Auditions 4 - July 11|
We've had three episodes of contestant searches. Thankfully, the
search ends this week. We are in the desert in Tempe, Arizona
for the comic's last chance to get one of 32 Semi-FInal Spots.
How lame have the comics been so far? if Buck Star auditioned, I
would say that the chances of him getting a slot are better than
ANT is hoping that the weather gets the comics out - they got
ANT, Kathleen Madigan and Alonzo Bodden out as they emerge from
their sleeping tent. The first comic that they emerge to see is
Ryan Hamilton (Salt Lake City, UT), who describes himself as a
white Chris Rock. He compares Speed Dating to being a real rush
when you can be rejected by 30 people a night instead of one
person. The person who ANT considers the strangest person he has
ever seen gets to go to the next round. Suli McCullogh, who also
looks strange (with a bugged out
eyes) says that he has the perfect body for an 8th grader and he
also gets through. The eyes of Suli compel thee...
Ken and his brother Brady is next. Brady is a human
amplification system, and the judges get...a deaf girl with lazy
eye was no good because she was seeing someone on the side. They
dance to Brady's music and get rid of them - as well as a
montage of bad comics.
Andrew Orvedahl (Denver, CO), talks about predictable dialogue
at a car accident. That gets him in, while Robin Reiser (LA,
CA), gets woken up by NPR while realizing that it was street
cleaning day. Eh. She gets through anyways. Chris Bennett calls
out bingo during a nursing home. ANT says that he's heard the
Bingo jokes at a drag queen contest. OOPS.
Next up is Lavell Cawford (St Louis, MO), a very portly African
American, says he's not afraid to die fat - his pallbearers
should be afraid though. He's more concerned about being a fat
angel so he can't sprain his wing. That easily gets him in and
it looks like we finally have a funny comedian - which means
that he probably won't make the finals.
After seeing Rusta Rhymes mutilate some rap lines, we're off to
see Greg Warren (Kirkwood, MO) who doesn't want to hear about
the checkout person talking about his cookies, comparing it to a
crackwhore and his pimp. He gets in. Hippieman talks about girl
on girl love, but Alonzo shoots the joke down. Cut the segway of
Will Chuck Roy (Denver, CO) help? He changes the motto of New
Hampshire's Live Free or Die to move, adding that he has an 80's
haircut. He advances. John Caparulo (Studio City, CA) wonders
why people have big dogs in LA, comparing that to his bleeding
to death. That's good enough for an advancement.
It's showcase time, complete with judges and Capitol One No
Hassle Pass. Andrew comes back with a meal of unpopped popcorn
before going to the electric charm while paying 1/3rd for child
support, suggesting that they put the birth control pills in a
Pez Dispenser with a baby's head on it. Kivi Rogers (Santa
Clara, CA), equates sports and lovemaking. Eh.
Greg Warren (Denver, Co), gets called the flute man and his
friend Nick is called No Neck Nick. I guess it's funnier in
person. Ryan Hamilton, who calls himself the illegitimate son of
Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine, talks about slang that isn't used
that often, like Gymnasium. Chris Voth (Lakewood, CO), gets his
grandmother a Swifter and Tennis Balls when she wants a flu
shot. Suli calls the black man who plays Barney 'Tyroneasaurus
Rex', calling the outfit (purple
with green trim) pimp gear. Its a very funny skit, which means
he probably also won't get in.
Lovell the bog boned comedian says that when he's nervous he
swells up. He's upset that he goes to the doctors office and
compares it to a auto repairs shop - they check him for his
ankle and he comes out with diabetes. His mom, who doesn't know
what diabetes is, tells him that he should have worn a condom.
Cristella Alonzo (North Hollywood, CA) hates women who take
skimpy underwear and turn it into an outfit. The women are the
naughty nurses while she's the pumpkin. Cute. The returning
Robin talks about hanging out, and the question really should be
how much she needs to shave. Rocky LaPorte (Sherman Oaks, CA)
wonders why people don't notify the doctor in case of emergency
instead of a parent.
Dave Landau (Grosse Pointe Woods, WI) talks about gas being
cheap, reminding him that he doesn't have to buy 20 gallons of
orange juice every four days. That was funny. Comparing Bush to
Hitler - not too funny. Jay Larson (LA, CA) talks about being
attacked in a public urinal. Eh. John Capuralo discusses how Tom
Hanks in the movies makes it better to watch than reading books.
John says it was fun, but he didn't get any chick's phone
Chuck Roy is back, talking about white people's houses and
describes the names of the gated communities as the animals they
had to kill to build said communities. Brandon Vestal (LA, CA)
hates pedestrians to the point where drivers should be able to
bump 3 pedestrians, or trade 3 bumps for one direct hit. With
that, we are done with the comedians...
...and on to the announcements. Suli says that it would be sad
if he didn't get an envelope, while Chuck doesn't want to lose
in front of his mom. He won't have to worry - he gets an
envelope. Joining him is Lovell Crawford (OMG - they took a
FUNNY Comedian??!!?!? WHOA), Greg Warren (ok, back to mediocre
comedians), while the Capital One Winner is John Caparulo. The
last spot (which means that we will either say goodbye to Suli
McCollough or Ryan Hamilton) goes to...Ryan Hamilton. And once
again, we have to say goodbye to an actual funny comic (Suli,
though he does have those strange bug-out eyes).
And we say goodbye to Tempe, we say hello to the final 32.
*Dwayne Perkins- IN
*Ava Vidal - OUT
If you notice, there's 2 comics with asterisks. Ana, for
whatever reason, is out, while Dwayne Perkins, who didn't
originally make the L.A. cut, gets in. From those 32
semifinalists, we will get 10 finalists. Join us in 7 days as we
start filling the house