Piles of Dookie
- January 26
Gordon PepperWere
you one of those kids who at Christmas Day came
downstairs, eagerly awaiting presents? Well, I never
did, because I'm Jewish, but every year in December, I
was always looking forward to receiving a bunch of
little presents for Hanukkah. As a bigger kid, I still
enjoy my Hanukkah and New Year's gifts (I give out New
Year's gifts as to not offend any specific religious
group that my friends are in), but as a recapper, the
times of cheer are at the start of each season. In this
case, the season is January, so I got my gifts a little
late this year.
This year, instead of finding gems, most of the things
left by my television set would be the equivalent of
dookie.
Dookie List: American Dream Derby, Sports
Illustrated Model Competition, The Bachelorette, The
Road To Stardom, The Will, Tilt (I know it's not a game,
but it's based on a game and it's been a HUGE
disappointment to me, so that's why it's here), Wickedly
Perfect
There were some good shows though that made the good
viewing list:
Good Viewing List: American Idol 4, Apprentice 3,
Celebrity Fit Club,
Project Runway, The Entertainer
What happened?
We'll go through each case here one by one, but most of
the dookie shows had the same three common problems. To
summarize -
1. No Originality. Making two teams play a
contest and then voting someone off at the end does not
make it a Survivor-like hit. It just gives us the Same
Old Same Old. Likewise, if one person decides someone's
fate, let's see reasons why that aren't business
oriented. Bring something new to the table. If you are
bringing an idea that's already been done, then at least
add a spin of your own to it.
For instance, Celebrity Fit Club, like The Biggest
Loser, is about people losing weight, but it brings a
whole new dynamic into it - the focus is on teams, and
since no one gets eliminated and you win or you lose as
a team, you see different and more fascinating gameplay
than 'well if we lose, then I have to vote Joe off',
etc. Project Runway has a dual competition with both the
designers and the models, and it shows how they must
work as a team in order to win. In addition, it adds a
play along element when you see the best and worst
designers and you have to select which is which.
Both Wickedly Perfect and The Biggest Loser are shows
that votes people off, but they get voted off because of
something they did that was detrimental to their
performance on the show (either having the worst
individual projects or being the person that lost the
lowest percentage of weight). That rule saved the
eventual champ, Ryan, because if it wasn't based on
that, then he would have been eliminated quickly and the
winner would have been someone who may not had done as
well as Ryan. That twist worked - The Chain, the
elimination process used on The Will, didn't, because
the way that it worked (everyone picked someone to save
until there was one person left. They were out, and they
got to eliminate someone as well) guarantee that someone
milquetoast would win the competition - not only would
the loner be eliminated, but the loner would take out
the head of the opposing alliance, leaving brainless
sheep left to win. The first 5 minutes of Tilt was
great, because you think that the show would be about
people analyzing other people's play, which is things
that you would expect to see in a casino. After that,
however, it all went downhill and it turned to people
spouting clichés and events that just aren't realistic.
If you are going to blatantly copy, then at least copy a
winning formula. Dream Derby's two people who are up for
elimination who pick the horses that they want to use is
a great idea, but the way to get there (both people who
win stunts select who goes, reminiscent of Race For The
Altar) isn't, because it will always target the same
outside group of people. The elimination process used by
Sports Illustrated is almost a direct copy of
. Big Man
On Campus or Fame! Yikes! And the Pendant challenge is
almost identical to The Next Action Star's Screen Pass.
If you are going to take concepts from low rated shows,
you are going to wind up with a low rated show.
2. Likeable characters. If your show is based on
someone, you better either make them likeable or show us
a piece of how they tick. If the show is contestant
driven, there better be a reason why we should find them
compelling enough to watch for months.
There is no one better at doing this than American Idol.
No one. If I say Ruben, Clay, Fantasia, William, Kelly,
Justin, Joshua (and I can name at least 20-30 others),
your head will instantly go to an image of the person
that I am talking about, without even needing a last
name. On this season, there's already been someone who
pawned her jewelry, a metal band singer, and a blonde
farm girl who make a lasting impression - not to mention
the woman dressed as a giant strawberry and the woman
who can sing using 5 different voices in her head. Idol
is so good at creating a story for all of these people
that it's no wonder that they receive the huge ratings.
Conversely, it doesn't matter how good something is - if
none of the people are likeable or if the public (who do
not like to be misled) smell that something isn't right
or is too overacted, then you have a disaster on your
hands. One of the Bachelor's biggest faux pas is that
they never spend nearly as much time on the final two as
they do on the outspoken people - the people who NEVER
make the final two. The first five Bachelor(ette)
contestants that I thought of - Trista, Bob, Leann,
Krysta, Fabrice. None of them won the show as
contestants and Fabrice may be opposite-sex challenged.
Can you name all of the winners in the 8 editions of the
show? Didn't think so. Can you name all nine of the
Survivor winners? Sure you can - Rich, Tina, Ethan,
Vecepia, Brian, Jenna, Sandra, Amber and Chris. That
took me under a minute to type in all of the names.
