Episode 23.2 - The Mercury Retrograde
January 11

(Brainvision has been brought to you by Bingo Blitzed. Watch the hilarity as people get drunk and attempt to fill out Bingo Cards. It's more fun than O-69! Bob Guiney hosts with special guests David Hasselhoff and Tiger Woods.)

Jason: THUD
Brian: Well, that was funny.
Jason: All good.
Chico: Welcome back to WLTI.  AS you know, this week we had our fill of American Idol and apparently we wants us some more. But... we think.. Gordon and Me... we think that you'd enjoy it a little more if you knew a few things.
Jason: Bring the Knowledge.
Chico: So here now... 6 Things We Think You Should Know about American Idol. Gordon, you want to start?
Gordon: Surely.

1. American Idol isn't just about SINGING. It's about THE WHOLE PACKAGE OF A SINGER.

Jason: That is true. I don't like it, but I know this is the truth.
Gordon: Charisma is what counts here.
Chico: Not to mention selling yourself.
Gordon: Exactly. Sell yourself, the song and who you are as an artist and performer. The people who can show you who they are do very well.
Chico: While we're on that subject...

2. American Idol isn't about watching people sing either.

Jason: It's about seeing people sing BADLY.
Chico: Sure music is a big part of it... but it's also about a battle between yourself and the odds.
Jason: Schadenfreude.
Chico: It really is about "the show".
Gordon: And watching Simon destroy people, etc.
Jason: yes.
Chico: And it has been for a while now.

3. You will NEVER have 2 of the same genre in the finals, even if they are the best 2 singers.

Gordon: Won't happen. Too many people voting for too many different styles.
Chico: Yep.
Jason: Right.
Chico: This truly is a microcosm of America.
Gordon: So Adam Lambert Vs. Allison Iraheta? Nope, and I got a dinner from Jason because of it. Thank you, Jason :)
Jason: You are welcome :)
Gordon: I have gotten many meals from Jason over the years via Idol.
Jason: Blah.
Gordon: And I hope to get more this year. I'm hungry.
Chico: From January to May, Gordon has never had to pay for a dinner. It's weird but true.
Gordon: Yep. Next one?

4. The Creative Failure rule is in full effect.

Jason: Which is?
Chico: If you try to be creative and you fail... you're still a failure.
Gordon: Well...not necessarily. Save for THE CHAOS THEORY (TM)
Jason: Right.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Sing well, you're ok. Have a spectacular train wreck, you're ok. Sing bland and unmemorable, you're in trouble.
Chico: See, sociology, music, and math.

5. It's young fly-over Americans who vote that determines who wins Idol, not cranky old farty Republicans from Brooklyn who keep giving Gordon free meals.

Jason: Adam Lambert = Blue States and the Coast. Kris Allen = everywhere else.
Rob: Meaning, you have to appeal to that fanbase quite a lot in order to get far on Idol. If they don't like you, then you have no shot of winning.
Gordon:  The Idol winner usually comes from the South and usually wins the R&B Vote.
Chico: In order to win Idol, you have to "play in Peoria"
Gordon: Peoria and little kids vote.
Chico: And finally...

6. A scheduling!

Chico: BIG BOARD ME!

Chico: American Idol: A Quick Schedule. January 12: the auditions begin. February 9: The Hollywood Round. February 23: The voting begins with the top 24. March 16: the FINALS! April 21: Idol Gives Back. And finally.... May 25... after 15 weeks of power texting and prognosticating... your new American Idol is named. Plan your calendars accordingly.
Gordon: You forgot May 26: Jay pays up.
Jason: Ha Ha Ha
Chico: Heh.
Gordon: When we come back, we get plungers. Stay with us.
Jason: I am ready :)

(Brought to you by My Pet Pornstar. From the makers of Turkey Treadmill comes My Pet Pornstar, the pornstar you keep in a cage and feed carrots to every day!)

