Day 1: Haven't I seen you before?

This is my Guatemala. Actually, I can't prove that it's mine, just go with me on this one... Years ago, the ancient race of peoples known as the Maya carved their civilization here, within these treacherous jungles filled with exotic flora and fauna, armed with an uncanny ability to tell and measure time.

Several months ago, sixteen average Americans attempted to do the same.  This is their story. This is... "Survivor Guatemala: The Maya Empire."

Oh, did I say sixteen? I meant 18... Just trust me, here. We begin with...

Brandon Bellinger; 22; Manhattan, KS; farmer/rancher
Danni Boatwright; 30; Tonganoxie, KS; sports radio talk show host/actress/model/former Miss Kansas USA
Margaret Bobonich; 43; Chardon, OH; nurse practitioner
Cindy Hall; 31; Naples, FL; zookeeper
Jim Lynch; 63; Northglenn, CO; retired fire captain
Judd Sergeant; 34; Ridgefield, NJ; doorman
Brooke Struck; 26; Santa Monica, CA; law school graduate
Blake Towsley; 24; Dallas, TX; commercial real estate broker/model

Both tribes will live in separate camps, and waiting at those camps are actual items used by the Maya - a few pots and pans and a mortar for starters. Also, there will be one other tool for each tribe that should be quite useful...

A former tribesman. They get to pick from two of Palau's finest, Bobby Jon Drinkard and Stephenie LaGrossa! Their role in this game: just as any other Survivor before them. They come to play the game and have a second chance at $1 million. And of course, if they don't pull their weight today, at least they're an easy boot-off. The Nakum pick (read: are stuck with) Bobby Jon. Danni notes that having Bobby Jon around makes it "easier on the eyes" around camp, whatever the devil that means. Cindy's thrilled, because he won't quit. Brandon thinks Bobby Jon's a hard worker, but "he sounds a bit dumb."

True students of the game, we're talking about. NOW... to the challenge. Simple enough. You are here. A better camp is there... eleven miles of jungle away. You and your tribe, armed with a map, compass, water, and a few other Legend of Zelda non-boomerang sundries (and bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s), must get from here to there before your opponents. First tribe to camp gets to stay (and from what I hear, it's a nice little board) and gets the luxury of fire in the form of flint.

"Survivors ready... Go!"

Brooke calls the opening rush "mass chaos", wondering which supplies to take with them on their orienteering expedition. "The last time I hiked 11 miles, being a farmer was... never?!" Brandon quips. He's ready, though. A bit too ready and he (and his bananas) falls down goes boom.

How does Bobby Jon enjoy his second chance at $1 million? "I'm glad to get a new start. I felt like a million bucks, but we have to make time. I guarantee you Stephenie is back there running things." Who else but Bobby Jon?

So far, so good as Nakum leads... Blake into the land of no return. The tribe follow suit, as Jim, the only tribesman who can read a compass, leads on.

Nakum still leads as we go into the evening hour. Judd calls the hike "absolutely insane". Margaret leads Bobby Jon down the pathway, which contain... Briar-filled branches! Yay! (Frank: OW!) And it broke over Blake's shoulder. The tribe takes a moment to watch Margaret, a nurse of 25 years experience, mostly trauma, nurse Blake back to some usage.

Night 1: Spew!

That night, the tribe decides to take a breather, partly because trekking around a strange jungle in the night is more or less guaranteed suicide, and partly because Blake is puking his lights out and complaining of dehydration. Margaret looks at his shoulder. "I think it's causing a pain response that's making him sick to his stomach." Yeah, I can see that. Although, as a lab tech, I've YET to see that.

Day 2: The road to camp.

The next day, we find a beaten trail and go for it, but the Yaxha are close behind. "We just wanted to get them off our tails. All of a sudden, I'm running down this trail in the muck!" Yeah! Go Seabiscuit!

Next thing you know, Bobby Jon has to stop and rest because of cramps and feeling cold. "It's overexertion," Cindy calls... yet Margaret's the nurse. Heh... "He's going down early. I don't think anyone expected that."

