Balls to the Walls
- January 24
In the last installment of King of Vegas,
Hollywood couldn't play Blackjack, pandemonium broke out at the roulette wheel,
and blackjack specialist Joanna W. got upset at the Texas Hold 'Em table. Only
11 players are now eligible to collect the Million Dollar Purse and they'll have
to get through a new set of games. Today's Key (as per Wayne Allyn Root) is
"Balls to the Walls." *shrug* Keep that in mind as we head to a redux of
Ken Einiger (2:1 down from 2:5 last week)
"Hollywood" Dave Stann (4:1 down from 2:1)
Steve "Chainsaw Dempsey (10:1 down from 6:1)
Todd Haushalter (25:1 wayyyy down from 8:1)
Jerry Goldberg (20:1 down from 10:1)
Alan Borman (25:1 up from 30:1)
Haushalter has BJ as his weakness while Ken, Hollywood, and Chainsaw specialize.
Could that doom the big bad casino exec? Only way to find out is to get the nod
and light this candle.
Lots of talk as we deal out the first hand with Ken at first position. Everyone
stays with a dealer showing a 3, but only Ken Hollywood can beat a dealer's
hand, with their respective 19 and 18. Dealer's 3 becomes 6, becomes 16,
becomes......TWENTY! And it all comes tumbling down.
Stann thinks Chainsaw (no longer Big Pimpin) looks like Barney Fife. Chainsaw
thinks Stan is perfect for "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure." Todd gets in on Chainsaw's
As we check the toteboard, Ken & Jerry don't make ice cream, but have $9900 and
the lead, with Chainsaw at $9700. They would advance. Todd, Alan, and Hollywood
have 96, 95, and 94 respectively, but there's plenty of game left.
Jerry starts this round vs a Dealer 10, but no Blackjack which gets Stann pumped
(Oy!) Jerry's 16 adds an 8 for too much. Dave stays on 19. Todd stays on 20.
Eineger's 7 gets an Ace, but then gets a 9 for Hard 17. Dempsey has 11; that
means Double Down, but only gets an Ace. Meanwhile, Hollywood wants side action
that the dealer isn't holding 20. Alan also has 11 so doubles.....for a 20!
Remember that dealer 10? It's paired with a 4. Dealer draws to 16, and then an
8. Everybody wins, cept for the O.G.
Before the final deal, Steve takes off the kiddie gloves and goes All-In,
seemingly just to piss off Hollywood. Tension builds.....that must mean a
commercial. Beyond the break, we see that Ken looks okay with $11,000. Chainsaw
is risking his 2nd place position with 9900 in the kitty. Alan also has 9900,
with Stann 400 back. Todd has 97 and Jerry's in the cellar with 94. Hollywood
makes a bet, but looks slightly peeved. Ken and Steve pump up the crowd, but
Todd starts the action. The dealer will show a 2. Todd gets Pocket Rockets! Ken
gets 11! Blackjack for the Chainsaw!! who promptly is on the floor in
celebration and then throws it in Hollywood's face. In other news Alan gets 16,
18 for Jerry and Stann gets 20, and that's just the initial draw!
Instead of splitting Aces, Todd gets a nine for soft 11 and then another 10 for
21. Ken just hits to 18 and stays. Steve gets paid off 3:2. Alan stays, as does
Jerry. Stann is in a predicament and splits his faces. Hand A becomes 15 and
Hand B is 21 BUT that's an Ace, so he counts it as 1 and doubles down on his 11!
One card will decide Hollywood's fate.........and it's A JACK! All Stann needs
is a hand for the dealer. Man, what a run.
Dealer has 2's. A seven gets added on for 11. The next card....A QUEEN! 21 for
the dealer. Chainsaw is freaking me out as he and Ken Sits Pretty along with the
miraclous Double+Splitter "Hollywood" Dave Stann. Quoth Chainsaw: "If you're
lucky, you can't lose."
After a much-needed break, we get to Heat 2, which is the new-to-the-show game
of Red Dog. Here's who'll be there:
David Williams (6:1, down from 4:5)
Mike "The Mouth" Matusow (8:1, down from 7:1)
Evelyn Ng (12:1, no change)
Brandon "Bug Boy" Newsome (30:1, down from 20:1)
Katie Porrello (40:1 way down from 12:1)
Now, do you know how to play Red Dog? I sure as hell don't. Let's learn
together. Also known as "Acey-Deucey", each player gets 2 cards and has to bet
that the dealer's card will come IN BETWEEN them. The smaller the spread, the
bigger the bucks. It's that simple.
