January 22, 2007

Chico: Hamtaro's cute.
Gordon: Don't forget to have your hamsters spayed and neutered.
Chico: Right on.  Welcome back. Court's in session.
Jason: The honorable Gordon Pepper presiding. That would make him Commissioner Gordon ;)
Gordon: Order in my court!
Chico: Supreme Deep Dish.
Jason: Veggie Burger
Gordon: Jason's keeping with his diet. Good boy. We have a mountain of cases to get through this morning. Shall we begin?
Chico: Yep
Gordon: First case...

Accused: Big Brother UK
Charge: Racism

Gordon: Who is to blame for this mess?
Jason: The people to blame are not the show. But the people who said it. Shows are not responsible for what idiots say on a camera thats trained on them 24 hours a day...and they know it. So not guilty.
Chico: I blame the perpetrators for beginning it, and the producers for propagating it... and the media for jumping on it. So I would call guilty verdicts all around. It takes two to screw.
Gordon: I like both arguments, but I think that you can't blame the whole show. I think the people who said it should be guilty. I think the producers did propagate it - but that's doing their job to spark ratings and if they didn't do it we would be all over them for it. Everyone else can go...EXCEPT Jade. Guilty for her! Sentence?
Chico: They have to spend an hour in the all-star Big Brother House... with the Mime from Hell.
Gordon: I'll allow it. JUSTICE! Next case...

Accused: The Bachelor's Lorenzo Borghese

Chico: GUILTY!
Gordon: Let me read the facts first, Mr. Fleiss hater.
Chico: Throw the book at 'im! I got the EOTVGS right here!
Jason: How about the OED

Charge: Bigamy

Chico: GUILTY!
Gordon: Sigh.
Chico: Fine. Let's hear the facts, first.
Gordon: Reports are coming out that Lorenzo not only dumped Jennifer Wilson, but is now seeing Sadie Murray - the finalist he rejected. Change of heart or secret dating on the side?
Chico: GUILTY! Hitting it on the side...
Jason: GUILTY. It isn't bigamy...that's called being on the down low, yo.
Gordon: Do you think the Lorenzo/Sadie relationship is going to go anywhere?
Jason: No.
Chico: Nope. If past indication is any... err.. indication. Sentence?
Gordon: So then would the appropriate punishment for Lorenzo be to spend the rest of his life living with Sadie?
Jason: Sure.
Gordon: Then we do it. JUSTICE!
Chico: Can we throw in that he be spayed and neutered?
Gordon: Like his pets? Yes, I'll allow it. Next case... Oooh...a suit and counter suit

Accused: American Idol
Charge: Excessive Cruelty to handicapped people

Jason: The counter suit?

Accused: The View
Counter charge: Excessive Force

Jason: Evidence?
Gordon: According to Rosie O'Donnell, a few of the singers in American Idol have web sites that include them being in the 'Special Olympics', alluding that the people who are being made fun of aren't all there. Does she have a point?
Chico: Again, you have to have SOME idea of what you're getting yourself into if you're going to an American Idol audition. Ultimately, though, the producers choose a) the people that go see the big three, and 2) the people that they let on TV. And III) It's not like they do spot background checks on these people while they're auditioning.
Jason: Yeah. But do me a favor. These people DO know what they are getting into.
Gordon: There are way too many people to do spot audition checks on. In addition, if they have seen the show, they know what they are getting into, or the supervisor with them know what they are getting into.
Chico: They literally have no idea what they're up against, both contestants and judges, and both parties have four months to put something together to put on TV. So Guilty on both parties.
Jason: Wrong. AI--Not Guilty. AI should be crueler to these people. These people are delusional no talents who think they have a shot. Life isn't fair.
Gordon: Wow. Do you kick animals too, Jason?
Chico: Who passed out on the Haterade? =p
Jason: I am tired of the political groups out there who are waiting to be offended. Flame me if you want. But if you think you are going to get on American Idol with the lack of talent you have, but you are going to get burned.
Gordon: I do agree with Jason, however on this point - life is not fair. I think the worst thing you could possibly do to someone is to tell them that they are talented in an area when they are not. Not only does this sidetrack a person, but it deters them away from something that they may be indeed truly talented on. I also know enough special handicap people to know that they are very aware of what they are doing - and none of them would be caught dead trying to sing on Idol.
Jason: And you know what, I get a certain kick out of seeing Simon be critical to these people. I am not saying make fun of handicapped people for the sake of doing so. What I am saying is, that you see that people tried out.
Chico: Yeah, but there was time to get background on these people between the audition and the and say "hey, we may have a problem here." That's all I'm saying about Idol.
Gordon: And I am saying that you can't have it both ways. How many times do we complaining that certain people have no shot to get on a TV show?
Chico: Ugly brilliant thing that first Amendment.
Jason: Exactly. These people aren't "the pretty people." And when you have them on...people complain. Cant have that cake and eat it, don't you know. My verdict AI--not guilty. The View--Guilty.
Gordon: Well, here's a show that's letting EVERYONE have a shot - even the ugly people. And you can't all of a sudden restrict certain people and say, 'well we didn't mean those people'. Everyone's equal, and no one should have an advantage.
Chico: So what's the final verdict?
Gordon: Idol - not Guilty. The View - Guilty. The Verdict - that The View should buy Jason Block a puppy that he can kick in his room the next time he watches The View.
Jason: Sorry, that one got me a little frosted.
Chico: Not gonna happen. That's Price Time at the Block house.
Jason: Damn skippy.
Gordon: Before we go on - a public service announcement from WLTI...

