Gary (who is STILL denying being an ex-NFL QB) makes the calls LIKE a QB. Slowly but confidently, the Yaxha groups gather up the nine pieces scattered around the beach. Nakum...(*thunk* Caller Brooke: "Watch your head!")...not so much. Stephenie, Rafe, lake and Brandon are working exceptional well while the other group...well, they hold their own. It takes some doing, by Nakum starts to slowly catch up.

Still, we ARE the first to get all nine pieces of the tent. The Buffs are off and the building is on. As we start to pitch, Nakum finds THEIR last item and starts to crawl their way back to the building are. Now,...here's where leadership breaks down. At least three people are explaining what do to...and NOBODY seems to by listening! Nakum, on the other hip, works together, barely saying a word out loud. As such, they put the finishing touches on the tent...and they're going to have a more comfy night's rest by the ruins tonight!

AFTERNOON 7: DAYS OF WHINE AND PANTIES

Steph is starting to sound like Clint Eastwood on "Heartbreak Ridge"... only SHE censors herself and calls the tribe a "cluster mess" instead of the more VULGAR term. To her, it's deja vu all over again! She's on a losing team! Something had BETTER happen soon before Steph starts to feel like Charlie Borwn and Lydia is forced to build a psychiatric stand with advice for five dollars.

And that's not the WORST of their problems, according to the other ladies. How would YOU like to be stuck with the same clothes on for a week? The WORST part is the underwear skank. Lydia doesn't seem to care too much, though, because they ARE living in "Paradise" as far as she's concerned.

Brianna doesn't DO the whole "hard work" thing. She's more up to half-heartedly preparing corn paste patties. And a week of corn is starting to grate on people's nerves. Rafe even feels the need to flavor it...with DIRT! He and Gary wash it down with a dessert of termites. Doubt there's much protein in THOSE wood-chewing babies.

But the laugh of the night goes to Brianna who, when told by Rafe about him eating termites, moans, "If you do that, I won't be your friend anymore!" Uh...huh. Brianna, dear, you're assuming he was your friends in the FIRST place!

DAY 8 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE: SWEET GUATEMALA BROWN

The Pot-Mail has feathers, paint...and this non-rhyming message:

The ancient Maya civilization embraced sports.
The warriors would adorn themselves in ceremonial garb and body paint.
When a team of warriors would lose, the cost would be a human sacrifice.
You will do the same tonight at tribal council.

O......kay. That SOUND more omnious than it really is. But Brian is PUMPED for this Challenge and does the same for the others...or, at least, TRIES to do the same. Trust me, Brian, the word "underdogs" is NOT useful as a confidence booster, no matter WHAT light you put it in.

The two painted teams arrive at Challenge Beach and Nakum hands over the Immunity Idol. I'll bet you didn't know that it wasn't James Naismith who invented baskbetball in the late 1800s but rather the Mayans in THEIR time. Well,...OK, so the Mayan version was more like putting a ball through a stone ring than a peach basket...but the concept was pretty much the same. Anyway, the game here is "Courtball" and is played SIMILAR to the Mayan game. It'll be three-on-three (randomly chosen) on a cargo net "court". Once you have the ball, you cannot travel with it; you must pass the ball down. Put the ball through the hoop, your tribe scores and we start over. First to five points wins Immunity. Other than that, ANYTHING goes.

Point 1: Blake, Judd, and BJ vs. Brian, Rafe, and Jamie. The play is rough...too rough to repeat here. Suffice it to say that limbs were flying everywhere...and I wondered if they'd fly unattached to the torsoes! Brian shoots...he SCORES! Yaxha 1-0 Nakum.

Point 2: Margaret substitutes for BJ, Amy for Brian. Blake takes the ball from a pass...shoots...*CRACK* "OWWWWW!" SCORES! And Amy's down, grabbing her ankle! But, sorry, this is courtball, not soccer. Staying on the ground won't get Blake a yellow card. Yaxha 1-1 Nakum.

