"I like the kind of place where you know everybody's face,
'Cos I'm a small town (small town!) kind of guy!
I like a neighborhood that's cozy, 'cos as a neighbor, I'm quite nosy,
I'm a small town (small town!) kind of guy!
I've been to New York, London, Paris, but I'm not a bit embarrassed,
To admit I'm more at ease with fewer people and more trees!
Where you can get to know each other, there's so much to discover,
If you're not shy, that's why... I'm a small town kind of guy!"

And that's my kind of inhouse band. Anyway, let's give it up for Greenville this week, where the local crop is... steering wheels? Try driving a car without one.

Now we may have 200 people here, but later on in the show, it'll be all about Jason Pouncey (fireman), who will have a chance to win an amazing, stupendous prize for 199 of his neighbors (and himself of course). All he as to do is remember the names of all the people he meets tonight. Does he have a good memory? "No sir. I've been referred to as Swiss cheese, because I have a lot of gaps and holes." Oh my. At least there's his willingness to do anything. At least that's what he wrote on his application, what Johnny calls "a viper in the bosom."

But enough about him. Let's talk Greenville, home of the famous hickory smoked turkey sandwich, the Greenville Tigers (2 and... yeah), survivors of Hurricane Ivan, and southern beauty. But not all is what it seems in Greenville, because lurking in the shadows is... the ugliest pair of Birkenstocks you've ever seen. And they belong to that guy, Greenville's tallest resident, Todd Campbell. "They're comfortable." They're so manly, they're "mandals." Todd's mom Judy, Mayor Dexter McLendon, and Chip & Luke Taylor all give the sandals and the sandal owner the business, but what do we plan on doing about these horrific pieces of footwear?

How about fire? We go to Greenville, and the sandals are resting on a barbeque grill, fireman Demetrius Bogan waiting for the word. And in this case, the word is... "incinerate."  It's his first cremation. And probably Todd's as well, because he delivers the command with all the sheepishness warranted. But it doesn't stop here, as Johnny the little pyromaniac wants to burn something else. Todd wants to destroy his tractor. And there it is! Just waiting to meet its fiery fate. And if it does, Todd's gonna win his own John Deere 790 green steel beauty. Once again, the command, Todd?

"Incinerate..." Yeah, energy, Todd. "Incinerate, Demetrius, Incinerate!" Well, the fireman can't put it ablaze, so how about... Robosaurus! That'll put that (^_^)er to waste. The command again, with feeling!

"Incinerate." I hope that's not your OOH! voice. As expected, Robosaurus doesn't comply. Instead, he goes for Todd's truck. Oh man... This is bad. "How good's your insurance?" And there goes the truck, sawed in half. But if you know anything about this type of show, you know they're not really gonna destroy another man's truck... And sure enough, they don't. There's his real truck. "It was a truckalike!"

Now to destroy the tractor. "Incinerate!" So not only has he won the tractor, but also a new pair of mandals.

Sitting in with the band is Cecil Moody on the Appalachian dulcimer. Back to Jason, who, if he can name is neighbors, can win.. 200 T&G scooters! Riding one is Jeddo Bell. He doesn't win it, though. Not yet anyway. Hopefully that will plug the holes in Jason's Swiss cheese mind. Go from Swiss to Cheddar.

Going back to Greenville for a bit, Tammy & Drew Gaston's house is still there. Ellen & Bob Glasscock is still here. Edna Kelly's house... is gone. Where is it? It appears that, according to the ABC affiliate in nearby not-so-small-town Montgomery that the house is on the run. The reporter witnesses the house split into two and turn tail, suggesting that it had special forces training. Police sergeant Dwight Hudson never saw a house like that. Even more shocking still, husband Leroy is still in the house. Now it's a dream of hers (and her house) to live on her sister's property. And the dream is realized as she has indeed.. moved house. And because the house assaulted police with the TV set, Leroy (now fully awake) has a 42" plasma TV with her name on it!

Coming out of break with Linda Horn pogoing to "Jump Jump", we get to see the 2005 Greenville Naked Calendar.

January: retired teacher Cecil Moody.
February: cook Jill Stallworth.
March: piano teacher Sandra Hamilton.
April: umbrella girl Ashley Thigpen
May: umpire Shawndy Moulton
June: cleaning lady Latonya Williams
July: florist Nancy Idland
August: bather Thomas Braxton
September: Morgan & Meredith Mann
October: giving lab techs everywhere a weird name, Carolyn Spears
November: Football superfan Colin "Big C" MacGuire
December: best friends John Warren Godwin and Jason Pounc... oh dear.

Sitting in with the band this half is Christoper Cobb on his harp thing. More about the people of Greenville, Ginger Norman would redo her hairstyle from high school. "It was a foot high." Seriously, it was. And here's Johnny with nearly the same hairstyle. And here's Ginger again, this time on the ABC big screen in Times Square. "I better get a new car for this." Even better, your hair gets a song from the velvet Teddy Bear himself, Rooooo-ben Studdard! He looks more like Fred Hammond than anyone should nowadays. She also says that her toilet screams. Well, she takes care of that with a new toilet with an automatic lid that pretty much makes going number 2 a pleasure. It cleans the bowl with every flush. Wee. Probably better is what's inside. It's green. It floats. It's... $2000!

Who's up for extreme musical chairs? That's the new sport sweeping Greenville. But first, some motivational words from Hulk Hogan... Back to musical chairs, with the Greenville Tigers and J. Lee Pierce commenting. The winner will get not only this wonderful trophy, but their own weight in meat. it's time to meet the team: Trent DeShazo, Rashad Knight, Gene Rivers, and Aaron Coleman. Tune: The Baby Elephant Waltz. The winner: DeShazo.

It's time for Jason Pouncey and our end game... "Name Your Neighbors". Simple premise: if you can name six of them, you win scooters for 200.
 

	Jason's guess	Correct answer
1	Linda Horn	Linda Horn
2	Demetrius Bogan	Demetrius Bogan
3	Cecil Moody	Cecil Moody
4	Sgt. Dwight Hudson	Sgt. Dwight Hudson
5	Jeddo Bell	Jeddo Bell
6	Jill Stallworth	...

Is window six Jill Stallworth? YES! Greenville gets scooters! Greenville is now a scooter town! We end with the audience rocking out to Sweet Home Alabama. Truly Greenville, AL is... My Kind of Town. See you next week!