Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and so far,
we've seen 5 cities worth of shows.
Chico: Tell me, Gordon... where are we going this time?
Gordon: Do I look like Greg Lee to you?
Jason: No you don't.
Chico: Would you believe an older Michael J. Fox?
Gordon: Without the convulsions?
Jason: Oh my.
Chico: Sure, why not.
Gordon: I'll take it then. You look like a Chico Alexander. And he looks
like a Jason Block. And he looks like a Don Harpwood.
Chico: That's because I am a Chico Alexander. Hello friends, this is
your Idol recap for January 30, day six of auditions. Tonight, the road
to Hollywood stops at Miami.
Jason: Miami --home of Gloria Estefan.
Gordon: Full of pink flamingos, Miami Vice, and an arena that hasn't
been seriously used in years.
Chico: Over 10,000 people have waiting in the heat and humidity for one
shot at stardom.
MIAMI, FL - American Airlines Arena
Gordon: And speaking of Gloria Estefan, we have her music in the
background. 'Rhythm is Going to Get You.' It's the first time they are
here since Season 2, where they found Vanessa Olivares, among others.
But will the rhythm find the singers?
Don: We'll find out soon enough.
Chico: Judges are in place.
Gordon: Simon calls Paula's dress slutty. Simon is in fine form this
Chico: First up, Shannon McGough (18, Okeechobee)
Gordon: Shannon McGough does not look slutty, since you can't look
slutty when you work at a meat market with your parents.
Chico: She works with a LOT of meat. She's won a LOT of awards. Does she
have a LOT of talent?
Gordon: She won South Florida Idol (which is not affiliated with
American Idol)....and maybe a few belching contests.
Chico: She's got a lot of GAS, that's for sure.
Gordon: Can she belch-sing?
Jason: I can.
Chico: That's... nice.
Gordon: I...don't want to. And she's got a sparkling blue condom on her
Chico: She sings Cry Baby by Janis Joplin...WOW. She's got a bombastic
voice. I wish she'd go somewhere with it, though.
Gordon: She's got a great voice. She picked a terrible song.
Chico: Moral of the story, make sure you are going somewhere with a
song. And she tries again. Simon says she sounds like she's eating...
Jason: Which is bad.
Gordon: Simon, who has a hangover to begin with, is not going to help.
Paula says that she has melody problems.
Chico: It's three no's and a "tone deaf" for the parents.
Gordon: Shannon says that she may be sick a little, but the judges are
not buying it. She has a good voice, but she oversang it horribly.
Chico: So Miami... Not starting out well.
Jason: Pretty much.
Gordon: She is done with American Idol and her mom is shocked. Parents,
please tell your kids the truth on their talent. If you don't, you will
doom them to starring in clips of 'America's Worst' in American Idol.
Chico: Next up, a former boy bander... Robbie Carrico (Melbourne). He
sings "Simple Man".
Don: That I liked.
Chico: Not bad. Very much telling the story in this.
Jason: He is from a group called Boyz and Girlz United.
Gordon: And he dated Britney Spears. That should get him to Hollywood -
or at least get him an interview or 2 with OK Magazine.
Chico: Simon's on the fence....and says yes. Paula... yes. Randy... yes.
GOING TO HOLLYWOOD.
Jason: He has a nice voice.
Gordon: Upon seeing the Golden Ticket to Hollywood, he gets the
firecracker treatment from his family
Chico: And he's accosted with silly string. Must be a Florida thing.
Back in Miami..Mid morning...Hot ladies...Guys... not so much.
Gordon: As we see with as the show turns to American Pan Flautist. He,
not surprisingly, gets a no. The women present us with soul and melody.
The guys present us with tons of oversinging and a WTF montage.
Chico: Next up, guitarist Galeb Emachah (27, Miami) from Venezuela. He
specializes in gypsy music. He approaches everything with passion.
Gordon: He's a mean guitarist and harmonica player...BUT CAN HE
Chico: That's another show.
Chico: He's singing Marc Anthony... "You Sang to Me"
Gordon: He sings affected with a massive vibrato.
Chico: Very affected.
Gordon: Paula doesn't like the accent (which Simon calls her rude on)
Chico: But Paula likes the voice... albeit with the accent.
Gordon: Paula, trying to avoid a confrontation with Simon, is getting up
and 'La la la la la-ing' while walking across the room. Simon says no.
Randy says yes, which forces Paula to do something besides sing 'la la
la'. Paula says...yes - but tells him to work on the accent.
Chico: GOING TO HOLLYWOOD... and getting some Paula love.