Point 3: Cindy, Brooke and Danni vs. Stephenie, Lydia and Brianna. This chick fight is NOTHING like what I've seen in those old prison flicks on Skinamax at 12 midn...er,...I said too much. ANYWAY, Steph is dealing out most of the abuse...to BOTH sides, it seems. Lydia is trying to be the "star" that she wanted to be...and screws up immediately by running with the ball. And Brianna...is useless. It's a breakaway! Passes to Danni... shoots...SCORE!! Yaxha 1-2 Nakum.

Point 4: Blake, Brandon and BJ vs. Rafe, Gary and Brian. Brian has the ball. Shoots...OFF the rim! OFF the wall! OFF...well, off EVERYWHERE but not IN the hoop. Blake is strong for his tribe again as he scores. Yaxha 1-3 Nakum.

Point 5: Brooke for Brandon, pain-ridden Amy for Brian. Rafe...he throws like a girl. And, no, I'm not talking about ANYONE in the WNBA. But, even when essentially down 3-on-2, his weird-ass shooting gets into the hoop in the clutch. And who says wilderness guides can't jump? Yaxha 2-3 Nakum.

Point 6: Judd, BJ, and Blake vs. Jamie, Brian, and Gary. Trust me: a basketball-esque game is NOT Gary's strong point. And, being an ex-QB, he's not used to too much contact. It gets the job done, though, as it's passed to Jamie for the SCORE! Yaxha 3-3 Nakum.

Point 7: Danni, Cindy and Brooke vs. Amy, Lydia, and Rafe. Nothing spectacular...just Danni scoring again. I'm sure Chico will expound a bit more on it. Yaxha 3-4 Nakum.

Point 8: Cindy, Margaret and Danni vs. Brianna, Steph and Lydia. Oh, no. Despite Steph's "coaching", Lydia don't play that way. SHE wants to be the hero! And Brianna...well, she LOOKS pretty, anyway. And the Most Outstanding Player of the tournament is Danni wo takes the ball for the third time...shoots...and SCOOOOOOORES! Nakum wins 5 to 3 and gets Immunity...much to Steph's frustration!

AFTERNOON 8: BE STRONG OR BE GONE

My, my...have things turned around in the last six days. On day 3, Steph was thinking this was a tribe full of heart. Now, she thinks they're a bunch of losers again! It's Jamie, however, who vents the most...and it's all towards Brianna. And why not, given that all she did was give Nakum something to run around on the way to the goal. He is quite vocal about wanting her out of his life...or, at least, out of the game.

The two "alphas" of the tribe, Gary and Steph, admit their tribe is in shambles and that one of three women have to go. Either Lydia, Brianna or the injured Amy will be the target. And, so, Amy automatically goes on the offensive and says her ankle's fine and she'll be back in there kicking before anyone knows it. Jamie and Lydia think it's Brianna who's gotta go...while Brianna does some spin doctoring with Steph of why LYDIA should be gone.

TRIBAL COUNCIL: WE'RE NOT YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!

Uncle Jeff's North Acropolis Pyramid O' Doom. Let's hope Steph doesn't make this a habit coming here. Lydia takes full responcibility for the cluster-@#$% that was the Immunity Challenge and apologizes. Steph doesn't like losing (as always). Brian is WAY too optimistic for his own good. Brianna is nervous but doesn't let on how she REALLY feels. And Amy...it's just a flesh wound; she's had worse! Hey, Gary, wanna talk about sports? Uh,...not really. As far as everyone STILL knows, he's just a landscaper.

And it's time to vote. Brianna votes for Lydia, Jamie wants Brianna to go back to the mall, Steph wants to do what's right for the tribe, etc., etc., etc..

Uncle Jeff reads the votes: Brianna...Lydia...Brianna...Brianna...Brianna... Brianna. By the third unanimous vote of the season, Brianna is sent back to saying, "Ding-dong...AVON calling!".

Why do I get the queasy feeling it's gonna get worse...before it gets WAY worse?!