(We here at WLTI do not condone the abuse of any sort of animal. Don't send us hate mail.)

Jason: Never.
Chico: That's right. Next case?
Gordon: Next case...

Accused: Andy the Wheel of Fortune Contestant
Charge: Reckless Use of a Wild Card

Chico: When and for how much?
Jason: Hold on...checking my interbox here
Gordon: Andy decided to use the Wild Card...on a $400 space. To make matters even worse, the letter that he called out WASN'T IN THE PUZZLE.
Jason: This was Friday's show.
Gordon: Yes it was. Ugly moment in Wheel of Fortune history.
Chico: Oh, SO guilty.
Jason: And yes, Guilty.
Gordon: GUILTY! Punishment - He has to spend 100 hours of Community Service on the Wheel of Fortune Set, polishing the letter screens on the board that Vanna turns.
Chico: And sending Vanna's wardrobe for drycleaning.
Gordon: Agreed. JUSTICE!
Chico: Next case on the docket?

Accused - 5 MyGrammy Moment Finalists
Charge: Mediahoing Without a Proper License

Gordon: In a contest that no one has heard of, 5 women are finalists. The winner gets to sing with Justin Timberlake at the Grammys. Is this too ubiquitous of a way to get to stardom?
Jason: Actually, I have some information on one of the finalists. May I approach the bench?
Gordon: Yes. Mr. Block, please approach the bench.
Jason: http://www.nj.com/entertainment/jjournal/index.ssf?/base/entertainment-0/116867138149120.xml&coll=3 One of the finalists is named Jillian Gaudious. She won, in 2003, the "New
York Idol" contest from WPLJ-FM. So she is not guilty. The other 4 are.
Gordon: What say you, Chairman?
Chico: Guilty with the exception of the New York Idol.
Gordon: I'll make it unan1mous then. Guilty! The sentence?
Jason: Listening to "Bye Bye Bye" on infinite loop.
Chico: (plays "What Goes Around... Comes Around")
Gordon: And then performing it for all of the B-Listers in The Surreal Life Fame Game House with Marshmallow. JUSTICE! Final Case....hmmmm....this one comes from The Fashion Police. Interesting, no?

Accused: The Apprentice's Carey

Jason: Oh no.

Charge: Distribution of Obscene Material and Lewd behavior in public

Chico: Evidence?
Gordon: The skimpy pink bathing...thing in the Apprentice. Not only did he create it (and was fired for it), but he modeled it and showed it (and his package) off on a runway shoot. Are certain things even too obscene for TV?
Chico: (Borat)"You like?"(/Borat) ... No. GUILTY!
Jason: He called it a "gay suit". I call it foul. GUILTY.
Gordon: Would you or anyone you know ever wear it?
Jason: Hell no.
Chico: Not even my gay best friend would. Not even YOUR gay best friend. Not even every gay best friend in America.
Gordon: I can't imagine anyone wearing it, period. GUILTY! The Sentence - he has to wear it at the Reunion show - as the only thing he's wearing.
Jason: WOW :-) My eyes.
Chico: Shudder. I think that after seeing last image, I need to clear out my head.  Court stands in recess until after the next commercial break. See you soon!
Gordon: Recess! Who's got the dodge ball?
Jason: Tag! You're It!

(Brought to you by Judge Bob Saget... Well... with all the judges in the Mob.. Why not?)

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