September 25, 2006

Chico: Get your Strombo on. Welcome back, this is the Joe's Birthday edition of WLTI, and we've got a Doughnut, Mr. Don Harpwood is with us today. What it is, Don?
Don: Hey. I need to get my sleep schedule back in order...
Chico: Me too. Ever try working third shift? Not sexy.
Don: Sounds rough.
Chico: I survive. We're also joined by a renaissance man born 500 years too late, JD Hernandez.
Jason: Yep, and I will be VERY quick about this as I have to leave in a few minutes.
Chico: We'll try and speed it up. Please let him know what's about to go down.
Gordon: We're about to play "Who's Your Daddy". The subject for today...a few weeks ago, we predicted how the celebrities for Dancing With the Stars 3 were going to do. Now that we've actually seen them in action, we're now going to rank them.
Jason: First off, I can now finally say that I can give expert, professional analysis......so here it is.
Chico: We're waiting for you to get on the show, then. :-)
Gordon: Lets go one by one.
Chico: Let's do that. Start us off, please.
Gordon: We start with... Mario Lopez. He was the man it beat. Is he still?
Chico: I think he's up there, but he has to remember to dance the dance and not show off so much. He is a better dancer than his last performance.
Jason: Mario Lopez dropped down to #3 for me because of something I pointed out to people before the show even began. I knew it was a given that Mario would do well on the Latin-style dances, yet I had my reservations about the American-style dances.... I guess I was right about that.
Chico: He's more of a showoff than a dancer, really.
Jason: If I were him, I'd save the stronger Latin dances for the last couple of weeks and hope he doesn't get voted off early.
Don: Yeah, he's still good, but after this past week, he doesn't seem like the best anymore.
Gordon: He struggled, but he's still good and I don't see him going anywhere
Chico: So who's next?
Gordon: Next up... Sara Evans. A lot of people said that she was going to the finals. Do you still think that?
Chico: Not after that mambo I saw last week. Below Mario.
Jason: I'd place Sara higher, but I just can't... I put her at #6.
Don: She has a long way to go. Below Mario.
Gordon: Mambo Italiyucko. Way below Mario

Mario -> Sara

Gordon: Next up... Emmitt Smith. He's a big teddy bear. Is he clawing in the votes?
Chico: I think he's emerged as a threat. Above Mario.
Gordon: Not that much of a threat. Below Mario
Don: He could surprise some people, but he could still use some improvement. Below Mario.
Jason: Emmitt is my #4 guy. Outside of those top three, Emmitt has some pretty light feet there, and a pretty good fan base.
Chico: He's clawing his way up.
Gordon: He is, but he's not there yet.

Mario -> Emmitt -> Sara

Gordon: Someone who is there... Willa Ford, but she doesn't have the audience vote. Can she win them over?
Chico: ... no.
Don: Doubt it.
Chico: Without the audience, you're nothing. Below Sara.
Gordon: Agreed
Jason: Willa drops all the way down to #8 because to start off the show with that awful song and a decent-at-best Mambo just didn't do it for me.

Mario-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Willa

Gordon: Next one up... Jerry Springer. Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Now he DOES have the audience vote, but not the judges. How far can the audience carry him?
Jason: Is he last on your lists, too?
Chico: He was on oxygen last week. Come on. And his partner's on the DL.
Jason: Yea, they should have been ousted last week. But I understand the elimination. Shanna..... Kris Kross' "Jump"?!? REALLY?!?
Chico: Who chose THAT song?
Jason: PLAY BETTER SONGS! If Shanna really did choose it.... owwwww.
Chico: Dancers don't choose their songs.
Jason: They don't.... but they CAN choose if they want to reject the song.
Chico: Really?
Jason: In other words, they do have a say in it.
Don: And she didn't reject THAT?
Jason: Oh, most of the songs were good. But that one was UGH.
Chico: He has the audience... but he doesn't have the skills. Between Sara and Willa.
Don: He really needs to work on his dancing, but with the audience vote, he should have some time. Above Willa.
Gordon: Master P had a decent audience, and he wound up in the top half of the standings. Jerry Springer has an even bigger audience. I expect him there for a LONG time. Above Emmitt

Mario-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Jerry-->Willa

Gordon: Next up... Harry Hamlin; will he at least finish higher than his wife, Lisa Rinna?
Chico: Too wooden for my tastes. Between Jerry and Willa.
Jason: Harry #7..... loosen up, PLEASE!
Don: Below Jerry.
Gordon: He wants to get the middle-aged vote. The only problem...Jerry Springer has it. Below Jerry.

Mario-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Jerry-->Harry-->Willa

Gordon: What about... Vivica A. Fox? Is she a graceful fox or a clumsy cow?
Chico: Vivica, A Fox is more like it. I think she also gets some mileage. She's this year's Tia Carrere. Between Emmitt and Sara.
Don: Above Sara. She's pretty good.
Gordon: I think she's very good, and with only 2 females that are very good, she's going to be around for awhile. I agree with the majority.
Jason: I like Vivica, she's gorgeous.... she's got good moves, another strong fan base. But she's a middle-of-the-pack dancer right now. A very close #5.

Mario-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Vivica-->Jerry-->Harry-->Willa

Gordon: And the other female with talent... Monique Coleman. Is she your female finalist?
Don: At least above Emmitt, if not higher up. Simply... Wow.
Chico: I'm going to go between Mario and Emmitt. Monique Coleman's been the breakout this year.
Gordon: I'm going to put her over Mario. She's the female to beat. If they have a male and a female, she's the female.
Jason: Monique has deeply impressed me as being someone who can handle her dances, and was definitely the second best dancer of night #2.

