The Complete Prat's Guide to Surviving the
Priceless Summer - June 14
As I type this, an estimated 12 million people in
the US and Canada (and even more worldwide) either would have watched or are
getting ready to watch Bob Barker step through door #2 for the final time (or
not, but for the sake of argument, lets just assume that this is it). Its an
event that has been eight months in the making, something we have all been both
anticipating and dreading.
And now that the summer is almost upon us, were
left with one lingering question. Who on earth could possibly replace someone
who, in 35 years, has surpassed legendary status and has become, in the eyes of
many, the face of a genre?
Well, we COULD answer that
but were not that
concerned with that as much as we are concerned with how YOU are going to take
it. Besides, theres time to dwell on the ideal candidate later. Next week
good for you? Fine. Ill see you then.
Meanwhile, the names of those who many believe are
worthy of a CHANCE at inheriting the mantle of an industry, the design of
three-and-a-half decades are etched on a white board somewhere in the depths of
CBS. And one by one, those names are being wiped clean off. And I bet its just
making you crazy thinking about the whole damn thing.
So just for this special instance, were just going
to forget things like ratings and share points (besides, this summer, with one
or two exceptions, has been pretty lackluster) and just try and have some fun.
We need some fun once in a while.
So here now, I present the Complete Prats Guide to
Surviving the Priceless Summer (or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the
thrill of the hunt for a change)
there is one
and only one
Bob Barker. It helps to know that CBS has the shows
best interest at heart. Do you honestly think that it would go through this much
rigmarole if it didnt? Theyre not looking for Bob Barkers identical twin
brother. Were that the case, CBS wouldve had a secret lab somewhere underneath
the depths of Television City where they were perfecting the cloning process
using strands of hair acquired off of Bob by Mira Wilder. Either Travis S.
doesnt know anything about it or hes not talking. Either way, its a done
deal. Bob Barker is truly one of a kind. We dont need another one.
thing to remember if youre one of those who believe that no one but Bob can
host the show without screwing it up... somewhere out there in archives of
ARPAnet in 1972 there surely must be rants complaining that this new guy is
alright, but hes no Bill Cullen.
conducting debates on who should be the new host, follow the old reliable
gambit: dont prove the other guy wrong, prove that youre right. This is the
absolute worst time to look like a crumbling deprecating mark. And for Gods
sake, dont mention Kevin Federline. Everything he touches turns to crap. Case
in point: Britney Spears.
that these guys are up on stage trying for a coveted position which has since
been marginalized by a global leader in the medium that is trying its damnedest
to balance currency with familiarity, a famous face with an even more famous
which is more than what you or I ever did.
this Doctor Who quote in your thought bank and treasure it
You think itll
people and cars and concrete. Then one day, its all gone. Even
the sky. We all knew that we were closer to the end of Bobs career than we
were to the beginning. We all saw it coming. Too late to whine about it now. Put
on your big girl panties and get over it.
all is said and done, chances are your favorite, whoever he may be, will be
told, Thanks, but no thanks. Thats okay. I wasnt the biggest Rich Fields fan
when he started on TPIR. I was personally jocking for Burton Richardson to
become announcer #3. But he grew on me. He proved that he was more than capable
of stepping into Rod Roddys shoes (thank goodness he didnt step into his
wardrobe. That wouldve been a bit of a problem). The point is, if whoever does
a good job, youll appreciate it that much more.
Bill McDonald, Even bad TPIR is better than no TPIR. I shudder at such a
prospect. That said
that Rosie ODonnell isnt taken seriously. You don't make the show. The show
There you have it. Eight simple rules for getting
over the summer. See how long you can go without breaking three of them. OR,
better idea, share some of your own. Seriously, I want to hear your survival
tips. How are you getting through the Priceless summer?
You know where to reach me.
Chico Alexander has some tips for the
host-to-be-named next week. In the meantime, e-mail your priceless tips to