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24 people, $50,000. Only thing that separates the two are pain, humiliation, and a bunch of ruthless obstacles. Recaps by Chico Alexander, GSNN
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Episode 2.1 What do you get when you cross 24 overenthusiastic contestants, a bunch of plastic-lined obstacles, a few big balls, $50,000, two Jacks, and a Jill? Pure, unadulterated evil, that's what... but it's the kind you like to watch, so let's get season 2 underway... Folks, it's time to "Wipeout"! The rules of the game haven't changed. There are four rounds: Round 1's Qualifier, Round 2's Sweeper, Round 3's final qualifier, and the final round, the most grueling obstacle course ever devised for television... The Wipeout Zone. And it's all new for 2009, baby. But first, we have the Qualifier... our first five obstacles.
Obstacle 1 is a series of slippery spaced out spires. We call it... A Bridge Too Far. Then it's on to the all-too-familiar Suckerpunch Wall. Then, you know'em, you love'em, you can't live without'em... the BIG BALLS! This season, it's equipped with the motivator pad. Stick around too long, and it'll do the dirty work for you. Then comes the Hurtles... emphasis on "hurt", and finally, the Slippery Swings packed with even slipperier foam. Contestants register a time either by successfully completing the final obstacle or by swimming over to a perch on dry land, and as always, time penalties will be assessed for non-completion of obstacles. That's the course we're dealing with. Remember, only the top 12 times will advance to the next round. First up, Vicky Kim. She's the first to tackle A Bridge Too Far... so named because it's juuuuuust out of reach. And that's just the first one. The second tier of stages are ... too loose. The Suckerpunches haven't wiped the smile off her face... and neither have the Big Balls... or the Hurtles... or the Slippery Swings. Final time for Shiny Happy Vicky... 5:52. Jasmine Sanchez... Of course doesn't make it past the first obstacle... or past the pre-game interview. After 5:29 seconds, the Silver Fury finally finishes the course. Devon Berry thinks this is easy. He says he's a mean trash-talker. Yyyeah. Robert Riedel is a hypnotist, and he gets his bell rung on the course... And he hesitates on the Big Balls.. Time to motivate on the Big Balls. Julio Chavez, a Wipeout Superfan, heads onto the course and gets a mudbath. Jodi Schulman, also gets a mudbath. Oh yeah, and she can't swim. Luckily she has an ace in the hole... she's the Queen of Balls, as she lets Jill sample a piece... or two... or three... Hey Jill, you have a little.... Yeah. Jodi almost makes it... but falls off with 5:44 on the clock. Halfway through the qualifier comes Fernando Garcia. He says he's a good looking person. But Fernando Suave won't be for long. Over on the Suckerpunches, he protects his moneymaker, but forgets about his baby maker. He clocks in at 3:49. Next is Kyle Rhoads, who is not wearing any pants. He's a busboy who likes bikini bottoms. As in... wearing them. Crystal Wilhite says she's a real princess. She's going to run the course in her high heel. And apparently she can't. Michelle Avedissian is a coach and a role model. And she gets crosschecked by the Hurtles. Finally, we have Tim Spratt, who wants to take Jill out. But not for more than $50. "Cheap Date" Tim gives us our money's worth in the Big Balls. Tim finally makes it to his lady of the lake... or of the microphone with an easily passable time of 3:38. He joins these... err, lucky people? ADVANCING TO ROUND 2 Next up... ROUND 2. The sweeper... is so 2008. New for 2009 is a little thing called the Gyro Sweep.
It's simple, really... jump on your pedestal and avoid being hit by the sweeping arm... which now gyrates, forcing you to to decide between jumping and ducking. The last six move on and the last one standing wins $1000. First up... Guessing that's Lenka. But watch what happens when we flip the switch! Down goes Superfan and Silver Fury. Followed by Hali and the Queen of Balls. Kyle gets hit hard... tries to hold on... but... can't. Down goes Bikini Busboy, and we have your final six. Now it's a matter of money. Vicky gets slap-happied, followed by Michelle, Ditzy Princess Crystal, Trash-Talker Devon, and after Fernando Suave tells Tim to jump it... He does... and he really should've ducked. Fernando wins $1000 and joins these five in the next round. ADVANCING TO ROUND 3 Next is round 3.... the Slippery Course. Also new for 2009.
Our players will head down our slippery Slick Slide, then head to the Branch in the Face. Then it's onto one of TWO obstacles. First and third heats will feature the Bullseye Buoys, both slippery and rickety. Second and fourth heats will have the Slippery Wall, where the only thing separating you from a fall is a slippery rope. Then it's onto the Spinner, where the first person to perch themselves atop will win a spot in the Wipeout Zone. And Tim is coming for Jill. Good for him. Fernando has no problem completing heat 1 despite feeling the heat from the other contestants. Heat #2... The strategy with the wall is to get as high and as fast as possibly. Vicky has that down pat.... So does Michelle... But who will get to that perch first? It's... Michelle! Heat #3... And Trash Talker Devon is using those pins to his advantage. He makes it to the top! Roll Devon Berry to the curb, because it's trash day at the Wipeout Zone. Finally, Tim leads out heat 4. Can he make it? Nope. Crystal gets on the Spinner... and off the Spinner... This is Tim's chance, because Vicky is too busy tying her shoes! Tim is up and ready! ADVANCING TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE Now forget everything you've known about the WIPEOUT ZONE, because it's been redesigned for maximum challenge...
Players are literally launched onto the course with the Catapult, then it's onto the Gears of Doom, where you have to time your jumps just right. Then it's a crazy sweep reimagined as the Scary Go Round. Once you make it to the top, then it's to the Gauntlet, where the only thing separating you from $50,000 are three hammers, a foam-filled turntable, and a dropping drawbridge. They have to leap to the final platform to log in a time. Fastest time wins $50,000. First up.. Fernando Suave, who's very nervous. He goes flying into action as he makes his way to the Gears of Doom, which is so hard that they can either finish the obstacle after wiping out or take a time penalty. Fernando... tries after a self-inflicted wipeout... See, he goes BACK instead of forward. He runs the Scary-Go-Round cleanly. Can he surpass the Gauntlet? Nope. But he locks in a time of 7:05 even. And he rocks. Next up, Michelle, who sends big ups to HER Role Model. She wipes out at the Gears of Doom. She will take a time penalty. And she also gets knocked out in the Scary-Go-Round... but that time penalty may cost her... and there we go. Michelle times out. Now comes Devon the Trash Talker. He's a tall drink of water being launched into a large pool of water. Devon takes another stab at the Gears... and again... and again... and he's going to take the penalty .He's moving VERY slowly... And... he's DONE. He never recovered from the Catapult. Finally, Cheap Date Tim. The time to beat: 7 minutes, 5 seconds. He's moving very quickly, and making GREAT time. He takes a spill in the Scary Go Round. He finishes clean... He's flying at the Gautlet.. He has a time of 2 minutes and change... and Fernando is going to need a miracle. He might've gotten it. Twice. But not a third! Tim Spratt wins $50,000 with a final time of 4:40! Next week, more new obstacles, more crazy competitors, and more Wipeout. Until then... Good night... and Big Balls. To view this episode in its entirety or to apply to be a contestant on "Wipeout", go to ABC.com, Keyword: Wipeout. |
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