Episode 23.1 - Love, WLTI Style
January 11

Chico: ... you mean there's an article?
Gordon: Yes. the Quantum Mechanics between gravity and Mandy's breasts.
Chico: That's physics, kids. Welcome back to our little love fest on WLTI. I'm here with the Statler to my Waldorf... and if only for today... Gordon is trying love. That's a good resolution to have... Trying love.
Gordon: Well, we're resolving to help people out for the new year. And I do love to help.
Chico: He does.
Gordon: I do. ready for the first one?

Let's start with an easy one: Mark Burnett. After Little Genius went away, he needs some love. Now. Any advice?

Chico: Simple. No, really. That's the advice. Keep it simple. Don't try to make anything of it. Just keep it game first.
Gordon: Here's my advice: Create a good game that works well on it's own. It's the game, stupid.
Chico: True. True.
Gordon: So Resolved: Create a good game that doesn't rely on gimmicks.
Chico: Next...

Cirie Fields. Twice you've gone almost all the way on Survivor. Twice you don't make it to the end. How do you break that threshold?

Chico: I would go back and watch the tapes over, and see what I did.... She was too nice. Too trusting. WAY too naive... Yeah, don't be that.
Gordon: Don't be too nice and scheme a little more. No one wants to take you to the end because they'd know you win. You need to be the agressor at the end of the game.
Chico: She played too clean a game.
Gordon: Yep. And this season, she's against sharks, so clean won't work. So revoled: Ride less on people's coattails play to win, and don't be afraid to get dirty doing it. Next one...

Sharon Osbourne. She's a new contestant on Celebrity Apprentice. How can she do what Piers did and win the Apprentice title?

Chico: Based on what we've seen before... Kiss up to the Donald. repeatedly. It's a known fact that despite game play, he plays favorites.
Gordon: Not only that. Power talks. Wield your contact book. Don't be afraid to call in favors to make money. And like Cirie, don't be afraid to get dirty in the board room.
Chico: Oh, she can get dirty. You're forgetting what family she comes from.
Gordon: I don't think giving Donald trump a bat's head in tribute is going to help her much.
Chico: You never know
Gordon: Next one...

Frank Moresca. You need a woman to get you out of the basement. You get to be his daddy. What do you suggest?

Chico: Good job. No kids. Has to be a looker. And no whores.
Gordon: Looker? Yes. Hooker? No.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: I'd say go for Jenny. Her daddy is loaded, she has a nice job, and she's African American - as is Tiffany Patterson (New York) that Frank auditioned to date.
Chico: I wonder if she likes to be licked, though.
Gordon: I think anyone can be licked. Just have to get the right spot.
Chico: So resolved: Jenny's the meal ticket.
Gordon: Next one...

Scripps Network. Gordon can't watch your shows. That makes Gordon angry. How do you make Gordon happy?

Chico: Stop the fighting and get to the table already. Fox and TimeWarner could. You guys are BOTH losing money and time on this battle.
Chico: It's time to come to a deal and end this.
Gordon: the Knicks and Rangers both suck. You're not going to get the money you're asking for, and even if you do, it could take months, which would result in your viewers drifting off to see Bravo's new Top Chef series. So resolved: Make a reasonable offer. 200% increase on fees is NOT reasonable in a recession.
Chico: And END this.
Gordon: Yes. Please. Last one...

Jake Pavelka. He didn't go for the ring. What's the best way to deal with this situation?

Chico: Explain?
Gordon: According to reports, he didn't go for the engagement ring on The Bachelor. So maybe he wants to take it slow. This is how a relationship works.
Chico: That's good. So why is it on the Bachelor? =p
Gordon: Unfortunately, thanks to the rules not allowing you to be in contact with the person you select for 3 months, this can be a problem. So I think Jake should take it slow and not rush into things, where countless Bachelors have tried and failed.
Chico: So he's taking his time... lying in wait... biding his time and looking for the right moment. This is actually the best thing I've ever seen anyone on the Bachelor do.
Gordon: Love doesn't just pop up after 13 episodes of a one hour show.
Chico: That's... that's not what happens.
Gordon: So Mr, Chico, guru of all things Bachelor :), what do we resolve here?
Chico: Well, I've said that if the 2000s were the era of the reality show... the 2010s will be the era of the reality check so... RESOLVED: Be patient. If she loves you like she says she will, she can wait three months for a ring. Absence, after all, makes the heart grow fonder.
Gordon: Or at least, will be the bases for grounds of a good sequel on VH1.
Chico: Gordon LOVES that. But does he love happy toilet time?
Gordon: I do. We go to happy toilet time after this!

