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Twelve American males hit up a trip to England in order to woo the former Mrs. Mick Jagger

Recaps by Julie Suchard, GSNN

Host: Jerry Hall
EP: Michael Hirschorn, Kim Rozenfeld, Brandon Riegg, Sam Korkis, Julio Kollerbohm, Michael Canter, Debbie Adler Myers
Packager: VH1
Airs: Thursdays at 9pm ET on VH1

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"Style" - June 2

Jerry expects the himbos to look good while trying to please her. She feels that they lack style and fashion sense. The men will be receiving professional makeovers. The men sit around the table after they hear the news. John (who is a doofus) says that he will not cut his hair. He doesn’t care if they paint his toenails pink, put on mascara or make-up, he just doesn’t want his hair cut.

Austen, showing more wit and intelligence than I thought possible, says that Ricardo and Slavko are late because they were stuck in the bathroom trying to lick their reflections off the mirror.

Jerry says that she lives in a fishbowl and has to always be aware of how she looks. She has to have the best of everything, expensive jewelry and designer clothes. Imagine is everything and the himbos have a way to go.

The men are sent to John Carne’s Salon, where only the “Who’s Who of London” are allowed admittance. Jerry shows up to direct the makeovers with her friend Rachel Fuller (Pete Townsend’s girlfriend). Jerry goes down the line of men and points out what is needed. (Maurizio has dandruff). Jerry looks at Slavko and asks if he is wearing makeup, but he says no. (Jerry says in her fake accenty voice, “Darling, he was wearing more make-up than I was.) Jerry says that all men with hair on their backs must have it removed. Mike has hobbit feet and has all of the hair waxed off. John apparently has been shaving his back – Well, actually his dad does it for him, since he can’t reach (You heard right; his father shaves his back – How pathetic!). Frank has his eyebrows waxed. He says that he would rather be punched in the face than have his eyebrows waxed again.

Jerry and her friends consult with John’s stylist about his hair. He says that he is going for a “surfer boy” look (Unfortunately, though, Johnny don’t surf). Jerry says that his hair is “a bit Elvis, Darling, Elvis in his bad phase” and tells him that he needs a very short haircut. After Jerry and Rachel leave, John refuses to get his hair cut. Jerry returns and talks to him about being a “naughty boy.” John says that he is being a diva, Jerry says that she is the only diva allowed on the show. John finally relents and gets his hair cut short.

Jerry sends the men to Esprit (which is less female-oriented in Europe than in the US) to get new wardrobes. Jason says that he didn’t get too much advice because Ricardo was monopolizing the stylist’s time. Jon complains that all of the clothes are too big for him. Seth tries on a purple striped shirt and says that “purple is nice, if you are Donny Osmond.”

The men return home. Ricardo and Slavko talk about the “5% club” and the “95% club.” They consider themselves the 5% men, men who are better than all the rest of the men in the world, while the rest of the guys are in the 95% men, average guys. They figure that they will be the last two men standing in the competition (which means that they won’t be).

Jerry sends the men to the London College of Fashion where they will learn to walk the catwalk at a fashion show. Jerry says that the fashion show will test the himbos’ ability to show grace under pressure. She needs a man who will complement her and blend into her life and not be fodder for the tabloids. (Oh yeah, I really believe that the Jerry Hall is really going to hang out with whatever guy she chooses for a year…)

First the men go to “catwalk college” where they learn to walk. (I kept expecting to hear the 90s band ‘Right Said Fred’ and their “I’m too sexy for my shirt” song, but no such luck.) Frank says that there’s no way they will be able to teach a short, stocky man like him to walk the catwalk. Jason says that this activity was tailor made for Ricardo and Slavko since every day they do primping and prepping for fashion shows around the house. Mike and John are told that since they have disabilities i.e. they are short, they are really going to have to work to “sell” themselves on the catwalk. Slavko says that John looks like a monkey on the runway.

The men get their hair and make-up redone for the fashion show. Then the men are given three outfits to wear. Jerry and fashion designer Vivienne Westwood shows up to help judge. As the men walk down the aisle, Jerry hoots, hollers and makes comments at them. The men show up first in suits, then wear Vivienne Westwood designs, which are more avant garde. Anwar gets stuck wearing a skirt; Devonric, pink silk shorts; Austen an outfit that looks like Huckleberry Finn; while John steals the show in his “midget gladiator” garb. The men are surprised with an unexpected fourth outfit to model, which is only some Calvin Klein jockey shorts underwear. Maurizio accuses Anwar of stuffing his underwear. Seth thinks that he was given underwear that was too big because he says that he “looked as though he was hung like a light switch out there.”

At the end of the fashion show, Anwar throws a lily at Jerry. He says it’s to let her know that he would go in his speedo or “butt” naked to keep her happy. (Isn’t it buck naked?)

After the fashion show, Jerry throws a VIP party. Jerry’s agent is so impressed with Austen that she gives him her business card. Seth went directly to the bar because he felt so uncomfortable with the modeling. Jerry goes up to the men and tells them how proud she was of each of them.

Then the bitch, Katy shows up (without her motorcycle) and the himbos penises shrink noticeably. Jerry discusses the men and says the Ricardo is really vain. Seth drinks too much and she doesn’t get John’s nipple rings.

Katy says that Jerry has made a decision and carries a clipboard with names on it. As each man’s name is called, they are allowed to pass the guards and go through the velvet rope. If they aren’t on the list, well “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”

Katy hands the clipboard to Chris (an exceedingly tall and thick black man who speaks in a basso profundo English accent), who starts reading names of the men who can stay: Anwar, Jason, Austen, Devonric, Slavko, Seth, Ricardo, John, Maurizio, and Frank. Mike’s name is not called and he must leave. Jerry says that Mike was always nervous and reminded her of a chihuahua dog on the 4th of July. Mike says that he is not disappointed because he gave “150%” (showing that he has little understanding of math) but he is thankful for the opportunity.

Next Week: Ricardo is bitchy and Jerry makes them men learn about art. It looks like they will all by sketching a female (could it be Jerry or Katy?) in the nude and then having their artwork auctioned off (for charity?)

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