Auditions 2 - June 20|
Last week, on our first episode, we spent 2 hours looking for
comedy, and we consistently asked ourselves the question...how
did some people get in and others not get in? Hopefully we won't
be asking that question quite as much this week as we check out
La La Land and the land down under.
But before we span the globe, we span the west coast as our
first stop for Alonzo Bodden, Kathleen Madigan and ANT is Los
Angeles. We see Bill talking to Jamie, who has never done comedy
before. I would say, like Bill, that she's gonna get smoked, but
she will probably be better than half of the comedians.
Will John Reep (Hickory, NC) be one of them? He talks about
visiting either the smoking or chain smoking section and talks
about fixing his house with a calking gun - since his house is a
rickety old boat. He's not bad - or maybe I'm just expecting
disaster from the rest of the crowd, so I'm setting my sights
low early. Either way, he gets a pass into the showcase call
Maggie McCoy (Los Angeles) would be labeled as a disaster, as
she just screams her lines. 'I love a train wreck, because you
can't take your eyes off of it. I love to see the cars go flying
off the tracks'. And with that, we see Alonzo's wish as a
plethora of train wrecks as Joseph Neibich wants to sell his
roommate. Anthony Browning wants to scream while playing
Beethoven's 5th, and Julius Mogyurssy decides to dress up as an
Indian and give off sexual references.
Then there's Lizzy Cooperman (Mineapolis, MN) who moves 12 times
- to avoid
stalkers. 'There's no difference between me and a heroin addict
except that I don't feel good'. She'll feel better as she goes
to the showcase. Stephen Glickman (San Diego, CA) talks about
advice you should have been given - like to be warned instead of
not to take candy from strangers to not have sex with them in
their van, and instead of ignoring the tooth fairy that his dad
likes to wear dresses and watch him sleep. It's a funny bit, and
the comedians actually laugh at him. He also gets to go to the
callbacks. Alonzo - 'He's a psychopath. I love him'. Alonzo
doesn't like Dan McGowan (Denver, CO), who considers old rock
music to be hitting a stick with a rock. He gets rocked out of
Iva La'Shaun (Springfield, OH) gets into a crackhead sketch
where she messes up her hair to turn into her crackheaded sister
looking for baloney. That was funny and worth seeing her again.
Watching Dante (San Diego, CA) talk about bad movies that he's
been going on to DVD - while they are still acting in them -
also gets him an advancement.
Then we go back to the bad comics. Chad Lehrman (Tuscon, AZ)
decides that it would be better to advertise himself instead of
actually doing a skit. he talks about himself being edgy, and if
they can't handle it, to get the hell out. The judges all take
his word and all leave. Heh.
Time for the 'We want to milk your wallet by giving you bad
joke' section of the program. Joke #1 - What do you give a pig
with a sprained ankle? Answer: A Ham Hock! (I don't know if it's
right, but it has to be funnier than the actual punchline)
Alycia Cooper (Temple Hills, MD) says that airport security is
so tight, that she can cancel her medical because the airports
are giving pap smears. She then breaks into a homeless
joke...which the comics have heard before. Oops. Ant warns
Alycia to bring it. Alycia says that ANT's toupee is too tight.
One of them will be looking silly in around 20 minutes...
Peter Prins (Trabuce Canyon, CA) puts on headbands and a
microphone and does an impression of an Irish Alien. Alonzo,
'Did you really think that that was going to work?' Peter -
'No'. Apparently, we have....MEDIA HOS WHO WANT CAMERA TIME!
Chico would never have guessed that, would you, Chico? (C-Note:
With that, we get a montage of people saying and doing dumb
things to try to get camera time. You know the best way to stop
this practice? What about not showing the clips and only showing
the good ones? Oooh, there's an idea...
Sean Rouse (Houston, TX) talks about Pat Knight and...I don't
know what else he said, because he gets bleeped out. The judges,
apparently liked it, because off he goes to the callbacks. Sarah
Colonna (L.A., CA) talks about dating and drinking. Alonzo wants
her to say a different joke, and she talks about Wal Mart and
reunions. ANT - yes. Alonzo - no. Kathleen...yes, and she moves
on. Alonzo to Kathleen - 'You roll over easy'. Ouch!
Bill Bellamy wants to be a rapper - but only for 1 day, because
he doesn't want to be shot like 50 cent. Who let him on the
show? Seriously. Going backstage, Dante needs money for her kid.
Sarah needs a good schtick to impress Alonzo, and Bill tells
everyone that they need to give someone a Capitol One pass to
the next round.
We start with the callback acts. Stephen Glickman talks about
being molested by kids. I liked his first set better. Dwayne
Perkins (NYC, NY) who we don't see in the first set, talks about
addictions in a funny set, comparing alcoholism to being
diabetic with a whole set of sugar in the cabinets.
Lizzie Cooperman decides that being a dishwasher in a bar is
comparable to growing up to be a housewife for an alcoholic.
Thea Vidale (Los Angeles, CA) hates her kids to the point that
she will punch them in the throat to make them obedient. Huh?