Gordon: Paula and Galeb passionately embrace in the middle of the stage.
Simon wants the camera people to check Paula's cup. Galeb gives the
whole Idol crew love by kissing everyone.
Chico: And some producer love... and some photographer love.. and some
Rayn love. Next up: Brittany Westcott and Corliss Smith (both 20, both
from Jacksonville) are NOT sisters. But they could be.
Jason: Those are some big girls.
Gordon: They are full-bodied singers.
Chico: Brittany likes skinny men... Corliss likes 'em beefy.
Gordon: And they are coming to sing as a duo. So far, according to the
Idol stats on TV, duos are 1 Yes and 5 No
Chico: Duly noted.
Gordon: And they set their eyes on Randy Jackson. Yipes.
Chico: Corliss is up first with some Take 5.
Gordon: Paula and Simon want Corliss to sing to Simon.
Jason: And she can sing.
Gordon: She's not bad - and she's not oversinging, which is good. She
can keep a tune as well.
Chico: She can do better. But yeah, not bad. Brittany sings "My Guy".
Gordon: Brittany sings to Simon - and I like her better.
Jason: So do I.
Chico: Me three.
Gordon: She has Top 24 potential
Chico: Simon's clapping, dude.
Jason: I love her voice.
Gordon: Great voice.
Gordon: I like her better than the 'professional musician' people. Randy
says yes to both. Paula says yes to both. Simon, not wanting the wrath
of Randy Jackson on his head, also says yes to both.
Chico: Yes to both.
Jason: Very cool. Both talented ladies.
Chico: Both are GOING TO HOLLYWOOD.
Gordon: Duos are...2 for 7. And they both have a love fest with all 3
Jason: And the girls are molesting them.
Chico: Ryan's afraid to get close to the door. Aaaaaaand here's
why...Love fest with the host.
Chico: Well, it looks like Miami is being far kinder to the fairer sex.
Next, Suzanne Tune (21, Clearwater).
Gordon: Suzanne is a single mom who hasn't sung in 3 years.
Chico: She's got "a lot riding on today".
Gordon: Lots of single moms who are auditioning
Chico: I wish they wouldn't play up that card. But that's just me.
Jason: I agree. Just sing...and she can.
Chico: Now play up this card.. "I Can't Make You Love Me". That was a
card worth playing. She's got pipes.
Gordon: She's ok. She doesn't do a great job staying on pitch
Chico: It bent a little at the end, but it was a chance worth taking.
Chico: Three-way sweep, but Randy warns her to watch the pitch.
Gordon: Randy agrees with me, but she goes to Hollywood. Randy hopes she
can put it all together.
Chico: Top 24 and that's it. Trivia: Jasmine Trias' second album went
platinum in the Philippines.
Chico: Will her countrywoman Ramiele Malubai (19, Miramar) fare any
Gordon: Yes she may - she's got a hot set of pipes.
Chico: "Natural Woman" is the choice..
Jason: Another good voice.
Jason: A little pitchy at the end.
Chico: And it was a power performance... but it sounded a little like
she was belting.
Gordon: Simon accuses Randy of only saying yes because she's short. Huh?
Chico: Simon says no. Randy says yes, Paula says yes. I say "Top 24, and
Gordon: She'll equal the Top 24 - and maybe better if she can sing
better than Jasmine Trias did. Wait a sec. Is that...Syesha? I know who
Chico: Do tell.
Gordon: Unfortunately, I know for the WRONG reasons
Chico: Did you spend an evening doing things you weren't supposed to?
Gordon: Mind. Out of. Gutter. Syesha was on a little musical talent show
on TV. However, it was NOT Star Search
Chico: Was it on another network?
Gordon: Yes it was.
Jason: Was it Fame?
Gordon: No it wasn't. Syesha...if it's the right Syesha, was on..... THE
Chico: ... you WERE spending an evening doing things you weren't
Gordon: It brings back...bad memories, man
Chico: I bet it does.
Gordon: The Good News was she was never voted off the show
Chico: The bad news?
Gordon: Only 2 people got voted off before the show was canned. Bad Ju
ju! I must vote against her on principal. She was Syesha Merc...
Jason: Syesha Mercado (19, Sarasota)
Gordon: Yes! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Jason: (hands Gordon the helmet)
Gordon: Maaaake it stooooop,daaaaaaaaaaadddddyyyyyyy
Jason: Here's the wall...go for it.
Chico: Wall! Wall! Wall! Wall! Wall!
Gordon: I'm not going into Chico's wall
Chico: DO IT!
