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Let's get ready to rumble

Today is

August 15, 2006

Joe: Welcome back to Game Show Man's Sparring Partners. I'm Howie Mandel. *rimshot* Here's where we stand after two...

Travis 29 - Gordon 29 - Rob 28 - Alex 28
Rob: And I'm the only one who hasn't won a fight yet. Joe: At the end of the fourth round, we'll have our first knockout elimination. The low scorer will be eliminated, and will then become one of our judges for the rest of the show.
Gordon Pepper: And if it's me, I'll make sure everything ends in a tie.
Joe: On to Round Three...Jeopardy!
Gordon Pepper: Doo dee doo doo doo dee doooo
Joe: "America's Favorite Quiz Show" continues to steam on, entering its 23rd season of syndication. For the new season, the show's going Hi-Def, and updating its famous game board with a single projection video wall. For Rob and Alex...

Will these improvements make watching J! more enjoyable?
Rob, start us off.
Rob: No, it's just technological advances. Sure it will look nice, but it does nothing to advance the game, which has been hurt by the introduction of the Clue Crew and too many celebrity appearances. Plus, it seems that KenJen has ruined the show too. Anytime a champion goes about 6-7 wins, Alex hails them has the new KenJen. Stop forcing him down our throats.
Joe: I see. Alex?
Alex Davis: No, because it's the same game as always. Wheel of Fortune relies on flashy graphics now-a-days. Jeopardy has and always will be a game of answers and questions: period...
Joe: ANSWERS and questions? <sarcasm>I thought they were call "clues." </sarcasm>
Alex Davis: You could read the answers off of a card and squeeze a rubber chicken to buzz in. You still enjoy playing along, which is what makes it what it is.
Joe: CLANG!
Gordon Pepper: May I interject?
Joe: Alex wins for reminding us why people really watch game shows...the GAME. Gordon, you have something to add?
Gordon Pepper: What you REALLY need to do is have 30 Deal or No Deal Models, and when they open the case, the question appears.
Joe: ROFLMAO
Gordon Pepper: THATS how you improve the eye candy on the show.
Alex Davis: Then the New York Post will believe you and you'll start a scandal, though
Travis: I don't know. Alex is pretty hot. Wait, what?
Rob: Bye.
Joe: ROFLMAO
Alex Davis: haha

Alex 10 - Rob 9
Rob: How come I feel like Glass Joe.
Joe: Good question. ALmost as good as this one for Gordon and Travis...
Travis: (*Dons battle gear*)
Joe: A t-shirt sales website has added to its list of wares a J! t-shirt that says, in the famous Enchanted font used by the gameboard since 1984:
"This Host needs to grow back his bitchin' mustache." The question...
Does Alex Trebek really need to grow back his mustache?
Travis? Travis: Well, since a lot of shows are going back to "original" set pieces, I would say yes to fit the trend. However, I've grown used to the bald upper lip. It suits him better. If the moustache comes back, then I demand Alex-fro.
Joe: DING! Gordon?
Gordon Pepper: Not only should Alex not have Alex Fro, he should shave his head completely. We all love to copy the current trend, and since Howie is the hottest thing, all Canadians must follow suit. Have Alex...
Joe: OH SNAP
Gordon Pepper: ... stick his head in a rubber glove, whille you're at it. Anything to get that magical younger aged demographic and tyo get the Jeopardy youth, because the execs dont think trivia is sexy enough..
Joe: CLANG!
Gordon Pepper: im done.
Joe: Travis wins, because I have no desire to see William Shatner without his hair.

Travis 10 - Gordon 9
Travis: And I want the link to that shirt.
Joe: It's at http://www.glarkware.com/securestore/c188252p16832513.2.html
Joe: Finally, this one for Gordon and Rob.

What is the secret, besides being fast on the buzzer, to being a great J! champion?
Rob, what do you think? Rob: You have to have a wide base of knowledge. Because one category can be 18th century history and the next could be Baseball.
Joe: Certainly. But is the wide base of knowledge enough?
Rob: And for Final Jeopardy, you really have to know that category. And know how to bet well.
Joe: Gordon?
Gordon Pepper: This is by far the easiest answer to any of the questions. To be a good Jeopardy champion, you MUST UTILIZE THE STUPID DAILY DOUBLES. If you're up $7,500 on a category that you are comfortable with, put the game away. If not...
Gordon Pepper: ...then all you're going to do is get back-doored on FInal Jeopardy and we get Wheel of Rotating Jeopardy Contestants.
Joe: CLANG! Rob wins this one. Gordon elaborated on it, but Rob boiled it down to just five words...KNOW HOW TO BET WELL.

Rob 10 - Gordon 9
Rob: I no longer feel like the Brooklyn Brawler. Joe: ROFL At the end of three.
Rob 47 - Gordon 47 - Travis 39 - Alex 38
Joe: And that should make Rob feel even less like Alex Wright. Travis and Alex will start in Round Four...
Travis: Alright
Joe: text2win, Midnight Money Madness, PlayMania and the Rise of The Crappy Late Night Call In Show. On Monday, August 7, WPIX in New York premiered it new late night text-in-and-win show text2win. At least one of our number saw it, and it prompted him to start an impromptu roundtable with yours truly and several others from the GSNN family. His reaction to the show was...less than pleasant.
Gordon Pepper: It sucked donkey balls.
Joe: Took the words right out of my mouth. For Travis and Alex...
Rob: Wow, that's putting it bluntly.
Travis: Yeeeeeeeeeeeees?