(Brought to you by Gordon the Entertainer... in a North Jersey Studio Affair. He plays poker. He bowls. He's a gamer. He doesn't LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS. He's not a loser. You know you want this...)

Gordon: You trying to set me up?
Chico: We'll see if any e-mails come in.
Gordon: Heh. Please don't try to marry me to the toilet though.
Chico: Never. It's ... for one, it's inanimate. For another, it's full of crap.
Gordon: Actually, that does sound like some of my past relationships :P
Chico: Don't it all? Okay, we have nine this week. You know what to do.
Gordon: I do. Now make me feel better and give me the second our 3 installments of Push or Flush.
Chico: First up...

SHARK TANK ABC 9p ET Friday

PASTRY

Chico: That is what you call a stealth season premiere, in that a) it's composed of bits of season 1 that you've never seen and 2) it wasn't advertised as a season premiere unless you had a local on-screen TV guide.
Gordon: This is a clear definition of 'burn-off' aka lets put something on Friday. Jiggle.
Chico: Well, I liked it. I thought it's the best show you're not watching. PUSH.
Gordon: I like the show, I just don't think it's going to survive Friday night with no advertising.
Chico: Because, I don't know if you know or not... but there's a movement underway to create essentially a second night of burnoff a week; And that night. Friday.
Gordon: I've said this before. The problem isn't that people aren't there. The problem is that TV isn't creating enough compelling good TV on Fridays to justify people sticking around and watching it.
Chico: Right on. Next...

HIDDEN AGENDA GSN 8:30p ET Thursdays

FLUSH

Chico: I seem... to recall seeing something quite similar... that leads me to believe... that this will not work. FLUSH.
Gordon: I've seen a lot of stuff to know it won't work. FLUSH.
Chico: One.
Gordon: Two.
Chico: THREE! PLUUUUUNGEEEE!
Gordon: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Chico: Yummy!
Gordon: Next one?
Chico: Next...I honestly don't know why we're assessing this but...

CARNIE WILSON: UNSTAPLED GSN 8p ET Thursdays

FLUSH

Chico: Honestly, I don't even know why it's on GSN. I mean... we've seen this before. Chuck Woolery had a reality show in GSN... and that, while entertaining... didn't work so good.
Gordon: You know, if I go to channel 29, I can currently watch continual half hour Public Service announcements from Cablevision on why we're getting screwed by Scripps.
Chico: That doing anything for you?
Gordon: I'd be far much more entertained watching these than this show. FLUSH.
Chico: I'd much rather watch 20-year-old episodes of Power Rangers reversioned into a giant mindfart.... oh look what I'm doing now...FLUSH.
Gordon: One...
Chico: Two...
Gordon: THREE!
Chico: PLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNGE!
Gordon: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Chico: Seriously, though. It's like wearing a tuxedo to a dive bar. You may look good, but you're still out of place. Next...

PROJECT RUNWAY Lifetime 10p ET Thursdays

PUSH

Chico: One word. ... actually two. New York. That's a PUSH alone
Gordon: I'll watch it, despite my lack of haute couture. That being said, I want an improvement over last season. Push.
Chico: I think you'll get it. What about...

MODELS OF THE RUNWAY Lifetime 11p ET Sundays

PASTRY

Gordon: Pastry . I think it's a good idea. I want more than fluff this season.
Chico: Same here. More meat less potatoes, you know? Pastry Or should I say... "Beef Wellington". Hey-oooooo!
Gordon: Nice. next one?
Chico: Next one...

THE SINGING BEE CMT 9p ET Fridays

PUSH

Gordon: It's a fun show. I'm glad it's back. Push.
Chico: Season 1 was fabulous. Season 2 I expect to be nothing short of amazing. Big PUSH. (FF victory cue) Will we get another with...

AMERICA'S BEST DANCE CREW MTV January 28

PUSH

Gordon: We will from me. I like the show. We'll see what we get with at least one new judge. Push.
Chico: They have to. This is the standard that MTV has set forth. And aside from a little show on ABC, this is the best dance show out there. PUSH. We'll get to that next week, though. (FF victory cue)
Gordon: What about the little show on FOX?
Chico: Doesn't do it for me. I tried.
Gordon: Same here.
Chico: I mean, I recognize the greatness... but I can't really get into it.
Gordon: Next?
Chico: Next...

