Episode
6.1 - Welcome Back, Jill!
August 23
To those who said that Jill Wagner would
NEVER return to the "Wipeout" course after leaving at the end of season
4, I say three words... "Never. Say. Never."
We've teased her a lot, 'cause we've got
her on the spot. Welcome back, Jill. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome
back.
THE WIPEOUT QUALIFIER
Tonight, the first 24 of the season will
take on four brand new challenges... and one old favorite.
- The Barsy Bot 3000: It's a big bar
robot. WARNING! WARNING!
- Failboxes: Guarded by the Honey Badgers.
- The Big Balls... Ballsy's Bonus in play. Anyone who knocks Drill
Sergeant Smallsy off his perch on the fourth
ball will win $500.
- Drippity Skippity Flippity Doo: ... It's complicated.
- Wipeout Pizza Kitchen: rollers and a big pepperoni.
The 24 students will take on the
course, and the 12 who pass with the fastest time will go to the head of stage 2.
(C-Note: I wouldn't be Tebowing over a
time of 3:58)
Mark "Balloon Boy" Lytle didn't just
knock out Smallsy, he picked him up and took him for a tour of the rest
of the course for $500! Premyer also gets paid... and Dave Freitag as
well. In fact, Smallsy can't even stay on his perch for long.
ADVANCING TO ROUND 2
- Timmy "The Substitute" Morgan
- Dale Rutledge
- Johnny "Kung Fu Hot Pants" Nguyen
- Sunny "Diaperless" Aceves
- Elyssia "Roadkill Investigator" Atkins
- Greg "Mr. Twister"Lozano
- Paddy "Unpopular" Manesh
- Nathan "Jolly Green Shredding Machine" Briles
- Adam Hove
- Jayne "Chicken Sitter" Strand
- Larry "Crazy Cat Man" Mura
- Branden "The Surftographer" Aroyan
OCTOPUSHY
Contestants have to ride a platform from
one side to the other while dodging spinning arms. First six to make dry
land move on.
ADVANCING TO ROUND 3
- Timmy "The Substitute" Morgan
- Johnny "Kung Fu Hot Pants" Nguyen
- Greg "Mr. Twister" Lozano
- Jayne "Chicken Sitter" Strand
- Larry "Crazy Cat Man" Mura
- Branden "The Surftographer" Aroyan
WIPEOUT'S GREATEST HITS
Crowdsurf into the Percussion Section,
then ride the Drumsticks to the Keyboards, and through the Swinging Axe,
all the while dodging props from our crazy metalhead roadies. The first
three across get an encore performance in the Wipeout Zone.
ADVANCING TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE
- Timmy "The Substitute" Morgan
- Johnny "Kung Fu Hot Pants" Nguyen
- Branden "The Surftographer" Aroyan
THE WIPEOUT ZONE
Three men enter, one leaves with $50,000.
Tonight in the new-for-2013 model of the Wipeout Zone.
- The Scare Chair. Launching 30 feet into
the night sky.
- The Blockbuster. They twist and turn, but the objective is the same:
go from one end to the other.
- The Space Pod of Doom. It spins outward AND inward. Land on a narrow
finish platform and arrive at...
- The Bounder Pounders. A pair of rotating trampolines.
Fifty-thou will go to the player with the
quickest time.
First up, Timmy Morgan, who took first in
Octopushy and second in Wipeout's Greatest Hits. His first try on
Blockbuster ends.... in a wipeout. The obstacle is SO TOUGH (How tough
is it?) that contestants can elect to take a time penalty rather than
finish it. Not a problem for Timmy, he finishes. Then he takes a hard
hit in the Space Pod. Second time lucky there. Solid effort going into
the Bounder Pounders. He finishes in 9:30.82
Branden Aroyan is next. He took first in
the Qualifier AND Wipeout's Greatest Hits. He thinks he has the
advantage being launched into the Zone. He too takes two times to beat
Blockbuster. He finishes with a time of... 6:26.59!
Last run of the day is Johnny Nguyen, who
ALMOST beats Blockbuster on the first time out. Second time is nicely
done. Onto the Space Pod... and misses the platform. It's getting
close... and he's DONE. BRANDEN AROYAN IS YOUR FIRST SEASON 6 WIPEOUT
CHAMPION!
And Jill is back in the house. Go Heels.
Tee hee... Because Jill went to State and... yeah, anyway, more new
obstacles next week. Until then... Good night.... and Big Balls.
To view this episode in its entirety or to apply to be a contestant on
"Wipeout", go to abc.com/wipeout
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