Big Boy whips up the crowd and then tries to get under The Mouth's skin. The
Mouth tries to get under the Young Gun's skin and gets jeered. Mike takes
comedic umbridge and gets the crowd back on his side. Evelyn has a 5-Q spread
for $200. Mike gets 2 Queens, but a 3rd Queen will give him 11-to-1 on his
$1600. David's 6-7 is an automatic push. Brandon gets 2 Kings for a shot at
$6600. Katie has a 10-K with $4K on the table. The Dealer's card............A
JACK! Mike gets pwned while the ladies score with Katie getting 4 to 1 on
$4,000! Evelyn asks if we're getting a chainsaw but Katie doesn't know how.
Steve gets off the couch and gives hands-on lessons (giggidy-giggidy). She then
asks for change, ;-) which gets a laugh out of Mike. Whee!
In the next hand Brandon scores Acey-Deucey! Katie has 10-3, Evelyn J-7, Mike
2-9 and all-in, and David 6-8 (a 7 gives 5:1) with $2900 on the table. The
dealer shows a King. The Mouth apparently blew up and is out while Big Boy is
the only one that makes money.
One hand left. Big Boy has 21K and Katie has 13,900. Only 2 will sit pretty and
that's bad for Ng who has 11-6 and David who has a lowly $6,000. Katie gets Big
Slick for a push. Ng has $2400 on her A-4. David is All-In with a 2-7 off-suit.
Brandon has a 10-6 with a grand. After some raises the Dealer's card is
revealed........SEVEN. Evelyn doubled her bet to 4800 and gets paid along with
Brandon's $1000, but it's the ladies who use the simplicity of Red Dog to their
advantage and sit pretty. (Leave your comments to yourself.)
6 players have one foot out the door, including legend Jerry Goldberg. Lucky for
him, his specialty is the next game: Craps. Let's see if I can run off a decent
explanation: A player holds the dice and everyone else bets with or against him.
The Shooter then rolls the point and then rolls until he re-rolls it. If he does
it, he wins (keep your Big Showdown comments to yourself) "If he rolls a
7...DISASTER!" The shooter craps out and so does everyone else who bet with him.
I'm still a little confused, but let's play the game and see where we go.
First, we re-stock the player's bankrolls with $10,000 of fresh chips. Jerry
starts out with a 5. Big Boy and Alan ally with Jerry. The others.....aren't.
Mike borrows Chainsaw's pimp hat.....my god, he's bald! Thus, we get a head rub.
Here comes the roll....SEVEN. Crappo for Jerry and friends.
Todd is the new shooter and Comes Out with a 5. Alan bets with the Terry
Benedict (Ocean's 11) work-alike on the Pass Line (anything but 7 wins). Todd's
betting against himself? The roll is an 8 and Alan gets paid a smidge. David's
all in. Todd rolls a 6, Alan gets a wee more. Roll 3....FIVE! Alan got a homer
with that one, but Williams struck out.
Let's check the chip count. Alan has $15,400 followed by Todd with $12,300.
They're in good position. Mike the Mouth has 10,100l; Jerry the craps guru has
$8,700 and Big Boy has $5,250.
Todd remains in control and comes out with a 9. Everyone likes nine, cept for
Mikey. The roll.....SEVEN! Mikey likes it to the tune of 4-to-1 on a grand!
Since Todd crapped out, Mike shoots now, with a 5. (Man, a lot of 5's) Big Boy
goes all-in on "Snake Eyes", which will be 30-to-1 for a deuce. Todd has $1200
on 7 and everyone else wants a 5. The roll is a 9, which busts Brandon, but we
still don't have a winner in the main betting.
Another check of the tote sees Mike the Mouth in command with $20,700. Alan has
a handy $14,200. Todd is in 3rd with $7,100, and Jerry the craps guru is still
at the table with $2,200.
