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Today is

Auditions 4 - July 11

We've had three episodes of contestant searches. Thankfully, the search ends this week. We are in the desert in Tempe, Arizona for the comic's last chance to get one of 32 Semi-FInal Spots. How lame have the comics been so far? if Buck Star auditioned, I would say that the chances of him getting a slot are better than 50/50.

ANT is hoping that the weather gets the comics out - they got ANT, Kathleen Madigan and Alonzo Bodden out as they emerge from their sleeping tent. The first comic that they emerge to see is Ryan Hamilton (Salt Lake City, UT), who describes himself as a white Chris Rock. He compares Speed Dating to being a real rush when you can be rejected by 30 people a night instead of one person. The person who ANT considers the strangest person he has ever seen gets to go to the next round. Suli McCullogh, who also looks strange (with a bugged out
eyes) says that he has the perfect body for an 8th grader and he also gets through. The eyes of Suli compel thee...

Ken and his brother Brady is next. Brady is a human amplification system, and the judges get...a deaf girl with lazy eye was no good because she was seeing someone on the side. They dance to Brady's music and get rid of them - as well as a montage of bad comics.

Andrew Orvedahl (Denver, CO), talks about predictable dialogue at a car accident. That gets him in, while Robin Reiser (LA, CA), gets woken up by NPR while realizing that it was street cleaning day. Eh. She gets through anyways. Chris Bennett calls out bingo during a nursing home. ANT says that he's heard the Bingo jokes at a drag queen contest. OOPS.

Next up is Lavell Cawford (St Louis, MO), a very portly African American, says he's not afraid to die fat - his pallbearers should be afraid though. He's more concerned about being a fat angel so he can't sprain his wing. That easily gets him in and it looks like we finally have a funny comedian - which means that he probably won't make the finals.

After seeing Rusta Rhymes mutilate some rap lines, we're off to see Greg Warren (Kirkwood, MO) who doesn't want to hear about the checkout person talking about his cookies, comparing it to a crackwhore and his pimp. He gets in. Hippieman talks about girl on girl love, but Alonzo shoots the joke down. Cut the segway of bad jokes.

Will Chuck Roy (Denver, CO) help? He changes the motto of New Hampshire's Live Free or Die to move, adding that he has an 80's haircut. He advances. John Caparulo (Studio City, CA) wonders why people have big dogs in LA, comparing that to his bleeding to death. That's good enough for an advancement.

It's showcase time, complete with judges and Capitol One No Hassle Pass. Andrew comes back with a meal of unpopped popcorn before going to the electric charm while paying 1/3rd for child support, suggesting that they put the birth control pills in a Pez Dispenser with a baby's head on it. Kivi Rogers (Santa Clara, CA), equates sports and lovemaking. Eh.

Greg Warren (Denver, Co), gets called the flute man and his friend Nick is called No Neck Nick. I guess it's funnier in person. Ryan Hamilton, who calls himself the illegitimate son of Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine, talks about slang that isn't used that often, like Gymnasium. Chris Voth (Lakewood, CO), gets his grandmother a Swifter and Tennis Balls when she wants a flu shot. Suli calls the black man who plays Barney 'Tyroneasaurus Rex', calling the outfit (purple
with green trim) pimp gear. Its a very funny skit, which means he probably also won't get in.

Lovell the bog boned comedian says that when he's nervous he swells up. He's upset that he goes to the doctors office and compares it to a auto repairs shop - they check him for his ankle and he comes out with diabetes. His mom, who doesn't know what diabetes is, tells him that he should have worn a condom. Heh.

Cristella Alonzo (North Hollywood, CA) hates women who take skimpy underwear and turn it into an outfit. The women are the naughty nurses while she's the pumpkin. Cute. The returning Robin talks about hanging out, and the question really should be how much she needs to shave. Rocky LaPorte (Sherman Oaks, CA) wonders why people don't notify the doctor in case of emergency instead of a parent.

Dave Landau (Grosse Pointe Woods, WI) talks about gas being cheap, reminding him that he doesn't have to buy 20 gallons of orange juice every four days. That was funny. Comparing Bush to Hitler - not too funny. Jay Larson (LA, CA) talks about being attacked in a public urinal. Eh. John Capuralo discusses how Tom Hanks in the movies makes it better to watch than reading books. John says it was fun, but he didn't get any chick's phone numbers. Awww.

Chuck Roy is back, talking about white people's houses and describes the names of the gated communities as the animals they had to kill to build said communities. Brandon Vestal (LA, CA) hates pedestrians to the point where drivers should be able to bump 3 pedestrians, or trade 3 bumps for one direct hit. With that, we are done with the comedians...

...and on to the announcements. Suli says that it would be sad if he didn't get an envelope, while Chuck doesn't want to lose in front of his mom. He won't have to worry - he gets an envelope. Joining him is Lovell Crawford (OMG - they took a FUNNY Comedian??!!?!? WHOA), Greg Warren (ok, back to mediocre comedians), while the Capital One Winner is John Caparulo. The last spot (which means that we will either say goodbye to Suli McCollough or Ryan Hamilton) goes to...Ryan Hamilton. And once again, we have to say goodbye to an actual funny comic (Suli, though he does have those strange bug-out eyes).

And we say goodbye to Tempe, we say hello to the final 32.

NEW YORK
Amy Schumer
Joe DeVito
Arj Barker
Dwayne Kennedy
Jane Condon
Lori Chase

MONTREAL
Mel Silverback
Debra DiGiovanni
Gerry Dee

SAN ANTONIO
Andi Smith
Sabrina Matthews
Ralph Harris

LOS ANGELES
Thea Vidale
Sean Rouse
Sarah Colonna
Dante
John Reep
*Dwayne Perkins- IN

SYDNEY
Fiona O'Loughlin
Adam Vincent
Gina Yashere
Lawrence Moody

LONDON
Matt Kirshen
Spencer Brown
*Ava Vidal - OUT

MINNEAPOLIS
Doug Benson
Tracey Ashley
Tommy Johnagin

TEMPE
Chuck Roy
Lovell Crawford
Greg Warren
John Caparulo
Ryan Hamilton

If you notice, there's 2 comics with asterisks. Ana, for whatever reason, is out, while Dwayne Perkins, who didn't originally make the L.A. cut, gets in. From those 32 semifinalists, we will get 10 finalists. Join us in 7 days as we start filling the house

 

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