Mario-->Monique-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Vivica-->Jerry-->Harry-->Willa

Gordon: The last person... Joey Lawrence. Is he week 1 or week 2 material?
Jason: Joey Lawrence took over my #1 spot. I must admit, I love the Quickstep, I absolutely love it. Even I was jealous of some of the moves he was putting out there. His steps were amazing, he puts on a freaking SHOW.
Chico: I think he's up there as well. Below Mario. I'd vote for a draw if I could.
Don: At this point... I'd say above Mario. If he can keep up what he did this past week, he could pull off the win.
Gordon: I think Mario was more impressive in week one than Joey was in week 2. Joey is good, but he has to show me that last week wasn't a fluke.

Mario-->Joey-->Monique-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Vivica-->Jerry-->Harry-->Willa

Gordon: Next up...The Wild Cards...starting with... Drew Lachey. How does he stand up here?
Chico: Sorry, Mario. Top of the pack.
Don: I'm thinking above Joey at least.
Gordon: This may be too early to compare, but...yeah.

Drew-->Mario-->Joey-->Monique-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Vivica-->Jerry-->Harry-->Willa

Gordon: What about... John O'Hurley? He was the REAL winner of the first series.
Don: Above Mario, certainly. Compared to Drew, I'm not sure.
Chico: If he was the real winner, then the fans wouldn't have cried foul. Below Mario, but just below.
Gordon: Now THAT'S the Dance-off I want to see. I think he goes right under Drew.

Drew-->John-->Mario-->Joey-->Monique-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Vivica-->Jerry-->Harry-->Willa

Gordon: Final one... Tom Bergeron. Can he dance with the stars or is he just a Hollywood Square?
Chico: Oh, he can dance. Below Monique.
Don: Agreed.
Chico: But the Little Tramp routine can only take you but so far.
Gordon: Agreed. He's good over the talentless ones, but he meets his match if he runs into the big boys.

Drew-->John-->Mario-->Joey-->Monique-->Tom-->Emmitt-->Sara-->Vivica-->Jerry-->Harry-->Willa

Chico: There's your family tree. Don't agree? You know what to do. Big Finish next.

(Brought to you by GSNN Fantasy Dancing. Now with rankings based on how much Samantha Harris cuts them down afterwards)

Gordon: Is JD Hernandez judging?
Chico: He's the professional.
Gordon: and I'm the grump?
Chico: You're always the grump.
Gordon: Well fine then. Grumping to The Big Finish! Since we did a big thing on DWTS, is Willa the next to go? Or is it someone else?
Chico: I think Harry's going to go, actually.
Don: If she can dance well enough to offset her lack of an audience vote, Harry could be in trouble.
Gordon: Willa is in the bottom two for the second straight week. You know my theories on that. Bye Willa.
Chico: Survivor: which team is next? Or is it no longer relevant...
Gordon: I don't think it's relevant, but the African-Americans are next. I think the African-American women's plan to hold on as a faction is really going to hurt them.
Chico: I tell you. It's way too early for factionism. Celeb Duets. Who wins?
Gordon: I think it's Lucy Lawless's to lose. She's been the best singer and she has big, magnificent real breasts.
Don: I'm thinking Lucy.
Chico: Meredith vs. the Today show on the Millionaire set. A sign of solidarity?
Gordon: It's a sign of...something. I'll take the high road and say solidarity.
Don: Possibly.
Chico: Alright. And the sign on the wall is saying we're almost out of time, so let's get to viewer mail.
Gordon: I want to see the sign of the mail. What do we have?
Chico: First from Ken Hidaka. Thanks, Ken!

Chico: Thanks, Ken. To recap.. Robin Mullins... sold a penny for... doesn't matter. that was a good deal. The other two, not so much. William MING sold $200,000 worth of sweetness for a quarter of the amount, and you know what happened to Matty Solina. But a man much wiser than I once said "Getting there is half the fun."
Gordon: True.
Chico: Anything more?
Gordon: I have one from...'Virginia'
Chico: Thanks, Virginia.

Don: Wha?
Chico: Okay. All together now...
Everyone: Game Show Newsnet is a wholly independent entity. We have ZERO connection with any production company.
Gordon: And, to quote you from last week, why would we want Richard back? The only Richard I'd want to see back on Feud is Dawson
Chico: And I'm guessing he's got better things to do.
Gordon: Like enjoy the beach
Chico: Besides... I like John O'Hurley.
Don: John is cool.
Chico: *sigh* Final letter from our good friend Jason Wuthrich.
Gordon: Hey Jason!

Gordon: He does? News to me.
Chico: Well, linebacker or no, he's still my girlfriend's favorite player.
Don: lol
Gordon: Seriously, we all screw up sometimes. Usually for the fun of it and stuff that we can make fun of. Thanks for the letter, Jason. We always appreciate fan mail - even if it's to make fun of us. So where should they be e-mailing if other people want to make fun of us?
Chico: That would be gordo....
Gordon: Watch it...
Chico: Err... wlti@gameshownewsnet.com. Again, this show doesn't happen without you, so send us some love. Big thanks to Don Harpwood and JD Hernandez for hanging out. For Gordon Pepper and everyone at Game Show Newsnet. I'm Chico Alexander. You know how we do... Game over, spread the love, everybody.
Gordon: Yay!