The final bet is as such: Jerry has 1500 on 11 (15:1). Todd wants craps with his
800 (4:1). Alan plays $400 on the field, which wins with a 2, 3, 4, 9, 10, 11,
or 12. Mike rolls...................10! Alan puts the final stamp on a
convincing performance in Craps. Mike the Mouth didn't hit the point, but will
join Borman on the Sitting Pretty sofa.
Todd, Jerry, David, and Big Boy are off to the Texas Hold 'Em Death Match.
Remember, everyone resets to $10,000 and $20,000 is an automatic BYE to the next
week. The first two to bust are off to Sudden Death. Wayne Allyn Root thinks
David Williams will be safe, along with Big Boy.
Todd calls with 9-10off. Jerry has 8-10clubs and. Newsome has 8-Koff and calls.
Williams has King-Jack and raises. (He's the big blind, Max.) Todd and Brandon
are out now. Flop: Q-J-Q. That's money for David (2 Pair) but Jerry has a
straight draw and a third club (Queen). Double check brings up another Jack to
build David a boat! Jerry buys the river card which is a King. Williams actually
improved his hand but checks. Jerry bets with zilch. David calls and wins.
New hand: Jerry has A-4off and calls. Big Boy has Q-4clubs and calls. A-J for
David! That's good for a stylish raise to 2600. Todd's out, but not Jerry. Big
Boy's out. Flop: 7-J-J; that's a set and game for Williams! Jerry goes All-In
and there's no doubt that David calls. One King and one 10 later, Jerry blows
himself up to the Sudden Death match while David Williams hits 20 large and the
Sitting Pretty sofa. David thinks Jerry's hands are numbered (and he ain't the
It's Heads-Up to determine what happens next. Todd has Q-5spades, which is worth
a call. Big Boy has 2-5off and a free flop. 5-3-2 means money for Big Boy (2
pair). Brandon is All-In! Todd has top pair and an over card to the board, but
lays it down.
Another hand: Big Boy has 8-Koff, and goes all-in again! Todd has A-9off and
calls, with the luxury of being the bigger stack! Flop: 2-6-6; WHIFF! Turn: 5;
still nothing. River: EIGHT! Big Boy rides again and is in the chip lead! And
that's reason.....to dance!
AGAIN! Pocket 7's for Brandon. He's all-in again! Todd has 9-K of hearts. He
could be on tilt, but it's worth a call, putting himself in jeopardy. Flop:
6-J-3; nothing but a 3rd heart (J). Turn: the other red Jack. A 9 or K wins for
Todd......JACK! Big Boy's Boat floats to the couch. It's Todd v. Jerry in SUDDEN
Before we start, we learn that Brandon "Big Boy" Newsome had the Shick Quattro
Poker Face of the Night. Marvy. Now, let's restock the final 2 with 10 large and
play Sudden Death. Blinds are 200-400. Todd has K-10off. Good for the extra 200.
Jerry has A-7 of spades. He's been going in with any two cards, but this time
raises to 800. That's good for a call. Flop is 9-6-Q. Todd would like a Jack, as
both check. Turn is a 3. Jerry bet about 500, which is good to get Todd off the
Once more: another K-10off for Todd, which is good for the other 200. Jerry has
Acey-Deucey and raises. Todd calls again. Flop: 9-3-A, Jerry has Aces Up.
Jerry's big bet scares Todd off.
This is shaping up to be a route in favor of the old school. Todd has suited
10-8d and is in. Jerry has suited 10-Ah and wants it all. Todd is all-in and we
have a high-powered showdown. Flop: 9-4-4 with a diamond (4). Turn: King. Only
an 8 can save the casino exec........GOT IT! Todd doubles up and the plot
Todd has K-Joff and is all-in once more. Jerry has 6-7hearts and likes his
chances. Flop: Q-8-9, all black. A 10 gives Todd a 6-card straight. A 10-high
straight won't work for Jerry and will need a 5, 6, or 7 to bust Todd.. Turn: 3.
It all boils down to the river..........SEVEN! Jerry Goldberg played Hold 'Em
like he was on Suicide Watch but survives to see next week. Justice is served
for the little guy as Casino Big Wig Todd Haushalter is OUT!
That's all for this week's installment of King of Vegas. Until next time,
check-change 100 and DON'T GET ELIMINATED!