September 6, 2004
Gordon: We are back, after
playing some of the Jeopardy CD. How did you do, Chico?
Chico: I felt inadequate by the sheer knowledge of
someone who obviously has too much time on his hands.
But I have a life! A-HA!
Gordon: Apparently, not, if you are playing his CD.
Anyways, I am handing out pineapples for the next game.
Did you get yours, Chico?
Chico: Yeah, but I ate it. I was hungry.
Gordon: Don't eat the props!
Chico: Luckily, I stopped by the store and got another
one. Now explain how this works.
Gordon: Hmph. Anyway, this game is a tribute to both
Celebrity Mole Hawaii (hence the pineapples) and Allison
and Donny's appearance in Amazing Race 5. It's called
Infiltration. I'll give you a show. You tell me who
should infiltrate the show and make it better. For
example, if I said Joe
Millionaire, your answer could be ranging anywhere from
Melana Scantlin to a bondage porno movie crew to a
writing department to the FCC.
Chico: I don't see an improvement in any of the three
Gordon: Who would you send to infiltrate the show?
Chico: Joe Millionaire... I think I'd have to go with
Melana, because the
shallow/shallow fission/fusion would cause an emotional
Gordon: So we'd send Larissa, Melana and a writing crew
to Joe Millionaire - and hopefully make the show better,
Chico: Got it. Okay. Next up: The Complex. Whose
relationship needs mending over a mitre saw?
Gordon: Well, the show needs some excitement. for
starters - and maybe some people who know what they are
Chico: Yeah. So your choices?
Gordon: I think we need to send Susan Hawk and her
husband (who does know construction) and Boston Rob (who
does work in construction) and Amber so they can kick
ass and make fun of everyone while doing it.
Chico: Okay, Survivors. Point and laugh at the clueless
people! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good choices.
Gordon: Who would you send over to help the show?
Chico: Alison and Donny... for sheer entertainment
value. They don't have to build anything, they can just
argue... and you know.. Blend in ... with all
the other arguing couples.
Gordon: Lets add Fear Factor's Meg and Adam instead. Can
you take any more exposure to Allison and Donny?
Chico: Not without involving the porn crew. Next,
Gordon: Survivor - Thailand. This was a great strategic
series, but outside
of Ghandia, the cast was sort of dull. How do we spruce
this up to change
Chico: Simple, add Justin Sebik and his mad knifing
vibe. *mimes Psycho
knifing* Or for similar effect, AI2's Corey Clark and
Gordon: We don't need a psycho knocking off contestants
one by one - but it would certainly spice the show. We
haven't had a black diva contingency on Survivor - and
that's because we haven't had any more than 2 African
Americans on a Survivor show My suggestion - Omarosa,
Fantasia Barrino, and Camille from Next Top Model 2 -
and then throw Howard Dean in so he can scream just as
loud as Ghandia. AaaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAhhhhh
Chico: Damn skippy. Next on the agenda... Amazing Race
5, specifically the
team of Charla and Mirna. Charla's been the darling of
America this summer, but her partner leaves little to be
desired. How to remedy this, Gordon?
Gordon: Exchange Charla's partner. There are a lot of
choices here. You can either pick up Michael from
Extreme Dodgeball from the Stallion Battalion, or the
Title character form The Littlest Groom or any of the
midgets from the Man Vs. Beast series.
Chico: ... I pick Shorty Knisner from the Battalion, and
throw in Tobias
"Stretch" McKinney for maximum effect.
Gordon: You can call them the long and short of it.
Chico: ba DUM bum
Gordon: Next up - Jeopardy. You know we are looking for
this - who do you
send to challenge Jennings?
Chico: Herb Stempel. No doubt!
Gordon: who else?
Chico: Hmm.. It would be interesting to see Leszek
Pavlowicz school the boy. And of course, we can't forget
the sheer entertainment value of the deviant tactical
mind that is.. Jennifer "Nakomis" Dedmon.
Gordon: Good choices - I'll toss in Chuck Forrest and
Kevin Olmstead into
Chico: Let's see you worm your way out of THAT one,
Gordon: Some hating on Mr. Jennings from you?
Chico: If you weren't gonna do it, I was. Okay,
finally... *sigh* The Swaaaaaan. Good Amanda Byram
impersonation there. But who is in dire need of an
extreme do-over here? I'd nominate JJ from the Player,
simply because he's got the three R's going for him.
Rough, rugged, and raw. But I think the show stipulates
rules for females... so he's out.
Gordon: Rules schumules - stick JJ in there - and you
can add Michael
Ellis from BB5. You see those teeth? Yikes!
Chico: I think he's had more makeovers in his one summer
in the BB5 house than Madonna had in her entire career.
Gordon: He needs more... many more.
Chico: We're going to have to put a coffee on.
Gordon: Give Ruben some liposuction too, while we're at
it - and send in the Marines for Josh Gracin.
Chico: Okay, you're going totally Metro on me, dude.
Gordon: Get Gracin out of Metrosexual spikey hair mode,
Chico: Spikey.... hot button topic... issue-y...
Brain... can't handle it...
So there are your pineapples for Infiltration... Next
up, the Big Finish and another Big Five.
Gordon: It must be metrosexual syndrome.
Chico: Jason and Ryan are in the hallway shadow boxing.
They'll have to put up a fight in the Big Five... Next.
(Brought to you by the Next
Great Contender. The be all-end all of all reality
here to continue...