Margaret talks our boy Bobby Jon back to his feet, as they approach the "light at the end of the tunnel", a lake with the tribal outrigger. All of a sudden, it's a race to the other side. We get to the other side first, but Judd is the first out of the boat and into... the mud. "He had a premature evacuation," Brandon says. Judd's in the mud with his ass showing to the world, and Bobby Jon is back to cramping. And Yaxha are right behind. It's time for all Nakum to suck it up, as they weather the trail to... the winner's camp!

And here's Crazy Uncle Jeff: "Welcome Nakum!"

Welcome indeed. This camp is claimed in the name of Nakum, while Yaxha will have to hike a few MORE miles to their camp. "This was a very close race, but in Survivor, close gets you nothing."

So here we are then, with time to reflect on our victory and... puke dry heaves some more. This time, it's not just Blake, it's Judd, Jim, and Bobby Jon. Bobby Jon is so far gone that his eyes are beginning to roll into the back of his head...

It's Margaret and the ladies to the rescue, as Bobby Jon gives some much-deserved love for her. "It's a nightmare. Palau was recess compared to Guatemala." Margaret: "The girls are holding up remarkably well, but we didn't expect the guys to go down so quickly!" That said, Cindy calls the victory bittersweet.

Day 3 - Tree Mail!

I-CHALLENGE: Row Row Row Your Boat, Gently Cross the Jungle...

Meet Mr. Maya. He is your Immunity Idol You want Mr. Maya in your camp at all times. Here's how you can invite him to sit a spell...

Each tribe must row their boat round a buoy, grab a torch, and head back to shore. Then, using a system that the Maya used to transport bricks for their pyramids, four Survivors must pull the boat to a cauldron by both pulling and rotating out logs. As soon as the canoe crosses a finish line, the ninth tribe member lights the torch and uses it to light a cauldron. First tribe to light the cauldron gets to stick around for three days. AND... if Yaxha wins, they get flint.

It starts as a dead heat, but Nakum struggles at the buoy. Yaxha has some mojo working on their stroking. Both tribes hit the beach first. Bobby Jon, Brandon, Blake & Judd head to pull. Jim  and the women stay with the women. Stephenie's foot is caught under a log, and Nakum pulls ahead. It's short lived, though, as Margaret takes a shot in the gut and Danni is stuck under a log. Yaxha takes a huge lead... and it's all Yaxha at this point, giving them the fire, the Immunity... and the fire.

Which means for us, it's a trip to the $1 Million Pyramid with your host Jeff Probst. Trust me... NO ONE wants to be called to THIS Winners' Circle.

The Pre-tribal:

Margaret says that it was hard to lose but the heat sapped their strength. Jim is holding his arm, as he's the fifth man to go down. With his arm popped like a champagne cork, he knows that he's in trouble. Meanwhile Jungle Judd and Jungle Babe Brooke are now enjoying small hikes. She knows that none of the women are in any danger. "Bobby Jon was the sickest yesterday." Howler monkey. Brandon doesn't know what's going to happen. Blake's throwing up, Jim's crippled, and Bobby Jon's still cramp. Margaret notes that strategizing will be hard when a third of your team is on the bench. "They're all great people, but it's all about who can help carry this team forward."

That said, the team gets carried forward to...

Night 3: Tribal Council. 

We all know how this works by now. Fire, life. No fire, no life. Simple. In this place where Maya leaders would make crucial decisions, Blake notes the sickness on the tribe. Bobby Jon doesn't like being beat down. Danni was a little surprise to see the guys go down like flies. "Women tend to have a lot of endurance." Judd doesn't think that he's in trouble. "I got right over it. I'm ready to do a backflip for ya." Jim, in a sling, says that he heard a pop. "It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt the tribe." Margaret is worried about how to pace the team. "We are going to realign our priorities." First priority, regrettably, the vote.

Judd (hidden) - "One of the toughest dudes I know."
Brooke (hidden) - "I know you're a fighter. I know you don't want to quit. But I have to make this vote thinking of the team long term."

The votes are...

Bobby Jon: JIM
Cindy: JIM
Margaret: JIM
Danni: JIM
Blake: JIM

That's five... That's enough. The other four:

Jim: MARGARET
Brandon: JIM
Judd: JIM
Brooke: JIM

Jim... THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN. Three down, 36 to go. Let's hope the Nakum doesn't self-destruct.