But first, some tidbits about Hopedale, where the local bar is on the runway of an airport, where the summer concert series includes a gazebo, and where one woman, Linda Catanzariti, has a secret buried in her backyard. We sent Melissa Rivers to see if she can dig it up. Turns out to be a heinous septic system. "My leech field is backed up." She's going to get a new septic system, and a premiere party to celebrate. In attendance: Lt. Jim Gardner, Hon. Francis Larkin, Karen Sparks, family Jerry, Anthony & Michael, and Rich Little.

And here's the first flush... of many happy flushes to come. And because Linda's a good sport about it, she gets a golden toilet brush. I want one... =p

Sitting in with the band on nose recorder is Heather Aldrich. Now why do I bring these names up? Because if Gene Costanza can remember all of them, he's going to win 200 iPod with Bose speakers! I want one of those, too! Molto importante.

Now it's time to meet the men of the Hopedale Fire Department, among them are Pat Evans (23, single, and without a bachelor pad), Les Fosburgh (a swinger) and Mike Ciaramicoli (22, single, and without eyebrows)... who still lives at home.... very messily and very cramped. Johnny had to see it up close, so he brought the room to New York City. It's actually very small. Mikey doesn't even fit on his own bed.

What are we to do? Let's see how many women we can get into that room of his... with some sort of magic... thing! Mikey mentally fills the room with women. Now we say the magic words: "Abracadabra, alakazoom, I want wall-to-wall women in my bed-ROOM." Now comes the challenge. If Mikey can predict how many women are in that room, he's going to take away $1000 of ABC's money. He's going to go with 30. The actual retail price... including Christine Carroll, Amie Colcord, Nicole Feleciano (Johnny's butchering these names here), & Lauren Ricci... 28! Oh! Off by two. Wait, 29, we forgot his mother Roberta. No $1000, but he's got a new bedroom out of the deal. One on wheels. It's an airstream trailer! And it's bigger than his old bachelor pad!

Playing the bags with the band is PJ Shorrock. Now, more about Hopedale, courtesy Elaine & Dan Malloy, the town historians. Elaine collects Hummels. Dan... is pretty much a blank canvas. But he did say that he would find himself "incredibly dull". He likes to hang around in his backyard. It's so dull, it's actually interesting! But what Elaine doesn't know is that Dan is living a double life as... Mr. Hopedale. And because he wants the missus to share in the adventure, he gets... a kayak. A see-through kayak.

Pickin' and grinnin' with the band today is Thomas Fee. And now, we meet a group of partying neighbors. The far-less inhibited among us. I could only be talking about... wait, that's later. Now, we meet four couples who like to hang out with each other. We ran into something interesting. Deborah Sullivan's husband Dan likes late nights at the Goldstein's hot tub. Lona Moxim's husband Eric likes ... "nekkid hot tub." Sabra Nosek's husband Thom wants to redo Memorial Day at said hot tub. And who's Goldstein? Steve Goldstein. What the hell happened? Light beers and Marco Polo. Can we improve on that? A sauna for the Sullivans, a massage table for the Moxims, a tanning bed for the Noseks, and for the Goldstein's... a margarita maker!

From that, we can only segue into... The Hopedale 2005 Naked Calendar!

January: Nick (no relation) Alexander & Don Howes
February: Nicole Feleciano
March: Eric Moxim
April: Bev Orff, Ollive Valensky, Dedee fee & Merrily Sparling
May: Tony Ryon
June: Dan Lopez
July: Sarah (no relation to the recapper or the British actress of the same name) Alexander
August: Brian Dean
September: Laurie Reunolds
October: Sabra & Thom Nosek
November: Dave Ropar
December: Les Fosburgh & the Hopedale Fire Department

But now it's iPod time! Can iGene take the challenge of the "Name Your iNeighbors?" Or will all of Hopedale be iRate?

Answers are locked... And he only had 3 and 6 right. Ouch. So we get the sad version of the theme... wait... we have a parting gift. Hopedale's going home with 200 iPod Shuffles. Not bad. No Bose, but ... no bad. And you know something... Hopedale's still... My Kind of Town. Cheers!