SEDUCING CINDY Fox Reality January 30

PUSH

Chico: Well, if you're going to go, go with a steaming pile of crap. FLUSH.
Gordon: You don't think seeing Cindy with a 71 year old guy makes quality entertainment?
Chico: Entertainment? Yes.
Gordon: Anna Nicole Margolis!
Chico: Quality? No.
Gordon: Im hoping we can get the mouthwash in the form of Solitary 4.0 to wash it down. If we can't, then this is a really bad way to remember Fox Reality Channel. FLUSH.
Chico: Really bad.
Gordon: One.
Chico: Two.
Gordon: THREE.
Chico: PLUUUUUNGE!
Gordon: Weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
Chico: Last show this week.

RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE Logo February 1

PUSH

Chico: I can understand why this did so well. It "does what it says on the bottle". And it knows its audience. That's worth a PUSH.
Gordon: It's a good show for the right market niche. Now can they avoid the curse that affects so many first season 2 shows and improve the quality? I hope they do. PUSH.
Chico: (FF victory cue) I think it's definitely a possibility. So that's enough pushing and flushing for this week... Next up, new and improved Speed Round. Hang tight!

(Brought to you by Where in Time is Jay Leno? Is he on at 10pm? 11:30? Midnight? Who stole him? Conan O'Brien? NBC? FOX? GSN? Where's the Warrant? Only the people who really care will find out...)

Chico: We're on the case and we're chasing him through the schedule...
Gordon: You can sing this in your boxers, right?
Chico: Totally.
Gordon: Can you do a Speed Round?
Chico: I can. Big Question... does Our Little Genius get aired?
Gordon: Not if Fox knows what's good for them. American Idol: How much Dap is Paula going to get?
Chico: Not much. Idol has more class than to give dap on the opening episode. Poker After Dark in HD... we've seen both Gabe Kaplan AND Kara Scott in action this week. They're doing HSP later this year. Any hope?
Gordon: All I have to say is...Where's AJ Benza?
Chico: No one knows. The powers that be don't care. Which sucks, really.
Gordon: It does. Now it's time for the newest segment of the Speed Round; Watch This, Not That.
Chico: Each week, we'll give you one show to watch... or record... or watch LATER...And one show to avoid like the drunk girl at a party.
Chico: This week, Gordon will WATCH THIS. I'll NOT THAT. So what should we watch this week?
Gordon: Watch: American Idol. It's the beginning of a new era with no Paula. I think the tone will be more serious and we'll have more good talent come in the doors with the special guests.
Chico: AS for the NOT THAT... It's been said that this week is the week that we lose one producer and one suitor on the Bachelor. That's reason enough to avoid that show.
Gordon: It will be very train wreck tv, so Id actually watch it :)
Chico: You would. Because you like a train wreck. Speaking of... I'm almost afraid... two weeks worth of missed mail. I'm guessing we're going to have one of "THOSE" letters.
Gordon: Oh I bet you have one you can't wait to read on the air.
Chico: ... I do.
Gordon: I knew it. Torture me please.

Chico: You know... it makes me sad to say this time and time again...WE ARE NOT CONNECTED WITH ANY NETWORK, PRODUCTION COMPANY, OR DISTRIBUTOR. IF YOU E-MAIL US WITH ANY IDEAS OR SOLICITATIONS TO "BE ON THE SHOW", YOU'RE GOING TO GET NOTHING BUT LAUGHED AT.
Gordon: BWA HA HA HA HA! (points)
Chico: And tickets? Yeah, you let US know how to get those.
Gordon: We also don't give out money to people who appear on the show, nor do we show people the answers ahead of time. Next up - an email from Agent Josh

Chico: I don't know. I mean, I've known the original IC to have such lavish affairs. And I honestly don't think 7 million is a jump the shark moment.
Gordon: Well, I wouldn't know because I CAN'T SEE THE EPISODE :P
Chico: That really sucks. I hope something works out for you.
Gordon: Oh well. Any more email?
Chico: No, sir
Gordon: Well, more e-mail would make me happy. Tell me how I can get it.
Chico: Make Gordon happy. Send something to wlti@gameshownewsnet.com or Facebook us...
Gordon: Or YouTube or MySpace. And that ends the show. Special thanks to no one in particular, since it's just Chico and I today.
Chico: So how did the week of love go for you?
Gordon: It went ok. Maybe not love, but what about a strong like or a second date possibility.
Chico: More love next week, then?
Gordon: Sure, for Chico, this is Gordon, saying Game Over, and Spread the Love.