Gordon: No. I have a different way of stress therapy. (Flies into
greased lane into set of bowling pins)
Gordon: Syesha is an actress/singer. She sings 'Think'.
Chico: Randy says yes. Paula says... yes. Simon says yes.
Gordon: I will say this - the past few years after The One definitely
helped her voice.
Chico: You think?
Gordon: The women in Miami are quite good.
Jason: Yes they are.
Chico: Natasha Bloch (29, Ft. Collins, CO). She's going. Ilsy Lorena
Pinot (28)...She's going.
Gordon: Ilsy picked a GREAT song to sing, btw. 'Unfaithful' by Rihanna.
Great song, which challenges the vocal range, and which is not sung too
Chico: After the break... the guys continue to suck.
Jason: And we have a comedian who is going to nuclear bomb.
Don: Earplugs are ready.
Chico: Some guys came out with golden tickets...Ben Hausbach... was not
one of them.
Jason: Oh boy...
Gordon: Some of the guys actually have decent voices, but they are all
Chico: Fabienne Hypolite... was not one of them either. She was...
undersinging. And with her finger in her ear to boot. Richard Valles?
(19, Tampa)... Nope.
Gordon: Pitch - ok. Tone - horrible.
Jason: Nasal. Very nasal
Chico: Sing from your diaphragm, son.
Don: Hey, wha?
Gordon: Another bad Flashback, man!!!!!!
Chico: Julie Dubela...Hey, THERE's an American Junior, Gordon.
Jason: A top 20 from American Juniors.
Gordon: American Juniors!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH Save me, daddy
(cowers under Chico and holds on to his leg)
Chico: I hope she doesn't sing "One Step Closer" for her audition.
Jason: There's the pins...and some fresh oil!
Gordon: (Slides back into the pins)
Gordon: Simon and Randy say they loved American Juniors. They aren't
remotely serious. They are playing with her.
Jason: Simon is TRASHING the show.
Chico: You THINK? Four years later... Julie Dubela (16, Brantham,
NH)..."Me and My Bobby McGee"
Gordon: She starts ok, and then the voice veers into train wreck
Jason: and I can't understand her.
Chico: The judges are going to give her a pass, though...Wait...never
Gordon: Julie has turned into 'Valley Girl Chick'
Chico: Simon wants the song without the "weird acting". Julie's voice is
not on point. I think puberty does that to a person. Oh god, she's
Don: Oh, geez.
Jason: Shut up!
Chico: We're going to need some security backup..
Gordon: Julie sings again after getting 3 nos. Usually, singing after
being told no is bad.
Don: Really bad.
Jason: And she is acting like an overindulged, entitled 16 yr old.
Chico: Perhaps... just perhaps... she's NOT acting.
Gordon: Unfortunately, she's not acting. She's being a 16 year old - a
Chico: God, Julie, shut up.
Jason: May I be blunt?
Chico: Jason... please be blunt.
Jason: What a whiny selfish b(beep)tch.
Chico: If I may say something...Her voice may have matured a little...
but SHE hasn't.
Gordon: Point, Chico.
Chico: You gotta mature before you EVER become the American Idol
Jason: See: Jordin Sparks. She was 19 when she auditioned.
Chico: And she's more seasoned mentally than HALF of them. She made sure
her mind was right first.
Jason: If I may...LIFE ISN'T FAIR.
Chico: Deal. End of Day 2 in Miami. Last contestant of the day... is
Don: This guy is crazy.
Chico: It's Leroy Wells v. 2.0
Jason: Hell no.
Chico: Brandon Black (20, Pompano Beach) sings "I'll Make Love to
Chico: Maybe if he just sang the damn song instead of going into
Gordon: Over singing, stripping....being on TV. He got his wish. Paula
has her head buried on the desk.
Jason: Can I use the lane, Gordon?
Gordon: (Gives Jason the bowling ball)
Jason: Geronimo! (Slides into the bowling pins) Wheee!!!!
Chico: I'm a sucker for the classics. *runs into Wall*
Gordon: We've devolved. Thanks, Brandon. Really, thanks.
Chico: And the line of the night... "Is that a yes or a no?" One...
Gordon: Simon and Randy walk out, with Randy saying 'Never'.
Chico: We say yes to 17 people, though.
Jason: We saw a lot of them.
Chico: And the others get a "Wonderful World" montage.
Jason: Next week, Atlanta.
Chico: Ryan's hometown, and the last stop on the audition tour. We'll
see you then. Until, good night, and gooooooood singin'.