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Today is

Episode 2.3 - January 24

(C-Note: Thus spake the disclaimer...

"The competitions depicted on this program were supervised by trained professionals. Do not attempt to imitate any of these activities... Ever.")

"Distraction" is back in full effect, and Jimmy is about to bring the hurt. Eager young hopefuls meet here to have their spirits (and maybe their brains) broken. ...Let's meet the contestants!

- Who has two birthdays? It's Nicole, who was born in Argentina and later adopted.
- Who knocked himself out with beer? It's Zak, who thought he was the Iron Sheik. He isn't.
- Who has a tattoo of a penis? That would be Carrie, who pissed off her artist.
- That leaves Ausby who lied about his age, because the girl was much younger.

Round 1: Hot Shots. The players buzz in by drinking familiar shots of hot sauce. Questions about hot people this time

1) What leggy blonde has had Ben Stiller's semen in her hair and Justin Timberlake's... Zak: Carmen Diaz? Wrong. It's Cameron Diaz
2) Which half of Bennifer starred in Selena? That's Carrie. "J-Lo! Jennifer Lopez." Right.
3) Name the Spanish actor who married Melanie Griffith when she was hot? That's Zak... "Antonio Banderas." Right.
4) Name the T-Mobile spokesperson who squeezed out two kids with the ancient Michael Douglas? Nicole: "Catherine Zeta-Jones." Right.
5) Name the hard-drinking Irish actor who starred in the cinematic trash heaps "Alexander" and "SWAT". That's Carrie... "Colin Farrell." Right!
6) Name the supermodel who's so hot that her husband Seal doesn't mind her annoying German accent. Carrie, again? "Heidi Klum!" Right!
7) Name the actress who played the plaintiff while divorcing Ethan Hawke and the Bride in "Kill Bill". Zak? "Uma Thurman." Got it.
8) Name the "Vanilla Sky" actress who played the role of Tom Cruise's... Nicole? "Penelope Cruz." Right.
9) Name the ex-wife of Billy Bob Thornton who keeps adopting... Carrie? "Angelina Jolie." Right.
10) Who played the dreamy Bruce Wayne on "Batman & Robin" and the dreamy doctor on "ER? Zak? "George Clooney." Right!

After all that, Ausby didn't answer a single question right. But at least he'll have assburns for a week!

Round 2: Catapult Buzzers Part 2. Again, more catapults, more disgusting crap in pie tins. Questions this time are about bad movies... Flops?

1) What atrocious 2004 film about a woman who takes on female traits... Nicole? "Catwoman". Correct.
2) Name the miserable film with Jerry O'Connell and Anthony Anderson...  Zak? "Kangaroo Jack!" Correct.
3) Demi Moore starred as a single mom... ? Zak? "Striptease." Right.
4) Name the lesbian talk show host who ironically starred in "Mr. Wrong". Carrie? "Ellen." We'll take it.
5) Name the film in which two Wayans Bros. go undercover as two Caucasian sisters... Nicole? "White Chicks." Right.
6) Who played The Cat in the big budget flop, "The Cat in the Hat"? Carrie? "Mike Myers." Right!
7) What white rapper tried acting and failed miserably in the 1991... Zak? "Eminem." No, he was actually good. We were going for Vanilla Ice.
8) Name the mullet-sporting actor who starred as the head bouncer in Roadhouse? Nicole: "Patrick Swayze" Right.
9) Who played annoying "Little Nicky..." Zak? "Adam Sandler?" Right.

After that, Nicole and Zak are tied at 3 to Carrie's 2. Looks like it's time for you to clean up... just not in the way you had planned.

Round 3: Stall Tactics. Only one player will have the chance at a new car. That'll be decided on the Distraction urinal buzzers. Questions here are on famous families. First to four wins a new car. Let's play Distraction.

1) Barbara, Laura, Neil, Jeb? Nicole? "Bush." Nicole leads 1-0.
2) Muhammad, Salem, Baka, Osama... Zak: "Bin Laden." Tie game.
3) Rick, Kathy, Nicky, Paris... Zak? "Hilton!" Zak leads, 2-1.
4) John, Sean, Julian... Zak? "Lennon." Right to lead, 3-1.
5) Marlon, Shawn, Damon, Keenen... Zak to win? "Wayans!" He wins!

The Final Round: Revenge. Zak wins a new 2006 Volkswagen New Beetle! But how will he take it home? He has 20 seconds to answer three questions. He does that, he takes home the car in pristine condition. If not, then unspeakable horrors courtesy Ausby, Carrie, and Nicole.

Time starts after Jimmy finishes asking his first question.

1) What tool does the farmer hold in the Grant Wood painting "American Gothic?" Pitchfork is in and right... Still has 19 to go.

2) Name the first, second, and fourth planets from the sun. Mercury, Venus, Mars. Still plenty of time.

3) Name four Ivy League universities. Zak gets Harvard, Yale, Colgate, and Dartmouth... Not right. And there's the bell! Here's Aubrey with the spray paint. "Princeton!" And stop the spray paint! Zak's taking home a brand new car, mint condition... God was that ever close. Jimmy acts as if this was the first time it's ever happened, when in reality, it's happened at least once before, in season 1.

Next week, something gets trashed, we hope. Good night.

 

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