(C-Note: some of the acts that you are
about to read involve real danger in front of a live audience. They were
designed, practiced, and supervised by professionals, taking the
contestants' safety into full account. They are extremely dangerous and
should NEVER be attempted anywhere, by anyone, at any time.)
The biggest talent contest in America...
is about to get even bigger with the addition of two new judges.
Supermodel-turned-TV-host-turned-entrepreneur Heidi Klum and Spice Girl
Mel B are being raised to join the Xs of self-proclaimed King of All
Media Howard Stern and DAT DUDE... Howie Mandel.
With the panel now up to four, it will
take THREE yeses to make it through to Vegas.
Lila Cockrell Theatre
First up, David Weathers (25; Hollywood,
FL) and a snake. In 25 years, he's been bitten three times and almost
faced death each time. His rattlers are very venomous. To this end,
medics are on standby at the stage. Today, he's performing with TWO
Eastern diamondback rattlesnakes. He'll try to get his snakes to pop a
balloon he's blowing up. And the snake doesn't want to play at first.
Then he strikes.... And POP! Perfect. Kids... he's a professional. Don't
even think about trying this. Mel wants to see what he'll do next. Howie
says he's out of his mind. Everyone's on the edge of their seat.
Everyone... says YES!
Marty Brown (47; Franklin, KY; tilemaker)
hopes to make his name in bluegrass music. He compares his dream to
Colonel Sanders, but will his Kentucky Fried performance lay an egg? He
sings his wife's favorite song, the Bob Dylan-penned "To Make You Feel
My Love". He's got a nice, robust country voice that sounds like he's
been doing this for years. The Fifth Judge (TM) wants Vegas. Heidi wants
to see the wife, whose idea it was to bring Marty here. Well, congrats,
wifey, your prodding just got him to Vegas.
NEW YORK CITY
Full disclosure. The AGT recap team of
Gordon Pepper & Jason Block are in the crowd on this one.
Miu (31; Japan; student) wears shoulder
lollipops. But the big question... what the hell does she do? She's a
dancer who wants to "make people happy" with the $1 million. She
convulses to "Born This Way"... and we have our first X's of the season
from Howard, Heidi AND Mel B. Howie... is just lapping this up. "Hit
your buzzer!" Listen to Mel B... He doesn't. Why, Howie. WHY.
And that is why "America's Got Talent"
continues to be the gold standard of Gong Show ripoffs.
You can leave the stage now, dear. And
take Enema Boy, Alien Yodelly Guy, and Avant Garde Noise Music Lady with
Catapult (dance company) incorporates
illusion and body magic into their dance routines. Adam, the lead, had
no money and/or prospects, so this is a leap of faith on his part. It's
something he wants to pursue full time. Catapult takes shadow dancing
and incorporates tricks of the light and proportion, telling a story of
a heist of extraordinary magnitude. That was something else. Howie says
that he's given us everything from nothing. Heidi called it "truly
amazing". Mel B says "incredible". Howard... bows to his greatness.
Needless to say, it's a YES. It's also a yes from a group of cloggers...
... and what about Hype (dancers), who
flew a long way to be here. Try Hawaii. Dancing is their everything, and
they're afraid of hearing a buzzing noise. They combine popping,
isometrics, and comic gimmickry on a number to "Singin' in the Rain".
Hey, ABDC is gone, America. You're gonna have to make it here. They were
perfectly in tune with each other. Not bad for something that didn't
exist two days before. Mel thought it was "ridiculously sexy". Yes, this
is why we hired her. It's another sweep. Following them, an aerialist,
Dave Shirley (a visual comedian), and Kid the Whiz, who's dancing to his
And there's a shot of Howard's wife. Hi,
Chuck from the Bronx (38, IT manager)
looks like nothing, but his act is "definitely extreme", "painful", and
worth a call from the medics. What could this act possibly be? It's...
eating. First, he'll eat three raw eggs, a tequila suicide shot, and
then a ghost pepper while in a bathtub. "Why? Why?" Our thoughts
exactly, lady. Howard and Mel B buzz. As does Heidi. Howie.. Howie...
for the love of GOD Howie!!! He makes through the 90, but his mouth is
on fire. Howard can't follow the action. Howie thinks that it's
innovative. Howard DARES Howie to take a bite of the pepper on stage if
Howard does. So they both take a bite. That's ... that's a wimpy bite.
