February 14, 2005
Big bucks! No Oscar de la Hoya! Annnnnnnnnnnd... STOP!
Chico: Friday, Friday,...
Gordon: Stop...at....a Saturday Death Slot against Wickedly
Chico: That way I have an excuse to be out of the house.
Gordon: Whaaaa - whaaaaaaaaaa
Ryan: What? No Law & Order?
Chico: Could be worse. Could've stopped on a Mystery wedge.
Gordon: So it's time to play doctor
Chico: Okay, as we've said before, one of you is going to be
giving advice to those in need. And that one is... *opens
envelope*... Jamie Foxx?
Chico: Oh man, we got the Oscar envelopes mixed up AGAIN.
Travis: I guess I won Best Actor...
Chico: Speech! On second thought...
Joe: With my luck, it'll end up being me.
Chico: Okay... It's time to Ask Dr..... Ryan!
Joe: Vickers gets to give advice.
Jason: I wanted to be doctor :-)
Mike: I'd like a nurse ;-)
Chico: Hello nurse!
Gordon: Everyone gets to ask the doctor a question, but using
a different name and base it on a game show situation.
Ryan: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO nurse!
Jason: For example?
Chico: Example please, Gordon.
Gordon: I will go first.
Ryan: Yes, go ahead...
Chico: Wait... Ryan, you have to put on the moustache and the
Ryan: And... done.
Dear Dr. Ryan -
I am a striving sportscaster
and I am appalled that ESPN will be bringing in
non-talented athletic hacks for Dream Job 3. How can
I stop ESPN from doing this?
Ryan: Well Zach, thanks for the letter. You see, you really
can't. At some
point or another, every "reality show" has to do a "stunt"
episode or season
(see All-Stars, Survivor; Mole, Celebrity; Fear Factor,
Couples). It was bound to happen. The best thing you can do is
try to do your job the best way you know how. Or, just give up
and see if they'll take you on Fox Sports. Which isn't that
bad as Fox News.
Gordon: It worked for Max Kellerman.
Joe: No it didn't.
Jason: I have one...
Chico: Ask away.
Dear Dr. Ryan,
I have been
trying to get a game show in syndication for three
years, but the market is saturated with failed talk
shows and dating shows. Any advice as to why we
haven't seen a new game show in the past three years
and will we see any more?
Signed, Steve B.
Chico: Sorry, but... LOlK
Mike: Line of the day!
Travis: The hell is LOIK?
Chico: Laugh on.. I kid... Sorry, I got nothing.
Ryan: Thank you for your letter. Unfortunately, the
syndication market is not as game show friendly as we have
seen in the last few years since the fallout of the network
game shows. True, all of the dating and talk shows seem like
the same thing, but many people at this point in the
television landscape like mindless entertainment. Here's a
thought: why not make a game show based on a talk show? You
could quiz people on their knowledge of Dr. Phil and as long
as you don't call it "Love Buffet", I'm sure it'll work.
Signed, Dr. Vtown.
Joe: OMG. A quiz show based on a talk show. Just wrong.
Travis: Bad Ryan! Don't give the suits any ideas.
Chico: Bad Ryan! No cookie.
Travis: MY EYES!
Ryan: I didn't say it was good... I just offered suggestions.
What my readers choose to do is their issue :-)
Jason: Ok Travis...:-)
Ryan: Although I think now I might be stripped of my
Travis: Chico, I just got a letter third class, postage due.
Chico: You may if you believe you may.
Dear Dr. Ryan -
putting out good programming, like more runs of The
Amazing Race, my network churns out crappy 'reality'
ideas that flounder in their first episode. Then we
move them to Saturday night, or remove them
entirely. Should we stick with what works, or try to
expand, even though the shows might be completely
Signed, Les is Less at CBS
Ryan: Hello Les is Less. You see
the problem is that you milk too much of a
good thing. You have good shows in "Amazing Race" and
"Survivor" and a long summer run with "Big Brother", but it
stops there. Your problem is that you didn't learn when
"Cupid" flunked, and you ran "Star Search" into the ground
quickly. You need to stick to your quality shows, and then
round out the schedule with comedies and dramas. At least you
learned by not following through with the "Culture Shock"
pilot after a contestant sued. If you insist on doing
something like "Wickedly Perfect" (which employs the services
of a wonderful Marc Summers), please do it in a "short burst"
series that lasts for a month, tops. Otherwise, you'll be
making your "Will" pretty quickly. Signed, Dr. Vtown.
Jason: Very nice Ryan.
Chico: Very nice. Okay, I've got one.
Ryan: Thank you, I was trying to redeem myself.
Dear Dr. Ryan
I am afraid that
being associated with a failure of a show (namely
its title sequence) might have an adverse effect on
my career. What do you suggest I do to assuage this
Ryan: Well Leann, as a performer,
one often has to take risks. Yours was to associate yourself
with a new reality show, one which hasn't really broken out of
the gates - it's stuck at the starting line. What you need to
do is make the best of a bad situation. Clean up the manure
that the show has made and when the final episode arrives,
make sure you're in the winner's circle. And then, and only
then, you'll become a Nashville Star. Signed, dr. vtown.