Chico: And if you do it right, he'll give you $1000!
Jason: ROFL
Brian: ROFL
Chico: It's a KIDS' toy!
Rob: Are Plungers kids toys as well?
Brian: Not if it has the word Pornstar in the name.
Jason: depends
Gordon: Didn't they also create the Cabbage-Chested Kids?
Chico: Why yes! Yes they do!
Gordon: I love that company!
Jason: Profits. Lots of profits
Chico: Money money money.
Gordon: Anyhoo, Chico has another list of shows that we must purvey and judge. So let's start judging. Chico?
Jason: Let's
Chico: PRESENT.
Rob: Sounds good to me
Brian: Go for it.
Chico: First up...

SILENT LIBRARY MTV 6:30p ET Weekdays

PUSH

Brian: Sounds like a push to me.
Chico: Big push.
Jason: Push
Gordon: Push. It's clean dirty fun.
Rob: I'm going to be the lone dissenter here and give it the pastry here. Not a fan, but I get it.
Chico: Ehh... you're the fifth dentist...

SHEAR GENIUS Bravo February 3

FLUSH

Jason: sorry....cant push this. This doesn't work for me FLUSH
Chico: I dunno. This didn't do it for me the first time. FLUSH.
Brian: Flush.
Rob: Flush here, I don't get excited about hair.
Gordon: Pastry. It's a fun show, but they need to have more originality and less pandering on it.
Chico: So... it's a Flush. Sorry, G. Next...

HIGH STAKES POKER GSN February 14

PUSH

Rob: Normally, I go Push, but I don't know about this season, so I'm going Pastry. The change from Benza to Kara Scott will be a dealbreaker for some.
Gordon: Despite not having AJ, it's still going to be a hot show. Push.
Brian: I'll give a cautious push.
Chico: I'm going to go push
Jason: I will PUSH this one hard. It's not about the host. It's about the action.
Chico: It shouldn't change much, even with Kara at the helm. So it's a push. Next...

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL CW March 3

PASTRY

Jason: Have to push this one too. The only hit CW's got
Rob: El Flush-O. The show is tired, and isn't enjoyable to me at all.
Chico: Jiggle. It's the CW's signature show... but it does nothing for me personally
Gordon: Push. It's a good show that keeps expanding it's own boundaries.
Brian: Flush, I really don't care about this show at all.
Chico: So it's... a pastry?! WHA? Next...

ULTIMATE RECIPE SHOWDOWN Food March 7

PUSH

Jason: This one I like PUSH.
Chico: No question. PUSH.
Rob: It's a Push, I enjoy this show and Guy Fieri as host.
Brian: Push
Gordon: Guy Fieri could be the next breakout host. Push. Hey Chico! It's time for fanfare!
Chico: Oh! Right! (Final Fantasy win fanfare) it's been a while.

DANCING WITH THE STARS ABC March 22

PUSH

Gordon: They cut it down from 16 to 12 with no idiotic double eliminations, so it's good for me. Push.
Chico: Agreed
Brian: Push
Jason: PUSH. Although the definition of "Star" is very loose
Chico: PUSH
Rob: Meh, I don't watch the show, I'm usually watching something else, but Push it.
Chico: (FF fanfare) Are they running out of stars yet? Next...

CELEBRITY APPRENTICE NBC March 14

FLUSH

Jason: You know what...FLUSH. The stench of "Our Little Genius" comes here. Who knows what Burnett and crew have rigged here.
Chico: I'm going to flush this and I'll tell you why. The best player never wins.
Brian: Flush
Rob: My interest in The Apprentice has been shot since Randall Pinkett won. Not even Bill Goldberg can save this show from me Flushing it.
Gordon: Sorry, Not after last season's debacle. And explain to me how a Kardashian gets knocked out with DUI which has nothing to do with the task while you allow someone who's on trial for corruption here. FLUSH.
Chico: Now I know what to do here... One... two... THREE!
Everyone: PLUNGE!!!!!!!!!!
Gordon: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Chico: Yikes. Next...

SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS CBS February 11

PUSH

Chico: Big players, big plays... PUSH!
Brian: Push!
Rob: I'm loving this, you got two of the best villains you love to hate in Coach and Russell together, and Rupert's back for his 3rd go. Big Push
Gordon: Awesome cast, although I'm wondering why we're seeing some of these people for the third time. Push though.
Jason: I want to PUSH this so bad.... but I can't.
Chico: Because "this is what the people want to see". At least tell us why, J.
Jason: Simple. Burnett. His rep has been permanently tainted.
Chico: Ah.
Jason: Who knows what HE wants to see, as to what is.
Chico: Wouldn't go so far as to say THAT.
Jason: PASTRY.
Chico: But there you are.

THE AMAZING RACE CBS February 14

PUSH

Chico: Can't go wrong here. PUSH it.
Jason: This is the show I PUSH the hardest
Gordon: Awesome show. PUSH. Though seeing Jeff and Jordan on it concerns me a little.
Brian: Push it!
Rob: I...Hate The Amazing Race.
Jason: But...
Chico: Are you kidding me, Rob?
Rob: This show does nothing for me whatsoever, I don't enjoy seeing teams running around the world completing tasks. Phil Keoghan rubs me the wrong way as host. And in certain instances, we see why people have a bad juju about Americans and the way some teams act. Flush.
Gordon: You know what I think about celebrifying this show But I'll still push.
Chico: Right
Gordon: Next?
Chico: Next we finish the list of seven shows next week.
Gordon: And we finish up this show - next!

(Brought to you by The Singing Flea. That's right! Win a date with Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers! Hey, it worked out well for Bret Michaels who's now a big time reality ho. Chico Alexander hosts.)

Jason: ROFL
Brian: LOL
Gordon: And we know how much Chico loooooves his dating shows.
Jason: Yes he does :)
Chico: I hate you, G.
Gordon: What happened to embrace everything with love? Last week, your resolution was love, love, love...
Chico: No, that was YOURS.
Gordon: Fine :) I resolve we go to a Speed Round...NOW!
Chico: Project Runway. Who's next to go?
Gordon: Im going to say Jesus
Jason: The one with the brown leather dress
Rob: Yeah, that one.
Jason: Jesus. That's right
Chico: Yup. Give us until next week. We'll learn who's who =p
Gordon: Iron Chef America: This Sunday is Jose Garces' first battle. How will he fare?
Jason: He wins.
Rob: He'll win.
Gordon: You have to give the newest Iron Chef a cupcake. Of course he'll win. Too bad I won't be able to see it :P
Jason: You didn't see the phony vegetables then :)
Gordon: No I didn't.
Chico: Oh yeah!
Jason: You heard about that right?
Chico: Turns out the veggies in the Super Chef Battle were "stunt vegetables". The chefs prefer to work with fresh ones. And I can totally understand that. The White House bit was shot in October, while the battle was shot in November. Try and approach this like a chef and you'll see why me? I don't see it as that big a deal.
Gordon: Do we have any email?
Chico: Yes we do. And hey... It's Statboy! Happy New Year, Stat Boy!
Gordon: Happy New Year!

Jason: Very good :)
Chico: I did watch. And the team that won... much deserved. That's all I'm saying, and that's all from the mail bag.
Gordon: And eventually, people like me can watch and see who won.
Chico: You can change that by sending us some love at wlti@gameshownewsnet.com. Or Find us on Facebook, Myspace, YouTube...
Gordon: And that's all for this show. Special thanks to Jason, Rob and Brian for being here today.
Rob: You're welcome guys, even though I might not get much in popularity for my hatred for Amazing Race.
Jason: Thank you
Brian: Thanks, folks.
Chico: Before we go... I'm watching Jose Garces' premiere on Iron Chef America. What are we NOT watching, G?
Gordon: I'm not watching anything on Food Network. I'm on strike.
Chico: And on Cablevision... Awww.
Gordon: I'll watch a marathon on Top Chef, I suppose.
Chico: Next week... will Jason Zollinger go for five? Will we get five wins on TPIR? Do we have something else involving five? Find out. Until then, I'm Chico. He's Gordon. The Show is WLTI. Game over.... and spread the love.