September 11, 2006

Chico: We're back on Season 13... and it's time for a judge fight.
Gordon: We continue with 12 angry men...and a judge. Order in my court!
Jason: Egg whites, White Toast and a side order of Hash Browns!
Gordon: Hash Browns are unhealthy for you.
Chico: *BB loss cue* So what do you have for us, Gordon?
Gordon: I have 6 cases before you. You decide if they are good mommy or bad mommy.
Jason: Got it.
Gordon: First case...

Accused: ABC Charge: Reckless Game Show Slaughter

Jason: That's a big one.
Chico: Evidence?
Gordon: The Con Test/Pokerface was killed off by ABC. Meanwhile, the DOND clones are still planning on going on the air. Is ABC killing off the wrong show?
Chico: Quite possibly. GUILTY.
Jason: Guilty. Although I would like to amend the charge to not showing Super Millionaire.
Chico: I second that. Guilty.
Gordon: BAD MOMMY! The punishment...
Chico: If I may propose a sentence... They have to watch all 12 hours of MyTV programming.
Gordon: Done! Justice!
Chico: Cruel and unusual, yes... but deserved. Next?
Gordon: Next up... Accused: Tom DeLay
Jason: He's been there before....

Accused: Tom DeLay Charge: Undue Influence

Chico: oh boy... Evidence.
Gordon: Tom DeLay is appealing everyone to vote FOR Sara Evans and Against Jerry Springer. Will this affect the voting?
Jason: Not Guilty. This is just political pandering in an election year.
Gordon: So guilty on pandering, but not against affecting the outcome of the competition?
Chico: Agreed. And it's not going to affect voting one bit. Mario Lopez is still going to win. If only because of the system in place: viewers' votes only count for HALF.
Gordon: I agree, but I think Sara Evans is now a serious threat to get to the final 2.
Chico: So Tom Delay, not guilty. But damn if he didn't pick his battles wisely.
Gordon: Most politicians don't.
Chico: I mean, he's supposed to be trying to make the country better for everyone, not appealing to a nation divided on party lines. That only furthers the hate. We're all about spreading the love.
Jason: It all depends on the dancing and the fan base...not on a politician's appeal.
Gordon: What about trying to convince the voters to spend a buck for people who REALLY need the money?
Jason: I'm a Republican...and I think this is nuts.
Gordon: I'm a Democrat, and I think this is nuts.
Chico: I'm apoltical, and I think this is nuts.
Gordon: If only we had this much passion on the real issues affecting the US. Sigh.
Jason: Amen.
Chico: Oy. Delay gets off on a technicality. Next?
Gordon: Next one...

Accused: Survivor Charge: Incite to Riot

Jason: Uh oh.
Chico: Evidence speaks for itself, but go on.
Gordon: The racial motif this year is certainly getting press attention, but it's also dropping the advertisers. Is this certainly much ado about nothing, or are they putting the cash cow on the 2 Minute Grill?
Jason: How about this...here is a bold prediction...it will get people watching for the first ep or two and then fade out fast. I think Survivor will be cancelled this year. Guilty.
Chico: I'm going to side with Jason here to a point. Survivor still gets numbers to warrant its continued existence, but as we saw from the Coupling debacle two or three years ago, when hype goes to this level, a series seldom lives up. So I'm going to say not guilty. People are saying this and that and whatever, but when it gets down to the game, it'll be like... whatever. So we have a
deadlock... and you know what that means...
Jason: Gordon?
Gordon: I find it fascinating that all Mark Burnett did was say the tribes are based on race and everyone's making a big deal of it. Advertisers are dropping their ads. People are heading screaming for the hills.
Jason: Because all those industries are PC, Gordon. They can't stand the heat.
Gordon: I hate to say this, but America is afraid to look at their past. This country has been built up by racism throughout the ages.
Jason: Race, religion, politics and sex are the four big no-nos in entertainment.
Chico: And then fast forward to the turn of the century, when the northeast was becoming a haven for immigrants from all over. The northeast and the west really. We're going to see some scars-and-all action with this, aren't we?
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: The fact of the matter is that throughout history. racism has been a MAJOR factor in the U.S., and this show is going to unpeel some of those layers. People are going to be uncomfortable, and perhaps, for the most part, they need to be, Not guilty.
Chico: I guess we're not going to do the Hung Jury dance.
Jason: Not in this case.
Gordon: Nope. I’m too passionate about this issue to hung jury it. Next one... Accused: My Networks TV. Charge: Wait for it.... Can anyone guess?
Chico: Making Cop-ays!!!

Accused: My Network TV Charge: Making Cop-ays!

Gordon: Good guess
Jason: I have an idea about the evidence but go on.
Gordon: It's MyGames! The first show to EVER have this interactive technology...if you wipe out Playmania, Text2win, Midnight Money Madness, ad nauseum. Are they going to be bringing ANYTHING new to this party, or is it the same old, same old?
Jason: Same old, same old. Guilty.
Chico: GUILTY!
Gordon: Probably the easiest one all day. Sentence: They have to text in to EVERY show before My Games goes on the air. All Ten Times.
Chico: Tell Shandi I said what up. Next?
Gordon: Next one...Oooh...Twin Bill.
Chico: Twin Bill! Can't wait to hear the charge on this one.

Accused: Padma Lakshmi & Neil Patrick Harris Charge: Media Ho-ing without a Proper License

Jason: No separation of the suspects?
Gordon: You can separate them if you wish. Padma is the new hostess of Top Chef, but do her credentials warrant it? And as for Neil...what exactly was the point of him going to the Big Brother House?
Chico: I'm going to go "not guilty" on Padma, as hosts have had as varying a background as there are hosts. I wrote about this earlier. As for Neil Patrick Harris... he says he's a fan, but I'm guessing he was ho-ing for CBS. Guilty.
Jason: Not Guilty on Padma....she is a cookbook author and Food Network star. Gulity for NPH...what Chico said.
Gordon: I'll make it Unanimous. Padma...is free to go. It would also be the first Indian to host an American reality game show, would it not?
Jason: I think so.
Chico: yep.
Gordon: Good for her. Neil..is free to stay in the Big Brother house, as the sentence for him is to live there and be the custodian until the new Big Brother Guests for Season 8 arrive.
Chico: and make sure they are new... not just all-stars. One more..
Gordon: Last one... Accused: Jason Block's Homegirl, Meredith Vieira
Jason: Hey!

Accused: Meredith Vieira Charge: Slander

Gordon: According to the press, Meredith calls The View, 'A Joke'. Then she says that she was taken out of context and it's the big bad media's fault. Who's side do you believe?
Chico: Even media machines need fuel to go on. Guilty. Sometimes comments "taken out of context" do have that root in truth.
Jason: Sorry Meredith...don't burn the bridges that got you the jobs you have now. Guilty.
Gordon: I would actually go not guilty on this, because I do think she was taken out of context, but I am overruled. Bad Mommy!
Chico: Punishment?
Gordon: She has to do an All-Star Millionaire week with the contestants being Star Jones and 9 of her friends!
Jason: AH!
Gordon: (of course, Star Jones could probably only find 9 friends to do the show with)
Chico: Ba-ZING! Time for another break. When we come back, part 2 of Push or Flush.
Gordon: We replace the gavel with a plunger...Next!

(Brought to you by Who Wants To Be A Crocodile Hunter? Sure he was reckless, but he brought years of entertainment and he will be missed. We'll miss you, Steve Irwin.)

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