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Ten Coals a-Lumping
January 4

By now, you should all know that everyone loves to talk about the best in game show fare. By now, you should also know that if you're expecting that here, you're better off looking for Miami Dolphin playoff tickets. I'm here to give you the WORST that game shows had to offer - and boy, was there plenty to choose from. So without further ado, the ten worst shows of 2007...

10. Thank God You're Here - I actually was looking forward to this show - until I saw two episodes back to back. This is a Whose Line Is It Anyway clone without any of the cleverness as the celebrities selected couldn't improv their way out of a paper bag (only a handful could, which made the ones who couldn't not funny, but painful). To make it even worse, the parts where the actors are supposed to chime in were telegraphed and unoriginally placed in the exact same spot in each skit - and the actors still couldn't figure it out. It was more like Thank God the show's run ended. I feel sorry for the real stars - the improv team who deserved better - especially Nyima Funk.

9. Age of Love - I don't know exactly how financially dire Mark Philippoussis's wallet was, but that would have to be the main reason why he took on this clunker about him picking either 20-somethings or 40-somethings. Of course, he picked the 20-something. Of course, they were Splitsville long before the end of 2007.

8. A Shot of Love - While we're on the subject of bad dating shows, where do we start here? Not only was this a conjoined train wreck of a show, not only did Tila 'find' her man and then 'lose' him when there was a second season of the show conveniently offered to her, not only do the rumors continue to grow that Tila is not bisexual at all and has a real boyfriend, but this show is spawning more media hoes than the Predalien could sprout out baby aliens in Aliens Vs. Predator. Yuck.

7. Temptation - The jingle at the beginning was right - I can't handle 'Temptation', or what they did to Sale of the Century. From adding unnecessary pieces of the show to mutating The Fame Game to only allowing five-day champs to not buying everything, the show screamed of low budget and the ratings screamed even louder - when My Games Fever pulls triple the ratings of this mess, you know the show is one and done. Kids, if you're not going to repurpose the show correctly, don't try to make a revival of it.

6. Grease: You're the One That I Want - The same goes for musicals. Here's how not to get people excited about a musical show.

1. Make it look and feel like American Idol meets Fame.
2. Sing songs that are not remotely connected to either that musical or any other musical.
3. Have judges that say absolutely nothing in redeemable value. Despite all that, the musical is still going on with the winning leads from the show, which is why this isn't ranked worse.

5. On the Lot  - The idea was sound. Who wouldn't want to see a movie showcase in the search for the best new director? We don't, if it's going to look and feel like an American Idol clone. What's worse is that we didn't actually get to see any of the 'movie making' until five episodes into the show, and by that point, most of the audience migrated onwards to better things, like the search for the next great Shakira impersonator.

4. Pirate Master  - Alas, not everything that Mark Burnett touches turns to gold. In this case, this gold was pyrite - fool's gold. Not only is this clone Survivor on a boat, but this is the first Mark Burnett vehicle that gets yanked from the airwaves before it's completion (but just in case you wanted to know, Ben won it).

3. The Great American Dream Vote - At least we got to see half of Pirate Master. We saw all of 2 episodes of Queen For a Day Redux Dream Vote before it gets shot down, after leading out of Dancing with the Stars with a mere 2.0 rating. With all the other stuff going on around him, this was clearly not Donny Osmond's year.

2. Set for Life  - You knew this was trouble when it got moved out of December... and then moved again out of sweeps to Friday nights during the summer. We were right to worry - this Deal Or No Deal wannabe was incoherent to understand how people got to the money that they got to, and then painful to watch. What made this worse was that it was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, who was so good in Win Ben Stein's Money and his own talk show and so inexplicably lifeless in this. Then again, if I had to deal with contestants (who didn't even control their own destiny) parading around the set with a cylinder or with a tiara on their head, I'd probably also have an expression on my face that would look like I'd rather be in a Turkish prison.

And now, for the Creme De La Crap...

1. Playmania/Text2Win/Quiznation/100 Winners/MyGames Fever/Take The Cake - In his column, Jason Block talked about that the call-in scandal was the biggest story of the year. The scandal is actually how and why these shows got on the air. The puzzles were either ridiculously easy, or intentionally complicated with hundreds or even thousands of combinations of what may be the right answer. The audience decided that they didn't want to count the Yo-yos, stare at the hosts (who kept saying the same thing over and over and over again), or watch three games being played in a two-hour span and that, combined with all of the scandal, mercifully led to a quick end of these shows. I personally feel that there is a successful call in and win formula out there, but it's clearly not this formula.
And as we say a fond farewell to 2007, I welcome in 2008....if only for the reason that the worst shows of next year can't possibly be worse than the worst shows of this year. And no, please don't try to prove me wrong on this one. Pretty please.

Gordon Pepper's offer... that you e-mail him at