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Auditions 2 - June 20

Last week, on our first episode, we spent 2 hours looking for comedy, and we consistently asked ourselves the did some people get in and others not get in? Hopefully we won't be asking that question quite as much this week as we check out La La Land and the land down under.

But before we span the globe, we span the west coast as our first stop for Alonzo Bodden, Kathleen Madigan and ANT is Los Angeles. We see Bill talking to Jamie, who has never done comedy before. I would say, like Bill, that she's gonna get smoked, but she will probably be better than half of the comedians.

Will John Reep (Hickory, NC) be one of them? He talks about visiting either the smoking or chain smoking section and talks about fixing his house with a calking gun - since his house is a rickety old boat. He's not bad - or maybe I'm just expecting disaster from the rest of the crowd, so I'm setting my sights low early. Either way, he gets a pass into the showcase call backs.

Maggie McCoy (Los Angeles) would be labeled as a disaster, as she just screams her lines. 'I love a train wreck, because you can't take your eyes off of it. I love to see the cars go flying off the tracks'. And with that, we see Alonzo's wish as a plethora of train wrecks as Joseph Neibich wants to sell his roommate. Anthony Browning wants to scream while playing Beethoven's 5th, and Julius Mogyurssy decides to dress up as an Indian and give off sexual references.

Then there's Lizzy Cooperman (Mineapolis, MN) who moves 12 times - to avoid
stalkers. 'There's no difference between me and a heroin addict except that I don't feel good'. She'll feel better as she goes to the showcase. Stephen Glickman (San Diego, CA) talks about advice you should have been given - like to be warned instead of not to take candy from strangers to not have sex with them in their van, and instead of ignoring the tooth fairy that his dad likes to wear dresses and watch him sleep. It's a funny bit, and the comedians actually laugh at him. He also gets to go to the callbacks. Alonzo - 'He's a psychopath. I love him'. Alonzo doesn't like Dan McGowan (Denver, CO), who considers old rock music to be hitting a stick with a rock. He gets rocked out of the auditions.

Iva La'Shaun (Springfield, OH) gets into a crackhead sketch where she messes up her hair to turn into her crackheaded sister looking for baloney. That was funny and worth seeing her again. Watching Dante (San Diego, CA) talk about bad movies that he's been going on to DVD - while they are still acting in them - also gets him an advancement.

Then we go back to the bad comics. Chad Lehrman (Tuscon, AZ) decides that it would be better to advertise himself instead of actually doing a skit. he talks about himself being edgy, and if they can't handle it, to get the hell out. The judges all take his word and all leave. Heh.

Time for the 'We want to milk your wallet by giving you bad joke' section of the program. Joke #1 - What do you give a pig with a sprained ankle? Answer: A Ham Hock! (I don't know if it's right, but it has to be funnier than the actual punchline)

Alycia Cooper (Temple Hills, MD) says that airport security is so tight, that she can cancel her medical because the airports are giving pap smears. She then breaks into a homeless joke...which the comics have heard before. Oops. Ant warns Alycia to bring it. Alycia says that ANT's toupee is too tight. One of them will be looking silly in around 20 minutes...

Peter Prins (Trabuce Canyon, CA) puts on headbands and a microphone and does an impression of an Irish Alien. Alonzo, 'Did you really think that that was going to work?' Peter - 'No'. Apparently, we have....MEDIA HOS WHO WANT CAMERA TIME! Chico would never have guessed that, would you, Chico? (C-Note: ..... nope.)

With that, we get a montage of people saying and doing dumb things to try to get camera time. You know the best way to stop this practice? What about not showing the clips and only showing the good ones? Oooh, there's an idea...

Sean Rouse (Houston, TX) talks about Pat Knight and...I don't know what else he said, because he gets bleeped out. The judges, apparently liked it, because off he goes to the callbacks. Sarah Colonna (L.A., CA) talks about dating and drinking. Alonzo wants her to say a different joke, and she talks about Wal Mart and reunions. ANT - yes. Alonzo - no. Kathleen...yes, and she moves on. Alonzo to Kathleen - 'You roll over easy'. Ouch!

Bill Bellamy wants to be a rapper - but only for 1 day, because he doesn't want to be shot like 50 cent. Who let him on the show? Seriously. Going backstage, Dante needs money for her kid. Sarah needs a good schtick to impress Alonzo, and Bill tells everyone that they need to give someone a Capitol One pass to the next round.

We start with the callback acts. Stephen Glickman talks about being molested by kids. I liked his first set better. Dwayne Perkins (NYC, NY) who we don't see in the first set, talks about addictions in a funny set, comparing alcoholism to being diabetic with a whole set of sugar in the cabinets.

Lizzie Cooperman decides that being a dishwasher in a bar is comparable to growing up to be a housewife for an alcoholic. Thea Vidale (Los Angeles, CA) hates her kids to the point that she will punch them in the throat to make them obedient. Huh?