John Reep looks at his untanned body and calls it 100% white
beef and makes a bagel with his belly. Heh. Alycia talks about
Dick Cheney the rifleman saying that the media would have
reported it differently if Jesse Jackson shot Al Sharpton,
claiming that Jesse blew away Al's Afro. That was also cute and
much better than the homeless joke. Dante talks about the
excuses fat people give, asking if anyone's ever seen a fat
skeleton. Sean Rouse says that living with rheumatoid arthritis
isn't about dying from a disease. it's about living with a
disease - until it kills you. Sarah Colonna talks about making
out with a date - during sex.
Almost all of the comics were actually pretty good - except for
Thea Vidale. Knowing how the show works, Thea will almost
certainly get in because 1. she wasn't funny and 2. she's
already been on an NBC show and we know that this show has a
history of nepotism. Sure enough, Thea gets the first slip to go
to Hollywood. Sigh. Joining her is Sean Rouse, Sarah Colonna,
Dante (the Capitol One winner), and...John Reep. Both Alycia and
Stephen look stunned, but Stephen did not have a good second set
and Alycia did not have a good first set, so I can't complain
about them too much...except that Thea got in.
Lame Joke #2 - Why did the Cowboy Buy a Dachshund? Made up
Answer: Cause he wanted a little dawgie.
So we actually saw some good comedy in L.A. I'm shocked.
Hopefully, Sydney will give us some good comedy. Alonzo thinks
the foreign comics could have an edge because of their different
style and their sexy accents. he didn't take into account the
lycra and face mask of Captain Australia...or maybe he just
didn't take into account Captain Australia himself. Alonzo - 'At
the beginning you should have someone shoot you, and then if you
live, they will have to listen to you perform.' Needless to say,
it's a no.
Adam Vincent (Melbourne, Australia) wears a blue bucket on his
head because he wants to see a blue bucket on flash through his
head when he dies. That doesn't do anything, but giving money to
the homeless because one of them could be Jesus Undercover gets
him into the next round.
Michael Akobi has only done stand-up comedy twice. Uh-oh. he
talks in an accent that Kathleen doesn't understand, and she
needs Alonzo to translate. Cue the montage of Aussies who are
probably funny, but who don't get anywhere because they are not
Gina Yashere is from...London. She talks about questioning her
mom, who wonders why she traded the sun of Nigeria for the
drizzle and subtle racism of Australia. That was pretty good and
that gets her through.
ANT talks about the Aussies being wacky, which works well in
school bus competitions, but not much here. We get people in
kilts, women in skimpy clothing claiming that they are being
undressed by Alonzo's eyes. We have 2 montages and only 2
comedians who have gone through, so I'm guessing there's not
much talent here. Comedian -'I'm imagining spending the
$250,000.' ANT - 'I'm imagining you leaving. Get out!'. Ouch.
Our third comedian is Claire Hooper (Elsternwick, Australia),
who's signing things 'I'm behind this wall' and 'That's how I
lost my arms'. She gets a pass to the next round. Davo
(Brisbane, Australia) talks about his unstable friend who has
one leg. This is the best we get from Davo. 'If this was
actually funny, I'd be thrilled!' says ANT, who invites him to
the callbacks - but Davo may not have heard that from ANT as he
Fiona O'Loughlin (Alice Springs, Australia) has 5 kids - and she
is committed to keep having kids until she gets it right. She
tries to get the surgeon to let her husband go - despite only
breaking a leg. The comics love her (as do I) and she gets
Lawrence Mooney (Elwood, Australia) compares Homophobia to the
other phobias - like introducing a claustrophobic person to a
dark cupboard and wondering if a gay man fell on another person
when they were a kid. It's very funny and he advances.
It's callback time, and lets see what we get out of the second
shift. Gina Yashere says that if you don't have 8 kids when
you're 16 in Africa, you're a lesbian. She talks about being
supplied different kids. Michael Williams (Warnambool,
Australia) gets his art degree and creates a dinosaur out of all
of his rejection letters. He created skits out of his sketches,
which includes a man swallowing a dog and an inside out cat.
Adam Vincent brings back 'Undercover Jesus' - but we've seen it
before. That's not a good sign. Fiona O'Loughlin talks about not
only lung cancer, but cervix cancer - but she's always careful
to only put the cigarettes in her mouth. Claire Hooper compares
her old boyfriend to a jumper which used to fit nice but gives
you an itchy rash. Sam Bowring (Melbourne, Australia) talks
about copying DVD's like a friend burning a new car for him.
Lawrence talks about flying an middle-Eastern airline and not
understanding what's going on while experiencing turbulence and
screaming in Arabic on an airliner. That ends the comic portion
of the show. There's no sign of Davo anywhere.
Last joke of the day. What's the best time to go to the dentist?
A: The time you're supposed to. Hardy har har.
Speaking of time, it's time to find out which Australians will
be going. There should be a legitimate 5 comedians that should
go - and we actually will see 4 spots get filled. The first slot
goes to...Fiona O'Loughlin. Joining her is...Adam Vincent? After
a joke repeat, you're going to let him in? Gina Yashere gets in,
and the final comic is...Lawrence Moody.
Now let me say one thing here. I have no problems with Lawrence,
Fiona or Gina. But for a show that is heavily preaching on new
styles of comedy, to not invite a person who does sketch comedy
and instead to bring in someone who has used the same jokes
(which is a MAJOR no no in a comedy competition) is just another
black mark on a series which has consistently broken it's own
rules on comic selection.
Next week - More auditions. More cities. More jokes. Join us in
7 days to see if we get more funny.