Chico: RIP Cal Worthington. A SoCal celebrity. YouTube his commercials, they're
Gordon: They are - and so is this season's crop of Dancing with the Stars
contestants. As a Matter of Fact -
Chico, you got a Big Board?
Dancing with the Stars: The Primer
- Jason: Corbin Bleu, Brant Daugherty, Valerie Harper, Christina Milian.
- Chico: Valerie Harper, Corbin Bleu, Brant Daughterty, and the winner,
- Gordon: Corbin Bleu, Brant Daugherty, Christina Millan, and Amber Riley to
Chico: So we have a lot of stars, a lot of coaches/partners, AND because we're
doing this on premiere week, we
have the first week scores to help us determine who will go the distance. Here
we go with a Really Big Board.
ELIZABETH BERKLEY LAUREN ("Saved by the Bell") and Val Chmerkovskiy
Gordon: She can dance, but she doesn't have the star power. On the outside of
the Top 4, looking in.
Jason: Midpack :)
Chico: She has moves, but does she have likability? I'm guessing no. Midpack.
CORBIN BLEU ("High School Musical") and Karina Smirnoff
Gordon: Hey Chico!
Chico: YES GORDON?!
Gordon: How do Disney Kids do again?
Chico: They sure do well, Gordon!
Chico: Top 4.
Gordon: Top 4. Top male candidate to win the whole thing, but NOT the winner.
Jason: top 4
BRANT DAUGHERTY ("Pretty Little Liars") and Peta "Heavens to" Murgatroyd
Gordon: It's a young soap opera hottie. Definite dark horse. Top 4.
Chico: I'd say so yeah.
Jason: Gordon is right again. Hotties get votes
Chico: Remember the audience,. Old women who like hot young men.
Gordon: And screaming young girlies who also love men
BILL ENGVALL ("Lingo") and Emma Slater
Jason: Midpack. At best.
Chico: Hey Gordon!
Gordon: Yes Chico!
Chico: How do hosts of Lingo do on DWTS again? =p
Gordon: Not only not well, but I have a Lingo puzzle for you
E _ _ _ _
E _ _ _ _ (BOOP)
E _ R _ _
Gordon: E A R L Y (ZING)
Chico: We get it. Bottom
Gordon: Not the first one out, but close to it.
Jason: No I have my first out
Chico: Me too. But we'll get there. Next..
VALERIE HARPER ("Rhoda") and Tristan McManus
Chico: NEVER MIND THE SCORE, She's going to get votes. TOP 4.
Jason: Calling it now. WINNER.
Gordon: ...Winner? Not a chance.
Jason: Cancer diagnosis, come on
Gordon: You're both on crack. She'll stick around, but the old geezer
role always ends around 6th or 7th. Midpack. I will put a sushi dinner on it
Jason: I am not THAT confident.
Chico: Yeah, that's not going to be happen. =p
KEYSHAWN JOHNSON and Sharna Burgess (plays the Fox NFL Sunday theme)
Chico: Proof that not all footballers are graceful. I say bottom of the midpack.
Gordon: If you're an NFL player and likable, you get into the Top 4. If you're not likable, you don't get anywhere near it. Keyshawn 'Gimme the Damn
Ball' Johnson falls into the latter category. midpack.
Jason: Ego doesnt play well here.
Chico: He's no Hines Ward, that's for sure. Work hard, have fun, stay humble.
CHRISTINA MILIAN ("The Voice") and Mark Ballas
Jason: Hello final four.
Chico: I think she's on the outside looking on.
Gordon: She's got all of the moves. The fact that she's on a Top 10 show won't
hurt. Top 4.
Chico: Imagine the PR debacle that will ensue when an NBC star wins ABC's
Gordon: She won't win.
Chico: I know she won't, but just imagine it. Next up...
BILL NYE (The Science Guy) and Tyne Stecklein
Jason: First gone, DOOFUS! :)
Chico: And the door prize goes to...BILL!
Gordon: He could do some scientific experiements on said door once he wins it.
Chico: Real shame for first-timer Tyne Stecklein. Next...
JACK OSBOURNE (Osbourne) and Cheryl Burke.
Jason: Last of my midpack guys
Chico: He's another one of those feel-good stories, but again, this isn't about
talent, it's about reaction
management. He just does NOT gel with the target demographic. Midpack.
Gordon: Quite honestly, he doesn't even have the backstory. He seems more
preach and a momma's boy to be good. Midpack.
NICOLE POLIZZI ("Snooki & JWoww") and Sasha Farber
Gordon: J-No. First woman gone.
Chico: Bottom. Snooki gets snookered. Next...
LEAH REMINI ("King of Queens") and Tony Dovolani
Jason: See Snooki, bottom 4
Chico: Last of my midpackers.
Gordon: I have to go with Jason here. Bottom 4.
Chico: And finally...
AMBER RILEY ("Glee") and Derek Hough
Chico: Ladies and gentlemen, YOUR WINNER.
Gordon: Hot? Yes. Current? yes. In the right show over a fallen cast member?
Yes. Do Gleeks watch this show? Sure
do. Does she dance? Yep. WINNER.
Jason: Wrong, switching Osbourne to bottom and putting her midpack. You guys are
Chico: Are we, Jay?
Gordon: I think Chico may be betting the Sushi dinner here
Chico: Sushi dinner for two. Gordon's in, too. =p
Gordon: Let's do this - whoever gets knocked out first - loser pays for an
Chico: Let's make this official. A GENTLEMEN'S AGREEMENT!