John Reep looks at his untanned body and calls it 100% white beef and makes a bagel with his belly. Heh. Alycia talks about Dick Cheney the rifleman saying that the media would have reported it differently if Jesse Jackson shot Al Sharpton, claiming that Jesse blew away Al's Afro. That was also cute and much better than the homeless joke. Dante talks about the excuses fat people give, asking if anyone's ever seen a fat skeleton. Sean Rouse says that living with rheumatoid arthritis isn't about dying from a disease. it's about living with a disease - until it kills you. Sarah Colonna talks about making out with a date - during sex.

Almost all of the comics were actually pretty good - except for Thea Vidale. Knowing how the show works, Thea will almost certainly get in because 1. she wasn't funny and 2. she's already been on an NBC show and we know that this show has a history of nepotism. Sure enough, Thea gets the first slip to go to Hollywood. Sigh. Joining her is Sean Rouse, Sarah Colonna, Dante (the Capitol One winner), and...John Reep. Both Alycia and Stephen look stunned, but Stephen did not have a good second set and Alycia did not have a good first set, so I can't complain about them too much...except that Thea got in.

Lame Joke #2 - Why did the Cowboy Buy a Dachshund? Made up Answer: Cause he wanted a little dawgie.

So we actually saw some good comedy in L.A. I'm shocked. Hopefully, Sydney will give us some good comedy. Alonzo thinks the foreign comics could have an edge because of their different style and their sexy accents. he didn't take into account the lycra and face mask of Captain Australia...or maybe he just didn't take into account Captain Australia himself. Alonzo - 'At the beginning you should have someone shoot you, and then if you live, they will have to listen to you perform.' Needless to say, it's a no.

Adam Vincent (Melbourne, Australia) wears a blue bucket on his head because he wants to see a blue bucket on flash through his head when he dies. That doesn't do anything, but giving money to the homeless because one of them could be Jesus Undercover gets him into the next round.

Michael Akobi has only done stand-up comedy twice. Uh-oh. he talks in an accent that Kathleen doesn't understand, and she needs Alonzo to translate. Cue the montage of Aussies who are probably funny, but who don't get anywhere because they are not decipherable.

Gina Yashere is from...London. She talks about questioning her mom, who wonders why she traded the sun of Nigeria for the drizzle and subtle racism of Australia. That was pretty good and that gets her through.

ANT talks about the Aussies being wacky, which works well in school bus competitions, but not much here. We get people in kilts, women in skimpy clothing claiming that they are being undressed by Alonzo's eyes. We have 2 montages and only 2 comedians who have gone through, so I'm guessing there's not much talent here. Comedian -'I'm imagining spending the $250,000.' ANT - 'I'm imagining you leaving. Get out!'. Ouch.

Our third comedian is Claire Hooper (Elsternwick, Australia), who's signing things 'I'm behind this wall' and 'That's how I lost my arms'. She gets a pass to the next round. Davo (Brisbane, Australia) talks about his unstable friend who has one leg. This is the best we get from Davo. 'If this was actually funny, I'd be thrilled!' says ANT, who invites him to the callbacks - but Davo may not have heard that from ANT as he leaves quickly.

Fiona O'Loughlin (Alice Springs, Australia) has 5 kids - and she is committed to keep having kids until she gets it right. She tries to get the surgeon to let her husband go - despite only breaking a leg. The comics love her (as do I) and she gets through.

Lawrence Mooney (Elwood, Australia) compares Homophobia to the other phobias - like introducing a claustrophobic person to a dark cupboard and wondering if a gay man fell on another person when they were a kid. It's very funny and he advances.

It's callback time, and lets see what we get out of the second shift. Gina Yashere says that if you don't have 8 kids when you're 16 in Africa, you're a lesbian. She talks about being supplied different kids. Michael Williams (Warnambool, Australia) gets his art degree and creates a dinosaur out of all of his rejection letters. He created skits out of his sketches, which includes a man swallowing a dog and an inside out cat.

Adam Vincent brings back 'Undercover Jesus' - but we've seen it before. That's not a good sign. Fiona O'Loughlin talks about not only lung cancer, but cervix cancer - but she's always careful to only put the cigarettes in her mouth. Claire Hooper compares her old boyfriend to a jumper which used to fit nice but gives you an itchy rash. Sam Bowring (Melbourne, Australia) talks about copying DVD's like a friend burning a new car for him. Lawrence talks about flying an middle-Eastern airline and not understanding what's going on while experiencing turbulence and screaming in Arabic on an airliner. That ends the comic portion of the show. There's no sign of Davo anywhere.

Last joke of the day. What's the best time to go to the dentist? A: The time you're supposed to. Hardy har har.

Speaking of time, it's time to find out which Australians will be going. There should be a legitimate 5 comedians that should go - and we actually will see 4 spots get filled. The first slot goes to...Fiona O'Loughlin. Joining her is...Adam Vincent? After a joke repeat, you're going to let him in? Gina Yashere gets in, and the final comic is...Lawrence Moody.

Now let me say one thing here. I have no problems with Lawrence, Fiona or Gina. But for a show that is heavily preaching on new styles of comedy, to not invite a person who does sketch comedy and instead to bring in someone who has used the same jokes (which is a MAJOR no no in a comedy competition) is just another black mark on a series which has consistently broken it's own rules on comic selection.

Next week - More auditions. More cities. More jokes. Join us in 7 days to see if we get more funny.


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