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You Guys
Are Dumber Than You Look
February 7
Since "Survivor" went on the
air in 2000, there've been many memorable castaway castmates, including
the pirate Rupert, the fireman Tom, and of course, Rich Hatch. This
season, 10 of the most popular castaways from the last eight or so
seasons of the game will join each other as a tribe of favorites. Their
opponents, 10 of the most die-hard "Survivor" fans ever. These are the
people who plan their schedules around the show, who post on the board,
and whose heart and soul form the core of fan nation.
The 20 intrepid souls have made their way back to Palau in order to
outwit, outplay, and outlast each other for a shot at $1 million and the
title of Sole Survivor. But it comes with a twist. The fans think
they're competing against other fans. The faves think they're competing
against other faves.
39 days... 10 fans... 10 favorites.... ONE.... SURVIVOR.
Let's take a look at the starting lineups...
|
AIRAI TRIBE - FANS |
MALAKAL TRIBE - FAVORITES |
Joel Anderson; 32; Avondale, AZ;
firefighter
Natalie Bolton; 32; Los Angeles
Michael "Mikey B" Bortone; 34, Los Angeles; aspiring writer
Tracy Hughes-Wolf; 43, Fredericksburg, VA; residential
builder
Alexis Jones; 24, Los Angeles; motivational speaker
Erik Reichenbach; 22, Pinckney, MI; ice cream scooper
Mary Sartain; 29, Emeryville, CA
Jason Siska; Fox River Grove, IL; gymnastics coach
Kathleen "Kathy" Sleckman; 45; Glen Ellyn, IL; golf course
vendor
Chet Welch; 48, Ford City, PA |
Yau-Man Chan; 55;
Martinez, CA; Fiji
James Clement; 30; Lafayette, LA; China
Ami Cusack; 34; Golden, CO; Vanuatu - Islands of Fire
Jon "Jonny Fairplay" Dalton; 33; Danville, VA; Pearl Islands
Cirie Fields; 37; Norwalk, CT; Panama - Exile Island
Amanda Kimmel; 23; Los Angeles; China
Oscar "Ozzy" Lusth; 26; Venice, CA; Cook Islands
Eliza Orlins; 25; New York City; Vanuatu - Islands of Fire
Jonathan Penner; 45; Los Angeles; Cook Islands
Parvati Shallow; 25; Los Angeles; Cook Islands |
Day 1: Listen to the
rhythm of the falling rain.
The fans are the first to arrive at Survivor Island v.16 (Micronesia),
when they learn that they are playing against some of their favorite
players.
The incredibly damp Jeff tosses the teams their tribal buffs and sends
them on their way with news of two individual Immunity Idols that can
only be played at their first Tribal Council. Alexis says that the fans
have a greater advantage from having studied the favorites.
Well, what are you waiting for? Get going!
Erik is the first ashore as the 20 look for one of two Idols. Fairplay
grabs one from the other tribe's boat... and then spots the other on his
tribe's boat... In a fit of "Gee, this looks familiar", Yau-Man tackles
Fairplay to take the second Idol. That makes two reality hoes that have
kicked Jonny Fairplay's ass.
Sometime afterwards, the Survivor powers that be decree that Fairplay's
move is a no-no, and he's forced to give up the Airai Idol. Yau-Man
directs Kathy toward it, and now she's immune.
And so, the adventure begins with Fairplay hoping beyond hope that Yau-Man
is the first favorite to go home...
The fans are the first to arrive on Airai beach. "Airai has arrived."
Tracy says that the fans are out for blood. Mikey B calls his tribemates
such colorful names as Big Bird, Southern Princess, the Incredible Hulk,
Jon Bon Jovi, and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
They begin working on a shelter while trying to figure out what term to
use for Chet, this season's token gay guy. By the way, "gay friend" is
fine. Kathy seems to have a problem with foot-in-mouth disease, talking
up Chet's gayness and Tracy's boobs. We're all thinking that Kathy WAS
going to be the first to go, but thanks to Yau-Man, isn't.
Speaking of, the faves get straight to work. Ozzy says that the
favorites' advantage come from playing the game before. And now with
Fairplay having a pregnant babymama at home, he's out to bring home the
bacon for her. Let's work on shelter. Seems that everyone on the team
know what they're doing. Parvati is still out to flirt her way to the
million, but she's going to play it smart this time. First target:
James.
