(C-Note: some of the acts that you are
about to read involve real danger in front of a live audience. They were
designed, practiced, and supervised by professionals, taking the
contestants' safety into full account. They are extremely dangerous and
should NEVER be attempted anywhere, by anyone, at any time. This is an
exhibition, not a competition - YET - so please, no wagering.)
We've had a ball watching these has beens,
would bes, once weres, and never weres fight it out against the judges,
but all good things must come to an end. It's the last round of
auditions before we hit Vegas. Welcome to the Best of What's Left Show.
First up, Mestizo Ballet Folklorico
(3-11; dancers), who are dancing with machetes. And they're kids. The
little one has butter knives, so it's all good. They needed to be
together. It was not together at all. It was cute, but not Vegas. The
judges disagree with me, so they're going to Vegas. Joining them... the
Aquanauts (synchronized swimmers), Kevin Downey, Jr. (comedian), and
Tavi & Antonio (aerial love duet).
Timber Brown's (28; entertainer) father
was an alcoholic and his mom was a drug addict. His escape.. climbing.
In fact, he did some climbing for Mel B in a show in Vegas, so she has
to recuse herself. So all he needs is two yeses. He begins with a pole
act, followed by... a hand balance... and finishing up with a knee-catch
near the floor. The hashtag means he's through. Even though he thinks
that it was a bit disappointing. He didn't execute what he had hoped to
do, but ultimately, the judges loved it, taking it another level. Three
Love is in the air (Howie himself is
celebrating 33 years with his wife). Next up is Skilyr Hicks (14;
student), who started playing the guitar after her father passed on. Her
father proved the impetus for her songwriting. This is that song, "It's
a Brand New Day". The Fifth Judge wants Vegas. Heidi says she won all of
their hearts. Howie thinks about his two little girls. Four yeses!
Dr. Bob Baker (61; Manhasset, NY) is a
gastroenterologist, but what he really wants to do is make people laugh.
His first joke.. it's Howard's gastroenterologist! That's the joke. But
his talent? Ventriloquism. In fact, here's the world's only talking
colon. (C-Note: fan service moment: playing in the background: the theme
to St. Elsewhere.... somewhere Howie knows well). His jokes are crap.
But that's a legitimate excuse. Mel didn't get it. Howie didn't get it
either. Three nos, and it's back to Howard's poop shoot for you.
BAD ACT MONTAGE! Now featuring the New
Orleans Pelicans. And Nick making it with a woman on stage that isn't
Milton Patton (21; Forrest City, AR;
electrician) sings country music. He's trying to work his way out of an
area that's prevalent with drugs and gangs. He says that he's ready to
give up some real country moments. Here's one right now with "Whiskey
Lullaby" by Brad Paisley. He's got a nice baritone on him, and he sings
from his heart. But will America accept THAT voice coming from THAT
body? I hope so, because it's a good time. And we're going to hear more
of him in Vegas.
Surely we have time for one more act...
Jetta (nee Linda Ostrowski) (63; Sacramento; retired government worker),
who's singing a song for Howard Stern. The song? "Hot Stuff" by Donna
... this gets bad quickly. Surprisingly
the dance with Howard continues unabated. And of course he wants to send
her through. Howie says no. Mel and Heidi follow suit. What can you do,
... and that's it. We're done with
auditions! Next stop... VEGAS!
To see tonight's episode in its entirety,
or to apply to be a contestant on the next season, go to