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The
Flamethrowupper
July 20
WARNING: under no circumstances should
you attempt the stunts that you are about to read about. They're very
dangerous and can cause irreparable body damage. Much like watching this
show. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Also, expect rather graphic explanations of the actions that progress...
even though we'll try to keep this tasteful.
Dictated. Not read. -The Management.
Tonight, we're heading to the fair and we're bringing a steady diet of
spinach and tuna with us.
Your five competitors...
Chris
"The Beast" Eleby
6'2", 210 lbs
cable guy |
Bob "Bobalicious"
Severn
5'8", 140 lbs
waiter/musician |
Logan
"Spicoli" Martina
6'3", 180 lbs
window washer |
Duy "Dookie"
Nguyen
5'10", 160 lbs
beach bar host |
Ryan
"Agent Cody Banks" Mafnas
5'11", 140 lbs
pizza delivery |
STAGE 1: Creamed Spinach Cram
Contestants have seven pounds of cream of spinach soup in front of them
and five minutes to consume. The three who consume the most will move on
to the next round.
The big strategy, taking a long drink. Because the soup is liquid and
you can do such things, BUT they have to remember that any spilled soup
will cost against them.
Bob looked like he might've blasted a stomach bazooka after two minutes,
but it was just a spit-up. With a minute left, Duy's in teh basement
with 10 oz, Ryan's got 15. Bob has 28, Logan has 32, but the man to beat
is Chris with 35 oz.
Final weigh-in:
Logan: 3.5 lbs - 57 oz
Chris: 3.17 lbs - 50 oz
Bob: 2.7 lbs - 43 oz
Duy: 1.31 lbs - 21 oz
Ryan: 2.4 lbs - 30 oz
Duy and Ryan are out their shot at $1000... Meanwhile, it's time to
shake things up in...
STAGE 2: The Flamethrower
Behind the players is the Flamethrower, a fairground classic. They'll
have five minutes in the ride. Soup will be swirling in their stomachs,
but if it swirls out, then it's game over.
And apparently Bob gets happy by roller coasters. The Flamethrower...
somewhat similar. Except not. Chris has settled into his comfort zone.
And meanwhile, Logan is counting the money before he's even won it.
And after three minutes, we speed up the Flamethrower... and stop it.
And we have a Hurl Warning! on Chris. With 20 seconds left... Chris
holds it back... with 11 seconds left... He can hold no longer. An
inverted two-bucket hurl means that Chris is out. And somewhat dirty.
Now it's Bob against Logan in...
STAGE 3: Tuna Casserole Chaos
Eleven pounds of tuna casserole... four minutes each. GO!
Bob has a hard time eating his dish... and we have TWO hurl warnings in
him. He doesn't hurl, but he does spit out some of his tuna.
And there's Hurl Warning! #2 on him... Will Bob's improbable run end
here? The crowd is literally egging him on (except it's tuna)... and
he's back. But then he's back on the Hurl Warning!...
... and we're not going to need the Flamethrower, because Bob just blew
it, four buckets worth. Logan relishes in his $1000 victory.
Next time, more food tasting good coming up as it is going down. |
