Episode 8 - March 6
Before you hit up your bookie for his 6-star
combo Master locks for March Madness, let's all sit back and watch some
legitimate gamblers vie for a million smackers and the title of King of Vegas.
In our last episode, it became more certain that it would be a King, as the
lovely Evelyn Ng got the business from "Hollywood" Dave Stann both verbally and
at the poker table. Now only Katie Porello is left to be queen (unless she wants
to be a King, too) trying to knock off 4 other guys.
5 are left and only one will Sit Pretty so that seat will go to the player with
the most chips after all three rounds, and of course, the first of said rounds
is Blackjack. Here's how the odds look
"Hollywood" Dave Stann 2:1
David Williams 4:1
Jerry Goldberg 8:1
Alan Borman 10:1
Katie Porrello 12:1
Before the first hand is dealt, Hollywood pulls a "mea culpa" for last week's
oopsie, but still says that experience will beat youth in the end. There are a
couple aces on the table, but no Blackjacks anywhere, as the Dealer starts out
with a nasty King. Jerry goes from soft 16 to hard 13, then 14 and stands. Katie
has pocket 4's and adds a 7 and a 3 for 18. Alan has soft 14 and then hits a 7
for 21! David's 13 becomes 23, and Hollywood's 14 didn't fare too much better
(22). What does the dealer have? 17. Jerry falls short and the other two get
After one hand, Alan takes the lead with $15,000. Katie didn't bet as big, so
she only has $10,500. Jerry bet the same as Katie, but his bet went south,
leaving him with $9,500. David is 4th with $9,000 an even thou in front of Stann.
Stann senses a disturbance in the Force as Alan bets big once more. The dealer
has a more favorable card this time around: a 6. Katie gets 4's again, but this
time splits em. Katie's first sub-hand is 14, which is fine. Her second sub-hand
is 6, which becomes 16. On the other end of the table, Alan has 11. He'll double
down of course.....and gets a QUEEN! David and Hollywood stood on their 14's and
what shall they be greeted with? A 3 to make 9. Dealer hits...19. Alan strikes
Hollywood's definitely on tilt. He's all in. Alan starts with a 10, but Dave
gets an Ace! This is looking interesting, but we'll need a minute for everyone
else to catch on. In the meantime, we spy the totes. Entering this very hand,
Alan was lapping the field with $20,000. Jerry went down slightly to 9,000.
Katie has 8500, an even half-thou in front of David, and Hollywood Dave had
$6,000 which is now all on the table.
The dealer shows a Queen. No 21 for Alan, and a soft 17 for Dave. Alan did get a
15, which will force him to surrender half his bet. David Williams got 11, which
he'll double down...but only 18. Hollywood hits, and gets a Queen for hard 17.
Jerry plays it safe on 16. Good move; Katie hit on 12 to 22. It's all up to the
dealer....Jack. Hollywood's done for the round.
New hand: Katie's been sucking, so she may as well go all in. She starts with an
Ace, though. Heaven forbid, can Lady Luck get a blackjack?.....YES! It's time
and a half for Katie! The other four are up against a dealer 5. Alan stands on
14. David has 6's, so he'll split em up. His first 6 gets a 4 for a 10, which
means doubling after splitting! He gets 18. The other 6 matches with a 3. He
doubles again, putting him all in! This time, a 19. Jerry is a buzz-kill with a
mere 20. What will go with the dealer 5? Another 5 for 10, and then an ACE! The
house is running riot as David Williams can't buy a double down to save his
life. He's out...
...but not for long, as it's last call. As we check the totes, we see Alan
Borman still on top with $19,000. Katie's 3:2 helped her chop the deficit
between 1st and 2nd to a mere $750. Jerry, well, he's still alive with $8,000.
Alan starts going all in. Jerry follows suit. Katie thinks, then goes all in,
too! To quote Wayne Allyn Root, it's "All In-Sanity!" The dealer shows a 7. Alan
gets 14, Jerry a 12, and Katie a 15. Alan hits....19! Jerry has to hit
now...13...18! Katie's in deep doo-doo. She hits.....bust! (25) This makes the
scenarios a whole lot less. The only way Alan doesn't keep the outright lead is
with a Dealer 20 or 21, which would make it a 5-way tie with $0! Not gonna
happen, though as the dealer flips over 17. Out comes Alan's porn shirt as he
takes a victory lap around the Bally's studio.
After one round, Alan Borman is schooling everyone with $36,000! Jerry's in
second with $16,000, and everyone else has zip.
Those monies won't be the only ones for long as everyone gets a fresh 10K for
Round 2: Red Dog. In hand #1, Katie gets 5-6 for a push. David starts out with
$9,000 on the table and gets 10-A. Hollywood and Alan have 2K each and 8-6, A-6
respectively. Jerry has $6,000 on his 9-K. The money card...10. Alan and Jerry
are the winners.
For hand #2, David only has one chip left, and you know where that's going.
Hollywood puts in about half his chips. David gets A-Q. Hollywood has 7-3. Alan
4-K, Jerry Q-7, and Katie 10-Q. Dealer....ACE! Everybody loses, especially
David. He's out.
Time to check the aggregates: Alan's in the hole this game, but still has
$45,000. Jerry's been the biggest mover parlaying his $10K in this game into
$15,500 for the round and $31,500 total. After we pass through the large gap, we
see Katie with $9,500 and Hollywood with $4,000.