Chico: Very nice work, Ryan :-)
Ryan: I try :-)
Jason: Excellent job.
Gordon: Ryan - How can I live without you?
Ryan: I want to know!
Chico: Can't fight the moonlight, but you can fight the Big
Joe: Please don't continue that line of thought.
Gordon: Come visit me in Jersey so we can make sweet
Joe: I want Amy Jo Johnson to visit me in Anaheim so we can
(Brought to you by Ben & Jerry's newest flavor, Llama
Gordon: Did Joe Rogan approve that flavor?
Joe: ROFL! I can't possibly guess what that would taste like.
Chico: Not a clue.
Joe: In fact, I'm not sure I want to know.
Jason: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough is my favorite.
Joe: WHOO CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH!
Jason: high fives Joe.
Gordon: Loik??? Uhh....so with that out of the way, we
progress to...THE BIG FINISH!
Ryan: Sweet lovin... bring on the big finish!
Jason: Lets do it.
Chico: Okay, time for quick questions and quicker answers!
Family Feud, do
losers work too hard for $5 a point? Just satisfying curiosity
Jason: No...its not a big deal.
Joe: Yes. Needs to be $10 or $20 a point.
Ryan: It's been 30 years... let's throw them a bone and give'm
$10 a point.
Gordon: Based on some of the answers given, I think they
should pay the
audience $5 a rotten answer for having to sit through it.
Ryan: I love it when we... DOUBLE THE MONEY WOOOOOOOO!
Ryan: *smacks self silly*
Travis: $995 or $20,000. Leave it.
Gordon: Next up... Amazing Race 7 - How long will Amber and
Travis: I hope they trip and fall at the start line.
Jason: To the final episode and lose at the end.
Chico: I give'm two rounds. Tops.
Travis: I'm going to concur with teh Block.
Gordon: I agree with Jason
Ryan: I'm thinking midpoint.
Joe: Amber and Rob = teh suck.
Chico: On that same token... Amazing Race: Freddy & Kendra.
Did they deserve to win?
Travis: It's not about deserving.
Ryan: Freddy, maybe. Kendra, not a chance.
Jason: Its about how you play the game.
Travis: I crown Kendra the first "Miss Ghetto Africa".
Gordon: None of them 'deserved' to win, per se, but at least
they didn't say
that G-d selected them to win.
Travis: They got to the finish line first. They won. It's
Gordon: And yes, Amazing Race DO have African American winners
who were in a positive light and deserved to win.
Chico: Apprentice: both commercials sucked. Which one sucked
Travis: The one where Donald/Carolyn show the ACTUAL one - The
Travis: Too much of a sucky joke in that one.
Gordon: Sex sells - cucumber should have won
Chico: Too much info! Well, I saw the commercials... And they
Chico: I mean, there's sex, and then there's low-budget porn.
Ryan: Easy... the suits will get ideas...
Travis: The porn could have been done for less money.
Joe: And we might have gotten something out of it.
Gordon: We had reality horseracing. next UP, Celebrity...Pool.
Will you be
Chico: Why not. I like pool.
Ryan: If I'm surfing, maybe
Travis: If I had cable, I could watch me some 9 ball.
Mike: I guess I'd have to get GSN to watch it. Thus...no.
Chico: Rotation, dawg.
Travis: What? Rotation is the game? What that be?
Ryan: What about Celebrity... Pool... Antics? There's an
Travis: Ok, I watched 9 ball before, so I'd have reason to
Chico: Rotation is basically all 15 balls, one by one.
Joe: Only if I get to be in the pool with Amy Jo Johnson.
Chico: Okay, back into the contestant pool with you, Joe.
If we had free WLTI shirts, we'd be
one. And if you have a question or just want to send some love
our way, make like Nike and just do it.
Gordon: E-mail address is
email@example.com. Thats all I got - you?
Ryan: We should get WLTI shirts.
Chico: I'll look into it.
Joe: That would be nice.
Chico: Big thanks to Mike Klauss, Joe Van Ginkel, Ryan
Vickers, Jason Block,
Alex Davis, and Travis Eberle!
Mike: Thank you, sir.
Joe: Didn't get to do much this time did I? lol
Chico: Next week on the best damn web-chats-based, game-show
talk-radio-style show in the history of everything ever... We
tear into Survivor Palau.
Joe: Survivor = teh suck
Jason: 3 quit after episode 1.
Jason: Maybe.... :-)
Ryan: I just want to go dive Palau... supposed to be gorgeous.
Gordon: Maybe the Donald will get to the island and fire them
Chico: Out of a cannon and into the sun.
Travis: How many more will leave after that...?
Chico: Save it for next week, dudes! Until then, He's Gordon
Gordon: And hes Chico Alexander, and until next time, don't
quit your game until it's...
Group: Gaaaaaaaame Oveeeeeeeeer.
Chico: Peace out!
Travis: Game Over!
Mike: Klauss out!
Ryan: The end!