Night 1: Gimme Shelter
Amanda and Ozzy already have a rapport. Parvati can't take her eyes and
hands off of James. Eliza thinks that this will make all four of them a
threat.
Meanwhile, the Airai continue to work into the night on their shelter.
They finish a roughshod little abode, and none too soon as the skies
open up. Kathy: "I hope by morning I feel a whole lot better. Because
right now, this sucks."
Day 2: "I'm sleepy."
First alliance. Ami, Jonathan, Yau-Man, and Eliza. The problem is...
another foursome, the double-daters. That leaves Fairplay and Cirie as
the swingers. The Awesome Foursome try to pull-in Fairplay, but it seems
that Ozzy and Parvati have him in their clutches first, remembering how
Eliza played the game in Vanuatu. Ozzy's worried that Fairplay will flip
at the drop of a hat, but that's a risk that he's willing to take at
this moment.
Remember the hat, though. "Will Lie 4 Food."
Fairplay report back to the Awesome Foursome on the Double Daters' plan
to get rid of Eliza first. They decide to get rid of Parvati first. Jon
would take Fairplay to the end if he could. Fairplay: "Have you not
watched this show before?"
Day 3: Fire equals... something.
Yau-Man's glasses + coconut husks = ... FIRE!
Eliza's ready to kick ass. Airais... not so much. They get treemail,
though...
| |
"Sixteen seasons
later
You all should know the deal
Outwit, outplay, outlast
Don't waste time reinventing the wheel." |
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The fans take time to
analyze the message... and the medium it was delivered upon.
I-Challenge: Wheels of Jeopardy!
Assemble four puzzle wheels, then put them on a cart. Push your cart
through an obstacle course until you come to a sandpit. That pit will
contain planks you need to get up and over a bridge to the finish, where
you have to take your wheels off and use them to complete a turnstile.
Use the turnstile to raise a fire wok to light your signal for the win.
Additionally, should the Airai win the challenge, they will receive
flint to make fire.
The Airai have their four wheels and their cart in motion before the
Malakals. Fans are making quick work of the course, while the
Favorites... wipe out. Fans have their planks first. They have to untie
while Erik gives a hearty (and sandy) welcome to the Faves.
Fans are up and over their bridge, but now they wipe out. They quickly
regroup to form up their turnstile. They're the first to finish, now
it's all about the fire... Challenge over!
Winners: Airai. Fans draw first blood.
Back at camp, the Favorites assess their situation. It all comes down to
this: fans have more heart. Cirie has no plan in place, and she doesn't
trust anyone right now. Fairplay can change the game at any moment. He's
playing BOTH sides of the fence right now. The Awesome Foursome want to
vote out Parvati. The Couples want to vote out Eliza. Fairplay... just
wants to see his girlfriend. He wants to win the game for them. "A
million dollars is great, but having a healthy little girl is the
greatest prize I can win." Parvati suggests to Fairplay that he play
that card. Might be too crazy but how about the Foursome vote against
Fairplay.
Ami doesn't want Fairplay to go home, but she tells everyone that he
doesn't want to stay in the game. Will he do something crazy with the
Couples? "If I know Jonny Fairplay, he's going to stir things up."
Night 3: Tribal Council
You know the deal by now. Fire... life. No fire... no life. Fairplay
called the first three days a cakewalk, but said that overconfidence got
the better of them. Eliza thinks that people will remember past game
play. Everyone here is surprised by the real Fairplay, as he's just
thinking about his little girl. "It makes you crazy." Yau-Man's thinking
"What's his scheme?" Ozzy thinks that this isn't "Fairplay can't hack
it". Emotions are going crazy in his head right now. Jonathan says that
he's asking to be voted out. Jonny Fairplay assures that this is not a
quit. Eliza seems convinced.
Oh, and there will be a vote tonight. Yau-Man is immune. That much is
assured.
Jonathan: JONNY FAIRPLAY - "You've asked me to. I wish you the best of
luck."
Yau-Man: JON D - "You need any advice to raise a very happy and
well-adjusted baby, I will be very happy to give you some advice."
Two against Fairplay. The others....
Ami: FAIRPLAY
Eliza: FAIRPLAY
Ozzy: FAIRPLAY
James: FAIRPLAY
Cirie: FAIRPLAY
Parvati: FAIRPLAY
Amanda: FAIRPLAY
Fairplay: ELIZA
And that's all she wrote for Jonny Fairplay. By a vote of nine to one,
THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN. At least he gets a hug from the host. |
