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GSNN
Primes |
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Previous Episodes June 24 |
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24 people, $50,000. Only thing that separates the two are pain, humiliation, and a bunch of ruthless obstacles. Recaps by
Joe Mello, GSNN |
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Copyright Statement Powered by 1&1 Internet |
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Episode 2 It's Tuesday, it's 8p, it's time to Wipeout again... Round 1: Qualifier We'll start with 24 people going through this quartet of quandary...
We begin with the Slippery Stairs. They're not wet (from their own devices), but they are... slanty. No seriously.
Next is the Sucker Punch. Players must climb across this collection of boxing gloves, set to go off in seemingly random intervals.
Third, the Big Balls, 4 rubber spheres about 5 feet in diameter. Survive all that spring, and it's onto...
The Block Swing. Topple the blocks to stop the clock. The fastest 12 will move onto the second stage. Andrew Pagana. Not poised, but ready to go. He's pumped up with his Indiana Jones hat, but he hates sports and has no idea why he's here. We find out why as he trips up on the first run through. He ends up backing out of the Sucker Punch... literally. "I am out of shape?" His body is a Temple of Doom as he clocks in, after wiping out three times, with a time of 4:38.9. Gary Foster's one of the oldest on the course today. Craig Johnson... THE oldest. Can't get past the Sucker Punch. From there, we go to the Big Balls montage, complete with sound effects, ending with Jessica Burd, who ALMOST made it past. Alyssa Grube, a fitness trainer, shows how fit she REALLY is as she dunks from the Block Swing. Next, Gabriel Padilla is a solider back from Iraq. Literally an Army of one, he can't even get past the Slippery Stairs. Natalie Murdock gets her balls bounced, and she's rocked on the ladder leading to the Block Swing as well. Jim Wakefield makes short work of the stairs... but the skateboarder gets doinked in the Sucker Punch... and the Big Balls. Clocks in at 1:33.9, one of the best of the day. Joey Byham is the youngest contestant, and he has a word about the ladies... "They're the ugliest of the bunches." Speaking of ugly, taking a hard hit at the Big Balls. He clocks in at 1:34.6. He'll move on. But what about those women? Julie Orsatti... tip-toes and "ohmigods" her way onto the course.... and her run actually spans two acts on the show. Aaaand she gives up. David Goryl gives rubdowns... and gets beatdowns. He massages a time of 1:59.1. Next up, a cougar by the name of Maria Castro, whose boyfriend is 20 years her junior (she's 51. Do the math). Second cougar is Gayla Johnson... actually, she's a leopard. It seems to be ladies' night at the Sucker Punch. Kelly Duffy says, no way, though. She may be a serious contender. She clocks in at 2:30.4, the fastest of the women so far. Darrin Miller gives as good as he gets for a time of... 1:19.3! Best so far! Can Donald Pietranczyk beat it? The former cheerleader... doesn't. Ronni Peck is a member of Mensa... so what's she doing here? Carin Chea does finger tricks to boost her confidence. And the Big Balls.. takes it away. Last competitor is Ingel Caitindig can't do finger tricks, but he can breakdance. Doesn't help much in the Big Balls, but he advances with 1:32.5. Joining him...
Round 2: The Sweeper. Simple. Stay on until six, and you're through to stage 3. Stay on last, and you're $1000 richer. Sounds simple, at least, but then there's the matter of that sweeper that gets faster and faster and higher and higher. Oh, and this week, our players are wearing potato-sacks. Carin's the first victim of the sweeper... then Ronni... and Donald... then Jessica faceplants her way out. Then comes Chain Reaction with Alyssa and Gayla dropping out. We're left with six. Now it's time to see who wins money. Joey, Darrin, and David... and Ingel... and Kelly all take a dive on the first bonus pass, giving the $1000 bonus to Jim, who holds his sack the longest.
Round 3: The Dreadmill
Humming along at 15 miles and hour, this oversized Travellator is equipped with three doors. The players are going to have to make it through those doors while keeping up a dead sprint. On the other side, though, are two Wipeout Trolls keeping things interesting by dumping two bucks of tennis balls onto the track. That's on one end. On the other (or starting) end, there's... flour... and what appears to be a lot of foam padding. For every time players land on that, the Dreadmill slows down. Fastest four times win. Joey says he's a track star. He immediately proves otherwise as he falls victim to both the flour pit and the tennis balls. Time: 1:07.13. Darrin doesn't last long before he takes a dive. He passed the 3 minute mark, and the trolls taunt him by throwing one ball. And here come the rest. Time: 4:35.10. Kelly is next. She faceplants first time out... and second time out... and third time out. And she's done. Time: DQ. Jim's on tap. He's just thinking about the Dreadmill. And he makes a dreadful noise on his first plant down. The tennis balls are of no effect, and he finishes in the lead. Time: 1:00.79. David uses the door to hold on and save himself from the flour pit. But he loses his footing and gets sent all the way back to the beginning. Time: 4:36.14. That means that Joey, Darrin, and Jim will be advancing. Kelly's DQed. David's on the bubble, and Ingel is on tap. He's not letting ANYTHING get in the way of his... oh, never mind. At door #3, he gets a mean shot back to the beginning. And then another. He has some 15 seconds to take the Dreadmill on. Final time... 4:... 36..... .20! By 60 milliseconds, David is moving on!
Round 4: The Wipeout Zone These four players are four obstacles away from $50,000 IF they can post the fastest time.
First is the Killer Surf. A steep inner tube ride down the ramp. And as a bonus tonight, it's filled with foam.
Second is the Barrel Run. It’s Donkey Kong on a ramp.
After a brief horizontal wall climb, it’s the Spinner.
Finally, four mini-tramps known as the Launchpads. David is up first. He posted one of the fastest times in stage 1, but passed the Dreadmill by the hair on his chinny-chin-chin. He exhausts his supply of barrels and can't hold onto the Spinners. He barely misses the platform again. He finally makes it. Time becomes a factor in the Launchpads, so David makes a leap for it and passes TWO at once! Time: 8:50.79. Jim is next. He just hopes that he doesn't poo in his wetsuit. He hasn't pooed so far, and he pooed all over the competition winning the bonus $1000 in the Sweeper. Jim makes the Barrel Run his bee-yatch, but the Spinner returns the favor (and gets one of its pegs taken out). He slips up at the Launchpads, and he can still make it up if he doesn't screw up. He doesn't. Time to beat: 7:34.56. Next up, ladies man Joey, who escaped all of his obstacles by inches. He doesn't look good on the Barrel Run. Could be the foam in his eyes. Could be the short stubby legs. Joey ends up falling off. Joey is clearly exhausted as he just falls off the climbing wall. On the Spinners... Joey gives the signal. He's SPENT. Time: DQ. And Jim Wakefield adds insult to injury by singing his... praises? His is the time to beat. Can Darrin do it? He had the fastest time in the Qualifier. Darrin gets a hold on the climbing wall... and slips off. Darrin gets slapped by the Spinner... And as a reminder, the time to beat is 7:34.56. At the Launchpads now, and Darrin is 30 seconds away from $50,000... but it doesn't happen! He takes a jump into the drink after the third pad. And that is it. Jim Wakefield is tonight's Wipeout champion and the winner of $50,000.... Bringing his total tonight to $51,000. Next week, more crazy competitors, more twisted obstacles, and more... painful eliminations. Until then, goodnight... and big balls. |
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