How the hell did this trainwreck of a show get on the air?
Alex Davis: Easy Joe: Alex? Alex Davis: Playmania earns tens of thousands a night, and over $100K a week. NYC's WB apparently wanted the same. It gets better ratings than paid programming and earns more. It's the same with Midnight money Madness, and they will all be hits. Not massive hits, but cult hits who spend tens of dollars a night
Joe: I see. Travis?
Travis: Easier than that. When a mommy crap game show and a daddy network exec love each other very much...oh, wait, no...
Joe: ROFLMAO DING!
Gordon Pepper: Julie Chen, please report to Room 11.
Joe: OH SNAP Travis: I agree with Alex. It's a matter of the yen for the Almighty Big Buck. Sleep-deprived nerds with cell phones that want some quick cash (to pay the phone bill) will play.
Alex Davis: Sleep deprived and stupid. It's a marketing genius move.
Rob: Doesn't that equate to all of us some times?
Gordon Pepper: So YOU'RE the one who texts in.
Travis: Ah-HA
Alex Davis: Hey, Playmania gets better ratings than any classic on GSN. That's all I'll say. Joe: CLANG! This one's a draw, but Gordon says he has the right answer. Gordon, would you like elaborate?
Gordon Pepper: Actually, any show that buys out the commercials and prompts you to give them bank account information is...let's all say it with me... AN INFOMERCIAL!
Travis: YOU GOT IT!! Joe: Either way...it's all about the money.

Alex 10 - Travis 10
Gordon and Alex, this one's for you... Travis: HEY!! I want a style point for my Birds and Bees explanation. Joe: Nope. Sorry. :D Travis: damn
What can producers of these shows do to NOT make them suck mule gonads?
Joe: Gordon?
Gordon Pepper: For starters, they can actually cater games with a real answer, or treat the general public smarter than 12 year olds. Or maybe, just maybe, we can have a REAL GAME to play out there instead of a generic unscramble the words or fill in the blank. And maybe we can have it hosted from someone who has an IQ higher than their cup size.
Joe: Heh. Alex?
Alex Davis: Better production values. Less, uh, coked up hosts. A more decent budget. Putting it on before friggin 1AM in the morning would help to make it more respectable also. Don't insult my intelligence by asking me to fill in letters. Occasionally screen a call so you don't have someone calling in and randomly saying "Thundercrotch" on the show. Albeit it is funny, not needed
Alex Davis: I enjoyed it, but many others didn't
Joe: CLANG! But then you're a demented madman. Gordon wins.

Gordon 10 - Alex 9
Alex Davis: So are apparently more people than watch Match Game Joe: Perhaps. And finally for Rob and Travis... Alex Davis: Not perhaps. I get the figures.
Travis: THUNDERCROTCH Oh...sorry...do continue

Is this the beginning of a trend? Joe: Travis? Travis: It could be...but it may not last very long. The play along thing got a big wind, in my opinion, with the "Lucky Case Game." But with these mini-games that bear only a small resemblance with our favorite game shows (Feud, Lingo, CrossWits on a lesser extent), it's not going to last too long.
Joe: I see. Rob?
Rob: You have a show that's on TBS at Midnight, GSN on at 1am and a WB Affiliate that goes out of business in a month with the debut of CW. This isn't a trend, but more of a Fad. It will be popular for a few more months. But it will possibly lead to more interactivity in movies. People can text in a number and the majority will see the desired effect.
Alex Davis: Yeah, I remember that whole TV poker fad. That didn't last long.....
Rob: Plus, this will always have a place on the #1 show, American Idol.
Joe: CLANG! No one mentioned that this kind of television is starting to get a foothold on British and Australian TV too.
Alex Davis: Because it gets good ratings and rakes in lots of money. It's a genius marketing move.
Joe: As a matter of fact, Mel Peachy of PlayMania comes from the UK's interactive gaming scene. Rob wins this one.

Rob 10 - Travis 9
At the end of four...
Travis 58 - Alex 57 - Rob 57 - Gordon 57!
Travis: I LEAD?!? Joe: You lead. Travis: (*swoon...faint*) Rob: What's the Tiebreaker? Joe: Good question... :D
Travis: I know how
Alex Davis: Tell you what, you can give it to him if you want. I'd like to take a shower anyway
Travis: I was actually going to keep working on my game, so I can join the judge's bench, and let the other three settle the score
Gordon Pepper: ROFL
Travis: I retire leading.
Gordon Pepper: lol. Alex retired first
Alex Davis: YES!!!! HAHAHA YOU BASTARD
Travis: He retired while I was typing. SHENANIGANS!!
Alex Davis: Awww
Joe: Actually Alex did indeed throw in the towel first.
Travis: Oh, alright. I'll defend the lead.
Joe: Okay, Alex. Thanks for joining us today. More Sparring Partners after this.

(Brought to you by text2lose. Hypnotic television that makes you want to send us money. Premieres, Funday, September 31.)

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