Jason: My final four: Bleu, Daugherty, Harper, Milian. Winner: Harper.
Chico: My final Four, Harper, Bleu, Daughterty, and the winner, Amber Riley
Gordon: So to sum this up: Gordon: Bleu, Daugherty, Millan, and Riley to win.
Jason: So congratulations to David Hasselhoff for winning this season :)
Gordon: AND: Between Riley and Harper; first one out has to pay for a sushi
appetizer. We would go dinner, but we
don't want to bankrupt Jason.
Chico: And after this break, we're going to ask to six people, what we'll ask of
Jason when Valerie Harper is
voted out. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
Gordon: We'll do that right after this!
(Brought to you by Kentucky Fried Tar Heels
O-Fer Holes WITH Buffalo Chips, like the ones Cam Newton must have been eating
when Buffalo wins on a last second touchdown, The 'O' must be in Carolina's
Chico: O-line, needs, help. Bold prediction time: The Panthers lose against the
Giants on Sunday, Ron Rivera is
out of a job on Monday.
Gordon: I'd go with that
Jason: What if the GIANTS go 0-3?
Gordon: Then Jason Block will audition for a new game show called Who Will Be My
Jason: Right. lol.
Chico: Welcome back to the show. Thanks for being a part of our week and
allowing our week to be a part of you.
Gordon: And now we come to the point where we play psychoanalyst. What Were You
Chico: Kick it off, G-man
Gordon: We start with...
Rupert from Survivor.
Chico: It's his woman. You always protect your woman.
Jason: Yes. He was thinking family first, game second.
Gordon: I already won a million. I want wifey to win it, or I can win America's
heart again for my gallantry and
win another million. America is dumb enough to vote for me again.
Jason: That too.
Chico: That works.
Gordon: Crazy like a fox. next...
We all know what Aaryn's thinking. She's thinking what her handlers are telling
her to think. Let's flip it on the
one, what is second-placer GinaMarie Zimmerman thinking?
Jason: I did NOTHING wrong. People fired me for the wrong reasons and (bleep)
anyone else who thinks so
Gordon: I wish my racist comments were less racist. That and at least I can find
a nice house in Texas.
Chico: I'm really sorry that what I said got on TV. I'm really sorry that my
employer saw it fitting to release me
after hearing it. I'm really sorry I'm Italian. I'm really sorry I have a big
mouth. But am I sorry for what I
Gordon: Heh. Next one...
Ryan Seacrest, on Million Dollar Quiz
Chico: At least I have my other 75 jobs to fall back on if this doesn't work.
Jason: I was trying to find something to do while I dont have to deal with the
Idol Morons and the Kardashians.
Gordon: If I have to eat one more Subway Sandwich Orville Reddennbacher popcorn
combo, I'm going to vomit.
Jason: Win :)
Chico: Next one...
Simon Cowell on the lackluster return of The X Factor.
Chico: I can't hear my own thoughts over my money.
Jason: ...Hello Nigel? Yeah, it's Simon. About all those things I said...
Gordon: ...Hello, L.A.? Yeah, it's Simon. Please come back. I'll give you
Britney Spears on a bender and you can
have your way with her - and I'll name my unborn baby after you.
Jason: He doesnt have to work(female dog) he HAS a Bugatti!
Gordon: Next one...
The Whammy, 30 years later.
Chico: I can't hear you over all my money!
Gordon: (Dials on the phone)...yeah, U.S.Government? I hear you may need my
services. I'll give you a cut after
I'm done talking to the Miami Marlins and the L.A. Dodgers.
Jason: Hey IRS - need me to get all those back taxes? I am your man!
Chico: Last one...
Alex Trebek's moustache. Jeopardy!'s been around for 30 years. Alex's mo, not as
Gordon: Don't bash the 'stache, baby
Jason: (plays porno music)
Chico: (plays "Never Gonna Let You Go") And that's What Are You Thinking? We're
going to wrap this up to a Speed
Round after this.
Gordon: Wakka wow wow...
(Brought to you by Millionaire's Skid Row. You think
answering questions for money was tough?
We have 4 spots in the Row and 5 players. Low man gets to spend a night out in
the street. With winter fast
approaching, it's never been more cutthroat...)
Jason: DUDE. Dont give them ideas.
Chico: It's cold and concrete is hard. Let's get hot and smooth. It's Speed
Round time! Who gets the Dancing door prize?
Gordon: Bill Bye the clumsy guy
Jason: Bill Nye the Doofus
Chico: Bill Nye, stick to science.
Jason: Will TPIR have a good week with the premiere and the all Plinko ep?
Chico: Yes and yes.
Gordon: Agreed. Jeopardy - what happens to Will?
Jason: One and done. Giant Killer rule
Gordon: The board was very pop culture oriented , which stumped Jared. I
think Will hits a roadblock when it goes back to academia.
Chico: Yep. Whos' next on Survivor?
Gordon: I think Gervase goes right after his niece.
Jason: Who leaves RI? Candace, Rupert or the niece?
Gordon: Any email?
Chico: Nope. But you can change that with a short shoot to email@example.com.
Or you can follow us on
Twitter and Facebook.
Gordon: And that ends this episode. Special thanks to Jason Block for joining us
Chico: Next week, we're all Plinko happy
Jason: Thank you for having me.
Gordon: It's our own tribute to Plinko, WLTI style. For everyone, this is Gordon
Pepper, saying Game Over and
Spread the Love.