Game Show NewsNet

The Final Three - August 10

Or... "How to do recaps on 3 hours sleep"... The first twist to this finale show is... this isn't the finale.

The actual finale is on Thursday. The final competition, however, is tonight, as the three comedians put on one last show to get our votes. That should take around 30 minutes - but the program is 2 hours long. What to fill it with?

For starters, how's about an opening montage of what's happened for the show?

We get that - and a description of the prizes (though leaving out the $50,000 in bonus cash). We also get an intro from Jay Mohr, telling us that we will be seeing the best of the best, the best of the worst, and special performances from some of the people who didn't get to be finalists.

First, we'll say hi to the seven people who didn't get to the finals - including (unfortunately) Todd Glass, who Jay describes accurately as a drunk Treat Williams. Then we'll say hi again to Mark and Ross as we get to see the Best of the Worst montage. These are the comedians who we are fortunate not to see on our screen - except in space-filler moments like this.

Fast-forwarding through that garbage, we will get to see someone who didn't make it from the Florida auditions - but someone who will get to perform tonight. It's Grandma Lee! (See the recaps from the first few weeks for details). "When I die, I want my ashes to be sprinkled across Krispy Kreme, so I know my big fat daughters will come visit me a few times a week." She actually had a good set, and I wouldn't mind seeing her in the house next year. I wonder if this is the producers way of showing us a sneak preview to get the ratings up for LCS 4?

We get more footage of the bad comics - which is actually not new footage, but old footage that maybe the producers would hope we forget. We get to be reacquainted with the Arnold and Michael Jackson impersonations. We get some more silly voices - and then we get an appearance by Marina Franklin! She talks about Baptist Church and name origins. She's cure - but she had the same problems as last time - cute material, but not broad enough for a diverse audience.

The next montage - highlights (or lowlights) of the Friar's Club. We then get another profile of Jay London - and another interview of him. No offense, since I like Jay, but didn't we already see 2 weeks worth?

We see both Alonzo and Gary studying for their final performance. Whoopee.

A contractual obligation kept the next guest from getting in the house. That person is Jim Norton - and he now gets to perform for us. He talks about dating and diseases - but not together. He's ok, and ok in this case is better than at least 3 of the comics, so its not a bad thing.

Speaking of not funny, we get an impersonation of impersonations. Then we get a montage of the castle that the comedians stayed in. We see Todd being annoying - again - and then a montage of what other comedians thought of the three finalists. We have John talking about Jay London's eating habits, Gary going after ANT's laugh and all of the comics being sick of ANT's accent joke. ANT's advice? Don't pretend to be gay - and then make sure you sleep with Jay Mohr, which prompts him to take off his shirt and lick (?) ANT.

Next up? Crushes. Todd and Bonnie, ANT and Jay London, Todd and Jay London, Jay and Tammy, Tammy and a garden gnome in the back, Kathleen and Rusty the dog, Gary and Todd. Alonzo? "I told Gary he better be that happy when he sees his girlfriend." The influence of ANT?

After the comedians whine about their physique on the show. Jay promises after that sketch that we will actually see comedians. We may actually get to see some original funny material.

So what did I just spend my first hour doing? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!

After ANOTHER montage (this time a no word, just sound effects montage) featuring the final three comics, and after ANOTHER sketch with Todd (maybe Todd was the person who slept with Jay). Jay finally gets to give us comedy from... himself, as he teases math. "What's 2A plus 2B? ABBA?" Stay in school, kids. Please.

75 minutes into the show, and we FINALLY get to see Alonzo Bodden.. well, a montage of him. After that, he FINALLY comes out and we get to see his last comedy routine. The target? Dating and animals. "You ever make love in the room with a 90 pound husky? You want her to enjoy herself - but you don't want her to scream... If you're with a group of women, and you don't get laid, one of them has to take one for the team." Though not as good as he has been, he was very good, and the audience gives him a standing ovation.

The second finalist is Gary Gulman. He seems to be getting catcalls, and based on that, I figure that's why he is here - because so far, it hasn't been his material. He talks about growing up with a dad who's 50. "When we both go to the movies, we both get discounts." He also talks about the new vision at Fig Newton and wondering what a fig looks like. "I'll shove you in there if I think it's going to get product. I'm tired of getting our asses kicked in by the Girl Scouts." Next up? The Olympics. "They ask (the figure skaters) the dumbest questions. How do you think you fell... it was slippery out there. It was like there was a whole sheet of ice." He still doesn't do much for me, though he also got a standing ovation.

Finally, it's John Heffron, who in my eyes, is probably the most improved comic in the group. He uses a combination of verbal and physical movement for comedy. He talks about his new wife and the laundry on the stairs. "Apparently, it's there to be moved up... we also have baby stuff right next to the door. I always though that meant to no longer use that door." He also talks about clutter and how to do things without his wife knowing. "Don't hire the stripper with the glitter." He was very funny - maybe the best that I've seen him. Was he funny enough to make up the ground he was trailing Alonzo?

My take? I still think it's Alonzo's to lose, but John is certainly up there and with Gary's charisma, he certainly could be a player in this. Here is who I thought did what -

1. Alonzo
2. John
3. Gary

Who wins? We'll all see on Thursday. Join us for the second coronation.