Howard? Is a big fat liar. Joke's on Howie, his mouth is on fire. That's
a lot of Scovill units. Milk, please...
Next up, a batch of rejects, including
NOT Justin Bieber Alex B.
Anna Christine (10, Henderson, NV) spends
a lot of time on the piano. Tonight, she'll be singing with it. Her
biggest fan is her mom. Like her piano, she's always been there. A
singer needs her mom. Honestly. Anyway, she performs "The House of the
Rising Sun". She's this year's 10-year-old-with-the-voice-of-20. And she
has the skills to back it up. She could be the one to put the singers
BACK in the winner's circle. Howard agrees with my assessment. Heidi
thought this couldn't be a 10 year old's voice. Mel says she's got
depth. She's got four BIG yeses.
Back at the Hammerstein with an orchestra
setting. The orchestra... 3Penny Chorus & Orchestra (20-86;
Connecticut), all volunteer. Together, they perform... "Call Me Maybe"
by Carly Rae Jepsen. It's... choral. It's pop chamber music. Mel loved
it. Howie thought that the song choice and arrangement was brilliant.
Howie thought it was uplifting. And it's another sweep! "Call Me Maybe"
gets a callback.
Welcome to Hollywood!
We begin with the Pacific Boys Choir
(8-14) singing us in with "California Dreaming". Howard has chills. He
says yes. Mel thought it was captivating. She says yes. Howie makes it
Meanwhile... Special Head, the next act,
is missing. Wait. I think we found him. He's in the rafters. The act
he's going to perform requires concentration, aligning of chakras, and a
bell. He... is a throat singer. And a guy who can balance on his walking
stick to... well, you have to see it...
We should note that that was not done
using any trick photography or wires of which we were not previously
aware. Howard had a case of premature X-ulation. He takes his X back for
the first time ever. Howie wants to see it again. All four say yes.
Next on the line, the child of one Angela
Hoover (42, standup comic from Redondo Beach, CA) who has not done her
homework yet, bad. She started in comedy, but as she was getting
traction, her husband got a job in Las Vegas, putting her dreams on
hold. Tonight, she gets her magic back with an act about a five-year-old's
birthday party in LA... before doing her Celine Dion, her Drew
Barrymore, her Kristin Chenowith, and her... sounds like Sofia Vergara.
Howard thought it was funny enough to ignore her children. Heidi thought
she looked like the women she was mimicking. Mel was blown away. It's
another sweep to Vegas.
And we have "Girl Power" joke #1. We also
have Barbie & Mina singing... horribly. So much for girl power? How
about a bunch of tin foil knights? Yes not.
Last up today, Anthony "Tone the
Chiefrocka" Granger (27; Inglewood, CA), who blows up the mic with his
rhymes. His dream... to be a one-hit wonder. "Whoomp! There It Is" comes
to mind. He thinks a 10-year-old rap is going to get him to Vegas. He &
his brother "Coley Cole" blaze the stage with "B-Double O-T-Y". Howard
is reminded of "The Gangnam Style Guy". And it turns into a club up in
LA. You know you've made it when you get your own hashtag on TV. #BOOTY.
The question now... does he have more in him? Of course not. And that's
just the way he likes it. The best bit, EVERYONE's in on the joke. This
is it for him. He gets four yeses to end the show.
And to think, we've only just started
this madness... B-double O-T-Y. Let's dance.
To see tonight's episode in its entirety,
or to apply to be a contestant on the next season, go to