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September 3 - Call the Whaaambulance!/What's My Zinger?/Push or Flush (1)

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Episode 16.2
September 17

Chico: Hai.
Jason: The Biggest Loser Dojo. Onegaishimasu.
Chico: Welcome back. This is the thing and we're the guys and it's time to ask the doctor. *puts on papaya hat*. Dr. Phil isn't the only one back this week.
Gordon: And as you can clearly see, Chico has put on the papya ha....oh wait, he's really bald. My bad.
Chico: AND... sexy.
Gordon: So Jason and I have some letters for Dr. Chico.
Jason: Yes, the letters have poured in.
Gordon: Jason. I think you have the first one?
Jason: Yes I do.


Dear Dr. Chico:

I think I may be spreading myself too thin. First off, I took a summer gig that has become really successful and my bosses want me to do more. Secondly, I am taking over for a guy who worked in the same job for 35 years. I am a little nervous. Do you think I am spreading myself too thin, or will people still like what I do?

Signed, Drew from Cleveland.

 

Chico: Well, it all depends on you, Drew. First of all, you have to remember why you were charged with the jobs you were charged to do. Then you have to remember what a wise man once said to you... Host the way you think it should be hosted. It's not a matter of do you have the energy... but do you have the love? CBS thinks you do... and they're giving you more power for it. It's up to you to dig deep.. but not too deep... We're smarter than you think. Good luck...
Gordon: I have the next letter. Dear Dr. Chico...


Dear Dr. Chico:

So what do you think of my new gig as the hostess of the second season of the Ultimate Blackjack Tour?

Signed, Shandi.

 

Chico: I hope Drew from Cleveland is still watching. This is multitasking at its finest. One of the genre's rising stars is doing three shows at once. Granted, only one of them is any good... But she's honing her craft. As to what I think of UBT... You need to get out as soon as possible. I have a stinking premonition that it's going to be this year... and that's it. Next letter?
Jason: I got one.... This one is from Alex in Canada.


Dear Dr. Chico:

Next year my gig turns 25...any suggestions on how to celebrate?

Signed, Alex from Canada.

 

Chico: Make it do what it do. You've been doing the same thing over and over again with little tweaks here and there. And no one has faulted you for it. You are in an exclusive club. If I had ANY idea... Dive back into the archives, and look for clues that were either not revealed or missed during the last 25 years. But yea, you keep doing what you're doing. America loves you for it.
Gordon: Oooh. I got one.  Ready for it?
Chico: I'm ready.


Dear Dr. Chico:

I'm lonely. When will someone come over and buy me?

Signed: The $7,100 Trip to England and Watch Package worth only $641 on Temptation.
 

Chico: Well, I don't know what to tell you, luv. See, your basic Temptation contestant comes in two garden varieties. Your first...Mark. Someone who has his eyes on the prize. Someone who knows how to play the game. And someone who can exploit it for all its worth. Then there's the kind of contestant that is Fremantle's wet dream. Loves nothing more than to spend a buck. They'll buy the earrings and think nothing of it. So England trip, that's why no one is buying you.
Gordon: I think the only way it gets bought is if you have a 5 day champ who doesn't have enough for the car.
Chico: Agreed. But look at it this way... at least you're not the new kitchen appliances with HDTV integrated. Talk about an inferiority complex. Any more?
Jason: I have one more...from England.


Dear Dr. Chico:

I produce the #1 show on an American network, but we had a bad year. How do you think we come back?

Signed - Nigel from London.
 

Chico: Focus on what got you to the party in the first place. Not the hype. Not the cast. But the talent. The talent is the very soul of what you do.
Gordon: You don't mean that people want to actually hear good performance, do you?
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: Wow. What a novel concept.
Chico: With, you know, the occasional bad audition tape.
Jason: We do like those...some of them anyway :)
Gordon: I have the last letter....and it's steaming hot. Yeouwch!
Chico: ... ay. Better be careful with that.


Dear Dr. Chico:

You are a hot, sexy hunk of a man. I want that bald Panamanian in my bed. Want to bed me?

Signed: New York.
 

Chico: ... No.
Gordon: That's right, I Love New York 2 is coming up soon, isn't it?
Chico: ... and STOP CALLING ME! *wads letter, tosses over shoulder* .. Geez, you think she'd be happy with a midget.
Gordon: But Doctor. She's a fan.
Chico: Geez...Think I'll bed just about ANYONE these days. I feel dirty.
Jason: You need a shower.
Gordon: Would you bed Tila Tequila?
Chico: And maybe two of her friends, but interest would be purely sexual. Heh.
Jason: Oh man.
Gordon: Ok. While we're running the cold water for Chico's shower, we'll go to a break.
Chico: Sunrise and babies crying after this.

(Brought to you by 50 Cent's new album, "The Answer"... where he spends 5 minutes rhyming to the tune of "That's the Question's" new theme song)


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