Hollywood's mad as hell and is going all in once more. He starts with a deuce
but follows it up with a four! Alan has 9-Q, Katie has most of her money on 5-2,
and Jerry has an even 10 grand on 3-6. Hollywood already is packing up to leave.
Dealer has....a 4! Ouch!
As we check the totes again, it looks a lot like round 1 but with bigger
numbers. Alan leads with $44,000. Jerry's still moving up with $41,500, and
Katie still has $18,500 which immediately hits the felt. She can't watch. She
has K-4. Alan has 10,000 on 9-A. Jerry's the conservative one, only putting
$5,000 on J-7. Money card is....FIVE! Katie takes the lead!
What is that lead? Well if you can't do the math, then you're lucky it's the
last hand. Katie doubled to $37,000, 500 ahead of Jerry and 3000 ahead of Alan.
Alan's all in and so is Katie. Alan gets double 7's which is good for at least a
push. Katie has 8-2, and Jerry has $16,500 on his 4-8. What's the dealer
card....Ace! Alan's into the front row!
After 2 rounds of play, Alan still has his $34,000. Jerry made up some ground
and has $20,000, and everybody else still has zip. Who's going to sit pretty?
The final round will decide it all. Roulette's the name of the game, and truly
anything can happen. If you remember the last time the wheel was brought out,
David racked up $96,100! Will it happen again? We're about to find out.
In the first spin, it's Stann vs Williams for 2,000 each on the colors. To make
things even more interesting, they put out some C-notes as a side. Kinky. The
ball lands....29 black! David always plays black and collects some gas money in
Next spin: David Williams splits all his chips between black and the 3rd column.
Hollywood likes 00......and he hits! David's off to poker.
Alan still leads the totes with $42,800. Hollywood's 00 bet vaults him into 2nd
place tie with Katie and $24,000. Jerry's 4th, but still is to be reckoned with
Stann is picking his spots with mini bets. Katie goes all in on the 3rd 12. The
spin....black 2! That's one of Stann's numbers so he gets $3,500!
Thanks to Katie's bust, Stann's now in sole possession of 2nd with $27,500.
Jerry went down to $18,500 as they both look up to Alan with his $44,400.
FINAL SPIN: Stann's all in on red. Alan went conservative, put $200 on the 2nd
column, and Jerry went bat(^_^) insane putting a grand on single 0.....black 33!
Alan goes practically wire to wire and Sits Pretty.
Mr. Porn Star is safe, but everyone else isn't. They're off to the Death Match,
where Katie should start paying rent. Jerry starts with 7-A and rasies. Stann
has A-J of diamonds and calls. Flop: 6-Q-5. Jerry bets $2,000 and wins the pot.
In the interim, David whines about Jerry's poor chip stacking skills. Stann has
10-J hearts and raises to 800. Williams calls with A-9. Jerry has K-Q and goes
all in. He scares the other two off and Jerry shows his cards to rub it in.
Katie has A-2 and rasies. Jerry has A-5. He plays any ace and rasies. Katie
re-raises all-in and gets a call. Flop: 6-9-5. Oops. Turn 4. Katie gets a wheel
draw.....nein! It's a nine. Jerry hits the $19,100 jackpot giving him over 20K
and an Auto Sit.
Just like that, we're down to Hollywood and Vine....I mean David. Williams calls
with 10-9. Dave's big blind and raises with 6's. Williams calls. Flop comes
Q-9-6. Hollywood has the devil's hand as Williams pairs his 9. Stann put in a
feeler as David goes all in. Stann calls as the short stack. Turn is a J. David
gets an up and down straight draw....5! Stann's up to $14,400.
Williams has Q-8 and goes all in. Stann calls with pocket kings! Flop: A-10-10.
Turn: 4! David's dead and off to Sudden Death.
Katie's only hope to stay alive is to beat David Williams (winner of the Schick
Quattro Poker Face of the Night) heads up at Texas Hold 'Em. I'd tell you to cue
up the losing horns, but this is King of Vegas; anything can happen. To prove
this, Max Kellerman shows Katie's Greatest Hits: Sudden Death Edition, but will
it be enough?
10-A for David makes good for a raise. Kati has 10-9 of diamonds and calls.
Flop: 9-6-5. Katie bets the pot ($2,400) with 9's. David lays it down.
Next: Q-6 of clubs for Lady Luck. She calls David's blind (Q-5) of $400. Flop:
3-9-4, two clubs. They both check. 8 of spades on the turn. David bets 600.
Katie makes it 12. David folds.
Again: 5's for her. She raises $4,000. David goes all-in with Kings! Katie
calls. Uh-ohes! Flop: 6-6-3. Turn: FIVE! River........SIX! That gives both
players a boat, but David has Kings as his pair! He doubles up to $12,000!
9's for Katie this time. She raises. David's pushes all in with 10-7 clubs.
Katie calls. Flop: A-3-8. Turn: TEN! Katie's dead to a 9......QUEEN! Katie
Porrello went to the well once too often and has dashed our hopes for a Queen of
With 2 weeks left, we need to call the deli, because it's a sausagefest. Three
men and one glam rocker wannabe are left to compete for the million and the
manly crown of King of Vegas. Until next time, have your chips spayed or
neutered. Good-bye, everybody.