None of the contestants in either Wickedly Perfect nor
Sports Illustrated are very compelling, despite being
the best in the field. The focus has been more on seeing
their bad side than their good side, and the ratings
reflect that. The Rebel Billionaire had more connivers
than adventurers, and the cast members in Dream Derby,
whose objective is to get rid of all of the threats,
wind up having a bunch of people that make it hard to
stomach getting a winner from said group. Then there's
The Will, the latest show that only lasted one episode.
NONE of the people were likeable, they were all seen as
shrews, at least half of the cast weren't even family
members, and most of them were also actor wannabes. I
was getting fed up to the point that if they were all
forced into a pool filled with piranhas, I would be
rooting for the piranha, since seeing a show which would
just be fish swimming in a pool for an hour would be far
more entertaining.
We get a special aside for Tilt. We have the white bread
good guy. The evil white con man. The
you've-done-me-wrong-and-I-want-revenge law officer. The
little blonde girl who had bad things done to her when
she was growing up. The angry black man. The old wizened
mentor with his own agenda. Do these all sound familiar?
These aren't characters - these are clichés in both
personality and speech, but none of these are in the
real poker world. You want real characters? Get a black
man who has one of the best minds in the game. Get some
intellectual foreign-accented Europeans and Asians. Make
the white people look like the wacky people with
eccentricities. Make the women smart - smart enough to
destroy anyone and not make them just a sexy side
character. Get characters that are dumpy and frumpy and
don't have every person look like they walked out of
Bally's Gym and... Oh wait - we have that already in the
real World Series of Poker and World Poker Tour.
Let's get to individual stars/judges that make or break
a show. Burnett does it again with The Apprentice, a
perfect example of this category. You may love him, you
may hate his guts, but you watch to see the Boardroom,
you watch to hear The Donald get into it with the
contestants and you watch to hear his rationale for
firing people. You know you do. You want to hear the
sharp-tongued Carolyn as well. That's what makes a great
show. You may not agree with Simon Cowell sometimes, and
sometimes he hits below the belt, but I have almost
never disagreed with him when has had constructive
criticism on pitch, tone or style, and I am betting that
neither have most people.
You also have the second sort of celebrity - the 'Love'
celebrity. The one who still has to cut people, but they
are fair and will help you. Tyra Banks is a great
example. She will be firm, but she will be nice and help
you physically, mentally and emotionally. I love Wayne
Newton, becomes he comes across as the Anti-Vegas
showman - he knows that feelings, as well as talent, is
involved - and his talent far surpasses what Missy
Elliott has. What's great about his show in the first
episode is that instead of just saying why the booted
contestant is leaving, he gives each person a positive
reason for why they are staying, and what they have done
right - and that's something you don't see on most
reality shows.
As for the not so good celebrities? It's when they don't
add much to their shows or when they come across so
negative that you have to wonder what is going through
the contestants heads. Joan Lunden is the host of
Wickedly Perfect
and that's all she is. In The Biggest
Loser, we see Caroline Rhea for around five percent of
the show - where's Jeff Probst when you need him? Missy
Elliott does have nice reasoning at the end of each show
as to why the person didn't advance, but she sounds like
a heartless witch for the first 59 minutes and I am
wondering if the contestants had second thoughts after
dealing with the first 2 episodes. The audience
certainly did, as the ratings aren't coming anywhere
near Tyra Banks.
3. Bring the drama - but don't let it overshadow
why you are watching the show. Survivor is the daddy of
the drama, but it's good because those interactions play
a pivotal part of who sticks around and who gets voted
at the end of the episode. Other drama which is bad
overshadows the game play - I want to see why the
style-makers in Wickedly Perfect are so good, but I have
yet to see in 3 episodes anyone break down an individual
project and explain what it is or does or how to make
it.
One more thing to add - let the stunts be real-life
parts of the show and give a purpose to it. Every task
in the Apprentice has a skill that you could see someone
applying to their business acumen just like every type
of photo shoot in ANTM would be a good example of model
fundamentals. Carrying weights around is good for The
Biggest Loser - but explain why anyone in Dream Derby
would get anything out of running with weights like a
horse or looking in slop for horseshoes. The real
entertainment of the show is the strategy in the
handicapping and how to determine the good horse - but
that is sorely overlooked and bypassed for most of the
show in favor of cheesy stunts.
In closing, the problem has nothing to do with the
reality genre dying - it's only that people are trying
to put boring, cliché-filled non-compelling filler and
call it entertainment. There is plenty of good ideas out
there - the trick is to make them original, compelling,
and relevant to the audience. Hopefully next Hanukkah -
or summer, even - I will be finding a diamond in the
rough instead of a dookie.
PS: This column is dedicated to the memory of Laura
Seferian. She was not only a bowling teammate, she was a
good friend of mine for years. Despite her death right
before Christmas (hence the delay in the recaps, but
they will all be completed) and the funeral on New
Year's Eve, there was a full room of mourners throughout
the week. Laura, I will always cherish the time that we
have spent, and you have left the world making it a
better place than before you came in it.
If you have any questions or comments regarding this
piece, send them to gordon@gameshownewsnet.com. |