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Because fandom is NOT a spectator sport...

Today is

February 5, 2007

Gordon: We are back, and I had the opportunity to have an interview with one of the kids who was trying out for 'Are You Smarter Then a 5th Grader'. I think that a lot of insight could be taken out of this interview on a number of subjects. Hello.
5th Grader: Hello
Gordon: First of all, thank you very much for the interview. Lets start with #1 - How did you find out about the show?
5th Grader: There was an internet ad on Craig's List. They were looking for families.
Gordon: The ad, I believe was this -

We are currently looking for families to  star in a brand new network game show.  The grand prize is over a  million dollars!!! Think of what you and your kids could do with  that!!  We are holding auditions this Saturday and Monday. Please  send us your contact info, a picture of your family and why we should pick  you asap!!

Gordon: This is the ad, right?
5th Grader: Yes, that is the ad.
Gordon: That doesn't seem to look like an ad for 5th Graders.
5th Grader: I thought that it was for a show like Amazing Race or Family Double Dare
Gordon: That's what I would think it would be. So...#2 - Who did you audition with?
5th Grader: We = me and my family
Gordon: The whole family, I would assume?
5th Grader: No, they didn't want the rest of my family, they only wanted me because I was a fifth grader.
Gordon: #3. When did they tell the whole family that they only wanted you?
5th Grader: After they saw a picture of us, they called. 
Gordon: What did the person who called say?.
5th Grader: When my mom described my other family members, the guy said that they probably wouldn't be right for the show. But they were interested in me because I am a 5th Grader. That's when he mentioned the name of the show. "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader"
Gordon: That sounds a little different than an ad looking for families
5th Grader: Yes.
Gordon: #4. How did the family react when they heard?
5th Grader: It wasn't a big deal to them, they were happy about my chance to be on a game show.
Gordon: Was anyone concerned that the people who were behind creating a false advertisement would do anything else bad?
5th Grader: At this point in time, no.
Gordon: #5. So the day of the interview comes. What happened?
5th Grader: One of my parents drove me to LA, to Mark Burnett's offices.  We were shown into a room with other kids.  We waited for more than two hours to be seen. While I was waiting, I found out that the other 5th Graders were actors and their agents sent them to audition.
Gordon: How did you know they were actors?
5th Grader: Their moms were bragging about the movies their kids were acting in.
Gordon: Were you the only person that wasn't an actor?
5th Grader: I was the only kid that wasn't an actor.
Gordon: Did that concern you at all?
5th Grader: No. My parents had a bad feeling about the situation, but I wanted to wait and audition.
Gordon: ok. #6 So what happened next?
5th Grader: They finally called the kids in. We went into a room with a blue background and a camera in it. There were three adults in the room. The adults told us to stand on a piece of tape that was taped on the floor. They asked us about ourselves, then asked basic trivia questions. We were playing against an adult. The adult purposely was stupid. Or at least I hope so. He should have been held back if he wasn't pretending.
Gordon: How did you do on the questions?
5th Grader: I got most of them right.  The adult missed all of them.
Gordon: Did you ever think that the adult missed it on purpose?
5th Grader: YES!  Or else he is really stupid. The adults laughed when I made fun of the contestant.
Gordon: How did you make fun of him?
5th Grader: I made suggestions that he might learn stuff in a 1st grade classroom.
Gordon: So the adults like it?
5th Grader: Yes, they were laughing.
Gordon: #7. What happened after the questions?
5th Grader: They showed us out and we left. A few days later, they said that they wanted to see me again. This time we went to a hotel. I knew that we would be testing the game with Jon Lovitz.
Gordon: How did you know it was Jon Lovitz?
5th Grader: He has guest starred on many "Simpsons" episodes.
Gordon: I mean how did you know you would be with him?
5th Grader: Somebody told my parents.
Gordon: Ah. Ok. #8. How was Jon Lovitz?
5th Grader: Jon Lovitz was funny.  He was a good host.
Gordon: Did he like you?
5th Grader: I don't know one way or another. When we weren't playing the game, he didn't talk to us.
Gordon: #9. So what happened after the play-through with Jon Lovitz?
5th Grader: We played the game a few times with different contestants. We were told what answers to use each time. That bugged me because I knew the right answers.
Gordon: So they were looking more for how you said the answers and reacted to it?
5th Grader: Yes, I think so.
Gordon: How do you think you did?
5th Grader: Good.  The people at the show didn't have to tell me to sit down, or stop talking.  I did exactly what they wanted me to do.
Gordon: #10. So what happened afterwards?
5th Grader: We left the hotel immediately. A few days later, one of my parents found out that they were only hiring SAG members to be on the show. I found out that same thing from somebody that I met at my audition.
Gordon: #11. When was the next time you heard from them?
5th Grader: I haven't heard from them again.
Gordon: So it was basically 'Don't Call Us', We'll Call you'
5th Grader: If I had known they only wanted SAG members I would not have auditioned.  They knew that I didn't have an agent and that I wasn't in SAG, so they should not have lead me on. They are JERKS!!!!!
Gordon: Why do you not think they let you audition?
5th Grader: They knew that I wanted to be on the show, they also knew that I wasn't a SAG member, so they didn't have to spend money hiring somebody else to test their game. They are JERKS!!!!!!!
Gordon: Do they have to pay SAG members money for them to come in and audition?
5th Grader: My parents said that some of the kids were paid to play the pretend game.
Gordon: #12. So are you getting an SAG Card anytime soon?
5th Grader: No way!  On the press releases for the show, they say that contestants will be competing against regular kids.  Regular kids don't have a SAG card. I am not an actor, I just wanted to play the game.
Gordon: #13. What was your favorite part of doing this?
5th Grader: The free candy at the breaks between the mock games.
Gordon: Did they feed you anything else besides candy?
5th Grader: No.
Gordon: You're right. They are jerks!
5th Grader: My parents had to ask for me to get something to drink and to let me go to the bathroom.
Gordon: #14. Are you going to audition for any more game shows?
5th Grader: I hope so.  Hopefully other networks won't be JERKS. If they didn't show the Simpsons and Family Guy  I would stop watching them.
Gordon: #15. Is there any other part of the audition that you wanted to talk about?
5th Grader: It didn't seem like they were making a game show, they were
making a reality show.
Gordon: Now we come to the part of the show where we ask the same 5 questions
we ask everyone else.
5th Grader: Ok.
Gordon: #16. Favorite Game Show, Past or Present
5th Grader: Jeopardy!
Gordon: #17 - Favorite Game Show / Reality Show Host, Past or Present
5th Grader: Alex Trebek
Gordon: What show would you want to be a contestant on?
5th Grader: 1 vs. 100
Gordon: Would you have wanted to be in the kid's mob?
5th Grader: No. I want to be the "1."
Gordon: #19 - Let's say you could bring back your favorite game show that's not on the air. What show would it be and why?
5th Grader: Figure It Out, I like the show, it's funny.
Gordon: I like the show too. Finally, #20. Anything you want to say about anything?
5th Grader: When the album Costello Music, by the Fratellis comes out on March 13th, buy it.  Their music is really good.
Gordon: Great. Thank you so much for the interview.
5th Grader: You're welcome.
Chico: That looked fun. Of course, "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" premieres on Fox later this month.
Gordon: We'll be back - right after this...

(Brought to you by American Nytol. Watch people take sleeping pills and see who falls asleep fastest. If you want to recreate this moment, watched Armed and Famous)

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